


Finding You

by myrmidryad



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Boys In Love, Brotherly Love, Camping, Developing Friendships, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Michael goes to UNM, Michael has money issues, No Noah AU, Road Trips, Secrets, Summer, Tent Sex, gratuitous descriptions of national parks, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 122,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrmidryad/pseuds/myrmidryad
Summary: What if events in 2008 went slightly differently, and Michael and Alex joined Max and Liz on their summer road trip across the US?Features: escaping Roswell, camping, teen love, secret reveals, many confessions of feelings, and everyone involved generally having a very good summer with a hopeful ending.
Relationships: Max Evans & Michael Guerin, Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin & Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 169
Kudos: 282





	1. Roswell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [couldaughter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/couldaughter/gifts).



> So [checks notes] on January 28th, [Tasyfa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasyfa) reblogged [this gifset](https://tasyfa.tumblr.com/post/190512463059/apositivelifeaffirmingway-peach-plum-pear) from a movie Tyler Blackburn was in called Peach Plum Pear, and it gave me such intense road trip vibes that I ended up writing this, so thank you for that inspiration!
> 
> Mega thanks to [dotsayers](https://dotsayers.tumblr.com/)/[couldaughter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/couldaughter) for letting me yell at them about this au for literally weeks. 
> 
> Special shoutout to [MayGlenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayGlenn/pseuds/MayGlenn)/MaeglintheBold for answering my last-minute questions about UNM and single-handedly saving the timeline of this entire fic completely by accident.
> 
> If you fancy listening to some road trip tunes, I made a playlist for this fic [here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Le6tRkpoMTayeR6jORsK7) The title of this fic is from Finding You by Kesha, which is on that playlist.
> 
> Final reminder: in this fic, for happiness purposes, Isobel was never attacked in the desert when she was a kid, so Max has never killed anyone, Michael's never buried a body, they're all a little bit more chill, and Noah either straight-up doesn't exist or is still rotting in his egg under the desert somewhere.

Kissing a boy was no different to kissing a girl, in practice. Kissing Alex _was_ different to kissing anyone else, and Michael’s brain didn’t have the space to think about it. He’d never kissed anyone like that before, without being absolutely sure they wanted him to. His mind had never gone blank and a little bit desperate like that. He’d never been so happy to find out that someone wanted to kiss him back.

 _Alex_ wanted to kiss him back. The fake stars were shining on the wall behind them, and Alex’s arms were around him, hands grabbing at Michael’s hoodie. Michael slid his under Alex’s sleeveless combat jacket thing, fingers catching in the cheap fabric of his UFO Emporium t-shirt as Alex made a soft noise into his mouth that Michael caught, a fizz of heat going through his skin.

Alex kissed him without any hesitation, licking into Michael’s mouth like he belonged there, hands roaming with restless intent. Michael shuffled forward at Alex’s urging hand at the small of his back, gasping a breath into the space between them as Alex pulled back to change the angle and pressed in again with barely a pause. Michael’s whole body was tingling, his nervous thoughts quieting and fading into the background, unable to compete with all the sensory input Alex was giving him. 

Kissing had never felt like this before. He’d never gone so stupid over it, hands clumsy where he was clutching Alex’s waist, fingers twitching with the need to touch skin but somehow unable to coordinate enough to actually do it. Alex held his head and kissed him hard, the wet sound of it all that Michael could hear. He swayed impossibly closer, a tiny sound cracking out of his throat as Alex’s teeth grazed his lip.

Something banged, and they jerked away on a shared gasp, Michael twisting to look behind him without letting go of Alex’s shirt. Another bang, repeated – someone knocking on the glass of Alex’s booth, he realised, exhaling in relief.

Alex’s hands tightened on his shoulders, and he looked at Michael with a completely unreadable expression. “I gotta…”

“Yeah.” Michael swallowed, feeling strangely out of breath. He’d just kissed a guy. He’d kissed Alex. He wanted to do it again, right now. Into the foreseeable future. Maybe forever. “You, uh…I could, I –”

“Follow me.” Alex grabbed his wrist and yanked him along behind him as he led the way back to the front. Michael had been about to offer to wait for him in the shed, but he wasn’t about to object to whatever Alex was doing. He found himself being shoved through a door marked ‘staff only’. “Wait here,” Alex said, a little wild-eyed. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“You got it,” Michael grinned, and Alex looked at him and laughed before ducking back out and going to deal with whoever wanted tickets to the most overpriced tourist attraction in Roswell. He was in what he guessed was supposed to be a break room. It had a tiny table and two cheap plastic chairs against one wall, three shelves full of ancient-looking books and magazines, and a row of hooks for coats above a mini-fridge that looked about forty years old. A big apron sink took up most of one wall, a load of cleaning stuff cluttered around it. Another door on the other side led, when Michael checked, to a tiny bathroom.

Distracting himself with details only went so far. He touched his lips, still wet from Alex’s mouth, and breathed out slowly. He felt like he’d been in freefall for a brilliant, exhilarating moment before being yanked up short. Having a moment to take stock didn’t change his mind at all; he wanted to fling himself off that cliff again as soon as he could.

Alex came back in after Michael had taken one of the magazines down and was standing in front of the table, flipping through it in a morbidly fascinated way. “Did you know the Bermuda Triangle is an alien conspiracy?” he asked Alex. “These guys have it locked down.”

“Don’t read those, they’ll rot your brain.” 

Michael looked up and grinned, and a second later Alex was kissing him again, both of them staggering into the table from the force of it. They parted, laughed breathlessly, and kissed again. Again, again, Michael’s tongue touching Alex’s bottom lip for only a second before they opened their mouths together, holding onto each other tightly. 

Michael kept his head a little better this time, though it still spun when Alex pressed him back into the table with the bulk of his own body, hot and firm from stomach to thigh. The hunger that had banked a little while Alex had left him alone surged back in force, lighting Michael up and sending sparks through his whole body. He grabbed at Alex’s shoulders, his back, his waist, little noises escaping his throat before he could stop them. But Alex made little sounds too, tiny hums and gasps, and he pulled Michael against him without any hesitation.

Was Alex getting hard? Michael rolled his hips forward, and they both moaned, Alex’s hand dropping to the small of Michael’s back to hold him in place. “Shit,” he breathed. “We can’t, not here.”

“Where?” Michael asked. “The shed?”

Alex hesitated, biting his lip. Michael kind of wanted to lick it. “We could,” Alex said, nodding slowly. “Yeah. If…yeah. You –” He flinched violently as someone else knocked on the glass of the booth. “Shit!”

“I’ll wait,” Michael said quickly, but then a familiar voice called.

“Get your sandwich while it’s hot, Alex!”

“Friend of yours?” Michael smiled, and Alex nodded, stepping away from him with what looked like reluctance. 

“It’s Maria. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve got reading material.” Michael gestured to the shelves of terrible magazines, acting casual even if his pants were way too tight and he could feel how hot his face was. Alex’s lips twitched, mouth twisting like he was trying not to smile.

“If I come back and you’ve started thinking aliens are real, we’re gonna have problems.”

Michael’s laugh burst out of him, and Alex’s face split in a grin before he slipped back out of the room.

He sat down at the little table and turned the magazine towards him again, flicking through to the next article and getting all his happiness slapped out of him in an instant by a horrible fake photo of a classic grey-type alien strapped to an operating table, two white-garbed men standing ready behind it.

Michael turned the page quickly and rubbed a hand over his face. He hated being surprised by shit like that, even though he was a total dumbass for not seeing it coming in a magazine called _Paranormal._ He was fine though. He could hear Alex and Maria talking, and wondered what she would think if she knew Alex had just been kissing him. Though maybe Alex was telling her? But if he was telling her, why keep Michael back here?

He couldn’t just walk out, not if Alex wanted to keep this a secret. Though if they wanted to keep it a secret, maybe Alex’s dad’s shed wasn’t the best place to go. The turquoise mines might be better, but people ran in on each other pretty often there too – he and Tracy had interrupted an older couple in one of the caves one time, and that hadn’t been fun. 

They could take Michael’s truck and drive out to the middle of nowhere? It might be kind of uncomfortable. Sex in a truck couldn’t be much better than sex in a cave, and that had been pretty shit. 

He’d do it in a shot if Alex wanted to though. Anything he wanted, Michael wanted to give him. He’d talked himself out of coming here about a dozen times before he’d finally talked himself into it. Moments, like Max said. He and Liz had had a moment at prom, and Michael had just watched him make his move in the Crashdown less than an hour ago. Two weeks before graduation, and Max had finally decided to ask Liz out after literally years of pining. If that wasn’t inspirational, what was? 

Alex probably wasn’t interested in anything like that though. Michael wasn’t exactly boyfriend material, as he’d been told multiple times before. But maybe this time would be different. Alex was definitely different to anyone else he’d been with before. Michael actually liked him, for one thing. And he really, really wanted Alex to like him back.

As if summoned, Alex came back in. “Sorry,” he sighed. “She brings me lunch most days. Um.” He swallowed when Michael stood up. “You still wanna…?”

“Yeah.” Michael took his face in his hands and kissed him again, nervous energy settling when Alex’s hands skated up his chest, one of them curling around the back of his neck. 

“Have you,” Alex breathed in the gaps between them kissing, “have you ever done this? Before?”

“What, making out?” Michael grinned, and Alex’s mouth twisted again, holding back a smile.

“No. Like…”

“Sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” Michael swallowed, wondering if Alex was nervous. He was kind of nervous, which was new. He’d never really cared before, not since the first time. “But, uh, not with…”

“A guy?” Alex grinned, and Michael laughed, thrilling at the sight of his smile. 

“Yeah.” Michael swayed into him and stroked his palm down to Alex’s chest. “And, uh. Not with someone I’ve liked.” He looked at Alex’s face, which was losing its smile slowly. “As much as I like you.”

Alex stared at him, but he didn’t look displeased. Michael’s heart thudded as Alex lifted his other hand cradled his face gently before bringing him in for another kiss. A very different one; Michael’s body seemed to blaze with heat as he leaned into it, into the softness of Alex’s mouth, the way he pressed their foreheads and the sides of their noses together and slid one hand into Michael’s hair to urge him in again.

It was so sweet it hurt, an ache starting up somewhere below Michael’s breastbone. His hands were weak where they were resting on Alex’s hips, but he managed to slide them up under Alex’s shirt to feel the miracle of warm skin under his palms. Alex hummed softly and stroked the hand that wasn’t in Michael’s hair slowly down his spine. Michael wanted to purr, all the fight soothed right out of him. He was malleable and hot under Alex Manes’ hands, head spinning from the slick pressure of Alex’s tongue against his, their lips making soft, wet sounds as they parted and came back together over and over and over.

He wanted to do this until his mouth dried out and his lips were sore. Michael pulled Alex close, pressing their bodies together so he could feel – again – the hard line of Alex’s cock against his leg. It was like a bolt of electricity, even better than the pressure of Alex’s body against his own hard-on. 

Alex sighed and pressed his forehead to Michael’s, both of them breathing heavily. “I have to go back to work,” he whispered.

“Can I stay?” Michael asked before he lost his nerve. 

“You want to?” Alex leaned back so they could look at each other. So Michael could see Alex, his slow blinks, his carefully done eyeliner.

“Yeah.” Michael rubbed his right thumb against Alex’s side, still under his shirt. “If you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind.” Alex licked his lips, his gaze flicking down to Michael’s lips. He took a breath and looked up again. “So this isn’t…this isn’t like, an experiment or something?”

“Huh?” Michael frowned. “What d’you – oh! No!” He laughed, pulling Alex a little closer. “No, I like you. I like…I like you a lot.”

Alex started to smile, the barest tilt to the corners of his lips. “Okay. You wanna stay in here, or…there’s no room for another chair in the booth, but…”

“I can sit on the floor,” Michael said easily, glancing at Alex’s lips. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Alex said again, softer, and leaned in to kiss him. It hurt like before, an ache in Michael’s chest, a rabbiting pulse of fear that he’d ruin it somehow before Alex’s thumb stroked a gentle line from his cheek to his neck, and Michael’s worries faded under a sort of internal whimper of relief.

Michael crammed himself into the booth with Alex and sprawled on the floor, not caring at all that the carpet was kind of gross, not caring that it seemed to take forever for his erection to go away. For the first time, he considered what it would be like to give a guy a blowjob. To give Alex a blowjob. 

His only thoughts about it before this had been that it seemed pretty hypocritical of boys to get grossed out by the idea of sucking someone off when they were perfectly happy to ask their girlfriends to do it to them. He wanted to try it with Alex. Hell, he wanted to try _everything_ with Alex.

But fifteen minutes before closing, Alex looked down at him and bit his lip. “I don’t think we should go to the shed,” he said quietly, and Michael nodded.

“Okay. You wanna go somewhere else?”

“Where else is there?”

“Turquoise mines.”

Alex hesitated. “I don’t know. It’s not…I mean, everyone knows someone who’s been walked in on there.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t care what they think,” Alex said, like Michael had accused him of it. “It’s just.” He looked down at his lap, chipping at the nail polish on one of his fingers. “If my dad finds out. He’ll kill me.” He glanced at Michael, surprisingly serious. “He’d kill you too.”

Michael figured it’d be a dick move to brush it off when Alex had said it like that, so he nodded. “Okay. Secrecy is paramount, I gotcha. Not gonna lie though, my only other idea is driving out into the desert and using my truck.”

“You really know how to romance a guy,” Alex said, dry as said desert, and Michael snorted with laughter before sobering a little.

“Sorry.” He actually was. Alex looked down at him thoughtfully and Michael looked back, wondering if he was being judged and found wanting. Just because they both liked guys didn’t mean Alex had to like him back.

Alex glanced at the street outside the booth, then reached out to put the closed sign on. “Dirk won’t get here for another half hour.”

Michael blinked and took the hand Alex offered him to pull him up onto his feet. “Is that your boss?”

“Yeah, he owns the place.” Alex didn’t let go of his hand. He led Michael back into the break room first and reached for him as soon as the door was closed, and Michael met him halfway for a long kiss. “Bathroom’s tiny,” Alex said breathlessly. “But we could…if you want…”

“Yeah.” Michael was good at fast and dirty. “Yeah, yes.” He kissed Alex’s cheek, his jaw, and hummed when Alex tilted his head back, hands gripping fistfuls of Michael’s hoodie when Michael kissed his neck. 

“Okay,” he breathed. “Come on then.”

The bathroom was absolutely minuscule. The sink and toilet were directly opposite each other, and they were so close Michael probably could’ve washed his hands while sitting on the john. But Alex pinned him to the tiny bit of wall between them and pressed his hips forward, and Michael stopped caring.

He’d had sex before. He’d received handjobs before. But like the kissing, everything was different with Alex, who shrugged out of his jacket pretty much as soon as the door was locked. Michael almost elbowed him in the face in his hurry to get his own hoodie off, yanking his shirt underneath off with it. Alex kissed him as soon as he emerged, warm hands skating up his chest, much bigger than a girl’s. His rings were hard against Michael’s skin, the beads of his bracelet cool and bumpy, and Michael was so desperate to touch and be touched that he felt like he was about to start vibrating.

It had never been like that with anyone else. He helped Alex get his own shirt off and pressed his hands to his chest, his shoulders, his arms, down to his waist. Alex’s hands were in his hair and they were moving against each other, kissing harder. Michael reached up to cradle Alex’s face and Alex dropped his hands to pull Michael against him. Michael rose up on his tiptoes, mind empty of anything but the desire for more, to be closer, to do whatever Alex wanted.

He was burning up, so the wall behind him was extra cold when he leaned back and hit it with his shoulder blades, pulling Alex with him and pushing a leg between his. Alex breathed out shakily and dropped his hands to Michael’s belt, yanking it undone so fast Michael’s head spun. He fumbled at Alex’s pants, unbuttoning them, and gasped when Alex slid a hand down his jeans to cup his dick through the fabric of his boxers. 

Alex pulled the elastic and slid his hand inside, and Michael bit back a moan at the feeling of his hand wrapping around him, easing him up and out. “Okay?” Alex checked, voice so deep Michael swore he felt it in the air around them.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Yeah. Lemme…” He copied what Alex had done, drawing his cock out and holding it, velvet-soft and rock hard in his hand. He started to stroke, slow and experimental, and moaned when Alex lifted one hand to cup his face and kissed him again. 

It was better than anything Michael had ever done before. He was lost in it, in touching Alex, in Alex touching him, the wet slide of their mouths and the heat of their skin, the softness of it. Alex’s broad shoulders and the muscles on his arms that Michael had never suspected were there, hidden under all those layers. He was dizzy, he was breathless, he was losing his mind. 

They stopped kissing for about two seconds to spit into their hands and then kept going. Michael wanted to be doing a good job, wanted Alex to feel as good as he was. He wanted, wanted, _wanted._ Alex kissed him deep and tilted Michael’s chin up with a thumb on his jaw, and Michael moaned into his mouth, shameless.

He tried to match Alex’s pace, slowing down a little and sliding his free hand round to the small of Alex’s back to pull him in even closer. It made Alex’s breath hitch, and Michael’s whole body thrummed like a plucked string in response. He’d always found it easy to ignore his own body in favour of whoever he was with before, but he couldn’t ignore what Alex was doing to him now. He didn’t think he’d ever been so hard in his entire life with Alex’s hand on his cock, his grip firm and steady.

Was this how Alex touched himself? 

Just thinking it had Michael on his tiptoes again, trying to fuck up into Alex’s hand, not caring at all if he looked or sounded desperate, because he was, and he kind of wanted Alex to know it. It got Alex to go faster, anyway, and turned his kisses biting and short, both of them breathing too heavily to manage anything deep now.

Michael screwed his eyes shut and basically mashed his face against Alex’s, groaning as he was pulled closer to the edge with every stroke. “Ah,” he gasped against Alex’s mouth. “Ah, ah, ahh –” Couldn’t say Alex’s name, too early, too easy, he couldn’t – “Mmmmm,” he moaned instead as he came, biting down hard on his swollen lower lip, coming all over Alex’s hand, a little definitely hitting his own stomach.

Alex pressed closer, tiny noises slipping out of him on every exhale. His hand was a fist against the side of Michael’s neck, shaking slightly, and when Michael opened his eyes he saw Alex’s eyes already open in front of his. His brow was creased, mouth open and panting, and Michael stroked him hard and fast until Alex choked down a high noise and started to come. Michael looked down, hungry to see, and a last bolt of heat went through him at the sight.

He lifted his head again and kissed Alex’s open mouth, going slow as Alex got on board and leaned into him, kissing back. When he pulled back enough to look at Michael’s face, he was wearing an odd expression Michael couldn’t read. A smile and a frown at the same time, like he was maybe confused, but not mad about it.

“We should clean up,” he said in a low voice, and Michael nodded, but didn’t move. It made Alex smile, eyes flicking to Michael’s lips and back up before he leaned in to kiss him again, just a soft press of lips, no tongue. 

“You wanna do this again?” Michael whispered as they parted. Their hands were still around each other’s softening dicks, covered in each other’s come.

Alex nodded. “Yeah. Do you?”

“So much.” 

They both grinned at that, tension that had been winding Michael up breaking into humour. They let go of each other and Alex gestured for Michael to wash his hands first. “We can’t in the shed,” Alex said from behind him. “If my dad ever found out…”

“Yeah.” Michael pumped soap from the bottle balanced precariously on the edge of the sink into his hand. “But we can still hang out, right?”

“We shouldn’t there. It’s too risky. But…we could here? If that’s – I mean, no one would have to know if you didn’t want them too,” he added quickly. “I didn’t mean you have to – sorry, I’m not –”

Michael twisted to look at him, soapy hands half-rinsed under the faucet. “I don’t mind people knowing if you don’t.”

Alex’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes wide. “Seriously?” he asked after a second, sounding totally stunned. “You know people will give you shit if they know, right?”

“So?” Michael snorted and turned back to the sink, finishing washing his hands and wiping quickly at the bit of come he’d managed to get on his stomach as well. “School’s basically out, people ignore me anyway, they’d have to go really outta their way to bother us.” 

“I guess.” Alex nudged Michael aside so he could wash his hands next. Michael shuffled around so he was behind Alex, and turned to pick up his clothes. “Are you gay?” Alex asked after a second, quiet under the sound of running water.

“No.” Michael zipped up his pants and pulled his t-shirt on. “I’m bisexual.” Or he was pretty sure he was anyway, after some research on his favourite library computer, the one with the screen turned to the wall so no one could sneak up behind him and see what he was looking at.

Alex shut off the water and wiped his hands on his jeans, turning around to look at him. “Have you always known?”

Michael shook his head, pulling on his hoodie. “Only figured it out a while ago.” It wasn’t like Alex had turned him bisexual or anything – he’d just made him notice it. He picked up Alex’s t-shirt and turned it the right way out before passing it to him. 

Alex held it in his hands and didn’t put it on. “Would you mind if I told Maria and Liz and Rosa? About this?”

Michael shook his head and looked at him. “Would you mind if I told Max and Isobel?”

Alex shook his head, but bit his lip. “We can’t tell anyone else,” he said quietly. “I meant it about my dad. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Michael didn’t care if Alex was out to his family or not. “I –”

“Shh.” Alex went still, eyes wide. Michael thought he maybe heard something, and Alex definitely did, because he yanked his t-shirt on over his head and shoved the door open, practically pushing Michael out. He barely got his combat vest thing on before a man Michael didn’t recognise came through the door and frowned at him, then raised an eyebrow at Alex.

“Friend of yours?”

“I told him to meet me after work, he just needed the bathroom real quick. I closed on time, don’t worry.” Alex lied easily, admirably so. “I was just about to start cleaning up.”

“Alright.” The man gave Michael another frown. “Only since it’s closing.”

“Thanks, Dirk.” Alex went to grab a broom from the cluttered corner. “If you wait outside, I’ll come meet you when I’m done,” he told Michael, who nodded and headed awkwardly for the door.

“Sorry,” he muttered to Dirk as he passed, and the guy grunted.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Alex did come out about twenty minutes later, and smiled when he saw Michael, like he hadn’t been sure he’d wait. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Michael’s skin tingled, overly sensitive under Alex’s eyes. If Alex looked at his mouth again, he’d die. 

He’d never cared about anyone else like this before.

“I gotta get home, but.” Alex swallowed and started to walk, relaxing a little when Michael fell into step beside him. “I’m working tomorrow too. But I get a lunch break.”

“What time?”

Alex smiled at him and Michael’s stomach flipped over. “About one. You’re not busy?”

Michael shook his head. “Sanders’ is closed on Sundays.”

“You work there?”

“Sometimes. If there’s something there I can do, he’ll pay me to help out. It’s not official or anything.”

“Better than nothing, right?”

“Yeah, definitely. And, uh. I’ll be working at Starship Burritos after graduation.” He hadn’t told anyone that yet. Max and Isobel didn’t need to get jobs if they didn’t want to, and because their allowances were generous, they’d never bothered. But Alex nodded like it was a perfectly reasonable, not embarrassing at all thing to be doing. Which made sense, since he worked at the UFO Emporium and had to wear that goofy hat, but still. He kinda made it look good.

Alex gave him a look, a little smile playing at his lips. “You walking me home, Guerin?”

“I’m heading the same direction, right?” Michael smiled hopefully, and grinned when Alex laughed.

They hadn’t actually hung out much before now. Alex had brought him the guitar in the shed last week, and they’d talked for a while in the booth today, but that was really it. Michael wanted to walk slower, to draw out what time they had on the walk back to Alex’s place. It was exhilarating and kind of frightening, the way it had been when he’d realised he had wanted Alex to kiss him in the shed, and he’d wanted more than that besides. The only time he’d ever felt anything close to this was when he’d first come back to Roswell and he’d been desperate to hang out with Max and Isobel all the time, learning all about them and figuring out how to make them like him.

He wanted Alex to like him too.

Alex’s dad would kill them if he found out. That was what he kept saying, and that was why he wouldn’t come out to the shed if Michael was in there. Apparently it was one thing to offer the shed to a guy, but something entirely different if Alex was sleeping with that guy.

In a relationship with that guy.

In love with that guy?

Michael didn’t really let himself think about it, or tried not to. It was enough to hang out with Alex at school when their free periods lined up, and at the UFO Emporium with him when Alex was working. It was enough to text him, though he was only allowed to when Alex texted first, and Michael had to be careful about not running through what little credit he had. It was enough that Alex’s friends knew they were together, and so did Michael’s siblings, even if nobody else did.

Michael understood the whole secrecy thing. He’d done it a few times before, though never with a guy, and it was undeniable that the stakes felt higher. With Tracy, with Ellie, they hadn’t wanted anyone to know they were slumming it with greasy, potentially-homeless Guerin, who wore the same clothes on a three-week rotation. They were basically embarrassed that they were letting him touch them at all. With Alex, his dad would’ve cared a lot, and everyone else would too in a very different way. It wasn’t shame – Alex just got enough shit for being gay without people knowing he was acting on it.

He said a couple of times that he didn’t want Michael to get that shit too, but Michael always shrugged it off. He didn’t care about himself, but he remembered the way Kyle had hit Alex at prom. He was a pro at flying under the radar, but Alex was as out as he could manage without openly declaring it, and Michael wasn’t an idiot. He knew Valenti hadn’t been the only one who’d had it out for Alex, and he didn’t want to be the reason Alex got jumped. So they didn’t touch, if they were in public. They hung out, they talked, but they didn’t touch if anyone could see them.

The enormity of how much he cared hadn’t changed. If anything, it was only increasing with every new thing he found out about Alex, with every kiss they gave each other in the break room of the UFO Emporium or in the cab of his truck. He thought about Alex all the time. If they were together, he was extra-aware of everything Alex said and did. If they were apart, Michael’s mind crowded up with daydreams and fantasies. He was going insane, but he loved it. It hadn’t even been a full week since their first kiss, but it felt like much longer, especially given the stupid depth of Michael’s feelings.

Their graduation ceremony was right around the corner, and Michael and Isobel were watching Max prepare to go on his road trip with Liz around the country. He said he still might go to Europe, but Michael could tell he wouldn’t, not without Liz, who hadn’t budgeted for anything out of the US. He’d had as much success as Michael that day they’d both gone to act on their moments, and he’d been uncharacteristically tongue-tied about what exactly had happened when Liz had driven him outside town to collect dirt samples or whatever their excuse had been.

Michael was happy for him, he was, but he’d still been caught by surprise by how much easier everything was for them. It didn’t matter who knew they were dating. They could touch and hug and kiss at school and no one gave them a second glance. From what Michael could tell, Max had pledged himself to Liz’s side the second she’d given him the option of joining her on her road trip. They were making plans. 

Alex avoided talking about the future beyond the next few weeks. He was going to be working at the Emporium during the week too, like Michael would be working at Starship Burritos, but he didn’t seem to have any college plans the way Michael did. It never really seemed to come up, in any case. They talked about other things. Michael had never talked to anyone like he talked to Alex, with Max and Isobel the only exceptions.

Alex looked miserable when Michael showed up at the Emporium after school on Monday, and Michael frowned and went round to get into the booth with him. They hadn’t seen each other at school that day – a couple of Alex’s classes had already finished, and he’d only been in for the morning. Usually Alex turned around to face him, but this time he kept his back to Michael. “You look like your cat died.”

“Worse.” Alex rubbed his knuckles along the edge of his desk. It was all Michael could really see of him, standing behind his shoulder like he was. “My dad found your stuff in the shed this morning, after you were gone.”

A little chill went down Michael’s spine. He’d never interacted with Alex’s dad at all, but he knew what he looked like, and he’d never seen the man look anything but cold. And he’d started noticing things in the way Alex talked about him, little hints that he wasn’t just overly controlling. He’d kill them if he found out they were together. He was beginning to think that Alex wasn’t exaggerating. That if it wasn’t them, it would at least be Alex.

“My sleeping bag,” Michael said, trying to take a quick inventory of the things he’d left behind, so glad he’d kept up his habit of keeping basically everything in his truck. “Pillow, couple’ve shirts, deodorant –”

“It’s all gone.” Alex kept his head down. “I’m really sorry. I’ll pay you back, I didn’t realise he’d be going in there.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” It wasn’t fine, not by a long shot – Michael was already scrambling to think of where else he could get a decent sleeping bag at short notice, calculating whether he could get away with wearing the shirt he had on for an extra two days to stretch his laundry rotation. “When you say gone, I guess you mean I can’t go dig it outta your trash?”

Alex shook his head. “He took it.”

“What for?” Michael made sure to sound baffled, like it really wasn’t a big deal. “What, did he need a new sleeping bag or something?”

“I, uh.” Alex cleared his throat. “I think he’s gonna dispose of it some other way. It doesn’t matter, I’ll get you a new one.”

“I told you, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Alex snapped, finally looking at him. He wasn’t wearing eyeliner, and Michael stared, taken aback. “What?” Alex asked, scowling.

“Your eyes.” Michael felt like an idiot. “I mean, just. No makeup.”

“I didn’t have time this morning, don’t have any spare on me.” Alex looked down again, maybe embarrassed.

“CVS is open,” Michael offered at once. “I could get some for you?”

Alex shook his head. “It’s fine, it’s only one day.”

Michael didn’t get why he was being pushed away, for a minute. “I’m sorry,” he said, figuring it out. “I shouldn’t’ve left any of my shit in there, I got lazy.”

“What?” Alex twisted to frown up at him, and Michael hurried on.

“I didn’t mean to get you in trouble, it’s –”

“It’s not your fault, Guerin,” Alex said, plainly irritated, and Michael’s own temper spiked.

“Then why’re you mad at me?”

“I’m not!”

“You’re…” Michael gestured to him, far too self-conscious to do anything as ridiculous as call out the way Alex wasn’t even facing him. “You totally are!”

“I’m pissed at me, not you.” Alex did turn around, scowling, and Michael rolled his eyes.

“What the hell for? It’s not your fault I left my stuff in your shed.”

“I’m the one who told you it was safe!”

“Oh my God, it’s just a sleeping bag,” Michael snapped. “I can get another one, it’s seriously not a big deal.”

“Where’re you sleeping tonight?” Alex shot back, and Michael glared at him.

“In my truck. Again, done it before, not a big deal. Look, just – can we go in the back for a second?”

Alex’s eyebrows rose, disbelief narrowing his eyes. “You wanna make out?” 

There was no right answer to that, but Michael went for, “No,” figuring that was the safer option, based on Alex’s expression. “Just, come on?”

Alex clenched his jaw, then reached round to turn the ‘back in 5’ sign, and got up. Michael had to shuffle out first, and they went into the tiny break room.

“What?” Alex asked, as soon as the door was closed, shoulders squared like he was expecting Michael to take a swing at him. Michael leaned back, then took a hesitant step forward and wrapped his arms around those shoulders, hugging Alex tightly. It took a second, but then Alex’s arms wrapped around him too, his head dropping against Michael’s. “What?” he mumbled, once they were swaying in place a little, just holding each other.

“Nothing,” Michael muttered back. Alex’s bike-chain necklace pressed into his chin, and he hoped it would leave a mark. He always smelled so good. He didn’t know what it was about Alex that smelled so amazing, but he couldn’t get enough. He’d always laughed when girls stole their boyfriends’ sweatshirts and hoodies, but he got it now. He wanted to wear Alex’s clothes and smell him against his own skin. He wondered if Alex wanted the same thing.

“You just wanted a hug?”

“From you? Always, yeah.”

That made Alex laugh, quietly. “Fair enough.”

It worked. When they went back to the booth after five minutes, they were quieter, less angry. Michael sat on the floor the way he usually did and leaned his head against Alex’s thigh. Another thing he’d seen girls do with guys, but never thought he’d do himself. But he got it – it felt nice, to lean on someone. Specifically, it felt good to lean on Alex and feel Alex’s hand in his hair, gentle and sweet. He was getting used to that ache in his chest, like the ache he’d get at the back of his throat if he ate too much ice-cream. Not from the cold; from the sugar.

“It won’t be for long anyway,” Michael said quietly, of sleeping in his truck again. “End of September, I’m off to Albuquerque.”

“Yeah.”

Michael pressed his head firmer into Alex’s thigh. “What about you?” he pressed. Alex couldn’t avoid the subject forever. “What’re you gonna do?”

“I told you, I don’t know yet.”

“You make plans for everything.”

“Not this.”

“Why?”

Alex’s hand slowed in its already slow motions, wrapping one curl around his finger. “It’s complicated.”

Because of his dad, Michael guessed. Though why his dad had any say in Alex’s future, he didn’t understand. Alex was turning eighteen in a couple of days, legally an adult. Michael didn’t understand why he was so easily cowed. The Alex he knew was brash and outspoken, but when it came to his father he was overcautious, almost wary.

But his dad couldn’t be that bad, Michael figured uncertainly. Sure, he sounded like a grade-a dick and definitely a massive homophobe, but he let Alex get away with wearing the clothes he wore, even wearing makeup. It couldn’t be that bad.

Whenever things had gotten bad for Michael, he’d run. The exception was the Weekes, the religious nutjobs he’d been placed with when he’d come back to Roswell. He’d had to suck it up and suffer with them for a few years until he was sure there was room for him at the group home and he wouldn’t be shifted out of Roswell.

He wasn’t entirely sure of the mechanics of how real families worked, but he was pretty sure it was easier to get help if shit was going wrong. If a kid in care complained, they could just be moved to another home, but having a real home and a real family meant you had to stay. There was more incentive to fix things, as Michael saw it.

He went back and forth on it. Sometimes he thought Alex and his dad just didn’t get on, other days he was trying to check whether Alex had bruises anywhere. He just didn’t know. And he couldn’t ask, because he knew Alex wouldn’t tell him.

It wasn’t like he could be mad about it. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t keeping secrets too.

For Alex’s birthday, they were throwing a party at Maria DeLuca’s house. Her mom would be working at the bar till at least two in the morning, Maria assured them, and she trusted the kids with the house. Michael didn’t understand that attitude even a little bit, but he didn’t care. Liz and Rosa Ortecho had brought booze, Max was surprisingly relaxed about it, and everyone there knew he and Alex were together, so they didn’t have to hide anything.

He still wasn’t entirely sure how to act around Alex’s friends. Alex talked about them a lot, and he’d obviously spent years being told about how amazing Liz Ortecho was by Max, but he’d never spent any time on his own with them. Even at school when he’d been hanging out with Alex, it had only been with Alex, not with Maria or Liz, and of course Rosa had already graduated. The only time Michael had ever really interacted with her was to buy a fake ID, and she’d been either drunk or high at the time and didn’t seem to recognise or remember Michael at all. 

All that said, she was actually pretty cool. She was drunk already, but not in a bad way (Michael was very well-acquainted with the bad kind of drunk), and she was way funnier than he’d expected. Maria wasn’t as weird as Isobel had always made her out to be either – she was a hippy, for sure, but she wasn’t preachy about it, or patronising. Just intense, which Michael could deal with. Liz was way sharper than Max had ever made her sound, funny like Rosa and intense like Maria with an edge of sweetness that seemed to make her the baby of the group, from what Michael could tell.

They were playing king’s cup, Rosa’s rules, and this time Alex was on the floor with his head on Michael’s leg. Between his legs, actually, shoulders between Michael’s knees, and Michael loved him so much he felt like his heart was going to leave his chest every time he brushed the hair at the back of Alex’s neck.

It was weird. He’d never been to a party like this before, never popular or cool enough. He’d kept his head down and concentrated on his studies, his ticket out of Roswell to a better future, and he’d never cared about anyone outside of Max and Isobel before Alex had come along. 

Alex liked him. Michael would’ve done anything for him.

He was possibly a little drunk, but not dangerously. 

They gave Alex his cake, sang him happy birthday, Rosa took about a million photos, they played dumb games. It wasn’t like the parties Michael had heard about from Isobel, with dancing and loud music and too many people and too much pressure. This was better. He and Alex were going to be sleeping on the floor with Max and Liz, and Rosa would sleep with Maria in her bedroom. They’d be sleeping together, for the first time.

Michael kept grinning, thinking about it. Alex found him in the kitchen as things were beginning to wind down, and pinned him against the counter to kiss him until Michael’s knees were weak, until he was holding onto Alex’s shoulders and gasping. He was the one to nudge Alex’s chin up though, and kiss his neck.

No marks, that was a hard rule, but Michael had found that he didn’t need to be rough to make Alex tremble. He was half-hard in his jeans just from the shaky way Alex exhaled when Michael kissed his ear, and he only noticed distantly that they were both pressed against each other as close as they could get. He shifted, and shifted again just to check that yes, he could feel Alex getting hard too, both of them rubbing into each other very slightly, unable to help themselves.

Rosa’s music was playing in the background, her iPod plugged into Maria’s speakers and drowning the sound of Alex’s hitched little breaths with twanging guitar and thudding drums. But Michael could hear him. Michael dragged a hand down Alex’s back to his ass and squeezed just a tiny bit, and Alex groaned.

“I know Maria said no bedrooms,” Michael whispered. “But what about the bathroom?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed. “Fuck, she’s gonna kill me.”

“Nah, it’s your birthday.”

Alex’s smile was lazy and surprised at the same time, like he hadn’t considered that. “It is.”

Birthday blowjobs were a thing, right? Michael was pretty sure they were a thing, and even if they weren’t, he’d jerked himself off thinking about sucking Alex more times than he could count recently, and he was desperate to experience the real thing. It was Alex’s birthday, and he was relaxed and loose, and Michael wanted to give him the world. An orgasm at the very fucking least.

They locked themselves in. It was a small bathroom, and Michael considered his options seriously before he turned them around and pressed Alex against the door, since there was no other clear bit of wall, and sitting him down on the toilet seat to blow him seemed unsanitary, for some reason.

Alex’s eyes went wide when Michael sank to his knees in front of him, teeth digging into his lower lip for a second. “Holy shit,” he breathed, and Michael grinned up at him before he pushed his shirt up to kiss his stomach. Alex grabbed the end of the towel rail with one hand, clenching the other into a fist against the door. “Holy shit,” he said again, weakly.

Michael undid Alex’s jeans and pulled them down, dragging his underwear with it. Black boxer briefs, form-fitting. Michael had jerked Alex off twice, but he’d never had the time to properly look at his dick, and he wanted to, but at the same time patience had never been his strong suit and he just wanted it in his mouth _now._

“Shit, Michael,” Alex whispered, as Michael slid his mouth down around Alex’s cock and closed his eyes, feeling his face flush hot from the knowledge of what he was doing. Blowing someone. Sucking dick. Giving head. He was actually doing it. Alex was warm and heavy, getting thicker in his mouth, and Michael’s own dick throbbed at the realisation that he was _feeling_ Alex harden on his tongue. He hummed, a little moan, and slid his mouth down until he couldn’t go any further.

He was far from an expert on technique, and he felt a distant flash of irritation, knowing he should’ve done some research. But he’d been given blowjobs, he knew what felt good and what didn’t, and he made sure not to let his teeth even brush Alex’s skin as he held his cock at the base with one hand and got it nice and wet with his mouth.

Alex was breathing hard, and when Michael glanced up he saw Alex gazing down at him with black eyes, lips bitten red and parted. “Guerin,” he whispered, and Michael tried to smile with his mouth full. And damn, was it full. He hadn’t realised how much a dick filled a mouth up, he hadn’t realised that this could potentially give a guy some serious jawache. He definitely hadn’t realised how much the idea would turn him on.

He needed to learn how to deepthroat. Priority fucking one for his near future.

Alex’s breathing was taking on a melodic note, his exhales getting louder, and Michael groaned at the thought that it was him doing that, that he was the one who was going to make Alex lose control, that Alex was going to come because of him.

Conversations that had left both of them more than a little horny had already covered the topic what to do when blowing someone when they came. Michael had always maintained he’d swallow, and right now, he was going kind of crazy knowing he was about to do that. He wished he could talk, he wished Alex would talk, but they were both trying to be quiet, and what he wanted most of all was to make Alex come.

Maybe it was a good thing his mouth was full, so he didn’t come right out and say shit like that to Alex’s face. It might sound weird.

Something touched the side of his head – Alex’s fingers, Michael saw, opening his eyes a little (when had he closed them?). He closed them again and kept sucking Alex, licking him, bobbing his head to feel his cock rub at the opening to his throat, where he knew instinctively he couldn’t go further. Soon though. Fuck, for Alex, he was going to become a cocksucking maestro. 

He was so hard. Michael dropped a hand between his legs to adjust himself a little desperately, and gasped when Alex’s hand tugged his hair just a little because that felt incredible. He was a little afraid he was going to start making objects float if it got any better.

“Guerin,” Alex breathed. “Michael…”

Michael sped up, and Alex’s dick choked off a moan he couldn’t help when Alex made a shuddery, helpless noise in response.

“Fuck, Michael…Michael, I’m really fucking close, you still wanna…?”

“Mmmmm,” Michael hummed enthusiastically, and his jaw was beginning to hurt, his whole body was hot, he wanted Alex to come, he wanted – holy shit, who knew he would even want this stuff – he wanted to taste it.

Alex let go of his hair when he came, jamming his knuckles into his mouth and gasping around them. Michael prised his eyes open to watch, swallowing as Alex’s cock pulsed in his mouth. He couldn’t really taste it, not right at the back of his throat, so when Alex started to pull out, Michael slid a hand around to his ass to stop him.

Alex made a confused noise, and Michael drew his head back slowly, letting the still-hard tip of Alex’s cock drag over the length of his tongue. Alex shuddered, and Michael smiled at the way he could taste bitterness, a last trace of come pulsing out of Alex for Michael to savour.

Alex was trembling, hands clumsy when they framed Michael’s face and held him there while Alex slid down the door to sit. “Sure?” Michael checked, when Alex pulled him in for a kiss.

Alex rolled his eyes and kissed him, deep and without hesitation, and Michael moaned quietly into it. Even though he was still hard and getting pretty desperate to come himself, he felt like he could’ve waited forever if it was what Alex wanted. He wanted Alex to –

A bang, and Alex jerked away, going tense. Michael didn’t have time to reassure him – they could hear a male voice.

Alex sucked in a horrified breath and shoved Michael away so hard he fell back on his ass, blinking in shock as Alex got to his feet and pulled his jeans up. “It’s my dad,” he whispered, and Michael had no doubts at all, for a second – that was real fear in Alex’s eyes. If Alex’s dad caught them, there would be violence.

“We’re round the corner from the others,” Michael said, getting up as well. Fucked up that he was still turned on, but he could already feel it fading in the face of whatever the hell was going on. He could hear Rosa shouting, the other girls starting to protest too. “He can’t see us; we can run out the back door.”

Alex nodded and grabbed his hand before he unlocked the door and opened it silently. They didn’t run – they crept, for about two steps before something in Alex snapped, or maybe he heard something Michael didn’t, and he leapt for the door and shoved it open, dragging Michael out after him and letting it slam. “Run!” he hissed, breaking into a sprint for the open back gate of Maria’s yard.

Michael followed, losing his grip on Alex’s hand. He heard the back door burst open again behind them, heard a man – Alex’s dad – shout, “Alex!” But they were gone, they were headed for the ditch that separated this row of houses from the park on the other side. 

They skidded down into it and paused, and Alex grabbed Michael’s shoulder and shoved him the direction of the other slope. “Run,” he hissed again. “Go, quick!”

Michael shook his head, feeling thick and slow. “No, no I’m staying with you.”

Alex’s dad shouted again, and Alex flinched and grabbed Michael’s arms. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, please, please, Michael, please run. If you love me, please do this.”

Michael’s heart was seizing up. “Alex –”

Alex was terrified, shooting a glance up the slope. They were trapped here, Michael realised. If Alex’s dad skidded down that slope after them, he’d have them both. 

“He won’t hurt me,” Alex told him. “He’ll hurt you. _Run._ ” He gave Michael a hard push towards the other slope, and Michael swallowed and started to clamber up it, using his hands as well as his feet. He barely reached the other side before a dark shape was descending into the ditch, and there was a choked-off gasp.

Instinct made Michael drop to the ground, his body only half out of the ditch. There was a scrubby bush next to him and no lights behind him. Still, he felt Alex’s dad’s eyes pass over him as he lay still and scared at the top. Over, and then on.

Alex was standing still, and Michael realised his dad’s hand was on the back of his neck when he was turned and propelled back up the slope they’d come down. 

He hadn’t really believed Alex’s dad would kill both of them if he caught them before now, but Michael’s heart was beating a frantic, frightened rhythm against his aching lungs, aching from trying not to breathe too hard when Alex’s dad might hear him. He didn’t even know the guy’s name, but he had a feeling right in the pit of his stomach where all his certainties sat, that if they’d been caught something terrible would have happened.

Michael didn’t see Alex at all for the next two days. Max went over and tried to smile his way past Jesse Manes – Michael knew his name now, knew who to hide from – with no success. Michael’s calls went unanswered, as did everyone else’s. He didn’t risk texting, though the others told him their texts hadn’t been replied to, which meant Alex’s dad had confiscated his phone. Liz said when Michael saw her at the Crashdown that the phone had been the problem – Alex hadn’t answered some text his dad had sent, and that had prompted him to come over.

But then he went to the UFO Emporium on Wednesday after school, and Alex was there. He hadn’t been in school, but it was definitely him in the little booth.

Michael walked past the first time, looking for Alex’s dad. It felt half like paranoia, half like sensible precaution. On the second pass he stopped at the glass, not going in the way he usually did. Alex breathed out when he looked at him, and Michael stared. He wasn’t wearing any eyeliner. His nose ring was gone, and there was no chunky necklace over his collarbone.

He looked small, and tired, and he dropped his gaze to the desk as he said, “Hey.”

“Can I come in?” Michael asked, and Alex nodded.

Once inside, Michael crammed himself down on the floor as usual, and grabbed Alex’s hand. No bruises there, or on his wrists, but no rings or bracelets or nail polish either. Alex saw him check and shook his head.

“He doesn’t leave marks,” he said quietly. “He’s smarter than that.”

Michael ran his thumb over Alex’s knuckles, furious at himself for not asking about it before, for just assuming that because Alex wore makeup it couldn’t be that bad. “He does hit you though?”

“Sorta.” Alex looked at the desk. “Sometimes. Mostly it’s just…stupid stuff. Stuff that doesn’t leave marks.”

Michael squeezed his hand. “One of the homes I stayed at,” he said slowly, “they used to punish the kids by making them kneel with their arms out and resting this huge heavy bible on them. Stuff like that?”

Alex swallowed, and finally nodded. “I’m fine,” he said after a moment, voice a little rough, like he wanted to sound hard. “I’m not hurt or anything. He was just mad I ran from him. I’m not allowed to do that.”

“Why’d he even come?”

“Wanted to make sure I wasn’t drinking.”

Michael lifted his other hand to curl that around Alex’s as well, tracing the gaps between his fingers, feeling the ridges of his knuckles, the softness of his palm. “You’re eighteen now.”

“I’m not allowed to leave.”

Michael frowned. “But you’re eighteen.”

Alex yanked his hand away, his side presented to Michael like a shield. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Neither do I! If I can do it, so can you, we can just tough it out together, and in September you can come with me to Albuquerque,” Michael said desperately.

Alex looked at him, finally. His eyes were wet, but he blinked it away and shook his head, turning back to look at his hands on the desk, elbows jutting out to keep Michael away. “He wouldn’t let me. You don’t understand,” he said harshly when Michael opened his mouth to protest. “I’m not like you, I can’t just drop off the map. I’m his son, I have a legacy to live up to.”

“Fuck his legacy!” Michael said indignantly, twisting up onto his knees so he wasn’t at such a height disadvantage. “Fuck him! He doesn’t get to control you!”

Alex tipped his head back and took a deep breath so obviously that Michael could have screamed. “There will be consequences, if I try to leave,” he said, flat and quiet. 

“Like what?”

“Sheriff Valenti is his best friend,” Alex said, angry now, hissing at his desk. “Nothing short of a fucking court order would keep my dad from me, Guerin. And in the meantime, you’re out there on your own. You think he couldn’t figure out who that truck outside Maria’s belonged to? Graduation’s on Saturday.” He took a deep breath. “He has my enlistment papers ready.”

“Enlist…” Michael realised what Alex meant as he spoke, and he shook his head, eyes wide. “Whoa, Alex, no, you said you didn’t wanna –”

“What I want doesn’t matter, Guerin. Get your head down, there’s customers coming.” All delivered in a flat monotone, and Michael dropped out of sight and seethed. “It was never gonna last,” Alex said quietly, when the family had gone inside. “I had one summer left, I always knew it. I haven’t applied to any colleges. This was always the plan.”

“Fuck the plan,” Michael snarled. “You hate the military!”

Alex kept his eyes forward, voice low. “There’s advantages to it too, y’know. Healthcare, college courses. Money. Security.”

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Michael reminded him acidly, getting to his feet, and hating the way Alex’s expression didn’t even change.

“It was always the plan,” he said again, and Michael left. 

Always the plan, was it? He shoved it down and buried it, held it down as he drove out to Foster’s Ranch and took those words out again to examine them there.

It had always been Alex’s plan to enlist and leave Roswell that summer, possibly even before Michael did. It had always been his plan to enlist in a military that wouldn’t allow him to be himself, wouldn’t allow him to acknowledge a relationship with a man. With Michael. 

It had always been the plan. Always. Which meant it had been the plan when Michael had first kissed Alex in the UFO Emporium. It had been the plan when Alex looked at him like he couldn’t believe what he’d done, and then kissed him back. It had been the plan when they’d hung out at school, and it had been the plan when they’d made out desperately in Michael’s truck, and it had been the plan when they’d slid their hands into each other’s pants and brought each other off in the UFO Emporium’s tiny bathroom for the second time, risking most of an entire lunch break just to touch each other.

It had been the plan that whole time for Alex to leave.

To leave him.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise. Michael was disgusted by his own hurt, by the lump in his throat. Everyone left; it was a universal truth. He was literally standing in the first place he’d been left, and everything since then had been people leaving him. 

Might’ve been nice to have some warning upfront, was all. Just so he could’ve prepared a bit. Maybe not gotten so attached.

Fat chance, with Alex Manes. Michael was so attached he might as well have been wearing a collar.

He’d wondered a few times over the past few weeks whether he wasn’t actually gay. But no, it wasn’t that he was any less into girls – Alex was just that special. Even if he’d told Michael from the beginning that he’d be enlisting over the summer, Michael would’ve fallen just as hard.

Dust on the horizon, and Michael watched cautiously, ready to jump into the cab of his truck and take off. But when the vehicle came into view, he relaxed. He could recognise Max and Isobel’s Jeep a mile off, easy. 

It was just Max, when he finally pulled up, and he got out and came to sit next to Michael at the end of the truck bed without a word. Michael didn’t want to tell him he’d seen Alex, so he said, “Preparations all underway?” instead.

“Uh huh.” Max let him get away with it. “We’ve finally settled on Liz’s car.”

“Ooh.” Michael tried to smile. “Took you long enough.” Max and Liz had been going back and forth practically since they’d agreed to go on the road trip together over which of their cars they’d be taking. Liz’s was older, but more fuel efficient and technically had more storage space even though it looked smaller. Max’s was less likely to break down though, and it would be able to handle any off-roading they wanted to do. Max’s wasn’t just his though – it was Isobel’s as well.

“Isobel’s glad she’s keeping the car,” Max said quietly. “She’s still pretty pissed though. She feels like we’re both leaving her behind.”

“Oh come on,” Michael scoffed. “You’re only going for the summer, and then you’ll be back here when Liz starts college. Unless you really go in on the trophy husband thing and just set up shop in Denver with her.”

“She’s in dorms the first year,” Max shrugged. “I can’t afford to, not yet anyway. I wouldn’t mind though.” He gave Michael a goofy little smile that, against all odds, lifted Michael’s spirits a little. It was very difficult to be in a bad mood when Max was feeling good. “I’d follow her anywhere.”

“Pretty sappy of you, dude,” Michael said dryly. “Liz know you’re so gone over her?”

“Yeah.” Max laughed. “I can’t keep anything to myself around her. Except that,” he added, seeing Michael’s smile drop. “Obviously. Everything else though.”

“Good.” 

“Anyway.” Max cleared his throat. “It’s not just me Isobel’s feeling abandoned by, you know. You’re going too.”

“Not till September though. And then, what, does she think I’m never coming back? No way, man. You guys are all I have.”

“And Alex,” Max said, and Michael looked forward, that lump in his throat rising again.

“Yeah. So, Liz’s car, huh?” He swallowed. “Still gonna go right after graduation?”

“That evening, yeah. We’ll be all packed up by Friday night, ready to go as soon as we’ve said goodbye to everyone.”

Michael’s brain crackled, a stupid, desperate idea sparking to life. “Hey.”

“Yeah?” Max could tell, and when Michael rolled his eyes and shook his head, he nudged his shoulder. “There’s room for more. We can both make grovelling apologies to Isobel and promise to send her presents and postcards and owe her a dozen favours each when we get back, no expiry date. You can come.”

Michael took a deep breath. “What about Alex?”

“There’s four seats in the car,” Max said seriously. 

“Liz wouldn’t mind?”

“Alex is one of her best friends.”

“Neither of you would mind us gatecrashing your romantic road trip?”

“I don’t know how you think we’re gonna be making out when one of us will always have to have their eyes on the road,” Max said, so uncharacteristically dry that Michael laughed, then choked it back and rubbed his hands over his face. “Michael, what’s wrong? Was Alex at work today?”

“His dad’s gonna make him enlist after graduation,” Michael said. “He’s totally…he’s not budging. He said this was always gonna happen, like, he always knew he was gonna enlist. This whole time.”

Max didn’t say anything for a minute, and Michael was glad for the chance to get himself under control. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten so emotional about anything in front of Max. It was embarrassing, and uncomfortable. He hated even the possibility of Max or Isobel worrying about him, pitying him, and only the fact that this was about Alex had allowed this break in his composure.

“I’ll talk to Liz about it,” Max said slowly. “But I think she’ll be on board as much as I am. If he can sneak a bag of his stuff to work and pass it to you, we could keep it for him and grab him right after the ceremony, before his dad has a chance to get anywhere near him. If he can’t do that…if he can give Rosa his house key on the day, she could sneak over his house and grab some stuff for him. She’d do it – they’re really good friends too, and she’s been crazy mad about that shit his dad pulled, crashing Maria’s party. If he can’t do that either, I’ll bring as much extra stuff as I can, and we can pitch in to help him buy some more stuff once we’re gone.”

Michael’s chest hurt. He nodded jerkily. “That’s…yeah. You, you really think we could pull it off?”

“Only if Alex is on board, but if he is, yeah. We won’t tell anyone, so his dad won’t have anyone to pressure. Alex can call him once we’re gone to confirm he’s safe, and he can call the Sheriff to confirm it with him too. He’s eighteen now – his dad can’t do anything, legally.”

Michael wondered what Max would have done if Michael had ever told him he’d been living out of his truck since January. Would he have put together a plan like that, carefully thought out and considered? He wanted to know, suddenly. Not badly enough to ask, but maybe he would one day. 

“You don’t think it’s a bad idea?” he asked instead, not looking at Max. 

“What, asking Alex to come with us?”

“Yeah. Like, it’s…we’ve only been together a couple of weeks.” Barely that. So little time that Alex had told him not to get him a birthday present. Michael wished he’d gotten him something anyway. He wanted to give Alex everything, and he didn’t understand why. And when it came to things he didn’t understand, it was always Max he turned to. Max had never let him down, and never would.

The truck bed creaked a little as Max leaned back on the heels of his hands and squinted up at the bright sky, shaking his head once. “Has it only been a couple of weeks?” he asked after a long silence, sounding almost curious.

Michael frowned at him. “What d’you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve been going out that long, but you’ve liked him longer, right?”

Michael blinked. “I. Um. Yeah, I guess.”

“Since before prom?” Max cut him a sideways look, so calm that Michael could only stare.

“Prom?”

“Yeah. When he and Kyle got in that fight and you jumped in – that’s when I figured you liked him. I didn’t realise it was a, uh, gay thing then though.”

“It’s not – I mean, it is, but I’m not, _I’m_ not gay.” 

Well at least it was Max’s turn to look confused. “You’re not?”

“No, dude. I still like girls – I’m bisexual.” 

“Oh.” Max absorbed that, blinked twice. then nodded. “Okay. Cool. Well, it’s still the same – I didn’t know you were into him like that at prom, I thought you just liked him, like, platonically or whatever.”

Michael could feel heat rising in his face and looked forward so hopefully Max wouldn’t see. “Right.”

“So…you’ve liked him longer than that, right? Definitely longer than two weeks.”

Michael nodded, swallowing. “Yeah.”

“Right.” Max shrugged a shoulder. “I’m in the same boat, pretty much. Liz and I haven’t been going out any longer than you and Alex, and we’re doing this road trip. And I know it’ll be amazing. I don’t know how – I just know.” He smiled – Michael could see him out of the corner of his eye, all goofy and soft-edged. “I think when you know, you just feel it. And you’re so careful about everything, I don’t think you would’ve even suggested it if you thought it was a bad idea.”

Michael didn’t know what the hell he would do without Max. He nodded jerkily, that brief flare of fear and uncertainty soothed. “You should come tomorrow,” he told Max. “To the Emporium after school, that’s when I’ll go see him. You should come, so he knows it’s not just some dumb plan I came up with on my own.”

“No, it’s a group dumb plan,” Max said cheerfully. “I’ll call Liz tonight, then call you. And with Isobel, I’m serious, plan tomorrow evening to feature major grovelling.”

“Hey, I can grovel with the best of them.” Michael tried to smile, and just about managed it. “Thanks, man.”

“Any time.” Max flung an arm around his shoulder and squeezed, and Michael let himself lean into it, chest still aching a little bit. “I’ll go home and ask Liz. You staying out here?”

“Yeah, I wanna stargaze a bit.”

“And you call me the romantic,” Max teased, sliding off the truck bed and heading for his car. “Don’t fall asleep! It gets cold out at night.”

Michael snorted and gave him a lazy salute. May was balmy compared to January. He didn’t have a sleeping bag yet, but he had a couple of thick blankets, and he’d slept in the cab plenty of times. It was uncomfortable, but warmer and safer than sleeping in the truck bed. After a while, he pulled the guitar Alex had given him out from under the tarp bundled up at the back of the bed and swung it into his lap.

He knew now this guitar had belonged to Alex’s brother Greg, not that it mattered. He brushed his thumb over the strings and closed his eyes, breathing out. It was Alex’s now, and kind of Michael’s. He’d always wanted his own guitar, and this was as close as he’d ever come. It soothed the restless fear jumping around inside him to move his fingers and hear the music he made. 

Getting Max to come had been a great idea, Michael realised pretty much immediately. He and Alex were too good at snapping at each other, but Max and Alex had known each other for longer, and Max was so calm about it all. 

“Do you _want_ to enlist?” he asked, several times, leaning against the rim of the huge sink in the break room. “Alex, is that actually what you want for your future?”

Max didn’t have such a personal stake in it, and he didn’t get mad when Alex started lashing out at him. He just pointed out over and over that Liz was more than happy for Alex to come along with them, that he would never have to see his father again, and everyone thought it was a good idea and they all just wanted to help. Michael worried after Max made that last point whether he would need to stop Alex from attacking him.

But weirdly, he got it. If Max had found out he was homeless and come to him with a plan like that, Michael would’ve been so humiliated he would’ve wanted to break Max’s moralising neck. Seeing it from this side, from the perspective of one of the people who desperately wanted to help the person in crisis, made things a little clearer.

Still, he nodded for Max to go when he’d said his piece, and he and Alex went back into the front booth. He didn’t sit down. He sat on the desk instead, half-facing Alex and letting him fume in silence for a minute. But only a minute – he’d told Sanders he’d help out at the junkyard this afternoon, and he didn’t like to push his luck by running late.

He looked behind him to check there was no one about to walk past. “Look,” he said, turning back, “You offered me a place to stay before you even knew for sure I was sleeping in my truck. I didn’t confirm it or anything, but you offered anyway. Why did you even care?”

Alex frowned at him, clearly bemused by the direction Michael was suddenly taking things. “I. Um.”

“Would you have done it for anyone?” Michael asked, pressing on a bruise of his own, because even though it seemed unlikely, if Alex really would have done it for anyone, then Michael wasn’t special at all. “Was it pity?”

“What? No!”

“Neither’s this.” Michael didn’t need a real answer anyway. “I ran up that slope, so you know I love you, okay? I don’t want your dad to push you into the Air Force. Run away with us.”

Alex was tense, hands clutching his elbows tightly. He still wasn’t wearing any of his chunky jewellery. Michael suspected his dad had taken all of it. “It isn’t that simple,” he said, quietly anguished. 

“We can make it simple. Take it from someone who’s run away from assholes about half a dozen times – it’s worth it, even when it sucks.” He leaned down, lowering his voice. “Sleeping in my truck was better than sleeping on Mr Kepler’s floor, because even if it was so cold I wanted to die, I wasn’t about to get bottled by some asshole who only took me in because he wanted a monthly check.”

Alex stared at him. “You said he just yelled at you.”

“You said your dad wouldn’t hurt you,” Michael shot back, and he saw the hit land as Alex’s expression shuttered. “Please,” he said, trying Alex’s tactic. “Please, Alex. If you don’t want me to come, I can stay here, or head to Albuquerque early or something, but please get out of here.”

Alex’s jaw clenched, and Michael saw him do a sweep of the street before he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead into Michael’s arm. Michael breathed out and lifted his other hand to rub gently at Alex’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna go without you,” Alex mumbled after what felt like an agonisingly long time, and Michael squeezed his arm.

“Then I’ll come. Just me, you, Max, and Liz. We’ll be out of New Mexico by sundown Saturday.”

“What about your truck?”

“I’ll leave it with Sanders. He likes me, and he’s got space for it.”

“I don’t…if it doesn’t work…”

“Max is the squeakiest, cleanest boy in this whole town,” Michael said. “Your dad might be able to fuck with you, or me, or Liz, but if he tries to go after Max, the Evanses will have him marked as a social pariah so fast he won’t even know it’s happened till he realises everyone but him has been invited to the town fair. Plus, he has a job too, doesn’t he? He can’t just take time off to chase you across the country, and he has no idea where we’ll go or what we’ll do. It isn’t your road trip plan – it’s Liz’s.”

Alex pressed his head into Michael’s arm. “What if he goes after her dad?”

“Why would he even know you’re with her?” Michael pointed out. “From his perspective, it makes more sense that you’ve run away with just me.”

“But you’re leaving your truck behind.” 

“Because I know he’s seen it, so I got a new one,” Michael made up on the spot. “Leave him a letter or something, saying all that. Throw him off our trail.”

“Better to say nothing,” Alex muttered. “He’s like a bloodhound, better to give him nothing to go off at all.”

“Sure, we can do that. Max’s parents don’t know he’s taking us along. The only people who know are your friends, and they’re not about to give you up.” He glanced down the street again, then lifted his hand from Alex’s shoulder to the back of his head, stroking his hair. 

“My dad’ll notice if I try to go to school tomorrow with a bag of stuff,” Alex whispered, and Michael mentally punched the air.

“Wear as many pairs of underwear as physically possible,” he said quickly. “Two pairs of your jeans if you can manage it, skinnies under something baggier. You could probably manage three or four shirts before you’ll start looking too bulky, you could probably get away with two jackets. You bring a backpack, bring extra stuff in that if you can, but you can wear all the basics and walk right out, and change at school. Stuff socks in your pockets.”

Alex lifted his head and breathed out. “That’s smart.”

Michael had doubled and tripled up his clothes in winter often enough to be intimately familiar with the trick, and just shrugged. “We can buy you a new toothbrush, everything else we’ll end up sharing anyway.”

Alex smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, what’s the point of bringing along four different shower gels? Sharing saves space.” He needed to have left several minutes ago, but Michael did one last check of the street and bent down to kiss the top of Alex’s head. “Don’t let him freak you out,” he said urgently. “We can do this. Let him rot in Roswell and chase his own tail while we go have fun with Liz and Max.”

“Okay.” Alex swallowed and nodded. “You’ll come back tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Bring as much as you can, I’ll collect it, and we’ll be all set.”

Alex grabbed his arm as he slid off the desk, and Michael blinked at him. “I love you too,” Alex said in a rush. “You know that, right?”

Michael’s smile started small, and grew helplessly until he had to tug Alex up from his chair and hug him tightly. Alex squeezed him right back, hands twisted in Michael’s hoodie. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Michael whispered, and he felt Alex nod against the side of his head.

“Okay.”

Michael was sweating under his graduation gown. He’d seen Jesse Manes in the crowd and shuffled out of view, behind the thankfully tall Michelle Graves. The guy probably already knew who he was, and pretty soon he was going to walk across a stage to the tune of his own name being broadcasted for the whole hall to hear, but he could still hide until then.

Despite all the shit that was going on, there was still a familiar little sting whenever he caught sight of the Evanses, and remembered all over again that there was no one out there for him. No parents, no friends, no other family. He was on his own.

Well. Not if he only counted the other people waiting in the wings with him, he supposed. He could see Max and Isobel ahead of him, and he knew Alex was behind him. He wasn’t alone really, if he didn’t count the audience.

Isobel hadn’t been as angry and upset as Michael had expected, after she’d heard that the reason Michael was going with Max was really because of Alex. Still mad, of course, but she understood why they were doing it, and she was prepared to run interference between Max and their parents if it came to it.

She’d idly brought up the idea of making Jesse Manes forget he had a fourth son at all, but both Max and Michael had shot her down quickly. There was way too much evidence, for one thing, and Max was always so scared of anyone finding out about what they were that he never wanted them to use their powers at all.

So they were following through with the plan as intended. Alex had brought some clothes to school yesterday for Michael to collect, and they were now safely stashed in Liz’s car, along with Michael’s similarly meagre-sized bag of belongings. At least he and Alex wouldn’t take up too much room, even with the guitar and the blankets from his truck that he figured he and Alex could use till they got sleeping bags. Liz and Max’s stuff took up the whole trunk, particularly the little icebox Liz’s dad had lent her. Even a little icebox was pretty bulky.

Apparently Liz and Max had done their goodbyes the night before. Liz’s dad and sister were on board, being in on the kidnapping Alex plan, but by the look on Max’s face while he’d been talking about it, Michael didn’t think his parents had been as happy about their son vanishing straight after the ceremony. If they hadn’t had Isobel to fawn over, they might have kicked up more of a fuss, but Isobel was more than happy to be the centre of attention. Michael didn’t much care as long as they got Alex out of town without any problems.

They weren’t supposed to be clapping and cheering for each other, but everyone was doing it anyway, and Michael had to restrain the urge to let off a few ear-piercing whistles for Max and Isobel when they went to collect their diplomas. He didn’t want to draw Jesse Manes’ attention to them, or highlight his relationship to them in any way.

Afterwards, after the speeches and the cap-tossing and all that bullshit (that still made Michael want to scream triumphantly in the face of every social worker and foster parent who’d assumed he’d never graduate), he hugged Isobel in the chaos, and he and Alex stripped off their gowns and handed them over to her.

“Thank you,” Alex said, before she shooed them away.

“Send me postcards and bring me souvenirs!” she demanded. “Go, go on!”

Alex was wide-eyed, looking around for his dad, and he didn’t need any further encouragement. He and Michael ducked backstage again, and Alex led the way out of the back sports closet, which had a spare key for its locked door taped underneath the fire alarm.

“How’d you know about that?” Michael asked, impressed.

“Music and theatre kids know all the secrets,” Alex told him, managing a smirk before he taped the key back in place and led the way out to the tiny parking lot next to the science buildings, where Liz had parked up. She and Max were already there, Max in the driver’s seat with the engine running, and Liz gestured out of the window for Michael and Alex to get in the back.

“Let’s go!” she laughed, banging a quick rhythm on the dashboard. “Let’s blow this town!”

“You two keep your heads down,” Max advised as he reversed out of the space and headed for the back exit. “Just in case.”

Michael slid down into the footwell and Alex lay down on the backseat, the two of them looking at each other, unsmiling. After a minute, Alex closed his eyes, face so pale Michael worried he was going to puke.

Liz kept up a running commentary of where they were. “Out of the school, no problem at all. Everyone’s hanging around congratulating each other, I don’t think anyone even saw us leave. Pulling onto Main Street now. Past the burritos, the bowling alley…there goes the Crashdown! Okay, up to the intersection…we’re on. And we’re staying on till we hit Texas! Only like, an hour and a half to go. I think you should probably sit up now, seatbelts and all.”

“Safety first,” Max said, amused, and Michael tipped his forehead to gently touch Alex’s.

“Hey. You okay?”

Alex opened his eyes and nodded, pushing himself up slowly. He was still pale and blank looking, and he blinked when Liz twisted around and handed him a plastic bag. “What’s this?”

“A present,” she smiled. “From me and Rosa and Maria.”

“You already gave me birthday presents,” Alex protested, and Liz rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, these are escape presents! Totally different thing. Come on, just open it!”

Alex smiled uncertainly and opened the plastic bag, laughing when he saw what was in it. Michael leaned over to look and saw a little pile of what looked like junk at first before he realised it was a motley collection of jewellery and a bottle of black nail polish. “This is one of Rosa’s,” Alex said, picking up a chunky silver ring and sounding a little choked.

“And now it’s yours, if you want it,” Liz said simply. “There’s a new septum ring in there somewhere too. Has the hole closed up?”

“I’m not sure.” Alex rubbed his nose. “I can push it through though.”

“Yeah.” Liz smiled. “There’s earrings too, and I think we found the same kind you already got.”

Alex gave her a wobbly smile. “Thanks, Liz.”

He was nearly silent after that, until Michael nudged him and pointed to the _You are leaving New Mexico!_ sign coming up.

Alex grabbed his hand and squeezed it as they flew past it, and when Liz turned around to grin at them, he smiled back, and then started to laugh.

“I can’t believe we did it,” he said hysterically. “We did it!”

“We did it!” Liz howled, unrolling her window and sticking her head out to scream into the wind. “Goodbye, New Mexico!”

Michael and Max were both laughing too, and Alex unrolled his window to stick his head out as well to yell, “Fuck you, New Mexico!” and Michael just cracked up.

“Yeah!” he shouted too, just because he could. “Fuck you, New Mexico!”

Alex fell back into the backseat with a breathless laugh and twisted to hug Michael tightly. In front of them, Michael saw Liz lean over to press a long kiss to Max’s cheek, both of them beaming. He closed his eyes and fell back against the seat, pulling Alex half on top of him and kissing his face. “We basically kidnapped you,” he grinned.

“You should go into business,” Alex grinned back. “Best kidnapping I’ve ever had.”

“Will you be our first Yelp review?” 

“Oh yeah. Friendly, efficient service, these guys snatched me from my graduation ceremony and had me outta the state so fast my dad’s probably still checking out bus stops.” Alex threw his head back and laughed, hair curling under his ears and down his neck. “Fuck. I’m never enlisting.”

Michael hugged him again, so happy he could have cried. From the front, Liz turned around to high-five Alex. “Yeah, screw that! Rosa totally would’ve disowned you if you’d enlisted, it’d split the whole group up.”

“It’s not like I wanted to, you know,” Alex said, flopping back into his own seat.

“Well, we found a loophole anyway,” Liz said smugly, and Max nodded.

“Yeah. Can’t make you sign any papers if you’re not physically there.”

“I owe you guys,” Alex said, a little quieter. “Seriously.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Liz rolled her eyes. “You’re basically my brother. You’re family. Now, you know what we need? Music.”

“How many playlists did Rosa make you again?” Max asked, smiling.

“Oh my God, so many.” Liz’s iPod was a battered old nano, and she plugged it into the aux cord and started to scroll. “Maria helped too, so we’re gonna have a real mix. Prepare for like, Linda Perhacs alongside Bikini Kill.”

“I know neither of those names,” Michael said cheerfully, and Alex grabbed his hand.

“Oh my God. This is the real reason we’re here. Max, do you recognise those names either?”

“Uh…no.”

Liz laughed, looking at the way Alex was shaking his head. “This is definitely why we’re here. You both suck, prepare to have your musical minds blown.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see any typos, lmk. And [find me on tumblr!](https://myrmidryad.tumblr.com/)


	2. West - South

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang drives westwards along the coast to New Orleans and then down into Florida.

That first night, they stopped outside Dallas at a camp site. Liz already had one two-man tent, and Max had brought the old one Michael remembered from their camping trips in the desert when they were kids. Michael and Alex were in the old tent, and Michael padded the floor with blankets and dragged more over the top of them. Max had brought extra pillows for them, since neither Michael or Alex had been able to contribute much in the way of bedding.

Liz had helped him put the new septum ring and earring in, blinking away watering eyes and grinning when he’d looked at his reflection in one of the wing mirrors.

“Feel like yourself again?” she asked, sliding an arm around his waist.

“Closer.” He looked down at her and smiled, then twisted to hug her. “Thanks, Liz. Seriously.”

Liz went up on her tiptoes to hug him back. “What’re friends for if not for kidnapping you in your hour of need?”

Michael, watching out of the corner of his eye, saw Alex duck his head to hide his face.

He’d only ever been camping with Max and Isobel before, and that had never been a regular thing. Especially with Isobel, who had never hidden how much she despised it. So Michael could put up a tent, but he didn’t really know how to make a fire, or how to cook on one at all. All his food outside of school hours had been the kind he could eat immediately out of a packet. Stuff like protein bars and dry cereal and jerky.

But Liz and Alex went to the campground’s on-site shop together and returned with two carrier bags of food that Michael immediately started trying to price in his head. How much did potatoes cost? How much did bananas? Nutella was a branded item; it couldn’t be that cheap. 

“You know how to cook over a fire?” Max asked, ignorant to Michael’s miniature breakdown as Liz and Alex unpacked everything. 

“Alex does,” Liz said. “He’s been camping like, a million times.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded, getting a roll of tin foil out. “Too many times. Do any of you know how to lay a fire?”

Michael shook his head, along with Max and Liz, and realised with a spike of alarm that they’d bought _wood_ as well. “Did we need that?” he asked nervously. “I mean, we can just go and find sticks, right?”

“You see any sticks around here?” Max asked, amused.

“On the way then,” Michael argued.

“Maybe for the rest of the trip?” Liz suggested. “But there isn’t anything around here, and it’d be nice to have a fire. It wasn’t much, don’t worry.”

“We should talk about how we’re gonna split things,” Alex said, going to their designated fire pit and starting to arrange smaller sticks from the bag of wood they’d bought. “We want it to be fair, right?”

“I’ve got a plan for that,” Liz assured him, and Michael drifted closer to Alex to watch what he was doing. “I thought we could put everything apart from maybe fifty dollars each into a central pot, and all the food and gas comes out of that. The fifty dollars we keep, we use however we like. I need to get presents for people, so that wouldn’t come out of the central pot, y’know?”

“We’ll need to buy postcards for Isobel,” Max said, looking at Michael. 

“I need a few things,” Alex said quietly. “I couldn’t get everything I needed out of the house without my dad noticing.”

Liz frowned. “Would fifty dollars be enough?”

“I don’t know. How’re you gonna keep track of this?” Alex asked, arranging small logs on top of the sticks. “And where’re the firelighters?”

“Here.” Liz threw him a small box, and Alex caught it with one hand. “Matches too.” Another box, and Alex caught it with his other hand. “I’m not sure. I don’t want to keep it all in cash, that seems kind of risky. You guys all have bank accounts, right?”

“Not anymore.” Alex pushed the firelighter into the middle of the pile of sticks and struck a match, leaning down to poke it in. “I withdrew everything before I got to work yesterday. I’ve got three hundred and thirty-five dollars to my name, and it’s all in my bag right now.”

They were all silent for a moment as the firelighter caught and little flames began licking merrily out of the pile of sticks and logs. It crackled as it grew, and it grew fast. Small, but hot and bright. 

“We should let it burn down a bit before cooking anything,” Alex said. “Embers are best for that sort of thing.”

“What’s for dinner?” Max grinned, and Liz gestured to the food on the ground. 

“Potatoes! And Alex says you can roast bananas in tin foil the same way and put Nutella on them and they’re amazing.”

It did sound pretty delicious, Michael had to admit. But he was already thinking of off-brand spreads they could’ve used instead, or maybe cheap chocolate that would’ve melted down just as well. “What about stuff like deodorant?” he asked, before jumping right into it. “Is that an individual or group expense?”

“Toiletries are individual,” Liz said. “Anything that isn’t going to be used by everyone is individual. But we could share things like toothpaste and shower gel, as long as we all agree on what kind it is. I mean, I already brought some, but I don’t mind sharing till we run out.”

“I don’t even have toothpaste.” Alex sighed and reached over to unwrap the pair of tongs they’d bought. “I’ve barely got anything.”

“You’ve got valuable camping experience,” Liz said. “How long do you think it would’ve taken us to light that fire without you?”

“Like, five minutes more, tops?” Alex raised his eyebrows at her. “It’s not hard.”

“Nothing’s hard if you already know how to do it.” She rolled her eyes. “No one else here knows how to cook potatoes on a fire.”

“Again, that’s not hard.”

“Shut up, and accept that you’re useful. Anyway.” Liz looked around and narrowed her eyes. “Michael, can you pass me my backpack?”

“Sure.” Michael snagged it with an outstretched hand and passed it over to her. She rummaged inside and pulled out a hardback notebook with a world map on the cover and a chunky pen.

“I had a budget plan already made up for just me and Max,” she explained, opening the notebook. “So I’ll just update it. So, do we all want to hold back fifty each? Or do we want more?”

“Fifty’s good,” Max said, and Michael nodded. After a second, so did Alex.

“Okay.” Liz wrote something down, crossing her legs and balancing the book on her knee. “So Alex’s total is $285, mine is $785, and Max’s is $850. Michael?”

“I’ve got two seventy in my account and thirty-four in my wallet.” And forty-five cents, but he didn’t think they were counting the small change.

“So $254 for the pot.” Liz wrote that down. “Giving us $2174 altogether. Wow, that’s awesome.”

“That’s not fair though,” Michael said immediately. “We can’t just say that’s all communal money – you and Max are putting in more than double what me and Alex are.”

“I’m with Michael,” Alex said, twisting to sit like Liz, cross-legged on the ground. “I don’t want you paying for me.”

“It’s not like that,” Max protested. “It’s like taxes, right? We’ve had more time to save, we’ve got more money.” He gestured to him and Liz, who was twirling her pen slowly between her fingers. “We’ve got more, why shouldn’t we contribute more?”

“Because it isn’t fair,” Michael said. “C’mon, Max, you know it’s not.”

“Life’s not fair,” Max frowned. “Why can’t we just do it like this?”

“Because this isn’t taxes,” Michael said, wishing they weren’t doing this in front of Alex and Liz. He knew Max meant well, but he could feel himself getting embarrassed. “It’s charity.”

“It is not!”

“Giving someone something for nothing is charity, Max, like it or not.”

“You’re my best friend!”

“I’m not,” Alex said calmly, and Michael and Max both looked at him. “I’m with Michael. Liz, can you give me $81 instead of $50 for personal stuff?”

“Sure.” She smiled, and Michael was quick enough with numbers to know exactly what Alex had just done too. “So you and Michael are both giving $254 to the pot.”

“Right.”

“And if we all do that, that gives us $1016 total.” She wrote quickly. “I’ll track all our spending communally till then, and after that it’ll be whatever me and Max have left.”

“And you can keep track of that so we can pay you back,” Alex said, and Liz nodded even as Max shook his head.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I like a clean slate. And you’re kind of outvoted.”

“Sorry, Max,” Liz said, when he looked at her. She gave him an apologetic look. “Anything I’ve got left I need to use for college. I don’t know how quickly I’ll get a job in Denver, and I don’t want to ask my dad or Rosa for help.”

Max nodded, looking sad. “Okay.”

Michael hated it when he looked like that. Even if he hadn’t done anything wrong, he still felt like he’d disappointed Max somehow. “So Alex has all his money in cash. How’re we gonna do this for the rest of us?”

“Are we all okay with me being treasurer?” Liz asked, and laughed when Alex did. “Shut up, it’s basically what I’d be!”

“Yeah, I trust your math,” he grinned, and Michael nodded.

“Only one I wouldn’t trust is Max, to be honest.”

“My math is fine,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, fine isn’t good enough when it comes to money, dude.”

“Okay!” Liz said loudly before they could start bickering again. “So if we’re doing that – Alex, if you keep back your $81 and give me the rest, and we’ll use that till we’re low and then we just withdraw what we need when we need it from our accounts. We can do it in order – you, me, Max, Michael.”

“Alphabetical?” Michael guessed, and snorted when she nodded.

“Keeps it simple. Are we all okay with that?”

More nods, and Alex clicked the tongs together. “Motion passed.”

Michael went to shower while Alex banked the fire down to the point where they could start cooking their dinner in it. $254 to the communal pot. He’d hoped to save up over the summer so he could start at UNM safely in the black, but there was no way that was happening now. By the time he started, he’d have nothing left at all. 

He’d be getting grants, he knew, but he’d never wanted to rely on them. Money that wasn’t in his hand or the bank didn’t exist, as far as he was concerned, and it had taken him a while to even trust the bank instead of keeping all his cash in his wallet and hidden in the seat cushion of his truck. A road trip was never going to be cheap, even if they were thrifty. 

He’d have to figure out how much the others were okay with cutting down on things like branded food, he guessed. Maybe if he volunteered to do the shopping every time, he could try and keep their spending down. But it wasn’t like he could do that for gas stops or campgrounds. Liz had several maps of the country with various national parks and forests and campgrounds marked, and she’d already researched and marked the ones she wanted to go to and how expensive they’d be, but maybe they could stop at a library at some point and do some more research. 

Several foil-wrapped potatoes were in the fire when Michael got back, damp and a little more relaxed. Alex, Max, and Liz were sat around the fire, and Alex looked up and smiled at Michael as he came over and sat down between him and Liz. “How’re the showers?”

“Decent,” Michael nodded. “But honestly, as long as the water’s hot, I don’t care.” Alex didn’t have a towel, he realised suddenly as Liz and Max got up to shower too. “We could go into Fort Worth tomorrow and get you some of the stuff you need,” he said quietly, and Alex nodded.

“Yeah. I probably need that extra thirty dollars. It’ll add up.”

“You got a list?”

“Yeah. Towel, deodorant, razor, more underwear and socks, sunglasses…maybe some more clothes. Maybe a hat for when it gets cold at night, I don’t know.”

“Are you cold?” Michael asked, surprised.

Alex smiled at him. “No, but I might be if we weren’t sitting about a foot from the fire. And we’re going up into like, mountain ranges, and it’ll get cold there for sure.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Michael raised his eyebrows. “Sure.”

Alex looked at the fire instead of him and pulled his knees up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “How long were you sleeping in your truck?”

Michael twisted to face Alex instead of the fire, stretching his legs out behind Alex’s back and leaning back on his hands so his chest was still being warmed by the fire. “Since January.”

“Was it cold?”

“Yeah. I slept in the cab till it got warmer though. Burned through a fair bit of gas keeping the heating going for long enough to get to sleep, then I’d wake up maybe once or twice a night and get it going again. It was okay.” Michael shrugged. “It was better than Kepler’s place.”

“You said he was a drunk.” Alex gave him a sideways look, firelight turning his skin orange and red.

“Yeah.”

“Did he ever hurt you?”

Michael hesitated. It would be easy to lie and say no, but Alex was looking at him so seriously, and Michael didn’t want to lie. “Sometimes,” he said, keeping his voice low. He watched Alex’s expression, wanting to see his reaction. “He thought I was disrespectful, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like me.” He wanted to talk, suddenly. No one had ever asked before, and he’d never wanted to tell Max, who would’ve been so guilty, or Isobel, who would’ve been so angry on his behalf. “He didn’t have locks on any of the doors, and he said trash shouldn’t talk back. He’d get drunk and say I needed to be a taught a lesson, either with the back of his hand or his belt.”

Alex swallowed. “So you left?”

“Yeah.” Michael hesitated. “Does your dad drink?”

Alex looked at the fire again. “No. We should buy sleeping bags that zip together,” he said before Michael could ask a follow-up, and that very effectively derailed him.

“You’re a genius,” he declared. “We should definitely do that. Tomorrow?”

“No, right now,” Alex said sarcastically, but he was smiling, eyes creased at the corners, and Michael’s heart seemed to swell in his chest.

The potatoes were perfect when Liz and Max got back, and they opened the tin foil and carefully added cheese and ham and chilli sauce. Liz and Max used her double set of camping cutlery, and Michael shared the cutlery he’d stolen from the school cafeteria forever ago with Alex. When it came time to eat the roasted Nutella bananas, they passed the spoon back and forth between them, shoulders pressed together. Overpriced chocolate spread or not, it really was delicious. 

It was kind of amazing to crawl after Alex into a tent they were going to share. They’d never gotten the chance to sleep together on Maria’s floor at Alex’s birthday party, and Michael hadn’t really thought much about what it would be like to have an entire tent to themselves. They didn’t have a torch or anything, so they were using the light from their phones once they were inside, finally able to touch without being paranoid about anyone seeing and making a big deal about it.

Michael put his phone down and touched Alex’s shoulder, his other hand brushing lightly at Alex’s hair until he found the curve of his jaw to set his palm against, kneeling up and leaning in for a kiss. Alex shuffled closer at once and wrapped both arms around Michael’s waist, sighing into it like he’d been waiting for this moment all night.

Maybe he had. Michael certainly had. 

Alex’s thighs were solid against his own, their stomachs pressed together. Michael arched his back as Alex slid one arm under his shirt and pressed his cold palm to Michael’s spine. The wet sounds of their lips against each other was quieter than their breathing, but Alex still broke away and tucked his forehead against Michael’s temple. “Gotta be quiet,” he breathed.

“Yeah.” Alex’s hair smelled of woodsmoke, and Michael closed his eyes and slid his arms around Alex’s shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. “We got you out.”

“Yeah.” Alex’s grip on Michael tightened. “Rosa gave me a new SIM card, so I’ve got a different number my dad doesn’t know.”

“Good.” He’d need to update Alex’s number in his own phone, but he could do that tomorrow.

“I’ll call him tomorrow and leave a message on the house phone. And then…I guess that’s it.”

“You never have to see him again,” Michael agreed quietly, and Alex squeezed him even tighter.

“Can we just sleep tonight?” he whispered. 

“Sure, yeah. It’ll be like at your birthday party. Or, y’know. How it should’ve gone.”

Alex nodded, and didn’t loosen his grip for several seconds. His phone screen had gone dark, and Michael could only just see his outline as he slumped back onto his heels. “I need pyjama pants,” he said softly.

“Sweatpants are warmer,” Michael said, turning to dig around in his bag. “You can borrow mine tonight if you want; it’s not cold enough to bother me here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Michael’s heart lifted, and he pulled the familiar, soft sweats from his bag and twisted to pass them to Alex. “Any time.”

He slept in his boxers and t-shirt, and Alex slept in the borrowed sweatpants and a long-sleeved top. “Roll over,” he whispered to Michael once they were curled under the blankets, the earth below them so close Michael could feel every rock. He rolled, careful not to take the blankets with him, and that now-familiar ache settled under his ribs as Alex curled himself against his back, fitting his body to Michael’s. An arm looped over his waist and against his chest, holding him close, and Michael closed his eyes and swallowed, kind of glad that they hadn’t been able to do this at Maria’s. If he was this gone over something as simple as Alex spooning him at least he could be sure no one was looking at him right now.

“Goodnight,” Alex whispered against the back of his neck, and Michael pulled his arms against his chest, holding Alex’s in place.

“Night.”

Michael woke a few times in the night, not used to sleeping with somebody else. Alex was asleep every time, usually with at least one limb thrown over Michael, like he was keeping tabs on him even in sleep. It made Michael grin every time, turning over and pressing himself close to Alex to breathe him in. It was cold outside their cocoon of blankets, but cosy underneath. Michael couldn’t believe how much warmer he was with another body to share the space with. 

It was a revelation every time he woke up and was allowed to touch Alex’s chest or back or arm, whichever was closer. It made it hard to take a full breath in, knowing that Alex had run away with him. With _him._ And they were out of Roswell, out of New Mexico, safe from Alex’s dad, safe with Max and Liz.

Michael woke up in dim dawnish light and grumbled under his breath at finding himself half out of the blankets, having rolled away at some point. He shifted back underneath and curled against Alex to warm himself up, rubbing his nose against Alex’s shoulder. Alex made a soft sound, his head turning towards Michael’s on the pillow. Michael could see some blood crusting around the hole he and Liz had pushed his septum ring through. 

It was still too early to wake up. He had a decent internal clock, sharpened by sleeping in his truck for so long. There were way too many birds chattering and the light was still too pale for it to be later than six or so. Michael hid his face against Alex’s shoulder and fell asleep again easily.

“Michael? Alex? You guys want breakfast?”

Michael woke again, bleary and blinking. “Whuh?”

Outside, Max laughed. “Breakfast, you guys want in?”

“Yes please,” Alex croaked, and a Max-shaped shadow outside their tent shrank as he walked away. “Ugh. What time is it?”

“Eight-ish?” The tent was unpleasantly hot, and Michael sat up slowly, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

“Did you bring your water bottle in here?” Alex asked, making a face.

“Don’t think so.”

“Blech.” Alex rolled over and slung an arm over Michael’s lap, crushing his face into the side of Michael’s upper thigh, not even covered right now because of the way his boxers had rolled up. He was immediately relieved that he’d decided to steal a couple of multi-packs of new underwear a few months ago. 

He could feel Alex breathing against his skin, and he reached down and stroked a hand from the crown of his head to his shoulders. “I bet there’s water outside.”

Alex grumbled, and Michael grinned helplessly. Maybe Alex wasn’t ever a morning person, or maybe it was sleeping on the hard ground that had him in a bad mood. Michael didn’t want to do or say anything wrong, so he just stayed where he was, since that was apparently where Alex wanted him, even though he was getting pretty keen to go to the bathroom.

“Guys?” Liz called. “You want food or not?”

Alex made a poisonous noise into Michael’s thigh and rolled away. “We’re coming,” he said, and scowled as he sat up and dragged his hands through his hair. “Ugh. I need a shower.”

“Wanna borrow my towel?” Michael offered.

“Yeah.” Alex’s expression softened. “Thank you.”

Michael had laid it over their blankets for another extra layer last night, but it had gotten kicked to the bottom of the tent somehow during the night. It was still dry though, and Alex took it gratefully and gathered his clothes before visibly bracing himself and unzipping the tent flap.

Michael loved him so much.

He followed Alex out, the cooler air outside very welcome on his bare arms and legs, and went to sit with Max and Liz around the remains of their fire. Alex barely grunted at them as he walked past on his way to the showers.

“He’s not a fan of mornings,” Liz told Max, who looked almost comically taken aback by it. “We should’ve gotten some coffee last night.”

“And made it in what?” Michael asked, getting comfortable. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Nutella sandwiches?” Liz said hopefully, and relaxed when Michael held his hand out for one at once. 

“I’ll eat anything,” he said. 

“There’s fruit too, and we got some snack bars and stuff. I was thinking – we don’t want to eat out if we can help it, it’ll just be too expensive, so it might be cheaper to get a camping stove or something.”

“We could cook for breakfast too,” Max agreed. “And have coffee for Alex.”

“For that alone it would be worth it,” Liz joked. 

Alex got back from his shower unsmiling, but at least verbal. He ate a sandwich and an apple and nodded when Liz said they should pack up and hit the road.

“We should go through Fort Worth,” Michael put in, before they could all start getting busy. “We need to buy some stuff before we go too far. Like sleeping bags.”

“Sure.” Liz stood up and brushed off her jeans. “Good plan. Maybe we can get a camping stove there cheaper too.”

A sick little shiver went through Michael’s stomach, but he nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”

He and Alex took turns brushing teeth and packing up the tent, and they got everything crammed back in the car in under half an hour, Alex sitting in the driver’s seat this time with Michael stretching his legs out in shotgun. 

Fort Worth had no shortage of places to shop, and Michael blanched at the prices in the shopping centre they pulled in at, deciding they could do worse than stopping somewhere with free parking. Luckily, he didn’t need to buy anything apart from a sleeping bag. Unluckily, Alex refused point-blank to even consider anything cheaper than twenty-five dollars.

“There’s no point getting a sleeping bag that won’t even keep you warm,” he said, and technically it was a perfectly reasonable point, but it didn’t stop the numbers flashing like sirens in Michael’s head, setting his stomach churning. Everything was so _expensive._ And Michael was already nervous about the fifty dollars and forty-five cents he had left now he’d committed everything else to the communal pot.

He vetoed the sleeping bags in the first three stores they went to, and in the fourth Alex frowned at him. “This is the only place left in the mall, Guerin. You can’t reject these too.”

Michael shook his head. “The ones in that Mountain shop were cheaper. Same type. We.” He hesitated, and Alex frowned harder.

“What?”

“It’s just.” He hated shopping, he hated it normally and he hated it even more with other people. It was worse than tagging around with Isobel – at least she never expected him to buy anything. “It’s only four stores.”

“Right?”

“City this big, there’s gotta be more.”

Alex gave him an unimpressed look that made Michael’s insides shrivel. “Okay, but we can’t spend the day going from shop to shop, checking the price of every single sleeping bag in Fort Worth. Let’s just get something decent and go.”

The ones Alex wanted to get were thirty dollars, which he said was cheap, for a good sleeping bag. Michael didn’t care about good – he’d found his old sleeping bag in an empty cave in the turquoise mines. It had been old and torn in a couple of places, but it had done the job, and it had been free.

Max and Liz were two aisles over, comparing models of camping stoves. They weren’t freaking out about this the way Michael was, of course. Alex followed the direction of Michael’s gaze and lowered his voice. “We were never going to be able to afford to pitch in equally for this trip.”

Michael looked at the sleeping bag display, the prices ranging from ten to over a hundred dollars. “I know.”

“We need sleeping bags.”

“I know!” Michael turned away, frustrated. “I know, I’m just trying to get a good deal, okay? Fifty dollars for ten weeks is nothing.”

“You wanna ask if we can take it from the main pot?”

“No.” Even the idea stung. 

Alex sighed. “How much did your old sleeping bag cost?”

“Nothing.” Michael wished immediately he’d lied, and then was glad he hadn’t. He didn’t want to lie to Alex, not ever. Even about humiliating stuff like this. “I didn’t buy it,” he admitted. “I found it.”

“Was it any good?”

“It was fine. I kept my clothes in it, the layers filled the gaps and kept the heat in. Look, I know, okay? I know I just need to suck it up and buy one, but…” Michael swallowed. “Could we maybe check a Target or something first?” he asked, quieter than he’d meant to. “Or a Walmart or something?” Better yet, a Goodwill. A city this size had to have a couple of big ones. But he doubted Alex would be happy buying a used sleeping bag, even if it did save money.

Alex studied him for a long moment, two lines between his eyebrows. Michael looked down, hoping the heat he felt in the back of his neck wasn’t flooding into his face too. “It’s fine,” he muttered, “don’t worry about –”

“No, it’s a good idea.” 

Michael snapped his head up, frowning. Why the hell Alex would change his mind like that, he had no idea. “What?”

“I forgot Target does stuff like this too. Too used to Roswell.” Alex swayed toward him like he wanted to touch, then pulled back and swallowed. “Come on, let’s get Liz and Max. See if they’ve picked a stove they like.”

They had, and they bought five canisters of gas too. Alex stopped them getting one of the overpriced cooking kits and mentioned Target and Walmart as options on their way out of the store. Michael felt edgy and tense all the way there, and unwound with a physical loosening he felt in his shoulders and stomach when they found a big camping section near the back of the store, with sleeping bags and cooking gear galore. 

He left the others comparing pots and plates and snuck out of the store, illegally crossing six lanes of traffic to run to the Walmart on the other side of the road. He was about sixty percent sure that his telekinesis would soften the blow enough if he got hit by a car that he’d walk away with no serious injuries. What was a potential car crash when there were potentially cheaper sleeping bags on the line?

It was with a possibly disproportionate sense of triumph that he ran back into Target, a little out of breath, and told Alex that Walmart had a sale on. Max looked slightly freaked out by his bargain hunting, but Alex just grinned. “Same brands?”

“Yeah man, same brands. And they had a couple of the ones those actual camping stores had, not just knock-offs.” He grinned. “You can get your fancy thirty-dollar bag for fifteen.”

Alex laughed. “You should go into sales. Was there cooking stuff?”

“No, weirdly.” Michael shrugged. “I guess we should pick that stuff here. Also, why the hell is a five pack of plastic plates so expensive when you can get normal ones for ten cents back there?”

Liz perked up. “You can?”

“Yeah,” Michael said, bemused. “Like, in the homeware section. Ten cents a plate, but the bowls are a dollar. Don’t ask me what that’s about.”

“Do you think we’ll need bowls for anything?” Max squinted at the display of plastic crockery. “I think we could probably just use plates. And it doesn’t matter if they’re heavier; it’s not like we’ll be carrying them around.”

“Think of the suspension on my poor car,” Liz sighed, but Michael could tell (after a stupid flare of panic) she wasn’t serious. “I think we should get a chopping board. Thoughts?”

Michael nodded reluctantly. A plastic chopping board couldn’t be that much, he hoped, and at least Arturo had already sent Liz off with a decent cooking knife as well as her camping cutlery, so they didn’t need to buy one of those.

“Sounds good,” Alex agreed. “Let’s go?”

Michael let himself stretch to buying a sleeping bag that matched Alex’s for $15. Even if it was more than he’d wanted to spend, it helped that the price had originally been higher. Dumb, maybe, but it soothed his weird issues around it, and that was the important thing at this point. Alex took them out of the sacks right there in the store too to check they could zip together, while Max and Liz grinned in the background and Michael kept an eye out for any employees who didn’t want them messing around with the merchandise before buying it.

Before they left Fort Worth, they stopped in a parking lot and waited in the car while Alex got out and went over to a heavily graffitied payphone, walking like he was on his way to his own execution. He kept his back to them as he slid coins into the machine and picked up the phone, shoulders hunched and free hand curled around the back of his own neck.

“Does he ever talk about his family to you guys?” Max asked Liz quietly in the backseat. Michael glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw her shake her head, eyebrows pinched.

“Never. But we knew it wasn’t happy, even before his party. His dad’s really controlling. Like, he had to make plans with us way in advance – I know it took him ages to get permission to stay the night at Maria’s. He never said it, but he couldn’t give us a sure answer for weeks.”

He’d never mentioned that to Michael. But then, Michael had never asked. Even if he had though, he was pretty sure Alex wouldn’t have answered.

“He just always said his dad was strict,” Liz said quietly. “He made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, like it was just a military thing. I’m really glad we got him out.”

“Ten weeks of beautiful scenery and good company can’t hurt when it comes to making him feel better, if he’s down,” Max said. “One call to his dad, and he’s done. Isobel says our parents still have no idea he’s with us, and no one saw us leave together.”

Alex hung up the phone and stayed there for a few seconds, unmoving, before pressing the button for his change and walking back over with a blank expression. “Done,” he said as he climbed into the driver’s seat. “Am I taking a right or left out of here?”

“Left,” Max said, and Alex turned the engine over. 

“Awesome. What’s the plan?”

“It’ll take too long to get to New Orleans today,” Liz said. “So I think we should stop at Kisatchie National Forest. Campgrounds guaranteed.”

“Cool.” Alex sat back in the seat and relaxed a little. “Sounds good.”

Michael watched him out of the corner of his eye, noting the way Alex chewed on his lip until they were on the highway, and then he glanced at Michael and said, “Hey, can you find Panic! At The Disco and put _A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out_ on?”

“I knew this would happen!” Liz crowed from behind them as Michael picked up her iPod from the cupholder between their seats and started scrolling. “Have you already made Michael listen to them?”

“No,” Michael said, smiling a little. “I know you like them though.”

“Driver picks the music,” Alex sing-songed.

“Shotgun shuts his cakehole,” Liz muttered, like she was finishing a line they all should’ve known. Michael looked around at Max, who shrugged. So at least he wasn’t the only one clueless. “Oh, Michael, can you plug my phone in?”

“Sure, hang on.” Michael selected the first song on the album, checked it wasn’t on shuffle, and took Liz’s phone as quiet noises that were definitely not music started filtering out of the speakers. “Is it broken?” he asked, finding the right charging cable in the door well and plugging in Liz’s phone. The cigarette lighter USB socket had apparently been Rosa’s parting gift for Liz, and Michael was glad of it. He hadn’t even given a thought to how they’d all charge their phones – he’d always plugged his in at school, or the library.

“No, it’s the introduction,” Alex said. He was smiling, crooked and sweet, and Michael felt his own lips twitch in response. “Here it goes.” He turned the volume up as a cymbal hissed, and when the singer sang, so did Alex. Quieter, but perfectly in time and perfectly in tune. Michael knew he was staring, knew he probably looked like a complete idiot, but he’d never heard Alex sing before, and he was kind of in shock.

He’d known Alex could play guitar and was a favourite of the Music teachers at school, but shit, no wonder. His voice was beautiful. But what really caught Michael’s attention was how well he knew the lyrics – no hesitation, not a single stumble over the lightning-fast words. “Desperate for attention, I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives,” Alex sang, sliding effortlessly down the tune, not a note out of place.

He knew when to breathe. Michael’s own chest felt tight, his palms damp where his hands were resting limply on his thighs. Alex knew all the words. He knew the whole song inside out. 

He knew the next song too, and the next, though he sang quieter or even just mouthed along. But he knew the whole album, Michael realised by song six, watching Alex sing, “Have some composure, where is your posture?”

He knew the whole album, which meant it was definitely important to him. Michael was getting a familiar itch at the back of his mind; the urge to research, to dig into a subject to discover everything he could for the potential of extra credit or an advantage or the possibility of bringing it up in the future to prove he’d been listening. He wanted Alex to know he listened.

Liz sang along to the chorus of the next song, about getting teenaged hearts beating faster, and Michael perked up at the end of it, the piano catching him the way snippets of music sometimes did. He checked the song name and laughed. “Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off? Liz, care to verify?”

“Nope. A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” She smirked at him, and he and Alex both laughed.

The sun was high, the gas tank was half-full, and they were putting more distance between them and Roswell by the minute. Michael smiled at Alex, who was smiling at the road as he sang along under his breath to the music, and hoped the mood stayed good.

Kisatchie National Forest had crowded campgrounds, but it was still exciting to climb into his and Alex’s tents and zip their sleeping bags together in preparation for that night. With all the blankets underneath them now, they had a bit more padding, which was nice. Michael hadn’t noticed that Max and Liz had rollmat-type things, like more robust yoga mats. Blankets would do fine though, for him and Alex.

He and Liz took the car and drove back through one of the tiny towns they’d driven through on the way, where Michael had clocked a Dollar General. Liz, he realised at once with a huge rush of relief, was on a mission to save every cent she possibly could. “I saved for literally years to do this,” she told Michael as they compared prices on burgers and sausages and tried to guess how long they could make a 20-pack of patties last in the tiny icebox before they started going bad. “And I had to buy the car off Rosa too. If we can get a cheaper option of literally anything, as long as it’s not dangerous or disgusting, I’m all for it.”

“Define disgusting,” Michael said cautiously.

“No squeezy cheese,” Liz said, putting the 20-pack of patties in their basket. “That’s like, my hard line.”

“Must be tough, living with the guy who invented the Crashdown’s menu,” Michael said sympathetically. “That’s some good food right there.”

“Imagine the food that’s too nice to share with customers.” Liz grinned at him, and Michael pressed a hand to his heart, pretending to be shocked.

“You’re telling me there’s Crashdown stuff I’ve never eaten? What the hell?”

“You’re telling me you’ve had everything on the menu?”

“Yeah, definitely. Like, I have my favourites, but I’ll try anything once.”

“You are so like Rosa,” Liz snorted, shaking her head and going to the instant coffee. “Any opinion on this?”

Michael shrugged. “If it’s hot, I’ll drink it?”

“Gross.” Liz put a jar in the basket. “You think we can get away with milk?”

“If we drink it real fast.” Michael made a face. “I don’t know. Hey, you reckon we can buy those little creamer things you get in motels anywhere?”

“Hm. Probably not. Good idea though.”

“I had a foster mom once who worked at a motel,” Michael found himself saying. “She never had to buy toilet roll or creamer. All her sheets were stolen too.” He watched Liz for any sign of disapproval, but she just smiled slightly.

“Stick it to the man, I guess.”

“Yeah, they paid her shit anyway.” And she’d spent all her money on weed, which probably hadn’t helped. She’d still been Michael’s favourite foster parent, hands down. He’d only been with her a couple of months before her vices were discovered and he was moved again. She’d been a total dream after the Weekes and the Roswell group home. “Is black coffee a deal breaker for you?”

“I definitely don’t like it.” She pursed her lips. “Sugar would help though. Sugar instead of milk?”

Michael shrugged. “I told you, I’m not picky.”

“We’ll try it,” she decided, and headed for the next aisle over, where Michael found a discount packet of burger buns. “Oooh, nice.”

Alex and Max were playing guitar and reading respectively when they got back to the campground. They were both oblivious to his and Liz’s approach, and Michael watched, fascinated, as Alex frowned down at his hands as he picked out a tune, closed his eyes and tipped his head back as he played it through a couple of times, then leaned down to write something in the cheap spiral-bound notebook he’d bought yesterday along with the other things he’d needed, like a towel and extra underwear.

“We’re back,” Liz sang. “Can one of you grab the icebox?”

Max scrambled to his feet at once to go and get it, and Alex swung the guitar out of his lap. “Did you get any more snacks?”

“So many snacks,” Liz said triumphantly. “We’ve got the biggest bag of trail mix you’ve ever seen in your life, and there was a two for one offer on protein bars.”

“Oh, cool.” Alex pulled on an obviously fake smile, then narrowed his eyes when Liz laughed. “You’re the worst. What did you really get?”

“We did get those things,” Michael smiled, rummaging in one of the bags he was carrying. “But we got chocolate too.”

“Thank you.” Alex sighed and made grabby hands. “You know I can’t survive without sugar.”

Michael grinned and threw him the box of knock-off Kit-Kats, and behind him Max came over with the little icebox. “It’s not very cool.”

“We got some ice, don’t worry.” Liz smiled up at him. 

Max had some sort of unlimited calls thing on his phone plan, while Michael planned to make the three dollars he currently had on his last the whole ten weeks. All calls to Isobel, they decided, would therefore be done by Max, and whenever she wanted to call them, she would call Michael. She and Max could text each other non-stop anyway, so it wasn’t like she was missing out on much.

She obviously felt differently, alternating between sullen and reluctantly interested when they called her that evening. “Mom and Dad bought a map,” she said. “So we can like, track your progress. They wanna talk to you after this too, by the way.”

“Okay,” Max said easily, and Michael shrugged at him, indicating with a flick of his eyebrows and a glance to the left that he’d go away when that happened. Max nodded. “You wanna know where we are then?”

“Other than like, the back end of Louisiana?” Isobel sighed dramatically. “Yeah, I guess. You said it was a national forest?” 

“Yeah, Kisatchie,” Michael said.

“It’s like, midway between Dallas and New Orleans?” Max said, squinting like he was picturing the map in his head.

“Closer to New Orleans,” Isobel said. “But yeah, I found it. The pin is in. And where were you last night?”

“Just outside of Fort Worth.”

“What direction?”

“West.”

“Cool, got it. The pins I got Mom to buy are super cute, by the way,” Isobel added. “They’re like little flags. Dad thinks we should link them up with string, but it’s not like you guys are driving in a straight line, so it wouldn’t be that accurate. It might look cool though – I’ll wait for you to get a few more pins in it and then try it out to see.”

“Shiny silver string?” Michael suggested, and grinned when she made a sound of interest.

“I like that idea. I know you can definitely get sparkly string, so that would be cool. As long as it shows up well enough against the map, that’s the only thing I’d be worried about with a colour as pale as silver.”

“Gold would be worse,” Michael said thoughtfully, and snorted when Max rolled his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, are we boring you?”

“No, no, go on, I love hearing about the different colours of string you can get,” Max grinned. “I’m fascinated, really.”

Michael shoved him gently. “You’re such an ass.”

“Flick his ear for me, Michael,” Isobel ordered, and laughed when Michael pretended to and Max gave a decently convincing, “Ow!”

“That’s what you get,” Michael grinned. “How’d the rest of graduation go?”

“Boring, really. I went to Kate Long’s party, which unsurprisingly sucked. Everyone’s either talking about what colleges they’re going to or the jobs they’re getting.”

“What’re you gonna do?” Max asked, and winced when Isobel made an irritated sound.

“I don’t know, how am I supposed to know? Not all of us can swan off on a road trip.”

“You didn’t want to come anyway,” Max sighed. “You hate camping.”

“Because camping is a nightmare,” Isobel said. “I’m still mad at you for ditching me.”

“You could’ve come with us.”

Michael raised his eyebrows, and Isobel snorted. “Yeah, I’m jumping at the chance to be a _fifth wheel,_ are you kidding? No thanks. Anyway, Mom’s taking me out to get manicures tomorrow, so it’s not all bad. I think she feels bad that you left me behind.”

“Well if you wanna push that angle, go for it, I guess,” Max said dryly.

“Oh believe me, I will. If I’m not getting a vacation this summer, the least I can do is get some pampering out of it. Actually, I saw a brochure for a spa this morning in the mail, so maybe Mom could take me to that.”

“Press the advantage,” Michael grinned. 

“You know me – I press any advantage I can get. Mom and Dad wanna talk to you, Max, so say hi to Liz and Alex for me, I guess.”

“Sure thing,” Michael said. “Bye, Iz.”

He went and sat next to Alex, who’d built another fire in about five seconds flat by the look of it, and wondered whether it would be risky to lean into his side. The campground was busy, with lots of children around, lots of parents climbing in and out of RVs and trailers, the smell of cooking meat and toasting bread everywhere. The accent in Louisiana was different to what Michael was used to, and he closed his eyes for a second to try and catch more of it.

He hadn’t paid any attention to the sounds of people’s voices yesterday, and now he kind of wished he had. Alex’s elbow bumped his side, and Michael opened his eyes on a smile. “What?”

“Are you falling asleep?” Alex smiled back. He wasn’t wearing eyeliner, but with his septum ring in he still looked like his normal self. Michael wanted to kiss him, and looked down to try and avoid being so obvious.

“Nah. Just thinking. I’d never even left New Mexico before this, y’know? We’re only two states over, and it feels like a whole other country already, just from hearing the way people talk around here.”

“Didn’t take you for a snob, Guerin.”

Michael looked up to see Alex raising a single eyebrow, and laughed. “I’m not! It’s not bad or anything – it’s cool, it’s different. I guess I’m just surprised by _how_ different, y’know? We’re still in the south, it shouldn’t be that different already.”

“Yeah, wait till we start heading north.” Alex grinned. “Did you guys really buy twenty eggs?”

“Eggs don’t need to be kept cold,” Michael shrugged. He liked eggs. “Liz said we could have them for breakfast.”

“She’s the boss.”

“If we were a band, she’d be the lead and we’d be her backers,” Michael agreed. “Do you play anything apart from guitar?”

“A little bit of keyboard? I’ve played at school.” Alex shrugged. “I like instruments you can sing with at the same time.”

“You’ve got a really good voice.”

Alex smiled, lips a little pinched like he was trying not to. “It’s okay.”

“More than okay,” Michael said. “Trust me.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were a talent scout.”

“Little known fact,” Michael grinned. “They plant people like me in schools and we hunt out the most promising future acts.”

“And you picked me, huh?”

“What can I say?” Michael shrugged. “You could be a star, kid.”

Alex laughed and elbowed him again. “You’re so full of shit.”

“You still like me though.” Michael grinned at him, leaning back to give Alex a lingering once-over. Black sneakers, black jeans, rings and bracelets, a black t-shirt with a faded picture of a red rose on it. Sharp elbows, pale brown skin, beautiful hands. Michael barely noticed he’d just started outright staring until Alex laughed.

“I got something on my face?”

“No.” Michael swayed into him, bumping their shoulders together. “Shut up, you’re hot, I’m just appreciating it.”

“You’re _so_ full of shit.” Alex was blushing though; Michael could see it.

Climbing into their tent that night, after their fire had burned down to almost nothing and everyone else had holed up in their RVs, Michael sprawled on _their_ sleeping bag and grinned at Alex, just visible in the blue-white light of his phone. “Hey.”

“If I hear a single mosquito in this tent, I’m going to go completely insane,” Alex whispered, zipping up the front and lying down next to Michael with a quiet groan. “It’s so warm.” He turned his head on his side though, the phone light dying and hiding whatever look he was giving Michael. After a long moment of silence, during which Michael could feel himself start to twitch, Alex reached out and cupped his cheek.

With something close to a sigh of relief, Michael moved, letting Alex draw him in for a long kiss, pulling him on top. Michael planted his elbows either side of Alex’s body, careful not to rest his full weight on him, and a shivery, helpless sound ghosted out of him when Alex spread his legs so Michael fit perfectly between them.

“Shhh,” Alex breathed, and they both stifled laughter, huffed half-giggles filling the space between them as they pressed their foreheads together and tried not to make any noise. Alex’s hands were heavy and warm, firm as they slid up Michael’s arms to his shoulders, down his back, one skidding back up to sweep into his hair so Alex could cup the back of his skull and bring him down for another kiss.

Michael could have stayed there forever, held tight between Alex’s thighs, his tongue in Alex’s mouth. Forever up to a point anyway, because he was definitely getting hard, and so was Alex. He lifted his hips a little, jeans far too tight, and got one hand around the back of Alex’s neck, urging him to tilt his head so Michael could kiss his neck. 

Alex breathed out unsteadily, and fire trickled down Michael’s spine. He grazed his teeth against the soft skin behind Alex’s ear, very gently, and his hips twitched when Alex gave the quietest moan he’d ever heard. “No marks,” Alex whispered, and Michael nodded, kissing him there again. “Wait.” Alex laughed breathlessly. “Fuck it, do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Alex slid his hand down Michael’s back to his ass and squeezed. Michael pressed his face into Alex’s shoulder and gasped, grinding down instinctively. “Do it,” Alex whispered. “I want you to.”

“You got it.” Michael turned his head to rub the tip of his nose along Alex’s jaw, opening his mouth against the hot skin of his neck. He was sweating, and he wondered if Alex could feel how fast his heart was beating where their chests were pressed flat together. Alex squeezed his ass again and Michael kissed his neck, closing his eyes and doing it again, lower down, then again.

“ _Guerin!_ ” Impatient, Alex thrust up against him and Michael melted into it, setting his mouth to the soft skin behind the hinge of Alex’s jaw and sucking, letting Alex feel his teeth, moaning softly when Alex gasped. Michael released him and kissed down his neck to the hollow of his throat, Alex’s chin tipped right back to give him space.

“You can do it to me too,” Michael breathed against his Adam’s apple. “And other stuff. Anything you want.”

“What if I want something you don’t?” Alex asked, his whisper barely audible, and Michael struggled to get a grip on speech past the urge to keep grinding down against the hard line of Alex’s dick.

“You won’t.”

“What if I had all sorts of freaky kinks, Guerin?” Alex huffed, squeezing his ass again.

Michael laughed. He didn’t think he’d ever laughed while making out with someone before, not like this. “Like what?”

“Aliens?” Alex said after a moment, and Michael started laughing so hard while trying not to make any noise that he couldn’t catch his breath. Alex actually let go of him and sat up a bit, laughing with him. “Are you okay?”

“Fine!” Michael gasped, trying to muffle his giggles into his hand. He rolled onto his back and snickered. “Oh my God, I’m sorry, it’s so stupid.”

Alex snorted and lay on top of him, and Michael copied what he’d done before, spreading his legs for Alex to fit between them. It was awesome, having Alex’s weight on top of him, and Alex tilted sideways so he had one arm free to curl a hand around the side of Michael’s neck. Kissing silenced Michael more effectively than anything anyone had ever tried on him before, and he let Alex push him down onto the sleeping bag and relaxed under him, soft like butter in the sun.

It was a novelty to undress each other all the way, even in the dark. The most they’d ever managed before was shirts off and hands down pants, but with a tent to themselves they could go further than that. Michael slid his hands under Alex’s shirt first, and Alex pushed himself up so he could pull it off and toss it to the side. And holy shit, Michael loved Alex’s skin under his hands. His broad back, the jut of his shoulder blades and knobs of his spine, the soft bulge of his pecs, everything, all of it.

Alex dragged his shirt off as well, and Michael kissed him deeply, holding Alex against him to feel the way their stomachs were warm against each other, chests heaving as they tried to breathe quietly. One hand in Alex’s hair, soft and thick, the other rubbing slowly up and down his back. The curve of Alex’s spine, the heat of his mouth, the weight of his body – all pulling away at once when he sat up and twisted away, and Michael could only blink in confusion before Alex’s fingers brushed his stomach before pulling at his belt.

“Oh,” Michael breathed, and pushed himself up to chase Alex for another kiss. They hadn’t kissed all day, and he didn’t want to stop now. Possibly not ever. Alex kissed him, little shallow kisses that had Michael trying to lean in for more as he pulled Michael’s belt open and fumbled blindly at the buttons of his fly. 

“Michael,” he whispered, right against Michael’s lips where he could feel the puff of air, and Michael leaned his weight back on his hands again and lifted his hips obediently, goosebumps rippling up his arms when Alex’s fingers hooked into his waistband and dragged his jeans and underwear down. The humid air was sticky on his bare skin, but it was so good to feel it at all, to have Alex peeling his layers off and exposing him. 

Alex shifted back and pulled until Michael’s jeans were inside out and discarded, and then he took off Michael’s socks as well, and if that wasn’t true love Michael didn’t know what was. He grinned and twisted his legs under him, bare skin on slippery polyester, both glad and not that nothing was really visible as more than shadow-shapes in the dark. He grabbed Alex around the middle and pulled, both of them laughing as quietly as they could as he guided Alex down in an almost-tumble onto his back so he could return the favour.

Alex lifted his hips immediately, and Michael ducked his head to kiss his stomach as he undid his belt, the button, pulled down the zip. Alex pushed his hips up again, wordless permission and request, and Michael hooked his thumbs and fingertips over the waistband and pulled it down slowly, kissing down the V of Alex’s hips, following a trail of hair that thickened, soft and wiry under his chin.

“Fuck,” Alex breathed, arching up again. “Guerin…”

Michael wanted to suck him again, so suddenly it was like a physical need, like hunger or breathing. He wanted to taste Alex again, to remember how much he’d had to open his mouth. He remembered the potential for aching, and how much that had appealed. It still did. He dragged Alex’s jeans down below the swell of his ass, and ducked to press his mouth over the base of Alex’s dick so it wouldn’t spring free and smack him in the face.

Alex’s breath trembled, hips lowering again. Something brushed Michael’s head – Alex’s fingers, he realised, and turned his head to nose at the thin skin of Alex’s wrist, torn suddenly between wanting to suck his dick or his fingers. He’d never done that before, and he did love Alex’s hands. He pushed his face further into it while the idea flitted through his mind, and trailed his mouth along the line of Alex’s palm, along a finger, lips catching on the skin. It twitched, and he caught the side of it gently against his teeth, so he didn’t even have to push his tongue out of his mouth to run along it and taste.

Alex’s stomach jumped, Michael felt it, and he turned his attention quickly back to his dick, now lying against Alex’s belly. Like the finger, he mouthed along it to get to the tip and then retraced the path with his tongue.

“ _Ffffff-uck,_ ” Alex gasped, barely audible. “Oh my God. Guerin, get my pants off!”

Oh yeah. Michael huffed an apologetic laugh against Alex’s hip and sat up to finish pulling his jeans off. “Sorry.” He took Alex’s socks off too – it seemed the polite thing to do.

“Come here,” Alex whispered, a hand grabbing Michael’s elbow and pulling him up, and then rolling them so he was on top, their bodies pressed together from knee to chest, hotter than Michael would have believed possible. Every place they touched, his skin burned. Their chests, stomachs, dicks pressed tight between them, bumping against each other; Alex’s thighs, one sliding between Michael’s. He could feel the hair on Alex’s legs, feel it against his own groin. 

He wrapped an arm over Alex’s back and cupped his face with his other hand, kissing him desperately. He couldn’t have stopped if the tent had gone up in flames, if an actual spaceship had landed in the campsite next to them. His whole world existed only where Alex touched him, where Alex’s mouth was wet on his, where Alex’s cock thrust against his own, trapped between their stomachs, both of them leaking stickily onto Michael.

He was better at being quiet. Alex was too musical, too prone to letting his gasps take on a high or low note. Michael loved it, he loved him, he loved making Alex feel so good. All of it, it was better than anything else in the world. He slid the hand on Alex’s face further back, wrapping his arm over his shoulders while he dropped his other hand to Alex’s ass, kneading and encouraging his thrusts to get harder while Alex breathed shakily against his mouth, holding onto Michael’s shoulder and the side of his neck.

They definitely needed some sort of lube. Another thing Michael hadn’t researched, like the idiot he was. The thoughts slid away as Alex choked back a moan, and the sound went through Michael like fire. They kissed deeply, messily, panting into each other’s mouths as they rutted against each other.

“Think,” Alex gasped quietly, “we can? Like this?”

Michael slid his arm down to the small of Alex’s back, urging him to match Michael’s increased speed. “Yeah,” he whispered, eyes screwed shut. “I’m, _mm,_ I’m about to.”

Alex made a sound so low and pleased that Michael nearly lost it right then and there. He thrust up against Alex as hard as he could, arching his back and throwing his head back as he started to come, and holy shit, _kept_ coming as Alex wormed an arm under his spine and held him in that position, pinned and arched, trying desperately not to cry out as Alex bit down on his collarbone and sucked.

Michael had to keep his back stretched, shoulders digging into the ground, as Alex kept grinding against him, harder, harder, mouth open and silent against Michael’s throat before he tensed up and slowed, hot, thick come spurting onto Michael’s stomach.

Doubly marked, at neck and navel.

Michael’s whole body shivered deliciously, and he breathed out as Alex pulled his arm out from under his back and let him lie down properly again. He tilted his head forward and nuzzled blindly along Alex’s jawline until he found his mouth to kiss him. He hoped this bit never changed; the way they were both slow and clumsy after coming, the way they could barely kiss, but tried to anyway because they wanted to so badly.

Michael’s hands on Alex’s back turned soft, just stroking up and down to feel the curve of his spine, the wings of his shoulders. He was still hesitant to slide his fingers between Alex’s asscheeks, not even sure yet if that was on the cards, but he grinned when he traced a line where Alex’s ass met his thigh and Alex stifled a giggle into his mouth.

“Don’t tickle me,” he whispered. “I’ll elbow you in the stomach.”

“You’ll get your elbow covered in jizz,” Michael whispered back, and they both cracked up as quietly as they could. 

They used one of Michael’s socks to wipe up his stomach as best they could, and Alex used his phone’s screen light to find fresh underwear to sleep in, letting Michael do the same while he unzipped one side of the sleeping bag and slid in. Michael followed, leaving the flap open in case they overheated. He was certainly still sweating, and the night wasn’t getting any less muggy. 

Alex pushed Michael over so he could spoon him, nose tucked against the base of Michael’s neck. Knees tucked under Michael’s. Ankles and feet tangled. His arm heavy and solid over Michael’s chest, held in place by Michael’s own hand. They were going to get even sweatier with Alex’s bare chest pressed to Michael’s back like this, but if Alex didn’t mind, Michael certainly didn’t.

He slept like he had yesterday, curled up with Alex like that. Easily, with no restless dreams.

Michael didn’t know what to do with himself when he wasn’t the driver. Liz and Max were both open about how happy they were not to have to do all the driving themselves, and to be fair, it was also very nice to curl up with Alex in the backseat and doze, or talk, or play dumb car games. But Michael wasn’t used to having nothing to do, and he found himself admitting it sort of by accident.

“I always had something to work on,” he said, feet propped up on the dashboard. Alex was driving, and Michael couldn’t stop looking at him. He was wearing one of Michael’s t-shirts, a blue one that was too big on him, that hugged his body in the wind from the open window in a way that made Michael’s mouth dry. Sunglasses he’d bought at a gas station perched on his nose, a little bit of stubble coming through on his upper lip, hair ruffled and messy and devoid of whatever he’d used back in Roswell to spike it up. He looked taller, like this. Stretched out in the driver’s seat with one hand on the wheel, a little smile on his face.

“Like what?” Liz asked from behind him.

“Like, homework, extra credit projects, actual work. The only times I wasn’t doing _something_ was when I was with you guys.” He looked over his shoulder at Max, meaning him and Isobel.

“How’d you guys even become friends?” Alex asked curiously. “I mean, you and Max I kinda get, but no offence, you and Isobel are so different it’s like you’re from different planets.”

Michael laughed possibly too hard at that, but he twisted around to share a complicated look with Max, who hesitated before nodding. “We’re not friends,” Max said, as Michael turned forward again. “I mean, we’re that too, but we’re actually brothers. And Isobel’s his sister too.”

Michael had never told Alex that. He’d said he’d been in care, but never that Max and Isobel had been as well. He didn’t even know why, but the idea of telling Alex that Max and Isobel had been with him and then adopted without him had seemed too big a subject to broach.

“Shut _up._ ” Liz hit the back of Michael’s seat. “That’s not true!”

Alex glanced at him, smile gone. “Were you split up in care?”

“Pretty much.” Michael looked back at Max again, not sure how much they should say. He already felt kind of bad about saying anything without Isobel’s permission. They hadn’t brought up the possibility of telling Alex and Liz at all when they’d called her yesterday. He and Max (or more realistically, Max, with his unlimited texts) would have to ask her how much she was okay with Alex and Liz knowing.

“Why didn’t you ever say?” Liz asked, and Max shrugged. 

“It’s not a secret or anything. We just don’t really talk about it much.”

“It’s really cool you guys all found each other again,” Alex said, and Max smiled.

“Yeah. It was crazy when Michael got moved back to Roswell. Like, Isobel and I saw him and we all just knew, right away. I was so relieved he was okay.”

“Don’t get sappy on me,” Michael warned, turning around to grab the bag of skittles from Max’s hand. “This is a no-tears road trip.”

They swapped over at the next rest stop, and to the tune of Maria and Rosa’s ‘road trip ladies’ playlist, Michael let Alex pull him down so his head was in Alex’s lap, and he let Alex’s fingers against his scalp lull him into dozing.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling so well-rested. Max and Liz had both made noises in the morning as they’d packed up their tents about how uncomfortable sleeping on the ground was, but Michael was used to slumming it, and with all the camping he’d apparently done as a kid, Alex was used to sleeping outside too. 

They didn’t have to wake up for work or school. They were going to pass through New Orleans and go along the coast for a bit before heading north for Cherokee, North Carolina. From there, they were heading up something called the Blue Ridge Parkway, and then possibly skipping New England and heading across to Niagara Falls. Michael didn’t care. He was happy to be a passenger, to let Liz take the lead and direct them.

They had about ten weeks before Michael and Liz had to go to college. Ten whole weeks Michael had intended to spend saving money, but he couldn’t do that on the road. He couldn’t get started on any work from UNM. He couldn’t study, he couldn’t work, he didn’t have anything to do other than see the sights and chat shit with Alex, Max, and Liz.

He couldn’t do anything but just exist in this car with his boyfriend, his brother, and his brother’s girlfriend. And Alex was smiling more than Michael had ever seen him smile before. Michael turned his face into Alex’s thigh and exhaled slowly, humming when Alex’s fingers rubbed little circles into the back of his neck, down his spine. 

He liked the music they listened to, liked Alex murmuring the names of the band or the singer as each new song started. Alanis Morissette, Rilo Kiley, Hole, Metric, Joni Mitchell, Bif Naked, Liz Phair, The New Pornographers, Patti Smith. All of them new, none of them anything he’d heard before. He liked Alex’s hands in his hair, on his shoulder and upper arm. He liked the warmth, and the breeze that came through the rolled-down windows, bringing the smell of fresh air and greenery.

It hadn’t really occurred to Michael before receiving his acceptance to UNM that change could be positive. The state of life _was_ constant change, but Michael usually just weathered that by grimly knuckling down and struggling through it, whatever it was. He hadn’t told Max and Isobel about UNM and his full ride for weeks after getting confirmation, waiting suspiciously for a retraction that never came, and it still didn’t seem real. He doubted it would until he was actually there.

Running away from Roswell was a huge change though, and it had happened, and he hadn’t had to grit his teeth through it at all. It was strange, kind of unsettling. But Max was sitting up front, solid and dependable, and Alex was stroking his neck and murmuring, “Joan Jett,” as some heavy drums rolled through the speakers, and Michael breathed out and imagined just riding the wave of all this as it happened. Bad change was to be endured; good change was not to be questioned. That was a philosophy he could understand.

They’d set off late from the campground, and it was sticky afternoon by the time they got to New Orleans. Liz alone knew the directions for the campsite they were driving to, and they spilled out as soon as they arrived. Liz and Max headed for the little on-site store she’d spotted on their way in to get more wood and some marshmallows, and Michael and Alex set up the tents. 

It was so warm, even now, and Michael couldn’t stop grinning. They were surrounded by other people, mainly in RVs, but as Michael was spreading the blankets on the bottom of the tent, Alex poked his head in and kissed him, slow and sweet.

Max and Liz returned with supplies, and they put them in the car before heading into the city centre. Max, king of charm, had apparently gotten the low-down on the buses, and they only had to catch the one. “It’ll be about an hour’s ride though, he said,” Max said, and Michael shrugged.

“Easier than driving.” And it would mean they could drink. Max and Alex didn’t have fake IDs, but Michael and Liz did. He’d bought his off Rosa mostly as a precaution, figuring that bars were open late and they would be a useful place to be able to go if he needed them. It had turned into a brief but useful side-business where other underage high schoolers paid him to buy them beer. An extra few dollars here and there was nothing to sniff at, after all.

Alex and Liz did their makeup on the bus, sharing Liz’s eyeliner. Michael watched, kind of fascinated. It looked like a lot of work, though maybe that was because they had to keep waiting for the bus to stop before carefully adding more. Liz powdered her face too, and used a chapstick. Michael’s grooming regimen had never been more complicated than making sure he stayed clean-shaven for school. Alex and Max had both shaved that morning, but Michael hadn’t bothered – it was a little itchy, but he’d never been able to let it grow for more than a couple of days before, and he was interested in how far it could go. So far it was kind of patchy, but not too scruffy-looking. It looked deliberate, and it made him look older. Which was good, because according to the ID he was using tonight, he was 22.

“I wish Maria was here,” Liz said as they walked further into the centre after getting off the bus. “She’d love this.”

Michael frowned. “Why? She got a thing for balconies?” The balconies on so many of the shorter buildings were pretty cool, to be fair, if few and far between as they hit the shadows cast by the skyscrapers. He’d never imagined New Orleans in any detail before anyway, other than knowing it had been basically crushed by Katrina a few years ago, but he definitely hadn’t pictured it having a business district.

Liz laughed. “No. No, she just…” She glanced at Alex, who shrugged.

“More black people here. Basically none in Roswell.”

Michael and Max exchanged a surprised look. He obviously hadn’t thought about that either. But Maria was the only black kid in their grade, Michael knew. There had only been a couple of other black kids in their whole high school. He’d never really thought before about what that might be like. He blended in pretty easily, or at least he tried to. Really, his, Max, and Isobel’s lives depended on blending in.

“Does that bum her out?” he asked cautiously, and Alex and Liz both sort of shrugged.

“She doesn’t really talk about it,” Alex said after a second. “Her mom talks about it more, but not like, a huge amount. Oh hey,” he pointed across the street to a sandwich shop (Michael guessed, by the big painting of the sandwich) called Serio’s Po-Boys. “Isn’t that one of those things you wanted to get here?”

“Yeah!” Liz grinned, bouncing on her toes a little. “Not yet though, I’m not hungry enough.”

“What’s so special about them?” Max asked.

“Well, New Orleans is famous for its food,” Liz said, eyes bright. “And when I decided I wanted to come here I did a bunch of research, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Alex muttered under his breath, and grinned when she elbowed him. 

“And every site mentioned these sandwiches. They’re meant to be amazing, and, again, I’m so glad there are four of us because that means we can get four different fillings and we can all try each other’s!”

“How expensive are they?” Michael asked, trying not to frown.

Liz shrugged a shoulder. “Probably depends on the filling, but they’d be for all of us, so they’ll come out of the communal pot. Sometimes you have to do these things, Michael! You can’t go on a road trip across the country and _not_ do things like see the Grand Canyon, and Niagara Falls, and eat whatever the local food is, even if it costs a bit extra. Otherwise, it’s not worth coming at all.”

Michael laughed, hiding his unease. “Should’ve figured you’d say that, being the daughter of a chef.”

Liz beamed at him and bounced over to wrap an arm around his upper arms (his shoulders were just a little out of her reach, which was pretty cute) and squeeze. “Food is love, Mikey!”

“ _Mikey?_ ” She’d bounced away before he could do more than gape after her, Alex and Max sniggering. “Did you already start drinking?”

“I’m just having a good time,” Liz said airily, looping her arm through Alex’s. “You should try it!”

“Yeah, Michael.” Max turned a huge grin on him. “Let loose.”

Michael gave a bark of startled laughter. “I’m sorry, what did you just say? Can I get that in writing?” Max started to walk ahead of him, and Michael jogged to catch up, still laughing. “No, no, I need that in writing, I need to tell Isobel you just proposed relaxing. God, Liz really is a good influence on you.”

He couldn’t even retract that. The further in they walked – Liz told them they were headed for the French Quarter – the better the mood seemed to become. For all of them, not just Max. Michael wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but the atmosphere just seemed friendly. Laid-back, relaxed, like no one was in a hurry. There were other people on the streets too, couples with their arms wrapped round each other’s waists and shoulders, groups of friends like them, a few families. 

They headed down to the river, following Liz. Michael walked behind Alex every time he and Max had to fall back, his eyes drawn like magnets to the back of Alex’s neck, the soft strands of hair there, and the brief glint of metal in the back of his left earlobe. He really liked Alex’s earlobes. He didn’t know if that was a weird thing to like about someone, but he didn’t really care. He liked them, he liked the idea of maybe sucking on them, and on that note he was beginning to wonder if he had that thing he’d heard Wade Tucker accuse Natalie Perez of – an oral fixation, or something like that. 

It was definitely true that he wouldn’t turn down the chance to put his mouth anywhere on Alex’s body. Well. Certain places only if Alex had just washed, maybe – Michael wasn’t going to lick any unwashed feet, no matter how in love with their owner he was. He hoped Alex felt the same way. He was sporting a dark purple bruise on his collarbone that said he at least had similar inclinations.

The Mississippi was huge, wide and brown, a huge steamboat moored at the pier. “It’s so pretty,” Liz said, sounding enchanted, and Max nodded. 

“This whole city – you know, it’s kind of what I imagined Europe to be like? It’s old, y’know?”

“One of the oldest cities in the country.” Liz looked up at him, smiling. 

“And founded by the French.” Max smiled down at her, and Michael tried to hold back an eyeroll and a smile of his own. They were disgusting, but who was he to judge? And Max had wanted this for so long, it was impossible to begrudge his obvious happiness. 

“Makes sense it’s got a European vibe then,” Alex said, looking left along the shore. “You guys wanna keep going?”

“Yeah.” Michael stepped round Max and Liz to walk next to Alex, brushing their bare arms together. Alex smiled at him, a small, sideways thing that still made Michael grin back at him. Which definitely made them just as bad as Max and Liz, so he was glad he was sticking to his ‘let he who was not disgustingly in love with his significant other cast the first stone’ policy. 

“Okay, I’m like, ninety percent sure those are open containers,” Alex whispered after they passed yet another person with a white to-go cup in their hand.

“They can’t be,” Michael said, frowning. 

“They are.” Liz poked him in the shoulder, and he and Alex looked back at her. “New Orleans doesn’t have a law banning it. Didn’t you guys see that bar we passed with the window in it? Pretty sure it was like a drive-through, but for drinks, and on foot.”

“Cool.” Michael raised his eyebrows. “That’s an attitude I can get behind.”

“Let’s eat first,” Liz said. “Rosa says you should eat every three hours at least if you’re on a night out.”

“She’d know,” Alex nodded. “She’s been doing way better this summer though, right, Liz?”

“Yeah. I mean, she and Maria still smoke up on the roof when they think I’m asleep.” Liz rolled her eyes. “But she hasn’t sneaked out for a while, and she hasn’t seemed hungover for about the same time either. Did she tell you she was thinking about going to Los Alamos?”

Alex snorted. “Yeah. What the hell is in Los Alamos?”

“No idea.”

“Is she interested in the history of the Manhattan Project?” Max tried, and Liz and Alex both laughed.

“No,” Alex concluded. “Other than to like, agree with Maria when she goes on one of her anti-nuclear rants.”

“Oh, we should check –” Liz turned a surprisingly serious look on Michael. “You aren’t against nuclear disarmament, are you?”

“Uh…” Michael hadn’t ever given it any serious thought, and he looked at Alex and Max for help. Max just shrugged, and Michael figured he’d already been asked this question and given the correct answer. Which wasn’t hard to figure out – Max was pretty anti-violence. “No?” Michael said, eyebrows raised. “I mean, I guess not? Why?”

“You can’t be friends with Maria unless you’re against nuclear disarmament,” Liz said matter-of-factly. “And I don’t want to be friends with anyone who wouldn’t be friends with my friends.”

Michael thought of Kyle Valenti for a second, and the way he’d hit Alex at prom. But maybe that had been the thing that prompted Liz’s new policy on friendship – she’d broken up with him that night, after all. Michael shrugged. “Works for me.”

They wandered along the waterfront and into a small park. It was a humid evening, and the number of people was growing, but the atmosphere was still relaxed. Michael stuck close to the others, especially Alex, who didn’t stand out here the way he had in the other places they’d stopped. There were plenty of men with piercings, a few with crazy hair, and one in neon eyeshadow that made Michael grin for no reason he really understood.

Well, he understood it a little. What had attracted him to Alex in the first place, if not his stubborn insistence on being himself in the face of all opposition? It took serious guts to turn up at Roswell High every day in eyeliner and nail polish. Michael remembered overhearing a couple of kids in his homeroom gossiping about how Alex had gone all the way to the principal to fight for his right to wear the level of makeup all the girls were permitted. He remembered being impressed. He remembered sneaking looks at Alex any time their paths crossed.

In hindsight, it was kind of obvious that it had been the beginnings of a crush, but at the time he’d thought he was just admiring Alex’s refusal to back down, no matter what anyone did or said to his face or behind his back. He walked close to Alex as they headed down a street crowded with people and pressed their shoulders together, catching Alex’s sideways smile like a secret. 

They found a place to get the sandwiches Liz was so keen on, and Michael let Liz choose his filling to save him having to decide. He’d never had crawfish before, and like he’d told her when they’d gone shopping, he’d try anything once. They sat down at a table with a plastic red and white cloth over it, and Michael leaned over it as he took his first bite.

“Oh-ee uck,” he mumbled, mouth full. 

Max grinned at him, his own sandwich held up to his mouth. “It’s good?”

“Oh-ood,” Michael nodded, eyes wide, and barely swallowed his first mouthful before taking another bite. It was all the extras that really made it, he decided, several delicious mouthfuls in. The pickles and hot sauce and crunchy lettuce. But then he decided that it was the bread that made it; the hard crust of the outside, the fluffy inside already soaking up the sauces and juice of the crawfish. But then, it wouldn’t be perfect without them, and the breadcrumbs and the salty-savoury flavour and the texture, much less squishy than he’d expected. 

They all tried each other’s, and by the end Michael still thought his was the best one. He even thought it was worth the price tag, which was not something he often conceded. “I want another one of those before we leave,” he said seriously as they left. “That was the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” Turned out shellfish was delicious – who knew?

So was the praline stuff Alex insisted they try. “We’ve walked past like, five stores selling this stuff,” he said. “It’s clearly a local thing, we need to try it.” And sure, it was obviously his sweet tooth talking (and Michael was still secretly kind of delighted by that, because he hadn’t known about Alex’s love of sugar before they’d left Roswell), but they really were amazing. So sweet Michael couldn’t manage more than a couple, but definitely worth buying.

Dusk fell, the crowds thickened and grew louder and livelier, and the lights of the shops and bars glowed bright and inviting in the warm evening. Michael was feeling relaxed and loose even before he and Liz went up to one of the sidewalk windows and ordered four cocktails to go. Liz had scouted a place with a two for one offer on, so it didn’t look suspicious that they were getting four between them. Two hurricanes and two daquiris, which were both classic New Orleans cocktails according to the barman. 

Unbelievably sweet was what they were, but at least Alex liked them. So far though, Michael preferred beer. He was kind of getting into Liz’s trying new things spirit as the sky turned dark blue and then black, the crowded street hiding it when Alex turned and pressed his forehead against Michael’s temple, a huge smile on his face. 

Michael grinned back at him. “You good?”

“Yeah.” Alex looked beautiful under the neon lights, lit up and smiling and carefree. “I’m great.”

“Hell yeah you are,” Liz agreed, sliding an arm around his waist and hugging him.

They got four separate cocktails next, Liz going into a bar alone with confidence that made Michael’s admiration for her grow. She came out and distributed them several minutes later, and they kept ambling on, blending in perfectly with everyone else in the party atmosphere. Michael was loose and cheerful, full of goodwill for all the humans around them. And one human in particular, of course.

They headed into a bar that wasn’t carding people on the door so they could go up onto one of the balconies. Michael got the drinks this time, picking names on the menu he didn’t recognise and getting two that didn’t look tooth-rottingly sweet. He carried them carefully up to the narrow balcony and stood next to Alex, who was resting his elbows on the railing and looking down at the people below with a small smile on his face.

“Pick one,” Michael said, nodding down at the glasses in his hands. Alex picked the purple one and grinned.

“Do you think I’m embracing stereotypes by drinking this shit?”

“Nah.” Michael turned to let Liz pick two for her and Max, keeping one for himself. He was pretty sure it was one of the ones that didn’t have any syrup in it, so that would do for him. “I think you just love sugar.”

“I kind of do.” Alex pursed his lips around the straw and Michael’s world narrowed to focus so completely on that that the rest of the world seemed to spin around him for a second. He took a sip of his own drink to try and distract himself and made a face.

“Bleh.”

Alex laughed. “What’s yours?”

“No idea. One of them had whiskey in it though, and it was either this one or Liz’s, I think.” He took another sip and smacked his lips. “Mleh. It’s okay, actually. Not sweet though. You wanna try?”

“Sure.” Alex leaned over and Michael’s knees turned to jelly as he realised what he was going to do. He lifted the glass to Alex’s lips and tilted it gently, letting Alex taste. His head was absolutely spinning, and it didn’t stop even when Alex made a disgusted face. “Ugh, that’s gross.”

It was Michael’s turn to laugh, and he turned the glass around so he’d be putting his lip against the rim exactly where Alex had. “It’s growing on me,” he declared.

They hung out on the balcony for a while after they’d finished their drinks, and only headed back down when Liz told them they needed to eat again. “Did you set an alarm on your phone?” Max asked, laughing, and she smiled up at him, smug and tipsy.

“No, I’m just that good.”

Max laughed again, obviously besotted, and they all followed her out to a place selling a range of junk food. Michael got pizza, though he didn’t feel all that hungry, but Rosa’s advice was sound – the world spun less after he was finished. He considered for a moment the distant buzz of panic around how much they’d spent tonight, and turned his attention instead to how good he felt. 

Max agreed. “This is great. Just… _great_.” He’d gotten a burger, and he was licking the sauce off his fingertips as he spoke, leaning against the wall next to Alex, who was still finishing off his fries. “Best burger I’ve ever eaten in my life.”

Liz gasped, and Michael’s face split in a huge grin. “Oh, Max,” he laughed. “You’ve really done it now. Don’t listen to him, Liz.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “He’s been drinking. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

Max had obviously realised what he’d said, and had one hand clasped over his mouth, eyes wide above it. Alex just watched, powering through his fries with an amused smirk on his face. “I totally have,” Max whispered, dropping his hand. “I didn’t mean that. Oh my God. I totally didn’t mean that, Liz.”

“I can’t believe,” Liz said, taking a dramatic, deep breath, “I brought you all the way to New Orleans, Max Evans, and you disrespected my father’s burgers right to my face. Right to my face, just like that.” She broke off into Spanish, and Michael caught a few words – God, you, papi – but he was too slow to even try and follow it. His Spanish was okay, but nowhere near Liz’s level. 

They got one more round of drinks after that, in go-cups once again, before heading back to the bus stop. Safely seated, and of course forgiven by Liz, Max fell asleep pretty much immediately. “If we could swap heights,” Liz said ruefully, “he’d be the perfect size to put his head on my shoulder.”

“Yeah, must be a curse being so tall,” Alex said dryly. “I bet he hates it.”

“Are you jealous?” Liz grinned, and Alex laughed.

“Nah. I wouldn’t say no to being taller, but it’s not a major hangup or anything. Some people just achieve perfection earlier in life.”

“So I’m the most perfect of the four of us?” Liz smirked, and Alex and Michael both nodded.

“I know he’s out for the count,” Michael said, “but Max would absolutely agree with that.”

“Awwwww, guys.” Liz giggled, leaning into Max’s bulk. “You’re both wrong. Height doesn’t work like that. It’s genetic.”

“Crushed by science, yet again,” Michael sighed, sliding down a little in his seat and pressing his thigh against Alex’s. 

Michael drifted off a little on the way back as well, not sure where he was on the sliding scale between sober and trashed. More than tipsy, less than drunk, he guessed, and he was pretty happy with that. They hadn’t wanted to go out and get completely fucked up, after all. He’d done that a couple of times, once on his own because he’d heard that being drunk tricked your body into thinking it was warmer and he’d been pretty desperate. Drinking alone absolutely sucked, and the hangover was even worse.

But he’d had a great time tonight. He loved how easy he felt, relaxed and blurry around the edges. It was only with great effort that he kept himself from draping his legs over Alex’s lap and tucking his head against his neck. He half-dreamed about it before they got off the bus, and in the empty street he sighed happily when Alex wrapped an arm around his waist. “Holding me up?”

“That’s what I’ll say if anyone asks.” Alex smiled at him, eyeliner smudged and nose ring glinting, and Michael tipped his forehead against his for a moment, completely content. He loved him so much, it was all he could feel for a second. Filling him up and spilling over, like a bottle of coke shaken up and cracked open.

Max stumbled, and Liz steered him in their direction so Michael could slide his free arm around his waist. “Alright, bud, we gotcha.” 

“You’re my favourite brother,” Max sighed, obviously half-asleep. Drunk or not, it still made Michael laugh.

“I’m your only brother.”

“Still my favourite,” Max insisted, his arm heavy over Michael’s shoulders. “You’re the best brother a guy could ever have. You’re my best friend. I’m so glad we found you again.”

A spike of fear went through Michael. He hadn’t considered the possibility of either of them drinking enough to let anything slip, but he obviously should have. “Okay, Max.” He cleared his throat and let go of Alex. “You guys go ahead a little?”

“Awww, are you embarrassed?” Liz teased, but she let Michael manoeuvre Max away from her.

“Just go ahead, we’ll be right behind you.” Michael readjusted his grip on Max’s waist. “Jeez, you’re way too big, man.”

“You’re just short.”

“I’m not short.” Michael rolled his eyes and waited for Alex and Liz to get a little ahead before relaxing. “Don’t run your mouth, Max.”

“I’m not.” Max squeezed him. “It’s not…s’not running my mouth to tell you you’re my favourite brother. And if anyone ever tries to hurt you again, I’ll kill them.”

Okay. Well. Michael couldn’t deny that that warmed a little part of him buried deep inside. “Thanks, Max. I mean, murder’s not the solution, but thanks. I appreciate that.”

“I mean it,” Max said quietly. “If anyone ever hurt you or Isobel, I’d…I’d be so mad. I know people hurt you, Michael, that’s not okay.”

“Alright, let’s not talk about that, okay?” Michael made a face. “It’s fine, it’s over. New life in Albuquerque’s right around the corner.”

“Yeah.” Max brightened again, thank fuck, and to Michael’s alarm, called ahead to the others. “Guys! Guys, did you know? Michael got a _full ride_ to UNM?”

“Oh my God,” Michael muttered, but Liz and Alex had already turned around and were grinning back at them. “Shut up, Max, don’t wake people up.”

“It’s important!” Max whisper-shouted. “Guys! Michael’s a genius!”

“I know you think you’re the big brother and it’s your prerogative to embarrass me,” Michael said as Liz and Alex paused to let them catch up. “But you don’t have to, you know. I embarrass myself enough on my own without your help. And I might be older!”

“Nah, I’m definitely older. Look how much taller than you I am,” Max said, with all the conviction of the drunk. “And I’m more responsible. I’m definitely older.”

“You’re such an ass.” 

“ _You’re_ an ass.” Max squeezed him again. “Shut up and let me yell about you, you got a _full ride!_ ”

“It is pretty impressive,” Alex grinned, and Michael huffed.

“Don’t encourage him!”

It took twice as long to get back to the campground as it had taken to walk from there to the bus stop that afternoon, and Michael helped Liz bundle Max into his tent and sighed with relief as he went into his and Alex’s. “Max is _so_ heavy,” he complained in a whisper when Alex followed him in a few minutes later.

“Is that why you haven’t changed?” Alex asked, amused. “You’re recovering?”

“Yeah!”

Alex snorted with laughter and shuffled further into the tent, then sat down on his heels heavily. “Oh my God. I’m an idiot.”

“Huh?” Michael lifted his head. “What?”

Alex was laughing quietly, and held up one hand. In the very dim light filtering through the tent walls, Michael could see he had something white in it, like a tissue. “I got a makeup wipe from Liz,” Alex explained, almost giggling. “But I don’t have a mirror.”

“I can do it for you?” Michael offered, pushing himself up. “If you want?”

Alex tilted his head. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. If we’ve got light, sure. I mean, I’ll try. I’ve never taken makeup off anyone before. You’ll have to tell me what to do.”

“It’s pretty easy.” Alex rubbed one of his eyelids with the wipe, and Michael grabbed his phone to use the light from the screen. Alex lowered his hand and examined the wipe, which was smeared with black, and then looked at Michael. “I can do most of it, but I always miss bits without a mirror.”

“Okay.”

Alex wiped both eyes roughly, then passed the wipe to Michael, who settled cross-legged opposite him and passed him the phone. “Shine the light on yourself,” he said. “Yeah, you missed bits.”

“Told you.” Alex yawned, then closed his eyes. “Go for it.”

“Okay.” Michael cupped Alex’s jaw gently with his free hand, and wiped at the corner of his eye with the other, then moved carefully to the lash line on his eyelid.

“Don’t be so gentle,” Alex murmured, completely trusting. “You have to do it harder.”

Michael bit back a sex joke and obeyed, cinching the wipe around his index finger and stroking it firmly along Alex’s lash line. It worked, and he did the same when Alex opened his eyes and looked up so Michael could wipe under his eyes too, where most of the eyeliner was. It was shockingly intimate, being allowed to touch such a vulnerable part of Alex’s body. It wasn’t like his dick – nothing Michael did here could bring any sort of pleasure; he just had to avoid dealing any pain. 

He had the strange urge to thank Alex for letting him do it.

“Thanks,” Alex whispered, when he was done, and smiled sleepily. “Have you had any water?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“I refilled the water bottle.” Alex yawned and twisted away to start wriggling out of his jeans. “In case you get thirsty.”

Michael’s heart clenched. “Thanks, man.”

They changed into their pyjamas in the dark and huddled in the sleeping bag together, facing each other on one pillow. Alex stroked one hand slowly down Michael’s arm to his waist and made a quiet, happy noise. “I’m really, really glad you kidnapped me.”

Michael leaned in to kiss him softly. “I’m glad you let us.”

“Wouldn’t’ve let just anyone.” Alex yawned again and rubbed his thumb against Michael’s skin. “Had to be you. Night.”

“Night.” Michael closed his eyes and swallowed, an echo of the panic he’d felt back when Alex had told him the plan had always been for him to enlist fluttering in his mind. It was easy, half-drunk like this, to ignore it and sink into the warmth of Alex next to him instead.

They got up late the next day, feeling various levels of headache, and Michael took a long shower and shaved, the itching becoming too much to deal with. It had been a great night though, they all agreed, and since they’d gotten up so late, they decided to stay another night and go into the city again, though this time they wouldn’t drink so much. Max offered to drive, and Michael didn’t hide his appreciation when he revealed he’d checked the prices of a couple of the parking lots they’d gone past and found one that worked out cheaper than the price of bus tickets.

Sobriety was not as kind when it came to Michael’s irrational money issues. He tried to get around it by not looking at how much it cost when they went in and got four more po-boys for dinner, but ended up checking the menu board and adding up the total in his head when he went to the bathroom, wound too tight not to. 

“We’re not gonna do this at every place we stop, right?” he asked uncertainly when he sat back down. “I know we’re tourists, but…it’s kind of expensive.”

“Only a few places,” Liz agreed, to his relief. “We definitely can’t afford to blow all our money on nights out. And you’re right,” she added, wincing a little. “Last night was really expensive. I didn’t realise till I added it up this morning.”

“I don’t wanna know,” Alex sighed, focusing on his sandwich. 

“It wasn’t like, crazy, but we definitely can’t afford to do it tonight as well.”

“We weren’t going to anyway, were we?” Max asked, eyebrows raised. “I know I said I’m designated driver, but you guys aren’t gonna get wasted, right?”

“No. We should get an early start tomorrow – I want to go to a beach.” Liz smiled at him. “I’m just saying, I’m with Michael. Let’s be boring, cheapskate tourists. A lot of the stuff on our route is a lot more reasonable anyway, price-wise.”

“Good to know.” Michael relaxed a fraction, though he knew he wouldn’t be able to ease up completely until he’d looked at Liz’s money book and checked her figures. He trusted her counting; that wasn’t the problem. He just needed to see it for himself. Just to settle his nerves. And see if checking it would settle them at all, or if he was just a lost cause.

They wandered further from the French Quarter after they’d eaten, exploring more of the narrow streets Max was so enchanted by. Michael couldn’t deny how cool it all was, and how un-American it felt. He doubted he’d ever make it to Europe like Max would, but he imagined it would be like this. Balconies on every building, with delicate ironwork and weathered wood boards. Everyone walking slow and easy, laughing and drinking and eating.

He’d never imagined what it would be like to go on vacation, but it had to be like this. 

“Have any of us ever been out of New Mexico before?” Max asked, craning his neck to look at the rooftops. Michael knew his parents had taken him and Isobel on vacations out of the state, but Liz and Alex both shook their heads.

“My family’s been stationed in Roswell since forever,” Alex shrugged. “The men in the family do their tours, but they always come home in the end.”

“Till you,” Liz said slyly, and Alex grinned.

“Till me. My brothers always said I was the black sheep.”

“I guess I’m just a sucker for bad boys like me,” Michael said dryly, and Alex snorted, bumping their shoulders together.

“Like you? Guerin, you said the other day you spent all your time studying or working. You’re no Rosa Ortecho.”

Michael put his hand over his heart like he’d been deeply wounded, and grinned when it made Alex laugh. 

Alex laughed again later when they were curled up that night in their tent. Michael rubbed their noses together, eyes closed. “What?”

“You, a bad boy.”

Michael laughed too, quiet as he opened his eyes. He could barely see Alex anyway, and all Michael could smell was mosquito repellent. He and Max were, at some point, going to have to protest their luckiness and bad-tasting blood as an excuse for never getting bitten. There were definite perks to being aliens sometimes.

“I could be a bad boy,” he mumbled. “People thought I was a bad boy in school. I know the rumours.”

“Yeah? What’s the dumbest rumour you’ve ever heard about yourself?”

Michael grinned and closed his eyes again, shifting so one of his legs was hooked over Alex’s. “That I burned down my house and orphaned myself on purpose.”

Alex snickered. “Wow. Nah, my favourite Guerin rumour was definitely the one where you slashed the tyres of the principal’s car.”

“Man, I wish!”

Alex muffled his laugh against Michael’s neck, shuffling down to press his face to it and kiss Michael’s throat. “You always had cooler rumours than me,” he said dryly.

“I don’t know. I heard Tess telling someone you could suck your own dick like Marilyn Manson, that’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s how she meant it,” Alex huffed. “So she thought I’d had two of my ribs removed for the purpose too?”

“Guess so. At least she thought you were committed. I mean, if you could, wouldn’t you?”

“What, suck my own dick?”

“Yeah.”

Alex paused, thinking about it. “Yeah, probably. You?”

“Fuck yeah.”

Alex kissed his neck again, and Michael licked his lips, suddenly very aware of all the places his bare skin was touching Alex. “We’re gonna need to stop at a pharmacy at some point.” Alex sounded amused, and Michael wanted to die; he was getting hard just from alluding to the possibility of future sex with Alex Manes. He was legitimately pathetic. And horny. And bold enough to cup Alex’s cheek and tip his face up so Michael could kiss him.

They moved on from New Orleans first thing in the morning, a string of brightly-coloured beads now dangling from the rear-view mirror of Liz’s car, another singer Michael didn’t recognise playing from the speakers. He and Alex were in the back, Max and Liz up front, and everyone was quiet, lulled into sleepiness by the warm interior of the car.

Alex was wearing one of his own shirts today, a plain black one, and those gas station sunglasses. Michael could see his eyes were closed though, his expression sleep-blank, almost stern. His legs were spread wide, one of their bags jammed between his feet, one arm crushed against the door, the other draped over his thigh. Long hand resting on his knee, bracelets he only ever took off to sleep or shower around his wrist. He hadn’t bothered to wear eyeliner this morning or put any rings on, but he still had his septum ring, glinting in the sun.

They’d bought swimming trunks yesterday while they’d been in the city centre, and for Michael, it was the first time. He’d never even paddled in a river, let alone the sea. He couldn’t wait to see Alex on a beach, stripped down to those trunks, black with yellow accents on the seams. Michael had gone for tropical flowers when he’d seen the way Alex laughed at the pattern.

The car was warm and comfortable, but he couldn’t sleep. He listened vaguely to Liz and Max talking about some book series he’d never read, and watched Alex. 

They were eighteen years old. Was it ridiculous that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Alex after having been with him for less than a month? 

When they got to the beach, they all changed in or outside the car and walked down in just their swimming things, leaving their towels next to a friendly-looking family with two toddlers building sandcastles.

They were a range, they found out as they got in up to their waists and started splashing at each other like children. Michael was the first to just sink down to his ass and dunk his head under, though he came up spluttering, in shock. He had to bite back the urge to shout about how fucking _salty_ it was, because duh, obviously the ocean was salty, was he a moron or what? But shit, it was _so_ salty.

He didn’t feel quite so stupid when Alex splashed Liz in the face and her second reaction (after screaming) was to gasp about how salty it was, and how it stung her eyes.

So – Liz had never learned to swim or seen the ocean before either, which was reassuring, and meant Michael could own up to being in the same situation. Alex had never seen the ocean either, but he could swim better than any of them, and hold his breath for the longest too. Max had been on holidays with his family and had been to beaches before, and he’d had swimming lessons for a year when he was a kid, but he was pretty bad at it.

Liz was determined to learn how to swim, and as Alex started teaching her, Max and Michael hung back, just sitting on the sandy sea floor with the water lapping over their shoulders in little waves. “I wanna ask you something,” Max said after a minute, “but you have to promise not to laugh at me.”

Michael knew without any doubt that it was going to be a sex question. He just knew. “I can’t promise anything.”

“Michael,” Max sighed, giving him an aggrieved look that made Michael grin and lift his hands up above the water for a second.

“Alright, alright, I promise. If I laugh, you can just duck me.”

“Awesome.” Max looked over at Alex and Liz again. Liz was lying on her back, taking very obvious deep breaths while Alex held her head and shoulders, telling her something Michael couldn’t hear. “Wow.”

Michael adjusted his focus for a second, and nodded. Liz was wearing a bikini, kicking her legs very gently. The water was clear enough that Michael could see the shapes of them under the water, long and tanned. She was undeniably gorgeous. “Yeah.”

“That’s, uh. Kinda what I wanted to ask about.”

Michael knew Max was a virgin, and he was at least ninety percent sure Liz wasn’t, which he thought was pretty cute. “You guys done the deed yet?”

“Not like…um. Not the whole way.”

Michael nodded. “But you wanna, right?”

“God yeah.” Max sighed so heavily his chin dipped under the water. “She does too. I’m just…so nervous. And like, when I’m nervous…”

Ohhhhh. Michael nudged him. “Just gotta relax, dude. Think sexy thoughts.”

“Trust me, that’s not a problem.” Max rubbed a hand through his wet hair, slicking it back from his face. “Has that ever happened for you?” he asked after a second, quiet.

Michael made a face. “Yeah, couple times. Once I was drunk, so I blame it on that.”

“What happened?”

“A girl – fuck it, it doesn’t matter now – Rachel Lindsey? Remember her?”

“She’s like, two years older than us,” Max said, sounding scandalised. “How old were you? Oh my God, wait, was she, she was your first blowjob? When you were fifteen?”

Michael grimaced a little. “Yeah. I, uh. Made it out to be kinda better than it actually was. I was drunk, like I said, and yeah, I got really fucking nervous when I realised what we were about to do. We were meant to be having actual sex, but I couldn’t keep it up enough for her to get the condom on, so she tried blowing me and…yeah, way too nervous, it wasn’t happening. Lucky she was drunk too, we were both pretty embarrassed.”

“You made it sound like the time of your life!” Max gaped at him, and Michael laughed, splashing him a little.

“Wouldn’t you’ve done the same? I was fifteen, dude, I was an idiot.”

“Yeah, three years has made _such_ a difference,” Max snorted, splashing him back. “You’re such a dick.”

“Sometimes.” Michael squinted over at Alex and Liz, who’d drifted further away. “You reckon I could float?”

“Try it,” Max shrugged. “I’ll grab your head if it looks like you’re about to go under.”

“Thanks, man.” Michael stretched his legs out and took a deep breath, trying to relax enough to let his body rise to the surface of the water. It was kind of scary, even though he knew he was only a couple of feet from the ground, even though he could see Max right next to him. He definitely didn’t feel very buoyant. 

Max’s palms touched the backs of his shoulders, pushing him up a bit, and Michael let his breath out in a huge gasp. “Swimming is overrated.”

“I don’t think we’re immune to drowning, dude.”

“We might be.” Michael paused. “Not gonna test that theory though. Anyway, I don’t know how useful this tip’ll be since we’re all crammed together in a car together all hours of the day, but I heard it’s easier if you practice jerking off with a rubber already on.”

“What?” Max laughed. “Why?”

“I don’t know, something about how most guys lose their hard-on when the condom comes out?” Michael tried to shrug. “I never tried it.” The idea of buying a box of condoms to basically waste them had been ludicrous then, and still was now.

“Hm. Okay, I had, um. Another question.”

“Shoot.”

“Have you ever eaten a girl out?”

Michael tried to turn around and sit up so fast his face went under the water and he came up coughing. “I wasn’t laughing,” he insisted, spitting seawater out of his mouth and wiping his face off as best he could. The salt really did sting after a while. “Ah, fuck.”

Max looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or be grumpy. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Dude, yes, I have a _bunch_ of tips for you on this. I’m not gonna tell you who, but I once tongue-fucked a girl who gave me, like, the most specific directions of my life so there was no way I could fuck it up.”

Max’s nose wrinkled. “Tongue-fucked? Seriously?”

“She called it that,” Michael shrugged. “Do I care if it doesn’t live up to your lofty expectations for the English language? Anyway, tip one – go really, really gentle. Like, super gentle. Girls have like, twice the number of nerve endings down there we do or something like that, so you don’t wanna go all in right away. Work up to it.”

“With…my tongue?” Since they were immune to sunburn, Michael knew for sure that Max’s face was this red because he was blushing.

“Yeah, and your lips, and your nose, kinda. Like, your whole face from the nose down is gonna get messy, that’s just how it is.”

“I think I changed my mind,” Max said, eyes wide. “I don’t wanna know. Or like, I do, but not from my brother. It’s too weird.”

“This is good knowledge!” Michael protested. “Come on, let me impart some wisdom, I may never eat a girl out again!”

Max raised his eyebrows, and just like that, the topic was well and truly changed. “Because you’ve decided you’re gay, or because you only ever wanna be with Alex?”

Michael scowled, caught out. “Like you don’t only ever wanna be with Liz?”

“Yeah, but that’s me.” Max smiled. “I’ve been in love with Liz since I was like, ten. I’m a total romantic, I’ve always known that. You’ve never been like that.”

Michael looked over at Alex. Liz was standing now, and Alex was pretending to swim, turning his head and pretending to take a huge breath in. They were both laughing at each other, dark hair and pale brown skin so similar that they could have been siblings.

“You even keep us at a distance,” Max said softly. “Me and Iz. We know you do.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me,” Michael said automatically.

“Yeah, but sometimes it’s like you don’t want us to think about you at all, and that’s never gonna happen. You’re our brother; we’re always gonna think about you. Like how you and I think about Isobel, and I know you two make fun of me behind my back.”

“We don’t,” Michael protested, wrenching his eyes away from Alex to look at Max. “We don’t make fun of you.”

Max was smiling though. “You do it to my face; I know you do it behind my back.” He looked back at Alex and Liz. “I don’t mind. That’s just how family works. If anyone else tried to tell you what to do, I’d help you beat them up, and so would Isobel. We’re the only ones who’re allowed to be mean to you, no one else gets that pass.”

Michael grinned, sinking down a little under the water to try and cool his own flushed skin. “I’d beat them up myself, no help needed.”

Max groaned and flicked water at him. “That’s the _point,_ dumbass. We wanna help you. We want you to tell us when shit’s getting hard.” He took a deep breath. “You told Alex you were sleeping in your truck, but you didn’t tell us.”

Michael froze. The sea kept lapping little waves against him, Alex and Liz kept laughing nearby. Max kept looking over at them, like what he’d said was no big deal. “I.”

“You didn’t want us to worry?”

“How did you know?” Michael bit out, trying to figure out what had given him away, how Max had found out, or whether Isobel had read his mind without his permission or something stupid like that. He was sure Alex wouldn’t have said anything.

“Isobel saw you in the laundromat in March,” Max said quietly. “We put the pieces together after that.”

“What pieces?”

“I saw the sleeping bag in your truck one time. Isobel heard from someone that they’d seen you brushing your teeth at school. I heard from Jeremiah that you were in the changing rooms almost every morning.”

Michael swallowed, furious at himself for giving it away so obviously. “I had to shower.”

“I figured, yeah. So why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t wanna be your problem,” Michael snapped, making sure to keep his voice low so Liz and Alex wouldn’t hear. “I was dealing with it.”

“If it was me or Isobel, wouldn’t you wanna know?”

“But it isn’t you or Isobel,” Michael hissed. It was never Max or Isobel. “I’m not – I don’t wanna be like that, okay? I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Tough,” Max said, hard-voiced for once. “I worry about all my family, because I love them. You’re my brother, Michael. I’m gonna worry about you all our lives, same as I’m gonna be happy for you, and proud of you, and pissed at you. The only way I wouldn’t do those things is if I didn’t care, and you need to get it through your head that I do, and so does Isobel.”

Michael wanted to say something horrible and cruel, like that they were just three doomed passengers on the same intergalactic Titanic, and there was no proof that he was related to Max and Isobel at all. They had their psychic connection; all he had was being a member of the same species.

But Alex and Liz had drifted closer again, and they might hear. So Michael stayed silent and folded his humiliation down small and smaller, pushing it right down into the pit of his stomach. And something else bubbled up around the edges of it, something far worse. Something like the urge to cry, like that awful mix of want and relief and envy that sat right at the core of his relationship with Max and Isobel.

“What does that have to do with Alex?” he asked, hardly recognising his own voice.

He hated Max for sounding so relaxed when he replied. “Well I always kinda put us on a spectrum, y’know? You’ve always called me a human-lover, and I totally am. Isobel likes some parts and hates others, she’s right in the middle of you and me. You’ve never cared about any human on this whole planet before. You’ve only cared about me and Isobel.”

“So what, you’re jealous?” Michael muttered.

“No, I’m happy for you!” Max said earnestly. “Alex is awesome, and you deserve more awesome in your life. It was a surprise, but like, a really good one! And you obviously really love him, and that’s…seriously, Michael.” He edged a little closer. “I’m so happy for you. And like, it’s nice, having this in common with you.”

Michael tried to unclench. “What, because you’re totally gone over Liz?”

“Yeah.” Max grinned and reached out to push at Michael’s shoulder. “And you’re totally gone over Alex. It’s cool.”

“Don’t expect me to go writing poetry or anything,” Michael warned him, not ready to smile yet. Max was so cheerful though. Michael knew this was how Alex must have felt when Max presented the plan to help him escape Roswell. It was so hard to stay mad at Max when he was like this.

“It’s not you I’m expecting poetry from,” Max grinned, suddenly sly. “Liz told me Alex wants to be a songwriter. If he doesn’t write you at least one love song, you should break up with him.”

“Oh my _God._ ” Michael panicked and grabbed Max’s head, forcing him under the water. It was never going to end well – Max was bigger than him, and they were pretty evenly matched in strength. Michael was half drowned by the time Liz and Alex intervened, which took the flavour of Liz getting up on Max’s shoulders and Michael getting up on Alex’s to see who could knock who off first.

It was kind of perfect, the sort of thing Michael had never expected to have. Alex’s arms wrapped tight around his legs, holding him steady. Michael had known for a while now from up-close experience that Alex wasn’t as small as he appeared to be, wearing all his layers of dark clothes and skinny jeans. His shoulders were as broad as Michael’s, his arms as strong, and Michael could feel the muscles in them move as he tucked his feet into the small of Alex’s back.

And it wasn’t even just hot (though it very much was hot, the way Alex could hold him up with no trouble at all) – it was fun too. He yelled encouragement to Michael, shouting for him to shove Liz off, go for her ticklish spots, play dirty, whatever it took.

They were all dying laughing, Michael too much to defend himself when Liz got past his defences and gave him a hard shove to the centre of his chest, knocking his centre of balance backwards. Rather than let go of him, Alex fell with him, laughing the whole way. They both emerged spitting seawater to the sound of Max and Liz’s triumphant shouts.

“You okay?” Alex grinned, hair plastered across his face. Michael snorted and sculled closer to wipe it back behind his ear, and darted in for a quick, salty kiss.

“I’m pretty great.” He leaned back and gave Alex an appraising look. “Your shoulders’re looking kinda pink though.” 

“Ah, shit.”

Neither Michael nor Max had even thought about sunblock – neither of them had ever needed to use it. Alex and Liz weren’t so fortunate, and Liz bemoaned her sore shoulders and chest that evening as they set up at another campsite further along the coast.

“Can’t believe you two didn’t burn,” she grumbled at Michael and Max. “Especially you,” she added to Max, who was trying not to smile. “You’re so pale!”

“I think Michael and I just spent more time under the water,” he said, coming to sit behind her so he could rub lotion into her shoulders.

“Your faces should be burned, at least,” Liz complained. 

“You guys mind if I get the guitar?” Michael asked, and didn’t miss the way Alex perked up. Michael wanted to play, badly, but he passed the guitar to Alex first. “Sing something,” he said, sitting across from him for the best view. “You’ve definitely got the best voice.”

“Not hard,” Max joked, and laughed when Liz pretended to be offended.

Alex settled the guitar in his lap and plucked at the strings, tuning it up and humming under his breath. “Any requests?”

“Something soft,” Liz said, and Alex nodded and started to play something Michael didn’t recognise. It was gentle, like Liz had asked, and Alex’s voice was beautiful. Hearing him sing along better than the rest of them to the music blaring from the car speakers was one thing, but Michael had never heard Alex sing alone like this.

They’d talked about music more than Michael had expected in the car since they’d left. Michael appreciated playing music for how it quieted his head right down, giving him something that focused him without draining him. For Alex, music seemed to be less holistic. He had opinions on music that went beyond whether he liked something or not. He knew the names of the people in his favourite bands, he could trace the way genres influenced each other, all the stuff that had never interested Michael.

He liked hearing Alex talk about it though. It was cool, hearing him talk about something he obviously knew so much about. Max had once admitted that he could have listened to Liz talk about the lifecycle of the cell and chemical equations forever without getting bored, and Michael figured it was kind of like that.

He leaned forward when Alex finished, grinning at his fingers like he was relieved they’d remembered how to play the song. “What was that called?”

Alex looked at him, and smiled. “ _Yesterday’s Feelings._ It’s by The Used.”

Michael had heard of the band, but had never listened to anything of theirs. “You’re really good.”

“Yeah, play something else,” Liz encouraged. “Play _Disenchanted._ ”

Alex laughed, but slid his fingers up the neck of the guitar obediently and started to play something else, something sadder Michael vaguely recognised. He assumed it was one of the songs Alex had played on Liz’s iPod in the car, and wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on them, watching with a helpless little smile on his face. He didn’t want to push it down or hide it – he wanted Alex to see, to know Michael thought he was brilliant.

He did, glancing up when he finished and laughing at Michael’s expression. Pleased laughter though, a little shy. He passed the guitar over to Michael with a, “Your turn,” and Michael took it obediently, fingers finding their places on the strings and starting to strum before he’d thought about what to play.

He wasn’t like Alex, who (so far at least) played specific songs and sang them. Michael played with a different definition of the word, like a kid with a toy. As long as the sounds that came out were nice, he didn’t care what they were. He’d never had lessons, and he’d never tried to learn any techniques or songs.

Eventually, his fingers started to ache, and he paused to stretch them out. “That was really pretty,” Liz said. “What is it?”

Michael blinked at her, surprised. “I don’t know. Nothing, probably.”

“You just made it up?”

“I guess?” He lifted the guitar out of his lap and passed it back to Alex, suddenly worried how long he’d played. “I’m not like, composing or anything. It’s just screwing about.”

“Still sounds good,” Alex told him, and smiled. “Do you know any songs?”

Michael shook his head. “I have no idea what I’m doing, really.”

“If I played something do you think you could copy?”

“Maybe?”

Liz and Max gravitated closer towards each other, getting lost in their own world while Alex and Michael passed the guitar back and forth, Michael studying the shapes Alex’s fingers made on the fret and trying to replicate them.

“Hold on,” he said after two failed attempts. “Stay there, lemme just…” He got up and shuffled round on his knees to sit behind Alex, who smiled and turned his head to look at him.

“This just an excuse to hug me?”

“I never need an excuse,” Michael grinned. There was no one around who seemed like they’d care, and the RV next to them blocked them from view from most of the other campers anyway. He hooked his chin over Alex’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around Alex’s stomach, shoving his ankles under Alex’s knees. He was sitting cross-legged, and with a bit of work, Michael got himself comfortably anchored. “Show me again,” he said, and Alex laughed and bent his head.

It was easier to see what Alex was doing from this angle, and Michael made a sound of comprehension as he stopped. “Alright.” He lifted his hands, and though it was surprisingly difficult to play with his arms stretched out like they had to be and he messed it up the first few times, he got the hang of it after that.

He heard Liz’s camera click, but just blew air in Alex’s ear to distract him when he looked up and scowled. “Ignore them, show me that one again.”

He made sure he was the big spoon that night, wanting to keep holding onto Alex like that, his stomach to Alex’s spine, their bodies aligned like stars.

Now they’d tasted the sea, their plans changed a little. They were still going to drive up to Cherokee, but not for another few days. First, they were going to keep hugging the coast through Mississippi and Alabama and into Florida. Liz wanted to swim in the Atlantic down south, where it would still be warm. When Alex pointed out that the Atlantic was what they were swimming in every day, she said simply that she wanted to swim in the _proper_ Atlantic, not just the Gulf of Mexico. For some reason, she considered them different.

Michael didn’t argue, though he thought it was funny when Alex did. It wasn’t exactly that Alex liked being right – he just hated being wrong more than anyone Michael had ever met except Isobel. When he was right, he was satisfied, but he didn’t crow over it the way Isobel sometimes did. When he was wrong he refused to admit it until presented with incontrovertible proof, and then he got snappish and irritable.

The best way to deal with an angry Alex, Michael was finding, was to be quiet, and in his space. If Alex lapsed into annoyed silence after arguing about something with Liz – or more rarely, Max – Michael’s solution was to go to sleep on him, or pretend to. Alex calmed down faster if he had Michael to focus on, and Michael was happy to be a point of focus.

They had something of a routine now, almost a rhythm. Michael tended to wake up early, as did Liz, so one of them would usually get breakfast started (almost always eggs and bread) and lure Alex and Max out with the smell. They’d take turns showering and brushing their teeth, or just brushing their teeth if the campground didn’t have showers. Breaking down the tents and packing everything back into the car was easy now they all knew exactly where everything needed to go. 

In the car, Michael and Max liked the radio, tuned to whatever local station they could pick up, and Alex and Liz preferred her iPod. They started switching up the driving configurations too, not sticking with couples the whole time. Alex actually demanded at one point that Michael get out of the passenger seat and swap with Max so he and Liz wouldn’t be yelling in his ear about the logistics of a zombie uprising. Though of course five minutes later he started chipping in when they were talking about weapons.

“You kick me out,” Michael huffed, leaning forward to kiss Alex’s cheek. “And then you join in on the zombie bullshit. Figures.”

“Go back to talking about the biology of it, Guerin,” Alex grinned, eyes crinkled behind his sunglasses. “Quit distracting me.”

“Am I distracting you?” Michael grinned, and sat back with a thump when Max shoved him away.

“No distracting the driver!”

As if Alex wasn’t the one distracting him. They’d sorted through their stuff for clothes that needed cleaning yesterday, and Alex had pulled the shirt he’d been wearing off over his head and grabbed Michael’s last clean one to wear instead. And when Michael had raised his eyebrows, Alex had just grinned and pushed him down onto his back to kiss him, the door of their tent not even zipped.

Michael had stolen one of his this morning, even though it was clean and didn’t smell of Alex at all. There was still something about it that he liked. Wearing the proof of their relationship for everyone to see, even if no one beyond Liz and Max understood. Being in such close proximity to him all the time wasn’t dulling the edges of Michael’s feelings for him even a little bit. 

Being able to see Alex all the time, being able to touch him and speak to him and wear his clothes, it all swirled and settled in Michael’s heart and under his skin, that painful-sweet ache always close to the surface. He wasn’t thinking about sex any less either, even though they were screwing about almost every night. He kept thinking about it in the daytime, at times like this in the car.

Watching the back of Alex’s head, the angle of his shoulders, his hands on the steering wheel. Remembering the sound of his stuttered breathing against Michael’s mouth, and the hard strength of his bare thighs cinched around Michael’s hips. Michael had sucked him off again last night, fighting against his aching jaw and gagging a couple of times when he’d taken Alex too deep. But practice would make perfect, and he was determined to be perfect.

He wanted to do everything he and Alex were physically able to do. He wanted to take his time with it at some point, when they had more privacy. He wanted Alex to take his time with him too, to pin him down and do whatever he wanted. Alex’s fingers drummed in a neat flowing line over the wheel and Michael reached for the water bottle to take a long drink.

That was the only problem with letting his thoughts run away with him like this – he always had to force his brain in different direction before long.

Michael and Alex lazed in the sun while Liz and Max walked into the town of wherever it was they’d stopped. Jacksonville, Michael thought, but he didn’t particularly care. The sun was hot, the sea was sparkling, and the beach was decently busy. He and Alex were both browning by the day, Alex’s sunburn having faded after only a couple of days. 

Liz had shown them a few of the photos she’d taken on her digital camera from the start of their trip to that morning, and Michael was shocked at how much darker Alex had gone in such a short space of time. “Long sleeves and inside living,” he muttered, when Michael mentioned it, both of them lying on their fronts with their heads pillowed on their arms, faces turned towards each other. “You’re tanning up pretty good yourself, y’know.”

“Not as much as you,” Michael said. “Never knew you had it in you.”

Alex laughed, eyes closed. “I get it from my mom.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. She’s Mescalero. Lives on the reservation outta town.”

“She and your dad are divorced?”

“Separated.”

Michael frowned. He didn’t want to ruin the lazy mood, but he had to ask, “She left you with your dad?”

“Mmhm. When I was about seven.” Alex yawned. “Liz and I bonded over it. Sometimes moms just leave, and there’s nothing you can do about it, y’know?”

Something in Michael’s heart panged. “You’re not mad at her?”

“You mad at Max and Isobel for getting adopted without you?”

It was so casual that Michael didn’t feel the blow land for a second, but he was winded when it did. He realised Alex hadn’t understood what he’d asked when he frowned and opened his eyes. “Michael?”

“I.” Michael swallowed. “That wasn’t their fault though. We were just kids.” He had no idea how to explain that of course he wasn’t mad at them, but of course he _was_ mad at them. Senselessly, with all the logic of a crying child. They’d left him behind. He could never forgive them, even though there was nothing to forgive.

Alex regarded him, unsmiling. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “What about their parents then?”

“They didn’t. I mean.” Michael didn’t want to answer, but he couldn’t not, not when Alex was looking at him like that. Looking at him at all. “I’m probably not even their brother, really,” he said, the words dragged out of him unwillingly. “It’s not like, y’know, we’ve never tested it, and I know they say it, but it’s not…it’s not, it’s…”

“You act like their brother,” Alex cut him off, saving him from his increasingly upset babbling. “I guess I haven’t seen you with Isobel much, but you act like Max’s brother.”

Michael blinked, swallowed. Tried to regain a little equilibrium. “How’s that?”

“Like how brothers are supposed to be.” Alex smiled, just the barest tilt to his lips. “I used to think it was all fake. Happy families, siblings who actually liked each other, parents who loved each other. It was all fake, people just copying what was on TV. Didn’t believe it could be real till I got to know Liz and Rosa, and their dad. They’re like…y’know, there’s nothing fake about Rosa. She and Liz fight each other enough that I know it’s real, but they’d do anything for each other too. They’d kill for each other. And you’d do that for Max.”

Michael swallowed again. “That doesn’t mean we’re really brothers,” he said, very quietly. He would never have said it to Max, or to Isobel. But he could say it to Alex.

Alex’s shoulder moved, a sort of lying-down shrug. “I wouldn’t piss on my brothers if they were on fire. We were just a bunch of people who shared genetic material stuffed in a box and forced to live with each other. I’m supposed to care about them, but I don’t. What you and Max have, that’s way better. Who cares whether you’re related by blood or not?”

It would have felt childish and small, somehow, to say _I do,_ so Michael didn’t, but his uneasy silence was apparently answer enough because Alex shifted, lifting his head a little so he could press his forehead to the exposed underside of Michael’s upper arm. Forehead and shoulder bumps were becoming their version of a kiss in public – platonic enough that anyone watching might not be stirred into frothing homophobic rage, but tender enough to convey what they wanted to.

“I always figured that was one of the plus-sides to adoption and that stuff,” Alex said quietly, settling back where he had been. “Being chosen, deliberately. Even if you’re not genetically related, Max and Isobel chose you as their brother. That’s good, right?”

Michael licked his lips, thinking. Alex kept looking at him, gaze clear and steady and patient. Michael cleared his throat and said, “Being chosen means they can change their minds. You can’t…you can’t just change your mind about who you’re really related to.” Somewhere out there, he knew, he had real family. Not that Max and Isobel weren’t his real family (a disclaimer he added for his own benefit, his own guilt pushing him into it) but somewhere out there were people who couldn’t change their minds about being his. About him being theirs.

“Downsides to that too,” Alex said in a low voice, deceptively light. “Even if I never see my dad again, y’know, I’ll never be able to outrun him. I got my skin from my mom and my temper from him. Half my genetic material is his. I can’t ever…there’s no escaping that.”

Michael exhaled slowly. “I’ve thought about that. Like, maybe it’s better to not know, maybe my parents are…were…terrible people. But, y’know. Maybe they weren’t.” He wanted to tell Alex, very suddenly, about the time he’d looked up the song _Maybe_ from _Annie_ after an older girl mockingly sang a few lines of it at the group home he’d been in after leaving the Weekes. He’d watched it on a computer at the library with his headphones in. His whole body had been frozen, seized up by some sort of non-physical pain he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to accurately describe. 

And for what? To tell Alex, to ham up his own mortifying feelings about his lack of family? To make himself sound even more pitiable? To beat Alex in some sort of horrible trauma competition? No, he wasn’t that pathetic or attention-seeking. Especially when to give some truths would hurt more when he couldn’t give all of them. He always implied that he knew his parents, his family, were dead, but he had no evidence of that. Maybe they were alive, out there somewhere. Maybe they would come for him one day. Maybe aliens would touch down in Roswell again, maybe soon, and Michael would be waiting for them.

Maybe someone with his eyes or his hair or his nose would walk out of a spaceship and wrap him up tight, and apologise for taking so long. 

Michael squeezed his eyes shut, shutting out Alex’s too-direct gaze, and swallowed. “You never answered,” he said.

“Huh?”

“Are you mad at your mom, for leaving?”

Alex sighed and rolled onto his back, one arm tucked under his head like a fucking teenage supermodel. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I hate her for leaving me. But I still love her too. And it’s pathetic, but if there was any chance of her taking me in, I’d do anything she wanted. I always…I used to make up these stories about the things my dad must have on her, blackmail or threats or something, whatever thing he was using against her that meant she never came back for us.” He sighed again. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have anything. I think she knows we’re half his, and she doesn’t want anything to do with anything he’s touched. I can’t exactly blame her.”

It was Michael’s turn to curl closer and press his forehead to Alex’s shoulder, sweaty curls against sweaty skin. Alex bent his arm at the elbow to hold Michael’s head there, for a moment. A sort of hug. A sad, half-concealed attempt at an embrace.

After a while, Alex nudged Michael’s ankle with his bare foot. “I’m hot. Let’s go cool off.”

“Kay,” Michael mumbled. He stumbled after Alex to the water and woke up when they were knee-deep and Alex decided to speed up the process by just pushing him over. Michael laughed and tripped Alex up so he fell down too, and he let Alex lead him out to where the water came up to his armpits, waves occasionally rolling up to his chin as they lapped in towards the beach.

Alex grinned at him from further out. “Come on!”

“Nuh-uh! I like my feet firmly on the bottom, thanks!”

Alex twisted in the water, and a foot was suddenly pressed against Michael’s stomach. He laughed and grabbed it, holding Alex in place. “How the hell’re you even staying up?”

“Humans are naturally buoyant, you know,” Alex smirked. “And I still have my arms and one leg.”

“Oh yeah?” Michael stepped back, pulling Alex with him, and then reached out and grabbed for his other ankle. Alex could have evaded him easily, but he let Michael fix his hands around his feet and hold on. He just smiled and tipped onto his back completely, arms spreading out either side of him. 

“Still two arms,” he sang, and Michael grinned. They were lucky right now – only a few people were nearby, and none of them seemed to be paying attention. So he spread Alex’s legs and gave him a hard yank, pulling him so his thighs wrapped around Michael’s chest. Before he could swim away, Michael leaned forward and snatched his arms, trailing his hands down till he had Alex’s wrists. Alex’s thighs slid down to settle around Michael’s waist, his smile huge and pleased. 

“Caught you,” Michael said, smug, and Alex grinned in response.

“You think?”

Michael had absolutely no warning when Alex’s heels jammed swift and hard into the backs of his knees. His legs buckled, head ducked underwater before he could even take a breath or close his eyes, and in the undignified flailing he instinctively engaged in, Alex slid away like the slippery bastard he was.

He was laughing when Michael emerged, and Michael didn’t waste time wiping his face or spitting to get rid of the taste of salty water – he just lunged at Alex in a surprise attack. It worked too, and even though Alex could have easily swum out of Michael’s depth to safety, he stayed close and let the fight continue on equal terms.

Michael’s eyes were streaming and stinging by the time they tramped back to their towels, but he was also so happy he didn’t know what to do with himself. It was dangerous, this sort of happiness. It was something that could be lost or destroyed or taken away. But every time his sensible, wary side tried to take his brain in hand, Michael looked at Alex, hair slicked down and dripping, eyes crinkled and sparkling, and his heart swelled in his chest until all he could do was smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I'm not saying that _Maybe_ from Annie is a heartbreaking Michael Guerin song, except yeah actually that's exactly what I'm saying. Shoutout to [these](https://soberqueerinthewild.tumblr.com/post/611325771105124352/so-ober-affen-geil-wrote-this-meta-a-few-days) [metas](https://myrmidryad.tumblr.com/post/190646351925/ninswhimsy-larenoz-angsty-aliens) about Michael's family issues. I stand on the shoulders of the meta writers in this fandom, I s2g.
> 
> My favourite food podcast [Savor](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-savor-28019899/) did a whole miniseries on New Orleans that definitely inspired that part of this fic. I really want to visit one day.
> 
> I forgot to say yesterday, but this is going to be a chapter a day, so enjoy!


	3. South - North - West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang travels north up to Niagara Falls and then west across to Yellowstone, with plenty of stops on the way and in between.

Max missed breakfast cereal. Liz missed having a real bathroom. Alex missed solitude. Michael pretended, when it was his turn, to miss being able to spend as long in the shower as he liked. In truth though, he was so used to getting by without creature comforts that he was actually having a far better time on this trip, crammed into a car that definitely seemed to shrink sometimes and sleeping every night in a tent, than he’d ever had in Roswell.

He was used to eating weird things for breakfast and whatever was available when he was hungry. It was true that he’d been able to spend as long as he liked in the showers at school in the mornings or evenings, but he’d always had to keep an ear out for anyone else nearby. Privacy was kind of hard to come by when you had to wash in semi-public bathrooms and slept under a tarp in a truck bed. Solitude was okay, and he did miss the opportunity to work on his ship designs or mess about on a guitar without anyone else hearing, but there had been times too when Max and Isobel had had to go home and he’d felt lost on his own. 

He kind of hated being on his own, actually. He didn’t admit it, even after figuring it out, but it was true. And strange, to realise that it was true. He was used to it, was all. At group homes or foster homes, he’d pulled solitude around him like a shield, not wanting to let anyone close enough to hurt him. A couple of times, when Max and Isobel’s parents had been out late or out of town altogether, Michael had slept over at their house, and this was like that.

He liked being surrounded by people. Even when Alex put his headphones in and ignored them all in the car or wrote lyrics in his notebook or went for walks to ‘explore’, Max and Liz usually stayed nearby, always happy to join in if Michael couldn’t stop himself talking. Michael hadn’t been alone for more than maybe ten minutes since they’d left Roswell, and it was kind of amazing. There was always someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to play a dumb car game with, someone to play cards with, just hang out with. 

Alex wasn’t like that, Liz explained to Michael the first time Alex went off on his own, leaving Michael behind in bewildered uncertainty, not sure if he’d done something to drive him away. Alex was like Rosa, who would be fine with company until she suddenly wasn’t, and she’d disappear to be by herself and snap at anyone who tried to interrupt her. Alex wouldn’t ever shout at someone like Rosa would, but he would speak less and look tired. He just liked being by himself sometimes, and it wasn’t anything to do with anyone else. 

It was a relief to have someone who knew Alex so well be willing to tell him things like that. Michael couldn’t quite figure out why Liz was so nice all the time, or why she was so nice to him specifically, even away from Max and Alex, but he was slowly getting used to it. 

Time seemed different out here – holiday time, Max called it, explaining it like it was a real phenomenon as they finally reached the Blue Ridge Parkway. They’d stopped in Cherokee for food and a couple of maps, and none of them could shut up about how green everything was. 

It was a different sort of green to the southern, coastal greenery they’d seen on the way to Florida too – this was a cooler sort of green, the grass thicker-looking, the trees broader and rounder in their shapes. The green further south was mossier, somehow, like it was clinging onto the landscape and hunkering down to escape the heat and humidity. This green was lush and luxurious, spreading out and soaking everything up.

The others seemed to love it, comparing everything to the huge open plains and wide ever-changing skies of New Mexico, but it unsettled Michael. He’d never really considered himself a citizen of the United States, or a citizen of New Mexico. He was an alien – he wasn’t a citizen of Earth at all. But somehow the place he’d landed in had gotten under his skin all the same. He’d always figured he’d be unphased no matter what he saw on Earth – he was focused on the stars, not the ground.

But it was different, seeing things up close, not in books or on a screen. It was different, seeing Earth’s gigantic oceans and feeling them lap at his skin. Different, gazing out of the half-open car window at the rolling hills absolutely covered in a carpet of green. The mountains he knew were raw and exposed, the greenery on them sparse and often dormant. His mountains were brown, red, orange. Not deep, leafy emerald.

They weren’t his mountains, he had to keep reminding himself as the others compared the Appalachians to Sierra Blanca. He didn’t have any mountains. He didn’t have anything on this planet.

Holiday time, according to Max, was different to the way time behaved during school vacations, though it was similar. Holiday time was different to vacation time, because time changed and behaved differently again when the person experiencing it was out of their usual environment.

“Like, you know how long it’ll take you to walk from your house to the store,” Max said, as they stood in a line at a viewpoint at the side of the road and stared and stared at the mountains in front of them, the breeze making the trees whisper near-constantly, like they were trying to get in on Max’s wisdom too. “And you know how long it’ll take you to do your chores, like the laundry, or whatever. But we’re not at home anymore, so our sense of time is further skewed. It gets slower, but faster in different places. We’ve been gone, what, a week? And it feels like a day and two months at the same time.”

“Yeah.” Liz smiled up at him, appreciation shining in her face. Next to her, Alex reached out and silently slid his fingers through Michael’s, who squeezed his hand back. “Exactly. Like every day seems to last forever, but then when it’s done, it’s like it actually passed really quick.”

Max nodded, and Michael sighed. “Liz, don’t let Max get away with this shit. Time is time, it doesn’t speed up or slow down according to human perception.”

Liz booed him, and Max and Alex laughed. “You’re too literal!” Max protested. “Come on, don’t you think that time is affected by stuff outside your control?”

“Yeah, Max.” Michael rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh with them. “Gravity. Never heard of the theory of relativity?”

“Yeah, but you did all my Physics homework, so I never bothered learning about it,” Max grinned, and Liz gasped.

“You were cheating in Physics?”

Max lifted his hands to protect himself. “Only as much as Michael was cheating in English!”

“Traitor!”

Max and Alex, the most poetic of their group, agreed that evening that it was like looking back in time, or maybe forward, to a time before or after humankind. They sat around their empty fire pit, eating the last of the sandwiches they’d made that morning. They’d gotten to the campsite much later than expected, and they were only going to stay up long enough to catch the last of the dying light before going to sleep.

“Invasive humankind anyway,” Max said thoughtfully.

“No other kind,” Alex dismissed. “We’re a horrible species, we can’t help ourselves.”

Michael looked up at him from where he was sprawled on their tent, not yet erected. “You think so?”

Alex snorted. “How can anyone not? Look at the history of our species. We’ve been on this planet for the blink of an eye compared to most of the other life on Earth, and we’ve managed to screw it up more than anything else. Sentience is a curse.”

“Oh my God!” Liz looked torn between horror and laughter, and she reached over to ruffle Alex’s hair. “You need some sleep! That’s so depressing, Alex!”

He twisted away from her and fell down behind Michael, both of them propped up on one elbow. Alex’s chest bumped Michael’s back, and he smiled reflexively. “That’s life,” Alex said, looping one arm over Michael’s stomach. “Nothing humankind does will make up for what we’ve done to this planet. We’re wrecking it, and for what?”

“Money?” Michael suggested, lying down properly so he could look up at Alex’s impassive expression. “Greed? Idiocy? Gotta admit, some of it was just ignorance. How were humans to know that plastic wouldn’t end up being the wonder material they thought it would?”

“Don’t talk like you’re not part of this,” Liz said, amused, and Michael ignored the scorch of Max’s pointed glare. “You can’t ignore the good parts of life though,” she said. “No other species makes music the way humans do, or tries to improve themselves the way humans do. No other species in the entire universe, as far as we know, has left their own planet and been to space the way we have.”

“No other species would make something like going to space a war,” Alex said simply. “Whoever gets there first claims the moon. Stick a flag in it, it’s yours. That’s the human way.”

“That’s the American way,” Max said, quiet. “Some people’s way. Not all humans are like that. And Liz is right – we’re not entirely a race of conquerors and murderers. We’re artists, and cooks, and caretakers too. Just because one part is bad, doesn’t mean the whole should be condemned.”

“For the record,” Michael said, looking up at Alex, “I’m a pretty big fan of at least one human on this planet.”

Alex visibly tried not to smile, and then scowled when Liz said, “Awwwww,” obnoxiously. 

“Shut up, Ortecho,” he huffed. 

Later, his face tucked against Alex’s shoulder, Michael wrapped an arm over his chest and snuggled closer. He’d thought to himself hundreds of times how awful humanity was, but it was different, hearing it from Alex. Even if it was kind of a joke, he didn’t like the idea that Alex thought he was a plague on the planet. No one like Alex could be anything less than a gift.

They actually went hiking the next morning. As much as four kids with about one and a half decent pairs of sneakers between them could hike, at any rate. They walked, was probably a more accurate way of putting it. They meandered. They wandered.

They wandered responsibly on the designated trails, obviously, making plenty of noise in case of bears. Max was very insistent about that, and Michael kept the teasing to a minimum after seeing the first cheerful warning sign telling them that there were bears in the area. 

It was kind of funny, in a way. Michael had slept outdoors more times than he could count with no protection but his own abilities, but the most dangerous things in New Mexico apart from people were coyotes, and he’d never been remotely afraid of them. Maybe it was different for humans who wouldn’t be able to throw a coyote twenty feet away if they needed to, but Alex didn’t seem afraid of wildlife like that either. Liz and Max were by far the most cautious, though thankfully not to the point of being timid.

Alex had been on hunting trips; Michael knew that now. He’d killed things (or, by the sound of it, been forced to kill things). He’d camped out and done some sort of survival training, though Michael knew he hadn’t been a boy scout. Just some shit his dad had put him and his brothers through, it seemed. Alex couldn’t just lay and light a fire in minutes; he also knew how to dig a latrine and admitted he knew how to extract water from piss, though he added defensively that he’d never had to do it. He could make and set snares, knew how to look for animal tracks (though he pointed out that he didn’t know how to do it so well in this environment), and could kill and skin and cook anything he caught.

It was kind of humbling. Michael had a lot in the way of raw defensive power, but if he was really stuck in the middle of nowhere, he’d be screwed. All his survival tricks were geared for urban environments, and Alex knew a lot of those tricks too. 

“What’re you looking at?” Alex muttered as they walked, a little ahead of Liz and Max, both of whom kept stopping to take pictures. Liz had a charger for the camera that fit the cigarette lighter USB socket they were all sharing in the car, but at some point the memory card was going to fill up. Michael guessed she’d buy a new one, and wondered in a familiarly anxious way whether that would come out of the group pot. He shook his head and focused on Alex again, a far more pleasant object of attention.

“You.”

“Why?”

Something Michael really liked about this nature walk shit was the privacy. He didn’t even have to look around to check they weren’t about to be seen before he leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek, lingering. Alex had shaved a couple of days ago, but his stubble was growing back, just a little. Patchy, centred on his upper lip and chin. Every time Michael kissed him and felt it was kind of amazing, but he liked the stubborn smoothness of Alex’s cheeks just as much.

He and Liz had stopped wearing eyeliner, agreeing that it was too much of a hassle to put it on and take it off every day. Alex had painted his nails on their second day but not since, and the polish was chipping badly. He still wore his jewellery though. Michael wondered whether his decisions were down to choice or risk management, but couldn’t think of a casual enough way to ask. He knew he wouldn’t have felt comfortable wearing makeup as a guy in places he didn’t know. Alex was brave enough to keep his jewellery, in his opinion.

“That’s not an answer,” Alex said softly, smiling that crooked smile that Michael was learning meant he was trying hard not to grin.

“No?” Michael wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed him again, smiling into Alex’s hair. 

“No.” Alex slid his arm around Michael slowly, like he was trying the position out. Michael’s arm fit neatly under his, their sides pressing together. “Why’re you looking at me, Guerin?”

“Can’t help it,” Michael said, surprising himself with his own honesty. He tried to cover it by pulling Alex closer and kissing his jaw again. “It’s cool,” he said after a moment, somehow prompted by Alex’s pink cheeks and pleased smile. “How much you know. Like, if there really was a zombie apocalypse or some sorta disaster, you’d be the MVP, no contest. You’re just really badass.”

Alex lost control of his smile, and Michael’s heart flipped over as he watched it blossom into a laugh. “You’d better stick with me then, huh?” he joked, and Michael squeezed him as tight as he could while still walking. 

“I’m planning on it.”

One of the worst parts of living outside in any degree was being at the mercy of the weather. Their third night in the mountains, it stormed so heavily that Michael was worried they’d get washed away. It was kind of miserable in the evening. They got to the campsite and set up as best they could in the pouring rain, and sat in the car to eat because they couldn’t sit outside. 

“One upside though,” Alex said, as he and Michael were carefully undressing and putting their wet clothes as close to the door as possible. It was so horrible they’d brought a water bottle in with them in case either of them needed to piss during the night. Going outside once they’d undressed would be madness.

“Yeah?” Michael towelled his hair dry with his hoodie, stripped down to just his t-shirt and underwear. He felt Alex move, and he was already smiling when he emerged to find Alex kneeling in front of him, leaning in for a long, leisurely kiss.

“Yeah,” he murmured, taking Michael’s hoodie from him and pushing gently at his shoulder to get him to lie down. “No one’s gonna be walking past us, and even if they do, that rain’s so loud they wouldn’t hear anything anyway.”

Michael leaned up to try and kiss him, heat flaring through his body despite the chill of the rain, but Alex leaned back out of reach with a smirk and pushed him down again. “What’re,” Michael started, and moaned softly when Alex shifted to straddle him and leaned down to kiss his neck, jeans damp against Michael’s bare legs. His mouth was so hot against Michael’s cold skin, it felt like a brand. “Oh,” he said stupidly, blinking up at the shivering canvas above them. The little camp lantern they’d bought a couple of days ago filled the space with yellowish light, casting strange shadows. “Oh…mmm.” His eyes fluttered closed as Alex slid chilly fingers under his shirt, up his sides. “Ah…okay, I…okay…”

Alex laughed against his throat, barely audible over the hammering rain. “Yeah.” He reached out and turned the lantern off so they wouldn’t be casting any suspicious shadows for anyone who happened to look outside. “Yeah,” Alex murmured again.

Nonsensical, but he made perfect sense to Michael, who had apparently made perfect sense to him. And that was as good as being touched, as being kissed. The relief was just as sweet, so wonderful it made Michael’s spine arch, his hands shake for a second where he was holding onto Alex’s waist. To be seen and heard and understood even when he wasn’t making sense – what could be better than that?

“Still gotta stay quiet,” Alex reminded him softly, one hand sliding sideways so his thumb could rub over Michael’s nipple, over the fabric of his t-shirt.

“Mmhm.” Michael’s eyelids fluttered, and he grinned when Alex kissed his nose, and opened his eyes to look at him, or try to in the darkness. Alex’s skin had been burnished orange-gold in the lamplight, but now he was just a dark shape above Michael, not even the sparkle of his eyes visible. The rain came down heavier on their flimsy tent, and Michael slid his hands up to push at the hem of Alex’s shirt. Alex leaned back, but only to urge Michael to curl forward enough that Alex could take his shirt off, it turned out, and Michael was fine with that, especially when Alex shifted backwards and kissed his neck again, then his collarbone, aim perfect even in the dark.

Alex pinned his wrists to the ground at his sides for a moment before letting go and rubbing his hands back up Michael’s chest, across his arms, around the back of his neck even as his mouth went lower. Michael stretched one hand out and brushed his fingertips against Alex’s knee, closing his eyes and relaxing under him.

The first time a girl had straddled him and kissed him in a way similar to this, Michael had been shitting himself, so nervous about doing anything wrong he could barely keep it up. With Alex, he was so calm he could have almost been sleepy if he weren’t so turned on. But even that was in a lazy sort of way, all his usual urgency strangely banked. He wasn’t any less into it than normal, far from it, but if Alex wanted him like this, turned out and open, Michael wanted it too.

Alex nuzzled the hair at the base of his belly and Michael sighed, letting himself be a little louder than usual. “Mmmm.”

“Mmhm,” Alex hummed, licking the same spot and laughing when Michael’s stomach jumped. 

“You…” Michael swallowed and tried to find words, that ache blooming sweetly behind his ribs. Sometimes Alex touched him so gently he wanted to hide, some part of him panicking for no good reason. “You’re teasing,” he breathed.

Alex paused. “Is that bad?”

Michael shook his head. He still felt slow and stupid, but not in a bad way. It didn’t matter if he was an idiot in front of Alex – Alex was safe. “No. S’nice.”

“Yeah?” Alex’s smile was in his voice, pleased and a little shy at the same time. 

“Yeah.”

“Cool.” Alex stroked Michael’s stomach, soft fingertips on softer skin, and Michael licked his lips. “Don’t be too quiet.”

Michael laughed, and then gasped as Alex slid his other hand down to rub against the line of his cock. He didn’t have to be silent when the rain was so deafening, so he let himself moan when Alex rubbed him again, a little harder, and then started pulling his boxers down.

It was just a handjob. Michael knew that, somewhere in the back of his mind. He knew that, but he didn’t know anything. They still hadn’t had a chance to go to a pharmacy, so the only lube they were using was saliva, and somehow that made it even more intense.

Michael reached up and twisted one hand into a pillow, something to grab and squeeze. The rain on the tent muffled but didn’t hide the way he kept moaning, the way almost every exhale was an, “Ahh…ahhhhh…”

Played like an instrument, he thought dizzily, when Alex wrapped both hands around his wet cock and covered him completely without giving him any real pressure, letting him try to fuck up into his grip. A twist of Alex’s wrist, and Michael squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. He was making a mess; they were making a mess. Sticky and lovely, Alex’s mouth dropping kisses on his chest and stomach, his hair tickling Michael’s burning skin.

“Ah, Alex,” Michael breathed, wishing he could see, imagining Alex’s eyes on him. “Alex…”

“Yeah.” A whisper, barely audible over the rain. Michael could picture him like they hadn’t turned off the lantern. Yellow-orange-golden light shifting over Alex’s skin, his green t-shirt, the beautiful angles of his elbows, the planes of his forearms, the hair on them casting long, long shadows. His hands, clever and gentle and wicked, both wrapped around Michael and holding him, stroking him.

Michael screwed his eyes shut and forced them open even though there was nothing to see, the fingernails of his free hand digging into the sleeping bag underneath him. A squeeze of Alex’s hands, and Michael arched his back, panting, biting his lip. It just changed the sound of his moans, trembling sounds ultimately the same. “Mmm, mmm _mmmmmm._ ”

“Yeah,” Alex murmured again, like he knew exactly what Michael was saying. He rubbed a thumb, then all his fingers over the slit of Michael’s cock, and Michael’s eyes rolled back in his head, mouth falling open helplessly.

“Ohhhh –”

Alex hummed in response, low and beautiful, and he did it again, and again, and Michael’s throat kicked his own noises up an octave, and another, until he was basically whimpering. Strung out and desperate, heat pouring off him. He cried out when he came, twisting his face into the pillow and letting Alex draw it out, work him so slowly it felt like it went on forever.

Alex kept one hand curled around him, and he must have wiped his other hand on something, because when he cupped Michael’s face with it, it was only a little damp. “Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, hey.” He turned Michael’s face with a thumb on his chin, and kissed him gently. 

It was only a handjob. Only a kiss. But Michael felt cracked open and raw, like he might start crying if he wasn’t careful. He kissed back clumsily at first, then deeper, tilting himself up into it. “You,” he whispered, as soon as he could. He reached for Alex and found what felt like his knee, pressing his fingertips to it. “Your turn.”

“You didn’t –?” Alex leaned back a little. “I, uh. I.” Michael heard him swallow, and felt him shift his hips a little. “I’m good.”

Michael made a valiant effort to think in a straight line and managed a frown. “Huh?”

Alex cleared his throat. “I’m good, Guerin. I already, y’know.”

The hell? “When?”

Alex sat back, definitely embarrassed now. “While you were, I, um. While I was…”

Michael pushed himself up very slowly, and realised at last what Alex was getting at. “Holy shit. You…?” Alex let go of his cock and swung himself off Michael’s legs without a word. “Whoa, hey.” Michael jerked himself up and fumbled to grab him in a hug from behind, careful not to press any of his currently disgusting stomach to Alex’s shirt, thighs still kind of hobbled by his underwear. “Don’t go.”

“You need a tissue.” Plastic crinkled softly, followed by the soft rasp of a tissue being pulled from its packet.

Michael kissed his neck, the shell of his ear, a lovely shivery feeling rolling through his whole body. “Yeah.” Alex had come just from touching him, and hearing him. Michael didn’t think he’d ever been so flattered in his life.

“Michael,” Alex said, exasperated, and Michael grabbed the crumpled tissue out of his hand and wiped roughly at his stomach before leaning in to kiss him, and when Alex started to pull back, he kissed him again, and then again, cupping his face and not letting him get away until he relaxed.

He still didn’t say anything when Michael stopped kissing him though, and Michael brushed his fingers over his face, trying to figure out his expression by touch. Unsurprisingly, nuances he would’ve picked up with his eyes were invisible under his fingertips, apart from the tense bumps of Alex’s eyebrows. Michael kissed the space between them, and the bridge of Alex’s nose, and his cheek, until Alex’s mouth wasn’t flat, though he seemed confused more than anything.

“Gotcha,” Michael murmured, and for some reason that was the thing that made Alex’s shoulders untense. “You got another tissue?”

“No. S’okay.” Alex swallowed and twisted away, this time to undo his pants and wriggle out of them, underwear presumably going with them. “I got it.” There were the sounds of fabric on fabric as Michael assumed Alex was wiping himself with his wrecked underwear, and then oriented himself with a hand on Michael’s shoulder before wiping his stomach again too.

Michael grinned and kissed his jaw, missing his mouth, and Alex snorted. “Shut up.”

“Nah.” Michael leaned in slow, rubbing their noses together before their mouths met. 

Alex helped Michael pull his boxers off, and Michael slid Alex’s t-shirt up and off him. They had different, softer shirts and pants for sleeping in, and even though Michael felt hot now, he knew he’d regret it if he went to sleep without that extra layer. He pinned Alex under him once they were zipped into the sleeping bag, face buried in Alex’s neck, squeezing him tight. Alex squeezed him right back, and then rolled so that Michael was the big spoon. They traded off often enough that Michael was pretty sure they had a 50/50 split on it, but he was glad to be the one wrapping himself around Alex tonight.

“Gotcha,” he mumbled again into Alex’s shoulder, and felt Alex laugh.

Max was clearly bummed out they were skipping New England entirely, but he cheered up when Liz told him they needed to save some for their next road trip, hands tapping excitedly on the steering wheel. Michael rolled his eyes and looked out of the window, like pretending Max and Liz weren’t sappy and gross would make it any less obvious how sappy and gross he was for Alex. 

Though he did honestly think he and Alex were less obviously sappy and gross, if only because they were both extremely aware of every move they made when they were in any sort of public space. Nothing had even happened, and Michael had never been targeted specifically for his sexuality the way Alex had, but he was still aware of it. It would still feel like a risky move to take Alex’s hand when they stopped to stock up on supplies. It would feel downright idiotic to do that at some of the gas stations they stopped at, and in some of the places they stopped to look around. 

“I thought it’d get better, further north,” Michael muttered under his breath as he and Alex trailed after Max and Liz down a main street in some town in Pennsylvania. Two people, a man and a woman, were holding signs and trying to pass out pamphlets about sinners going to hell, and Michael both wanted to lean into Alex for reassurance and put some distance between them so no one could make any assumptions. 

Alex snorted and looked away from the pair. “People don’t change.”

Michael was just glad they’d managed to hit a pharmacy back in Roanoke. He had a feeling that if they’d tried to buy lube and condoms here, they’d have been run out of town.

He drove the next leg, and switched with Alex when they got to the campground they’d planned to stop at and it turned out to be full. The site manager told them there were plenty of campgrounds in Allegheny National Forest, and they set off in that direction. Michael watched the sun set in the wing mirror and listened absently to Liz fretting about the possibility of getting to the campsite too late. They’d eaten a late and large lunch, so at least they didn’t need to worry about figuring out anything for dinner.

He felt like he knew every nook and cranny of Liz’s car now. The exact shade and texture of the grey leather seats, and the fabric of the roof, and the shape of the footwells and the dirt they’d unavoidably tracked inside. Liz kept an emergency roll of toilet paper in the passenger side door well, and there was always a bag of candy in one of the cupholders. Two air fresheners hung from the rear-view mirror now – a classic pine tree, and a gel-filled plastic dolphin – alongside the plastic beads from New Orleans.

He stretched out his legs, a luxury only afforded to whoever was riding shotgun, and wished for the first time that they didn’t have to set up a tent when they got where they were going. It would’ve been so nice to just get out of the car and into a real bed. If he didn’t count the time he’d slept in Alex’s shed, he hadn’t slept in a real bed in months. And he hated putting up their tent in the dark.

“Take the next right,” Max said from behind them. “We’re heading along that road to Millstone, then up to the campground.”

“Alright,” Alex murmured, smiling slightly as the turning came up and he swung onto it. Max was easily the best of all of them at reading maps on the road, and whenever they were getting slightly turned about he was voted out of the driver’s seat and firmly into the role of navigator. Even so, Alex drove slowly along the road, hemmed in tightly on both sides by shadowy trees, the headlights weakly illuminating their path.

They saw the sign for the campground with plenty of time to make the turn, and Michael waited in the car with Alex while Max and Liz went to pay for their night’s stay, coming back a couple of minutes later and saying, “Lot 15 on the upper loop. Take that path there.”

“Got it.” Alex guided the car slowly up the slope, and they rolled quietly up the path, passing the little lots one at a time on each side. Their lot was just as separate from the others, and Michael stretched as he got out of the car and looked around. All the other campsites they’d been to so far had crammed people in like sardines, cars and tents and RVs packed in so closely that everyone could hear it if someone sneezed three tents away.

“This is amazing,” Max whispered, and Michael grinned over at him. They got the tents out and set them up with practiced speed in the light of the car’s headlights, and Michael crawled in with a sigh of relief after brushing his teeth. Alex refused to let him in the sleeping bag if he didn’t, and for the first time, Michael didn’t mind being told what to do with his own body. It probably helped that he knew Alex wouldn’t hit him or something if he forgot.

“Tent sweet tent.”

Alex snorted as he climbed in behind him and zipped the door up, hanging their lantern from the loop at the apex. “Getting attached, huh?”

“A bit,” Michael smiled, wriggling out of his jeans and folding them messily. “What can I say? We’ve made some pretty good memories in here.” He waggled his eyebrows, and Alex laughed, leaning down to kiss him softly. “This is a cool site too.”

“Yeah.” Alex kissed him again, and Michael shivered as fingers skimmed up his bare thighs, just a tease before Alex was sitting back to pull his own pants off, almost kicking Michael in the ribs as he did. “Can’t wait to see it in daylight.”

They slid into the sleeping bag together after turning the lantern off, Michael smiling as Alex pushed him onto his side and curled around him, breathing in deeply. “Pretty sure I need a shower.”

“Me too.” Alex rubbed his nose against the back of Michael’s neck, the tip cold. “My hair’s disgusting. I forgot how lank it looks when it gets longer like this.”

“I like it.”

“You like me lank and greasy, huh?”

Michael snorted. “Pretty sure I’d like you even if you hadn’t showered for a week.”

“Gross. You don’t think it looks girly?”

“What, your hair? Nah. Hey, I bet mine’s just as long as yours, you just can’t tell because it’s curly.” 

Alex made a considering sound and pushed a hand into Michael’s hair, pulling a handful out straight and measuring it with his other hand. Michael hummed a quiet, contented sound, eyes closed, and waited for Alex to measure his own hair. “Huh. I think yours might be longer.”

“Ha.” Michael grinned, falling asleep. “I win.”

Alex pulled his hair again gently, and Michael hummed in response. “Looks to me like I got the prize here.”

Michael laughed and reached up clumsily to grab his hand and pull it down to kiss, lips soft against the base of Alex’s thumb. “Go to sleep, Alex.”

“Mmkay.” Alex settled down, arm tucked up against Michael’s chest. “Night.”

“Night.”

Max was just as enamoured in the morning as he had been at night, and Michael got it. It felt like they were in the middle of nowhere, more so than anywhere else they’d been. Their lot was on a dirt path, but if Michael turned his back on that and looked into the woods, it was like no one else was there. The trees were tall and thin, ferns covering the ground in a carpet that would be up to Michael’s thighs in places if he waded in. 

“It’s like a lake,” Max said softly from somewhere behind him. “Made of leaves.”

Michael turned, eyes narrow. “Hey, are you gonna go to Europe after this?”

Max raised his eyebrows, then shrugged awkwardly. He wasn’t wearing his baseball cap, hair a ridiculous mess without it, and Michael was so glad Liz obviously wasn’t the kind of girl to care that her boyfriend was a gigantic goofball. Who could’ve predicted after all the time Max had spent pining after her that Liz would actually turn out to be just as great as Max had always said she was? Michael knew the answer would be no, anyway. Max wouldn’t go anywhere without Liz now.

“Probably not,” he admitted. “But this is better.” He smiled, and came over to sling his arm over Michael’s shoulder, turning both of them to look out at the forest, the dappled white-green patches of light shivering over the ferns and grass, the breeze whispering through the trees as birds chattered and sang all around them. “I wonder what kind of trees they are,” Max mused. “They’ve got a plaque down by the entrance – this whole place was planted. That’s the difference between a national park and national forest.”

“The forests are planted?”

“Yeah, and like, managed. A national park is supposed to be preserved, as free from human interference as possible. A national forest is a resource.” Max smiled. “This whole forest was planted by people. Isn’t that amazing?”

“It’s pretty cool.” Max’s enthusiasm was contagious, pulling a smile out of Michael despite himself. Movement caught his eye, and he tensed. “Holy shit, Max – look!”

Max sucked in a delighted breath as three deer, pale brown and startlingly big, walked near-silently out of a thicket. “Oh my God. They’re so close! Oh man, I gotta get the camera!”

“I’ll get it, hang on.” Michael turned and gave their surroundings a long, cautious look. No one was around. Alex and Liz had both gone to shower as soon as they’d finished breakfast, and the other lots were far enough away that the greenery completely obscured them. “Is it in the car or your tent?”

“The car. Driver’s side door pocket.”

Michael concentrated, and the car door opened. Moving things he couldn’t see was always difficult, but he knew where the camera was, and the weird awareness he could extend found it easily. He lifted it out and floated it over into his hand, and passed it to Max.

Max looked at him in shock. “Michael, did you just –”

“No one’s around, I checked. Quick, before they go, go on.” He nudged his shoulder into Max’s side. “Take a picture.”

“You shouldn’t’ve done that,” Max muttered, but he lifted the camera and lined up the shot, frown relaxing as he took several photos of the deer walking slowly in front of them. “Seriously, Michael, what if someone had seen?”

“I made sure no one would.” Michael rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’m gonna get rusty pretty soon. I haven’t had a chance to practice at all since we left Roswell.”

“Is that so bad? I mean, you don’t _need_ it or anything, right?” 

Michael pursed his lips, watching the deer. They were so strange-looking, up close. All at once, Michael realised how difficult it would be to carry or drag one, if they were living in a time when they would have needed to kill one for food. “I guess not,” he said finally. “But I like using it. It reminds me what I am.”

Max frowned at him, but paused before speaking. Michael heard it then too – footsteps on the path. The deer weren’t bothered, and Michael slipped out from under Max’s arm and crept over to the path, hearing Liz and Alex’s voices. “Guys,” he whispered, stepping out so they’d see him and beckoning them over while holding a finger to his lips. “You gotta see this!”

They were both as enchanted as Max had been (and Michael too, if he was honest with himself). They watched the deer until they walked on, grazing on the shrubs and saplings they passed. “How about we stay here another night?” Liz said softly, after the deer were out of sight. “We could drive into Marienville for supplies, take the scenic routes, do some walking maybe?”

“I’m up for that.” Max looked at Michael and Alex, smiling, and Michael couldn’t help smiling back.

“Sure.”

Alex nodded too. “It’s really nice here. Kinda muddy though – if we do walks, I don’t know if my sneakers will handle anything too swampy.”

“Wrap ‘em in plastic bags,” Michael suggested. “Big plastic bags, tie them just above your calves, they stay up pretty well.”

“That’s genius,” Liz said fervently before he could be embarrassed at having given away that he’d obviously done that before. “Michael, that’s brilliant. I was really starting to think about buying some hiking boots.”

“I think I might buy real boots,” Max said, sounding almost apologetic. “What if the bag rips?”

“It’s not foolproof,” Michael admitted. The bags probably would tear on an actual trail, now he was thinking about it. Like hell was he buying new boots though, not when he had so little money to spare. But Max would probably try to buy a pair for him and call it a birthday present. His official birthday was in April, but the day they’d been found was July 2nd, and that was the day Michael cared about.

It was only a week and a half away now. His original plan had been to spend the day with Isobel, and call Max wherever he was in Europe. Now the script was flipped, and it was him and Max who’d be calling Isobel. He needed to save his own money for presents for both of them, but trying to get them to stick to a spending limit for their presents for him was like pulling teeth. Michael knew how much new boots would cost, and he knew he couldn’t afford them, and he knew they would be way above the limit of what he could afford to spend on Max and Isobel. 

He did prefer useful presents though. And good boots would be very useful.

He’d have to think about it.

They headed into Marienville for supplies, then back to the campsite, and Max asked a few other campers for walk recommendations. They set out on what he reported was the driest route, and Michael’s edgy mood slipped away. It was hard to hold onto things like that when they were picking their way through an overgrown path, gaping at their surroundings. They found a stream and followed it back to find the source of the waterfall sound, and crossed it by walking across a fallen tree. A butterfly landed on the brim of Max’s baseball cap and Liz managed to get a picture of him grinning in cross-eyed delight at it.

They ate ham sandwiches they’d made before setting out, and bananas and huge red apples, and before they got back to the campsite Alex wrapped Michael up in a hug that lasted almost a whole minute.

Michael kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, feeling like he was wobbling in place with anticipation, and the longer he had to wait the worse it would be when it happened. But it kept not happening, and even if he was getting dizzy from the continued good fortune, he wanted to soak it up at the same time. He tucked his face against Alex’s neck and breathed him in, holding on tight and hoping – actually hoping, like a total idiot – that his luck would keep going for at least a while longer.

Standing basically on top of Niagara Falls, Michael felt like he could barely breathe. It was unbelievably loud, for a start, windy and cold for another, and he couldn’t stop thinking about all the people Max had cheerfully told them had gone over the falls and survived.

Michael looked down at the churning waters below and swallowed. He wished he couldn’t imagine being swept over the edge, but he really, really could. It looked really shallow right at the top, but he knew from Max that it wasn’t. If he was stuck in the current, he’d be very much out of his depth, and he’d be pulled along too fast to get any purchase even if he hadn’t been. He’d be over the edge before he knew what was happening, and then would come the fall, and then the crash at the bottom. The drag, the suffocation, the pressure. It would probably be like getting stuck in a washing machine.

That reminded him that it was his and Alex’s turn to do laundry, and the mundanity of that grounded him a little bit.

Not enough to go on the Maid of the Mist boat ride though, and he shook his head fervently when Max gave him a hopeful look. “Nope. I’ll stay here, you guys can give me anything you don’t want to get wet.”

“Are you sure?” Alex asked, tilting his head. Michael could tell he thought it was because of the price – which was absolutely a rip-off, but wasn’t the issue this time.

“Very sure. Steal me a poncho if you can though,” he added. “I don’t have a raincoat; it might come in handy.”

Liz laughed and grabbed Max’s hand. “You got it. We’ll meet you back at the Visitor Centre, okay?”

“Cool.” Michael smiled. “Don’t get the camera too wet.” He walked up the path to the rapids viewing area, and ended up sitting down on a bench in the sun and trying not to freak out. There was absolutely no reason for his reaction to a waterfall to be panic, that was the frustrating thing. It was irrational. Sure, it was the biggest waterfall he’d ever seen in his life and it was kind of terrifying, and he’d seen at least two kids whose reaction had been to burst into frightened tears, but still. It was just a geographical feature. 

The boat tour took half an hour, according to the guidebook, and Michael read the whole thing before getting up and going to lie down on the grass. Plenty of other people were doing the same, and he didn’t look out of place. 

He didn’t realise he’d fallen asleep until his ringing phone woke him up. Liz, he saw when he fished it groggily from his pocket. “Hey, sorry, I fell asleep.”

She laughed on the other end. “That’s a relief! Where are you?”

“Just up the path from the viewing spot. You wanted to go over to the island, right? There’s a bridge over here.”

“Okay, we’ll come find you. See you in a second!”

Michael lay back again and yawned. If he turned his head, he could see the CN Tower over on the Canadian side. For the first time in his life, he kind of wished he had a passport. The view from up there – not that he would have been able to afford a ticket, and he was sure it would be ticketed – had to be incredible.

The others had gotten him a poncho off someone about to throw theirs away, and he laughed and folded it up, putting it in his bag. “Thanks, guys.”

“It was so cool!” Liz gushed, hanging back with him while Max and Alex ambled ahead. “Totally worth it, even though my photos are terrible.”

“Too much water?” Michael guessed.

“It’s not called Maid of the _Mist_ for nothing,” Liz said with a wry smile. “It was still amazing though. I’ve wanted to come here since I was like, this high.” She put her hand at waist level and laughed.

“I was thinking it’s kind of a shame we can’t go over the other side,” Michael offered as they started to follow the others. “Go up the CN Tower, get a bird’s eye view.”

Liz looked behind them at the tower and then back at Michael. “You mean the Skylon Tower?”

Michael blinked, a little spike of dread going through him. “Is that what that is?” 

“Yeah, the CN Tower’s in Toronto.”

“I thought that was Toronto over there.”

“No, Toronto’s on the other side of Lake Ontario.” She’d lowered her voice, Michael realised, his embarrassment receding a little. She’d lowered her voice so Max and Alex wouldn’t overhear and realise he’d mixed up the towers. “That’s Niagara Falls – the Canadian Niagara Falls, both towns are called the same thing. The towers are the same shape,” she added, like she was trying to reassure him. “But, uh, I think the CN Tower is like five times as tall as that.”

Michael made a face. “This is what I get for never looking at the maps.”

“Hey, it’s not our fault Max is the best navigator,” Liz said brightly, and she looped an arm through his like they were best friends. “Did you really just nap while we were gone?”

“I read the guidebook?” Michael shrugged. “Don’t expect me to regurgitate it like Max does though.” 

“I like that he does that – it’s like he summarises all the best bits for me.”

“He’s a huge nerd.”

“So am I. And so’re you.” She elbowed him gently. “We’re just nerds in a different direction. Max and Alex are the artsy nerds, we’re the sciencey nerds. The superior nerds.”

Michael laughed, taken by surprise. “Damn right we are.”

Since they’d done the Maid of the Mist, they couldn’t afford to do the Cave of the Winds as well, to Michael’s private relief. He did get the unenviable job of trying to explain the implications of how Nikola Tesla developing the AC system changed electrical engineering though. Alex ended up acting as a sort of translator – Michael had never been very good at figuring out what other people were capable of understanding compared to him. He’d always been careful to never get consistently perfect test scores, only letting himself get them in the first place when he really couldn’t help himself.

He’d known Alex was in AP Math, but he hadn’t realised how smart he actually was. It was kind of a thrill, realising after all this time that Alex’s nerdery didn’t completely skew in the artistic direction the way Max’s did.

“And yours isn’t totally science-based,” Alex pointed out when Michael mentioned it. “You love playing the guitar. Math and music are really closely linked anyway, so it makes sense.”

“I bet you’d be good at coding,” Michael said, and Alex laughed.

“Yeah? Why?”

“It’s all about logic and creativity, and you’re all about those.”

“I’m not very creative.”

Michael shrugged. “I think you are.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You haven’t even heard anything I’ve written.”

“Yeah, because you won’t play it to anyone.”

“It’s not good enough.”

“It never will be.” Michael shrugged again. “Nothing’s ever finished. So what if it’s not good enough now? You gotta get the shit stuff out quick so you can get to making the good stuff.”

“Do you write songs too and never told me?” Alex smiled, and Michael bumped their shoulders together, wrinkling his nose as they turned a corner onto a part of the path closer to the falls, the mist rising off the water and settling in damp pearls on his face and bare arms.

“No, but…okay, so part of my scholarship had this bit about conceptualisation, and I’m pretty sure that’s what got me the full ride.” Michael glanced quickly behind them to check that Max wasn’t too close. He would not like what Michael was about to say. “So, I’ve always been really into the potential mechanics of advanced space travel.”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Okay, I did not expect that.”

He was such an idiot, but he’d started now, and he couldn’t back out. “It’s conceptual stuff. Like, experimental, pretending that certain problems have already been solved so you can work on issues that you wouldn’t be able to otherwise. Like, pretend getting out beyond the atmosphere wasn’t a big deal and wasn’t as ridiculously difficult and fuel-inefficient as it is now. Then you get to deal with the fun parts of actually getting places and sustaining life in space. Pretend fuel isn’t an issue at all – pretend you’ve got a perfect self-sustaining fuel source and engine, and then you can just mess about with the materials you’d need your ship to be built of, and the best way to control direction and speed, the sort of shields you’d have to have. All that stuff.” Michael cleared his throat awkwardly, but Alex was smiling.

“Go on,” he encouraged. “What’s that got to do with getting the shit stuff out fast?”

“Well I’ve been playing around with these kind of designs for years. Like, my whole life, it feels like.” Michael shrugged, trying way too late to make it seem like it was no big deal. “So by the time I got this question asking for examples of the sort of experimental stuff I’m interested in learning more about, I bet I was already ahead of any other applicants who’d either never considered that before, or didn’t have a good backlog of examples to back it up. But I’ve got literally years of designs I’ve been fucking about with, and looking back on them now, some of them are insane. Like, really stupid, like if I saw someone post them online or something now I’d laugh them out of the room. But I know in five years I’ll look back on what I’m thinking about now and probably have exactly the same reaction. It’s not about quality, it’s about quantity. Oh, Max has a story about that, hang on.”

Max looked up when Michael called his name, and he and Liz came forward to walk with them. “What?”

“What was that thing you told me and Iz once about the pots? Like, making loads or making good ones?”

“Oh!” Max brightened. “So, a beginner’s class in pottery is split in two, as an experiment. One group is told that their grade will be based on one single pot, and the other group is told that their grade will be based on how _many_ pots they can produce. So each group gets to work, and group one is being really careful about it, they’re studying technique and they’re going to visit museums and galleries to get an idea of what the perfect pot should look like. Group two is just going hell for leather, churning out pot after pot after pot, as many as they can fit in the kiln at once. And at the end, who do you think has the best pots?”

Alex narrowed his eyes and exchanged a look with Liz, who frowned. “Group two, right?”

Max beamed. “Yeah! Because even though at first they made loads and loads of mistakes, because they didn’t care what their pots looked like or how big they were or anything, and lots of their pots came out looking weird or they just blew up, because they made so many they ended up getting way, way better at making them than group one, who took it too slow and ended up overthinking everything they made.”

“Quantity over quality,” Michael concluded, grinning at Alex. Max shook his head though.

“No, the point is that quantity can become quality. Practice makes perfect.”

“Oh, you know what I mean. Gotta get the shit stuff out first, the better stuff comes later.”

“Pretty much.” Max smiled. “I think my way of phrasing it was nicer though.”

Michael shrugged. “It always is.”

They were camping about half an hour away from Niagara Falls, right on the edge of Lake Ontario, which was so big that Toronto was very much not visible on the other side. They drove into Niagara Falls again the next day, and Michael’s stupid money issues rose up yet again when he and Max went looking for somewhere to get haircuts. Alex and Liz weren’t bothered, but Michael’s curls were starting to get in his eyes, and he knew he was approaching the mop-head stage.

The toilet brush stage, as someone at one of the group homes he’d lived at called it. It had caught on, and he’d had to endure the other kids calling him that till he’d been moved.

Usually, he asked Isobel to do it. He’d been asking her to do it pretty much since he’d come back to Roswell, and she’d improved a lot over the years. But he hadn’t had time to ask her to give him a trim before he left, and now he’d have to pay for it. Literally. 

Max eventually dragged him into a cheap barber’s and Michael closed his eyes and paid seven dollars for two inches of his hair to be removed. Seven whole dollars. Max’s expression said that that was not expensive, but it sure as hell felt like it to Michael. If Max hadn’t been with him, he would’ve walked out and asked Liz or Alex to try cutting his hair instead. Even if they screwed it up, at least he wouldn’t have been out of pocket.

“Seven dollars,” he muttered as they left, running his hand through his newly-shorn hair. “For _that._ ”

“Stop complaining.” Max ruffled his hair, and Michael ducked away with a scowl. “Come on, I saw a shoe shop down here. Our birthday’s in two days, and I’m getting you boots.”

“Maybe,” Michael said, guard up after paying so much for a haircut. He’d budgeted fifteen dollars each for Max and Isobel, now reduced to $12.50 each since he’d spent $3 on his swimming trunks back in New Orleans, and he seriously doubted they’d find any decent hiking boots for such a low price. Shoes were always depressingly expensive.

He never fought with Max – it was kind of impossible to fight with Max, because he always met any aggression with a sad frown. The only times Michael had ever even heard him raise his voice was when he thought Michael or Isobel had been careless with their powers. Keeping their secret was Max’s number one priority, and Michael couldn’t exactly fight him on that. And he couldn’t fight him on things like boots as a birthday present either, because he didn’t have any leverage.

“I told you, I don’t care about spending limits,” Max said, for probably the fifth or sixth time. “They’re presents, Michael, it’s about the thought, not the money.”

Which was easy for the guy with the money to say, but Michael had never been able to figure out a way to say that. He couldn’t explain how humiliating it was to be given gifts that were in the thirty to fifty dollar range when he couldn’t reciprocate, because he knew it was just Max and Isobel trying to show him how much they cared. If the intention was what mattered, they couldn’t be faulted. 

“Look, they’re just…they’re overpriced,” Michael said, also for probably the fifth or sixth time. “They’re _boots._ For sixty dollars I want those things to make me three meals a day and glow when there are snakes around.”

Max frowned and looked back at the display. “What about the forty dollar ones?”

“For that price, I want them to make me breakfast and glow for like, particularly nasty bugs.”

Max gave Michael a sideways look, a reluctant smile on his face. Michael grinned back instinctively, ready to push his advantage. He could get by with his sneakers. “What about if we split it?” Max asked suddenly. “Like, I’ll buy you one boot, as your present.”

Michael raised his eyebrows. Twenty dollars was much easier to stomach than forty, that was for sure. But it was still more than he could afford. A sleeping bag, the trunks, a haircut, and presents for Max and Isobel: that was fifty dollars, all gone. And he was already embarrassed at the prospect of only spending $12.50 each on presents for Max and Isobel. He and Max had agreed to find a library or an internet café and buy something online for Isobel together, but admitting he could only contribute $12.50 was making Michael feel kind of sick.

But Max wouldn’t back down on this – he’d already made a concession by suggesting they split it. Twenty dollars was a decent compromise. 

“Okay,” Michael said, and smiled helplessly at the way Max’s face lit up.

“Awesome! Okay, now you have to try them on – no point in buying them if they don’t fit.” Max grabbed the boots off the shelf and pushed Michael with a gentle hand on his shoulder over to a bench so he could sit.

“Alright, alright, calm down.”

He’d ask Liz for a bigger share of his money back, Michael decided, kind of miserably. He was going to owe so much money to her and Max anyway – what was a little extra? Max probably wouldn’t even notice. 

Michael was already dreading asking her, but he was sure Liz would be fine with it. And it was different with her than it was with Max. She was thriftier. She understood the need to be careful better than Max did.

The boots fit, and Michael swallowed down that lovely mix of dread and embarrassment that was becoming the emotional backing track to being with any of the others while money was being spent. He was fucked up, he knew that, but it kind of sucked having it shoved in his face again and again.

He and Max settled on ordering perfume for Isobel, and Michael slipped away on his own afterwards to try and find a second-hand bookstore. He always got books for Max, and he loved the way that Max actually preferred it if they weren’t new. The older the better, as far as Max was concerned, and while that could take the turn back into expensive past a certain point, usually Michael could find some decent volumes for him without spending too much.

He’d need to ask Liz for an extra $25. It wasn’t so bad. He still had $34 in his account.

He spent $4 on his card in a bookstore, withdrew the rest from a cash machine, and bought Max two more books for exactly $11 after flirting and cajoling the total down from $12. It felt depressingly victorious. 

Max had already found Alex and Liz when Michael finally made his way back to them, sitting outside a café with two empty mugs on the table. Michael made a show of hiding the contents of the plastic bag the books were in from Max, who laughed along happily, and it was fine. Completely fine. 

He caught Liz’s eye as they got up to head back to the car, and she hung back with him as Max and Alex drew ahead. “So,” he said quietly. “I kind of had to use more money than that fifty dollars we agreed on. I’ve, uh. I’ve got the rest of what was in my account, kinda figured it’d be easier to give it to you.” He passed her five dollars, face aflame, but Liz took it with a shrug.

“Sure thing. How much extra?”

“Twenty-five dollars.”

“Family, huh?” she smiled humourlessly. “Presents are expensive. I’ve gone over my fifty dollars already too.”

“You have?”

“Uh huh. The stove is mine, remember? And I keep cracking and buying myself stuff I don’t need.” She rolled her eyes and jerked her head back at the café. “Like, I didn’t need that coffee, but I got it anyway. You and Max need to stick around – I’m better behaved when it’s all of us, not just me and Alex.” She laughed, and some of the pressure in Michael’s chest eased.

“Thanks, Liz.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled. “I’m doing the math. It’ll all work out.”

“You’re not worried I’ll run off and leave you high and dry?” Michael asked, testing a question he’d been wanting to ask for a while.

But Liz shook her head, black hair flicking over her shoulder. “Max trusts you, I trust Max. And actually, I trust you now too, like, on your own. We’re friends, Mikey! Get used to it!” She laughed again, wrapping her arm around him and squeezing in a sideways hug. “Come on, let’s catch up.”

“Alright.” Michael grinned, not even finding it in him to protest being called Mikey. As long as it was just Liz, he decided, he didn’t mind it.

The next leg of their journey was set to be the most boring. Driving down alongside Lake Erie would be okay, but then they’d be heading west in a pretty straight line from Ohio to Wyoming, because Liz had had her heart set on going to Yellowstone since she was old enough to dream about going to Niagara Falls, and now that she would be splitting the cost with three other people, she was even more excited to go.

Michael had nothing against the Midwest by the end of day one. By the end of day three, he was about ready to declare every state between the Appalachians and the Rockies a barren wasteland. “There’s literally nothing here!” he cried, gesturing out of the window at the vast expanse of Iowa stretching out in all directions. “It’s just grass! There aren’t even any animals on it!”

“I always wondered what it would take to break you,” Max said from the driver’s seat, entirely too happy about the situation. “Turns out all we need to do is drop you in an environment with no landmarks, and you completely melt down.”

“It’s not a crime to want some variety in the landscape around me,” Michael grumbled.

“It’s funny how different it is.” Liz stared out of the window. She was in the back with him, Alex asleep in the passenger seat. None of them had had the heart to wake him at the last changeover. “Like, this is objectively pretty similar to back home. Big plains, huge open spaces.”

“No rocks.” Michael didn’t understand why it was getting to him so much. “All this grass and corn covers everything up.”

“You like seeing the bones of the earth exposed,” Max smiled, and Michael rolled his eyes. Being around Liz meant he wasn’t doing any writing, but he sure was getting more poetical.

“It’s too much flat green. It’s unnatural.”

“The sky looks different too.” Liz peered up at the grey clouds overhead. “It’s all the same sky, right? It should look the same.”

“Different weather patterns,” Michael said, at least able to rationalise that part. “This part of the country doesn’t get the same winds and heat patterns we do in the southwest. There’s…ah, something about…” Geography had never been his strongest subject, but Max had done an extra-credit project on this stuff at some point. “Max, help me out here, cold air from the gulf?”

“Warm air from the gulf,” Max corrected. “Cold air from Canada. They meet in the middle, on the Great Plains, and that’s why you get really intense summer storms.”

“Not tornados though?” Liz frowned. 

“No, there’s something else – the jet stream or something, I think – that comes across the Rockies and pushes those colliding air systems east, and that’s where you get tornados. The strongest ones, anyway. And the Rockies are the thing that stops those storms going further west, which is why it’s so dry on that side of them.”

“What about Washington though?” Michael frowned. “Isn’t that like, the rainiest state?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Liz said. “It’s colder up there though, so I guess they just get more rain?”

Droplets started hitting the windshield at almost the exact same time she finished speaking, and Michael laughed. “You did this. Max, Liz is a witch, she summoned the rain.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one who said the word first! And Max is the one who said storms first, why am I the witch?”

“Guys,” Max huffed. “You’ll wake Alex.”

Alex slept soundly though, even when the rain stopped being a gentle patter and turned into sheets of water so thick they could barely see the road. The wind got up too, and Alex finally jerked awake when Max cursed loudly as the car rocked sideways with an alarming creak. “Whoa,” he croaked, rubbing his eyes and squinting out at the dark grey world outside the car. “That’s pretty heavy.”

“It’s horrible,” Liz said miserably, and Michael knew she was thinking the same thing he was – getting out to set their tents up in this would be an absolute nightmare.

“How about,” he said slowly, “we just keep driving? We’ve got the map; we can just follow the same roads we were gonna follow anyway. If it eases up, we can pull over and set up the tents in one of the literally thousands of fields this place has to offer.”

“That’s illegal,” Max muttered.

“We can find another campground,” Alex said, reaching back to grab the big bottle of water and taking a gulp. “If it stops raining like this, I mean. I’m okay with driving through the night if it means not having to get out in this. I don’t wanna get blown away, and everything’ll get soaked.”

“I’m good with it,” Liz said. “As long as there’s always two people awake, and no one drives for more than…I don’t know, what’s safe? Two hours?”

“Whenever the driver starts actually falling asleep,” Michael suggested. “We can tag-team it. Max?”

“I’m in if you guys are in. I can keep going for another two hours, easy.” 

“I can take over after that,” Alex offered. “I’m definitely well-rested.”

“I’ll stay up with you,” Michael said, “and then Liz can take over when I wanna prop my eyelids open with matchsticks.”

“Deal.” Liz twisted to start rummaging in the trunk, pulling out one of the blankets. “You and me should get some sleep now, if we can.”

Michael raised his eyebrows as she spread the blanket over their laps, reaching over to make sure he had his fair share. “Cosy.”

“Oh, I’m not done,” she said, sly, and reached back to tug a couple of pillows out as well. “Can’t sleep if you’re not comfy.”

Michael had plenty of anecdotal evidence that said otherwise, but he still took a pillow – Max’s, he guessed. “Thanks.”

“If I had sleep masks and ear plugs, we’d really be set,” she said, and tucked the pillow between her head and the window and closed her eyes. Michael couldn’t see, but he knew without having to check that Max was absolutely wearing a besotted smile right now. Liz kicked his leg. “Sleep.”

“Okay, okay.” He grinned and leaned back, tucking his arms under the blanket and surreptitiously undoing his seatbelt. He’d get told off by all three of them if they found out, but he figured the likelihood of a crash when Max was driving this slow on an empty road was low enough to risk it. And Liz was half right – it was definitely easier to sleep if you were comfy.

He slept lightly, especially when the thunder started. It still felt like it had been hours and hours when they stopped for Alex to start driving. Max climbed into the back, Alex clambered into the driver’s seat, and Michael awkwardly climbed into the front, none of them getting out to do it. It was nice to have legroom at least, but he would’ve killed for a coffee.

“Wonder if we can set up the stove?” he mumbled as Alex started driving again. 

“Pretty sure that’d be dangerous.” Alex smiled slightly. “You should be more worried about gas.”

“Are we low?”

“Not yet, but we will be by the time you start driving.”

“Head for a town,” Michael suggested.

“Yeah, that was my thinking.”

“Great minds.” Michael yawned, which set Alex off as well.

“Don’t do that.” Alex pushed his shoulder gently. “You’re meant to be helping me stay awake, not sending me to sleep!”

“How were you doing that for Max?”

“Talked a bit.” Alex shrugged. “He seemed pretty alert.”

“I was,” Max mumbled from the back. 

“Go to sleep,” Michael told him. “Follow Liz’s example.” Max gave a sleepy grumble and lapsed back into silence. The car creaked as another strong gust of wind rocked it sideways, and Michael saw Alex frown as he corrected to make sure they stayed straight on the road. “You’re a good driver,” he said. “But you’ve never had a car, right?”

“Right.” Alex’s hands flexed on the wheel, at the perfectly correct 10 and 2 positions. “I’ve driven this car more than any other, actually. I was always designated driver for the girls.”

“You were?”

“Mmhm. I don’t drink much, and Rosa’s cheap weed never really agreed with me.” He shrugged. “It just made me really edgy.”

“Paranoid?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never actually tried it,” Michael admitted, and Alex smiled, looking oddly pleased. “What?” Michael laughed.

“You’re about as much of a bad boy as Max Evans,” Alex grinned, and they both laughed when Max grumbled again.

“Come on, I’m not that squeaky clean,” Michael smiled. “I’ve got a rough background.”

“Yeah, but not a rough personality to match. No creepy behaviour, no animal mutilation –”

“Jesus, what’re your bad boy requirements?”

“Okay, if we’re going to be stereotypical about it and not Disney it up.” Alex pressed his lips together, thinking. “A bad boy is someone…is Liz asleep?”

Michael twisted to look. “Pretty sure?”

“Someone like one of Rosa’s boyfriends,” Alex said plainly. “A real asshole, someone who turns you on but who doesn’t care about your feelings, can and will steal your shit, treats you badly, doesn’t respect or like your friends, probably has substance abuse issues, definitely has problems with authority, probably comes from a shitty home situation…mmm, if we’re getting more specific, there’s stuff like their style too, and the kind of cars or motorbikes they drive. Rosa and I made up this whole chart one time, it was pretty involved. And let’s be honest, Guerin.” He smirked. “You don’t tick many of those boxes.”

Michael considered it. “I’m not exactly broken up about that. I tick some of them though.” He wondered if nail polish remover counted as substance abuse. He hadn’t had any since they’d left Roswell, and he wasn’t missing it or anything, but it would’ve been nice to have some on hand. 

“Shitty home situation, I’ll give you,” Alex nodded. “Your truck’s beat up enough to count. Your style’s kind of grungy, but not shabby enough to really push you over the edge.”

Michael shrugged. “Didn’t wanna stand out too much. Would your style count?”

“Maybe?” Alex’s hands tightened on the wheel as the car rocked again, headlights barely cutting through the torrential rain. “If I was straight, maybe.”

“Well I can confirm it’s hot, if that’s the criteria,” Michael grinned, and grinned wider when Alex bit his lip to hold back his own smile.

“Anyway. You tick some boxes, but definitely not enough to qualify for actual bad boy status. You’re too nice.”

“It’s my curse,” Michael agreed. “I’m always trying to be more of a dick, and it just never works out. I just end up falling more on the loser end of the spectrum.”

“I always thought you were more the mysterious end,” Alex said. “Plenty of rumours, no solid info because you didn’t really have any friends. But you were friendly enough to not get totally hammered for it.”

It had certainly helped to have Isobel watching his every move, always ready to give anyone who thought about giving him a hard time a swift mental nudge in another direction, but it wasn’t like he could tell Alex that. 

“I’m good at flying under the radar.”

“I tried that, for a while. Didn’t really work out for me.”

“When was that?” Michael couldn’t really remember what Alex had been like before junior year or so.

“Start of high school, ish. Around the time Kyle decided his social standing was more important than me.”

“Kyle?” Michael frowned. “Wait, not Kyle Valenti?”

“Yeah, we used to be best friends. You didn’t know?”

“No.” Had he known that? Michael shook his head. “Jesus. What the hell?”

“Our dads are friends; we were shoved together from birth, pretty much.” Alex shrugged, like it was nothing. “People started giving me shit, and he cut his losses so he wouldn’t get tarred with the same brush. Can’t blame him, really.”

“You really think that?”

“No.” Alex snorted. “I think he’s a cowardly, peacocking piece of shit. But he’s nice too, that’s the thing that I hate the most. Like, he wasn’t a bad boyfriend to Liz. He was really nice to her, he treated her like a queen, he didn’t pick on me while she was around, all that. So I know he’s capable of not being an asshole, which means he’s really doing it on purpose when he’s an asshole to me. He only really did it when his friends were around, y’know? Like, he could elevate his own standing with them by bullying the gay kid.” Alex sneered. “Big tough man.”

“I can’t believe you were friends with him.” Michael shook his head. “He’s such a douche.”

“Mmhm.” Alex glared at the road, what little of it was visible. “So, yeah. I tried to blend in for a while, but that didn’t really work out. People were giving me shit anyway, so I figured I might as well be myself.”

“I never got that,” Michael admitted. “Being yourself. How do you even know who that is?”

Alex smiled. “It’s whatever gives you a fist-punch feeling.”

“Huh?”

“Whatever makes you happy, but for me I always figured if it didn’t make me wanna just –” He mimed punching the air, mouthing _yes!_ “Then it wasn’t really me.”

Michael smiled, shifting in his seat to turn his whole body towards him. “Like what?”

“You know, the stuff I always wear.” Alex shrugged. “The music I listen to.” He hesitated. “The makeup.”

“It’s cool,” Michael told him, hoping to ease whatever had made Alex hesitate. “It looks good on you.”

Alex’s mouth softened. Not quite a smile, but close. “You think so?”

“Definitely.”

“Have you ever wanted to wear any?”

Michael shook his head slowly. “I don’t think so. I’d try it out, but it doesn’t…I like it better on other people, I guess. I wouldn’t feel like myself,” he added after a moment, pinning down the root of his own hesitation. “I think that’s what I like about it on other people, y’know? Especially you. Cause like, why do you wear it?”

Alex was quiet for a moment. “The guys…the men I want, wanted, to be like. Some of them wear it, and I guess I think…y’know, they look good. I want to feel like that. And it’s really, y’know. It’s not _brave_ or anything stupid like that to wear it in front of people, but it’s…you can’t, people don’t ignore it. And if I’m being looked at, I want to know why, and I want them to know I don’t give a shit.”

Michael smiled. “You’re a badass.”

Alex grinned, relaxing. “You’re biased. I guess it’s about knowing who you are and what you like, and owning it. Don’t you do that?”

“I guess?” Michael looked out front as a silent flash of lightning illuminated the world around them for a brief second. “Hey – sign coming up!”

“Nice.” Alex slowed down as they approached, and they both squinted at what might have been a signpost through the rain. “Any guesses?”

“No idea. This looks like an actual highway though, we should get on this.”

“It’s not going in the right direction.”

“It kinda is. We wanna be heading northwest anyway, so this is actually just what we want.”

Alex made an uncertain noise, then sighed and rolled the car forward. “Screw it. I’ll turn off if it looks like we’re heading too far north. You got any idea where we are?”

“Hell no.” Michael got the map out of the door well. “We’re probably in Nebraska by now though.”

“We’ve been driving pretty slow,” Alex reminded him, grimacing as the rain amped up, coming down on the car roof like hailstones. “Ugh.”

“Yeah, good point. What’s the last sign you remember? Like, any town names?”

“I don’t know. Uh…no, I don’t know. Sorry.”

Michael shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. It’ll get light at some point, we’ll figure out where we are then.” It was nearly two in the morning, so they didn’t have that long to wait, technically. Michael was about to say that when he and Alex both saw something much more exciting at the same time. “Is that –?”

“A gas station!” Alex gasped, slowing down as they approached. “Oh thank fuck, it’s 24/7.” It was attached to a diner, currently closed, and Michael let out a snort of laughter when he saw the sign on the wall. In the sudden quiet under the shelter of the pumps, it was very loud.

“Alex, look. Alex – we’re just a quarter mile from Gayville.”

“Who knew the homeland was in the ass-end of nowhere?” Alex said dryly. “You find Gayville on the map; I’ll fill up the tank.” He got out, and in the back both Max and Liz stirred.

“Mmmuh?” Liz groaned. “Time is it?”

“Like two am, we just stopped for gas.” Michael unfolded the map and squinted at it. “We’ll keep the receipt, go back to sleep.”

“Mmkay.” Liz yawned and dropped off again. “Night.”

Michael grinned. “Night.” He couldn’t find Gayville anywhere, and he turned the map over to look beyond Iowa. Despite what Alex had said, he was sure they were out of the state by now. He found it just before Alex got back in, shivering and wet from the sprint from the car to the window.

“Let’s get out of here, that guy was giving me the serious hairy eyeball.”

“You wanna switch over?” Michael offered, but Alex shook his head.

“I’ve barely driven at all yet.” He turned the engine over and pulled away quickly. “Did you find out where we are?”

“Yeah, you’re gonna love this – we’re not in Iowa or Nebraska.”

“The hell?” Alex stared at him. “Where are we?”

“South Dakota.” Michael grinned and held up the map. “Don’t worry, we’re really close to Nebraska, we’re only off by a tiny bit. I don’t know how the hell we ended up so off-course, I’ll blame Max, but we’re gonna hit a turn at the end of this road pretty soon, and you should go right. That’ll take us up to the interstate, which we should’ve been on ages ago, and then it’s a straight ride from there to…” Michael turned the map over. “Well, across the state in the right direction, which is the important bit.”

“You’re no Max, but I’ll take it,” Alex smiled, putting his foot down a little. “Does the rain sound lighter to you?”

“No, but I like that at least one of us is optimistic.”

Michael couldn’t decide what he liked more – that the campground they were at was free, or that the main feature of this national park reminded him a little bit of home.

New Mexico. Not _home_ ; just the place he lived.

“They’re so cool,” Alex said, staring at the photos of the rocks on the front of the guidebook they’d picked up at the entrance to the park. According to Max, who of course had read the whole thing, they were ‘geological deposits’, and they were what Badlands National Park was famous for. Michael didn’t really care that much what they were called; he just liked that they looked the way they did. 

“We can explore tomorrow,” Liz said, getting her and Max’s tent out to unroll it on the ground. “Right now, I just wanna eat and then sleep for at least ten hours.”

They weren’t allowed campfires – the risk of brush fires was too high – but they were allowed to use their stove, and they ate off-brand pot noodles in a circle, watching the sun set behind the hills. The campground was tiny, just a circle of maybe twenty-five spaces, and they were on a flat dip among a number of little rolling hills that Max said looked sort of like Hobbiton. Michael had never seen _The Lord of the Rings_ , so just had to take his word for it.

Michael curled around Alex when they went to sleep, holding on tightly. It was cold out here, when the sun was down, and he felt that surprisingly keenly when he had to go out to piss during the night. When he climbed back in, shivering a little, Alex was the one to mumble under his breath and nudge him over so he could be the big spoon. “How’re you so cold?” he huffed. “You were out for like, less than five minutes.”

“Did I wake you up?”

“Nah. I can’t sleep sometimes.”

Michael twisted round again to face him, frowning. “Is that why you sleep in the car so much?”

“Probably.” Alex was barely visible as a slightly darker shape in the shadowy darkness of the tent. Michael pushed one of his legs between Alex’s and looped an arm round his back, cupping the back of his shoulder and curving towards him.

“How come?”

“I don’t know.” Alex shrugged, shoulder shifting under Michael’s palm. “I guess I think too much. You should sleep though.”

“I’m awake now.” Michael bumped their foreheads together softly. “What’re you thinking about?”

Alex was silent for a moment, then let out a slow breath. “What’s gonna happen after this, mostly.”

“What d’you mean?”

“After this road trip. We ran away from Roswell, but you’ll have to go back before you can go to Albuquerque, right?”

“Yeah, I need my truck, and I left a few things behind.”

“Right. But I don’t…I don’t really know, what I’ll be able to do.” Michael heard Alex swallow, the click of his throat. “Am I coming with you?”

“Yeah.” Michael curled closer, trying to pull Alex towards him. He hadn’t really thought about it in any detail, but he didn’t want them to be parted, not now, not ever. “Come with me. I have a place in dorms for the first year, but we could get a place together after that?”

“What am I gonna do for that first year?” Alex whispered. “I don’t…I don’t have anything. How am I gonna get a job?”

“Put my address. Places want an address for job applications, you can use mine.” Michael’s mind was racing. “Places will assume you’re a student, probably. I know it’s not…it’s not ideal, or anything, but living out of a truck isn’t so bad. And I’ll make nice with whoever my roommate is, you can stay with me if they’re cool.”

“And if they’re not?”

“Then we’ll figure something else out,” Michael said easily. “I’ll be getting a job too; I can help you out. We’ll save up, we’ll get you a place, then somewhere together. It’ll work.”

Alex ducked his head against Michael’s and sighed quietly. “You’re really not much of a planner, are you?”

Michael wasn’t sure whether that stung or not. He figured he wouldn’t let it, since it was kind of true. “I guess not. You are though, right?”

“You need to plan,” Alex huffed. “How else’re you gonna get anything done? You need to be prepared for every eventuality, otherwise you’ll get taken by surprise, and that’s never a good thing.”

“That’s not true.” Michael slid his other hand up between them to find the rough line of Alex’s chin, the angle of his jaw. “You were a surprise. I never saw you coming.”

“You never see anything coming,” Alex muttered. 

“Yeah, but planning’s never gotten me anywhere. Planning just means getting your hopes up for stuff, and _that’s_ never a good thing. Besides, there’s never been much I could plan for, y’know? Not many situations I’ve had enough control over to bother.”

“That’s why you need to plan,” Alex insisted. “To _get_ control. Preparation is everything. Being blindsided puts you at such a disadvantage – it’s way better to have lots of plans that you can apply to the same situation, so for everything that might happen you’ve got options right there, and you don’t have to waste time trying to make a decision. You can react immediately.”

“You sound like a battle major,” Michael joked, then frowned when Alex didn’t respond. “Alex? I was just kidding.”

“Yeah.” Alex wrapped his arm over Michael as well, shifting towards him and tangling their legs tighter together. “I guess that’s how I see life. You have to fight for everything, and the most effective way to do that is to anticipate what everyone else will do, and make your moves accordingly. Shit, you’re right, I sound like I think life’s a chess game. Ugh.”

“Did you plan me?” Michael asked, trying to lighten his mood.

“Not…exactly.” Alex drew circles on Michael’s back, tapping his fingertips against his spine. “You stole my guitar. I didn’t plan for that. And I didn’t…I don’t know, I offered you the shed, I guess because you weren’t a dick to me? I just wanted to do something for you, I don’t know. Everything after that, I tried to plan for a little. But you.” He sighed, the tiniest breath of laughter in there. “You kept surprising me.”

Michael hesitated. “Sorry?”

“No, it wasn’t bad. I thought – you know when you came to the Emporium, and you kissed me?”

“Treasured memory, yeah.”

Alex snorted. “I thought – you realise I thought you were coming to tell me you weren’t into guys, right? Because I kinda leaned in after I gave you Greg’s guitar, and you pretended nothing happened?”

“Slightly less treasured memory, uh huh. You thought I wasn’t into guys? Your gaydar sucks, dude.”

“Does it? You’re not gay, so I think it’s probably good.”

“Hm.” Michael rubbed his thumb against Alex’s shoulder blade. “Okay, point. We need more data on that. We can test it in Albuquerque.”

Alex nudged his forehead with his own. “Back on topic, Guerin? You surprised me, but it was a good surprise. I’m not used to those. Being unprepared for stuff freaks me out – I like having a plan.”

“No kidding.” Michael pushed his head up gently and rubbed their noses together. “Gotta roll with the punches a bit more, dude.”

“That just means you get punched,” Alex sighed. “That’s the whole point of planning, to avoid that.”

“Yeah but most of the time…” Michael paused, trying to think of how to phrase it. “I guess, in my experience anyway, to be able to plan you have to know things, and so much is unknown. You can’t predict everything – you can barely predict anything. Like, for me, for…anyone in the system, really, they can move you overnight. Like, I got shifted from a foster placement to a group home to a different group home all in one week one time. The only time I tried to plan around that was after I got back to Roswell and I had to make sure I stayed there, so I played along with all the bullshit at my foster homes for as long as I could.”

“That was my whole life,” Alex said quietly, urgently. “Playing along with the bullshit. My dad…and my brothers, I had to be able to predict them.”

Michael breathed out. “Yeah.” Hadn’t he done exactly the same with the Weekes? He’d realised he needed to stay in Roswell, so he’d set his mind to learning exactly what they wanted and giving enough of it to them that they’d keep him around. And it was true that when he’d messed up, he’d paid for it, exactly the way Alex had. “Okay, yeah, I get that. I guess I never really thought of that sort of stuff as planning.”

“What did you think it was?”

Michael slid his hand under the arm of Alex’s t-shirt, smoothing his palm along soft skin. “Just…adapting, I guess. Getting the lay of the land. I never tried to plan ahead, I just tried to…predict, yeah, like you said.”

Alex hummed. “I had plans for everything. Like, the second I told you you could stay in the shed, I started making plans for what would happen if you got caught, or I did.”

“You never told me not to rat you out,” Michael said slowly. “How come?”

“My dad would’ve seen right through it,” Alex snorted. “Who the hell else would’ve told you the combination to the padlock? Nah, the way he found out, that was actually the best-case scenario.”

“What was the worst?”

“Both of us being in there at the same time.”

“Even if we weren’t doing anything?”

“Come on, Guerin. I’m gay, and you’re a guy who’s clearly sleeping in the shed? He would’ve assumed.”

“S’not like he’d’ve been wrong.”

“He would’ve been, at first.” Alex tilted his head and Michael’s eyes fell closed as he was kissed, soft and sweet. “You crashed in the shed for like two weeks before you kissed me at the UFO Emporium,” Alex murmured, so close their lips brushed as he spoke.

“Mmm.” Michael closed the infinitesimal distance again. So slow, almost lazy, just their lips with only a little tongue. Nothing deep, nothing intense. Just gentle, easy kisses, that still sent Michael’s heart going like a kickdrum in his chest.

Alex rolled over onto his other side after maybe a minute or two, and wriggled backwards to press his body into the shape of Michael’s. They didn’t speak, and Michael kept his grip loose and his eyes closed. He wanted this forever. His chest ached, an odd urge to either laugh or cry or both lodging in his throat until he swallowed it down. He wanted conversations with Alex in the dark forever, and slow kisses, and Alex’s body in his arms. All of it, always.

They started out on one of the easy hikes and were glad to have done so when they realised they’d underestimated how hot it would get, and how much shade there wasn’t. At least up on the hills they could see in the far distance the rock formations they wanted to explore later, so they went back to the campground, left the tents, and drove to the visitor centre to stock up on water (which their free campground sadly didn’t have) and keep walking.

Michael’s new boots were really good – he couldn’t feel every twig and pebble under his soles anymore. One of the heels rubbed a bit, but he figured that would go away – he’d heard about people having to break in new shoes, and assumed this was the sort of thing they meant. He wasn’t the only one who’d left Niagara Falls with new footwear, which was kind of funny. He’d accepted the fact that they were all really into the outdoorsy aspects of road tripping now, which he had definitely not anticipated. 

He should’ve figured, in hindsight. Isobel might have hated camping when they were kids, but Max had always been enthusiastic about it. It was actually a relief, knowing that Max hadn’t just been humouring him the way Michael occasionally suspected he might have been. 

Isobel had texted yesterday to say she’d gotten her perfume and loved it, and she’d give them their presents when they got back. And now, while Alex and Liz went to do what was apparently the easiest walk in the whole park, they were going to call her. 

“Happy birthday, losers,” she sang when she picked up. “My map is ready, where are you?”

“Badlands National Park,” Max said, smiling. They were sitting on a shaded picnic bench, a full bottle of water open between them. 

“Still in South Dakota?”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay…” Isobel muttered something under her breath, doubtless trying to find the park on the map she’d apparently put up in her bedroom after Mr Evans had insisted on it being moved from their dining table. “Aha! Gotcha.”

It was only a slightly longer call than usual, since it was rare for Max and Michael to be able to call Isobel without Liz and Alex there too, but even being able to talk about alien stuff didn’t give them that much more to talk about. Not when Isobel wanted to talk about the truth of what they were only marginally more than Max, who wanted to talk about it approximately never.

It hadn’t always been that way. Michael ended up squinting at Max after Isobel said goodbye, trying to remember if anything had changed suddenly, or if it had been a slow shift. Max swallowed his mouthful of water and frowned at him. “What?”

Michael shook his head, looking away. He and Max were never going to see eye to eye on this, he knew. “Nothing. Just wondering what Iz got us.”

Max smiled. “Something useful, probably.”

“I like useful,” Michael protested.

“Yeah, which is why Isobel will’ve gotten you something useful.” Max got up to refill the water. “Come on, let’s go find Liz and Alex.”

Michael stared at the view, feeling almost like if he looked for too long gravity would reverse and he’d fall right off the overlook and into the sky. Sheep Mountain was the last thing they were doing in the Badlands before heading further west, and Liz could barely stop staring long enough to take photos. The sun was only halfway down the sky, half-hidden by a wide bank of silver-edged cloud. Every now and then the cloud drifted and the sun burst free, turning the grass gold and bringing out the orange in the rock formations around them.

Max had called the mountains back in New Mexico the bones of the world, or something like that, but Michael had never been up close to them. If the desert and mesa was the exposed skin of the planet, rocks like this really were bones. Exposed parts of the Earth’s skeleton, jagged like the teeth of some long-dead animal. The longer he looked, the less plain they seemed. Greyish-white at first, bared through the green prairie carpet of the valleys, but then when Michael looked closer, he could see the bands in them. The same paler stretches at the same level across every pillar, the same dark stripes. Layers of sediment, deposited so long ago even he could barely wrap his head around it.

“I think we’re just in the Pine Ridge Reservation,” Max said, and Michael tore his eyes away from the view in front of him and looked around. It wasn’t like there was a bad direction to look, not up here. “Or really close, I can’t tell from this map. You know that’s where Wounded Knee happened?”

Michael looked over at Liz and Alex, who both shrugged. “Okay,” he sighed, “I’ll bite – show off, man, what’s Wounded Knee?”

“Oh.” Max looked surprised that they didn’t know, but he was always surprised when people didn’t know all the trivia he knew. “It was a massacre. I think it was one of the last major battles between Indians and the Army. They were all really tense because Ghost Dancing was taking off, and I think Sitting Bull was killed just before or after this?”

“How do you know all this stuff?” Liz asked, smiling slightly.

Max shrugged, hunching his shoulders. “Just reading. I like history. Especially religious stuff – religion is one of the things that separates humans from animals, y’know? It’s so unique. And all these different people and cultures around the world have such different approaches to it, but it’s such a human thing to feel like there’s a higher power than them moving somehow, in the world.”

“To be fair,” Michael said, before Max could get too enthusiastic. “We don’t know for sure whether animals have gods or not. Whales are smart, right? Who says they don’t sing hymns to a whale god?”

“Or many whale gods,” Alex said absently.

“Religious behaviour is pretty specific,” Max said, looking away, over at the view of the valley. “People create places of worship, sacred places, and they act out rituals. Elephants visibly mourn their dead, which is pretty close – one of the main points of religion is to provide an answer for what happens after death. But people really freaked out about Ghost Dancing, because they thought it was inciting the Native Americans to resist harder. Which it kind of was, but they didn’t have to kill people over it.”

“Does it say what tribe it is here?” Liz asked, coming closer to Max to take the guidebook.

“Lakota, I think.” 

“Oglala Lakota Indians,” Liz read. “Cool.”

Alex was half Native, Michael remembered suddenly, but when he glanced at him, Alex wasn’t looking at any of them. He was just staring out at the rocks with no expression on his face at all. Michael didn’t want the others to see, for some reason. He cleared his throat and said, “Don’t you think the bumpy ones look kinda like lava? You know, when it dries and it goes kinda bubbly?”

Liz snorted. “I like the way you say that like you’ve observed the process up close and personal.”

“I might’ve done,” Michael said loftily. “You don’t know me.”

Danger avoided, whatever the danger had been, they stayed up for a while longer before cramming themselves back into the car and moving on. They were basically hopping from National Park to National Park now, with the occasional National Forest to break it up. So they were stopping at Bighorn between Badlands and Yellowstone, and Michael knew already from one cursory glance at the map that they’d be staying for at least one if not two nights longer than the one they’d planned. It was a big place, and they were in no hurry.

They took it easy when they arrived, stopping off to get food on the way and just lazing around their little campfire all evening, messing about on the guitar and toasting marshmallows. Michael’s favourite way to eat them was a skin at a time, hamming it up to make the others pretend to be grossed out. Alex was a traditionalist – he liked his sandwiched to make actual s’mores. Max ate his whole, and Liz liked everything. 

They were too close to other people for Michael to risk getting too cuddly to Alex, and by now he resented it. At some point it had stopped feeling like a reasonable approach to a risk and started feeling like a sort of cage. He tried to make up for it by clinging to Alex like a limpet once they were in their sleeping bag with the lantern off, and Alex nosed his cheek and smiled. “Warming up?”

“Warming you up, more like,” Michael whispered, rolling onto his back and pulling Alex half on top of him. 

“I’m not even cold.” Alex laughed quietly and nudged a kiss against his jaw. “You just want an excuse to cuddle.”

“Do I need an excuse?” 

“Nah.” Alex shifted lower to lay his head on Michael’s chest, hooking his legs over Michael’s. “It’s nice. It’s cute. You’re cute.”

Michael grinned, bad mood lifting away like smoke. “I am, huh?”

“Quit fishing, Guerin.”

“Is it fishing when you just put it out there like that? I might’ve misheard, I just wanted to double-check you said what I thought you said.”

Alex snorted and lifted one hand to tug admonishingly at Michael’s hair. “You’re cute. You want me to spell it out for you too?”

“Nah, you’re good.” Michael stroked his hand up Alex’s back to card through his hair. “You’re cute too.”

“I am, huh?”

Michael laughed, trying to keep it quiet. “You’re just making fun of me now.”

“Maybe a little.” Alex tilted his head to rub his nose against Michael’s throat, breathing in deeply. “Hey.”

“Mm?”

“You wanna get a motel room at some point? Like, just once maybe, before we get back to Roswell.”

Michael tightened his grip around Alex’s waist without thinking about it, his mind consumed with ideas for what Alex might want a private room for. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

“We could – I mean, we wouldn’t have to worry about noise, so much. And we’d have more room.”

“Planning on bringing some acrobatics into the bedroom?” Michael teased, and laughed when Alex pulled his hair again.

“Shut up. It’d just be nice to have some more privacy, that’s all.”

“Hey, I’m all for that.” Michael looked up at the roof of the tent and bit his lip before saying, “We could go the whole way? Like…”

“Yeah.” Alex’s hand relaxed in his hair, fingertips rubbing slightly against his scalp. “You thought about it?”

“Oh, only every day, multiple times a day, probably at inappropriate times.”

Alex laughed. “Me too. You, uh, thought about how you wanna do it?”

“Like.” Michael swallowed. “Who’s on top, that sort of thing?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t need to be nervous. Not with Alex. “I kinda want to try it all. Is that weird? I mean, you’d have to want to try it both ways too, so I didn’t know if, or y’know, what you’d prefer.”

Alex rubbed his cheek against Michael’s chest. “I wanna try it both ways too. You ever thought about it before this?”

“Before you? Not really.” Alex had made him think about a lot of things for the first time. 

“So you’ve never…”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Fingered yourself, or anything?”

A wave of heat rolled through Michael’s body and he had to swallow again before he could say, “No. Never even…yeah, I just never really thought about it. Have you?”

“Mmhm. Just like, in the shower, so it wasn’t…it was okay, but I just wanted to see what it was like, really.”

“Fuck.” Michael was actually getting hard just thinking about it, imagining Alex in a shower cubicle, water running down his body, reaching back to push his fingers into himself. “Hey – if we get a motel room, we could share a shower.”

He could hear Alex’s smile in his voice when he replied. “Yeah. Saves on water, right?”

“Oh yeah, I’m totally thinking about saving the planet right now, that’s absolutely my main reason. Seeing you wet and naked is just a bonus.”

Alex laughed, muffling the sound against Michael’s chest. “You’ve basically already seen that, when we’ve been swimming.”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t _do_ anything about it then.”

“What would you wanna do about it?” Alex asked, silky and near-silent, and Michael swallowed a whine. He was not capable of this. Any attempt at dirty talk would only make him feel like an idiot.

“Get in a shower with me and I’ll show you,” he managed, and Alex laughed again and pulled himself up to kiss him.

“It’s a date,” he murmured. “And, just in the interests of being totally clear – you should fuck me first.” He moved his leg to press his thigh against Michael’s crotch, and Michael thrust up against it helplessly.

“Deal,” he breathed, and then Alex was kissing him again, angling himself properly on top of him to grind down. They were old hats at this now, wriggling out of their clothes, making sure there was something nearby to wipe up the mess. It was just as good every time, was the crazy thing. Michael got lost in it, in Alex, every time.

He couldn’t wait to do this in a real bed, now Alex had brought it up. He wanted to be as loud as he liked, and spread out, and see Alex in the light. Skulking around in the dark, choking back the sounds they wanted to make was losing its charm. He loved Alex so much, and he wanted to show it.

“I can do both,” Liz said, walking alongside Michael. “I can believe in God and science, it’s not hard.”

“That’s just it though – you believe in God, but you don’t have to _believe_ in science. It’s just there, it just works. You don’t need to take a leap of faith on it.”

Some sort of bird zipped overhead, and Michael twisted to watch as it dived down over the lake and skimmed it, maybe drinking or hunting insects. The sky was pleasantly overcast, keeping off the heat of the sun, and the water was dark and still, reflecting the shadowy shoreline and the vague, blurred shapes of the clouds overhead. Pine trees on scree slopes, green on pale grey. It was a jagged sort of beauty that Michael wasn’t sure if he liked or not.

“Well that’s not true at all,” Liz said, laughing a little. “Most people don’t know how antibiotics work, but they still take them because they believe they’ll help.”

“Yeah, but they _do_ help.”

“And so does prayer,” Liz shrugged. “I get where you’re coming from. I don’t know what kind of God I believe in, or if He exists in the form the Bible says or anything like that. But I know it makes me feel better to go to church and light a candle. That’s not fake. It has a verifiable, provable effect on my wellbeing.”

“I guess I have a grudge against the whole thing,” Michael said, surprising himself with his own candour. Liz was at a remove, he guessed. He’d never wanted to talk about this stuff with Max or Isobel, but he didn’t mind with Alex, and apparently Liz was okay too. Liz had said she trusted him, and her actions so far hadn’t given him any reason to doubt that. It made it feel safe, trusting her back a little.

“What do you mean?”

Well. In for a penny, in for a pound. “One of the foster homes I was at, they were real Godly folk.” Michael shrugged. “But, y’know, sin-flavoured. Everything was all about sin. They got a priest in to give me an exorcism once, it was a whole thing.”

Liz muttered something in Spanish under her breath. “Michael, that’s awful.”

“Eh.” Michael shrugged again. “It was ages ago, no big deal. It was the way they treated the other kids that really got to me. They really believed everyone was born in sin, and the shit they said to justify the way they treated us…there was this one they used to say all the time.” He cleared his throat. “ _For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life._ They were big on corruption. And you could see some of the others would actually buy into it, and believe they were fundamentally screwed up, forever. Like, they were never gonna be clean or happy – it got in their heads.”

“What, religion?”

“Yeah.”

Liz sighed. “Yeah. I get it. But it goes the other way too. People find real solace and comfort in religion. It’s like anything – it has good sides and bad sides.”

“I guess I just think the bad outweighs the good.”

“Well no one’s forcing you to go to church anymore,” Liz said gently. “It’s like Max says – belief in powers beyond our understanding is human nature. I think, as long as you’re not using it against people, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter.”

“How’re you not gonna get people using it against others when you have some religions set up to recruit?” Michael asked. “When the whole basis of your religion is set up on this binary afterlife system where anyone who isn’t like you is going to end up being tortured for all eternity, making it your moral imperative to ‘save’ as many people as you can – how’re you not gonna end up using it against people?”

“By using common sense and compassion.” Liz shrugged. “By recognising that you don’t hold any special authority because of your faith. These are the sort of questions you ask priests, y’know, not semi-agnostic teenagers.”

Michael smiled reluctantly. “Yeah, okay.”

“I think as long as you don’t think you’re intellectually or morally superior to anyone for believing or not believing in the supernatural, you’re fine. No judgement – that’s what my papi always says. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Michael laughed, and Liz did too. “Yeah, I hear that.”

“And also, people could mind their business a bit more.” Liz gave him a wry look. “That’s what Rosa always says.”

“And what do you say? What’s the final piece in the holy trinity of Ortecho wisdom?”

Liz smiled, a mischievous twist to it as she thought. “Facts don’t lie,” she said at last. “But at the same time, truth is often just what people agree to believe.”

“Gotta say, your piece is a lot less concrete than your dad’s and Rosa’s.”

“What can I say? I’ve got a nuanced view on the world.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

They stopped for lunch on the edge of the lake, sitting on a pebbled beach and munching on slightly squashed sandwiches they’d put together that morning. “I think this is what people think of when they think of America,” Max said, gazing out at the water. Liz had stolen his baseball cap, and his hair was a mess, but in profile it made him look older. Like a man, not a boy, even though he’d been shaving every single day.

“Nah.” Michael swallowed the last of his sandwich. “I think they think of Hollywood and New York City.”

“Same,” Alex said. “Definitely New York.”

Max gave them both disapproving looks, and Michael laughed, throwing a small pebble at him. “Just because we’ve mostly been avoiding cities this trip doesn’t mean they don’t exist, dude.” He pushed himself to his feet and scuffed through the pebbles with the toes of his new boots. He’d never skipped stones before, but he figured it couldn’t be that hard.

Alex, of course, had skipped stones plenty of times. “My brothers taught me,” he said, skating over it and angling his body. “You wanna sort of flick it, like this. Use your wrist.” 

Michael watched him, and tried it himself. “Yes!” He threw both his hands up, grinning, as his stone skipped twice before sinking. “First time!”

Alex laughed and threw another, which skipped five times. “Beat that, Guerin.”

“Oh, you are _on._ ”

Alex won, somewhat unsurprisingly, having years of experience under his belt, but Michael didn’t mind. No one was around, so he stole a kiss as they left the beach, and grinned at the way Alex’s eyes crinkled at the edges. “Cute,” he said.

“I am, huh?” Michael grinned, and laughed when Alex rolled his eyes and bumped their shoulders together.

“No, I changed my mind – you’re a dumbass.”

“What does that say about your taste in men?”

Alex sighed, then smirked at him. “Something good, I guess.”

Michael laughed to hide the way that made his insides go all warm, ducking his head and then glancing up ahead to where Liz and Max were talking quietly to each other, smiles visible on both their faces. “Hey, can I ask you something maybe dumb?”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Sure.”

“Do you believe in God?”

Alex’s face creased in a smile. “Wow, getting deep, huh?”

Michael shrugged awkwardly. “I was talking to Liz about it, before lunch. You don’t have to –”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t care.” Alex’s smile softened a little. “I don’t. It’s not a big deal or anything.”

“Oh, cool.” Michael relaxed, and rolled his eyes good-naturedly when Alex snorted. “What?”

“You don’t either then? Just guessing?”

“Yeah, no.” Michael smiled crookedly. “Not a big fan of the big man.”

“Same.” Alex shook his head and looked up ahead to Liz. “I never really talked about it much with the girls. Liz is like…the least spiritual of them, but she still believes in something. I don’t believe in any of it.”

“Why?”

Alex shrugged, squinting a little as the sun came out from behind the clouds. “I don’t know. Why don’t you?”

“Just always seemed obvious it was all bullshit.” Michael watched Alex out of the corner of his eye. “It’s like the tooth fairy. No one can prove anything, but so many people go along with it, and it’s all a pack of lies. It’s such shit. And they use it against each other. I think religion brings out the worst in humanity. If you have to believe in a lie to force you to be a halfway decent person, you’re just lying to yourself, and you’re not a decent person at all.”

Alex nodded slowly. “People use it as an excuse, to hurt each other.”

“Yeah.” Michael’s lip curled. “Love the sinner, hate the sin.”

“I hate that expression.” Alex looked away, so Michael couldn’t see his face. “Always reminds me of kill the Indian, save the man.”

Michael frowned. “Has anyone said that to you?”

“Once.” Alex looked at him again, a humourless smile twisting his lips. “A teacher, when I was in third grade.”

“That’s fucked up.” Michael wished he could be more surprised. The racism he’d overheard and seen had always been more directed at black people and anyone who might have conceivably come from Mexico, but he’d still heard people sneering and griping about lazy Indians, and he’d heard people call them savages and redskins and worse. 

He knew it wasn’t the same, but the closest thing he could compare it to was having to hear people talk about aliens like they weren’t real. Just a plotline in a story, a convenient monster to be killed. Seeing movies like _Alien_ and _Independence Day_ and knowing that the humans around him would turn on him if they found out what he was. They’d lock him and Max and Isobel up and strap them to tables and cut them open. Aliens were a joke and a threat, and Michael had lived most of his life in a town that glorified what had probably been a tragic disaster. 

“Seriously,” he said, quieter. “That’s really fucked up.”

“Yeah.” Alex chewed the inside of his cheek and then sighed. “It’s kind of weird though. I don’t know if I even count.”

Michael stared at him. “As what? Native?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Alex gestured half-heartedly to Liz and Max. “Max knows more about Indians than I do, and I’m supposed to be half Indian. I’m an apple, or whatever they call it. An oreo. White on the inside,” he explained, when Michael gave him a confused look.

“Nah.” Michael had enough insecurities of his own about whether he was alien enough. Hearing that sort of sentiment from Alex was worse, somehow. “Maybe if you were like, a sixteenth Cherokee or whatever crap people pull out when they wanna sound cool, but you’re a full half Indian. You totally _count._ ”

Alex snorted. “A full half?”

“You know what I mean.” Michael nudged him, wishing he could take his hand or something. “There’s no qualifier, y’know? It’s what you are, you can’t change it even if you wanted to.”

“Yeah.” Alex swayed to nudge him back. “I guess it’s just kinda depressing that Max Evans knows more about like…my heritage, than I do.”

Michael shrugged. “Easy to change that though, if you want.” 

“Yeah.” Alex looked at him. “You ever wonder about your heritage?”

Oh, only every day of his life. Michael looked down and swallowed, wishing so fiercely for a second that he could tell Alex the truth that he could have cried. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “All the time. But there’s nothing there. Literally nothing. The odds of me finding out anything about my past are basically zero.”

Alex’s silence was an oddly welcome reaction. By now, Michael knew him well enough to know it wasn’t a silence born of a lack of care, but from a determination to give a considered response, and he didn’t mind waiting while Alex decided on what he wanted to say.

“Did you have a file or something from your time in the system?”

“Yeah.” Michael mentally flicked through what was safe to tell and what wasn’t. “Didn’t have anything useful. They found me when I was about seven, they think, and that was that. No idea where I came from, who my family is, no clues, nothing. Nothing written down anyway, and I don’t remember anything at all from before the first group home I was in, and that’s pretty distant too. I don’t really remember much from before my first foster placement, in Albuquerque.”

“You were found with Max and Isobel?”

“Yeah. No clues for them either.” Michael forced himself to shrug, pretending it didn’t bother him. “No point in wondering about it, y’know? It’s a dead end.”

Alex was quiet again. Then finally said, “At least you have Max and Isobel.”

“Yeah.” Michael nodded, with feeling. “I don’t know what I’d’ve done without them.”

“They’re pretty great,” Alex agreed, and Michael raised an eyebrow at him.

“Max I get, but you’ve never even spoken to Isobel, have you?”

Alex shrugged. “Not really. But she sounds okay on the phone when you guys call her, and she can’t be that bad if she was willing to help you guys smuggle me out of Roswell. It’s kind of interesting, actually. You’re more like her, or she’s more like you, than I thought.”

Michael smiled, kind of pleased by the comparison. “How d’you mean?”

“You’re both sarcastic as hell.” Alex smirked at him. “You’re both smarter than you let on. You both only care about the people you care about, if that makes sense.”

“It…doesn’t.”

Alex laughed quietly. “People like Max and Liz, they care a little bit about everyone. You and me and Isobel, we only care about a few people, and we’re not great at expanding those circles.”

Michael nodded slowly. “Me and Isobel, yeah,” he said. “Not you so much.”

“No?”

“Nah.” Michael and Isobel were the way they were because he distrusted everyone on general principle and she’d looked into too many minds to have any illusions about the inherent goodness of humanity. Alex was different. “You offered me the shed,” he reminded him. “You didn’t even know me, not really. And you never tried to get anything out of me for it.” He’d thought after Alex had tried to kiss him that that had maybe been his ulterior motive, thought it in brief, confused, unhappy sparks quickly smothered by his hope that Alex wasn’t like that. And he’d been right – Alex had seen him after that and never made another move. “You’re the only person who’s ever given me anything without an agenda.”

Alex smiled reluctantly. “I hope you don’t think that makes me a better person or anything stupid like that.”

“Definitely not,” Michael said, only lying a little bit. “No one who likes sugar as much as you could be a better person than me.”

Alex laughed, loud and happy, and Liz and Max turned around and paused, waiting for them to catch up. “What’s the joke?” Max grinned, and Michael snorted.

“Alex’s sweet tooth.”

“Oh yeah, you’re definitely the one burning through the majority of our sugar,” Liz agreed.

“So I don’t like my coffee black, sue me.” Alex rolled his eyes and knocked his shoulder against Michael’s again as they drew level with Max and Liz. “That just means I have excellent taste.” He gave Michael a significant look that made Michael grin and duck his head, warmth blooming in his chest, that sweet ache rushing in right behind it.

Yellowstone required an actual strategy session. They sat around a computer in the public library in Cody, a few miles outside the park, and studied the website intently.

“We’ve got to consider showers,” Liz said firmly. “Only one campsite has them.”

“For a fee,” Alex pointed out. “We might as well pick the cheapest site and drive in.”

“What about swimming?” Max asked. “That could tide us over.”

“Not for a whole week,” Michael said, “trust me. And I bet they wouldn’t be happy about people using soap in the rivers either.”

“If we want cheap, that narrows it down to…Indian Creek, Lewis Lake, Pebble Creek, Slough Creek, and Tower Fall.” Liz opened them all up in different windows. “Twelve dollars a night, that’s not bad. We can pick based on location, and we don’t have to stay at the same one all week, we could move between two or three.” 

Further discussion and two phone calls later, they accepted that they were staying in Cody for the night, since all their options had filled up already. It wasn’t terrible – it was actually kind of nice to be inside for longer than it took to do a shopping trip – and the local campground had showers so they were set for the night at least.

Liz called up and reserved them a place first thing in the morning, and had to basically collapse their tents on top of them to get the rest of them to move out. “You’re all babies,” she declared from the driver’s seat while Max slumped next to her, and Michael and Alex leaned on each other in the back. “We’ve had earlier mornings than this!”

“Yeah, but didn’t those assholes in the tents across from us keep you up?” Alex mumbled. His head was on Michael’s shoulder, and Michael was leaning his head on top of his. “They wouldn’t stop talking.”

“I slept right through,” Liz said, looking at Max. “Did they keep you up too?”

“Mmhm.” Max yawned. “They weren’t loud or anything, they were just really close.”

“Well you can sleep till you get there. Max, can you put Maria’s twinkle playlist on?”

“Sure.”

Michael yawned and leaned the other way, bundling up his jacket against the window and tugging Alex with him gently so he could keep using Michael as his pillow.

They were going to Lewis Lake campground, and Michael woke up when they went through the east entrance to the park. Alex sat up blearily, looked out of the window, and promptly undid his seatbelt to lie down with his head on Michael’s thigh. They’d done it so many times over the past few weeks, but Michael’s heart still felt like it was swelling every time Alex did it. His hair was growing fast, his bangs now almost long enough to tuck behind his ears. Michael stroked it carefully back from his face and pushed down the weird urge to do something ridiculous like curl down over Alex to hug him tight, or bury his face against Alex’s side, or just start crying like a total freak.

He was just kind of freakish sometimes, and occasionally Alex doing something as unremarkable as putting his head in Michael’s lap to sleep just did weird things to him. It was no big deal, and certainly not something Michael ever planned to talk about.

What had seemed like such a short distance on the map took a lot longer to drive, and they ended up pulling over in a place called Lake to get out and stretch their legs and check out the general store there. It was right on the lakefront, and Michael stared out at the water, the distant humps of mountains, and the bluer-than-blue sky arching over it all. 

They could have spent the whole morning there, easy, but they had to get to the campground, so they kept moving. It was wonderfully calm when they got down there, a lot like the Allegheny campground with its curving paths between the trees giving an illusion of privacy.

There was the titular lake too, and the four of them sat at a picnic bench right at the edge of the water and ate their lunch (yet more self-assembled bread rolls) in near silence, just watching and listening. The background bustle of the other campers wasn’t disturbing, and the site manager had told them that bison and deer were regular visitors.

They’d seen some bison from a distance at Badlands and Bighorn, and Michael wasn’t sure how he felt about the possibility of such a gigantic animal being close enough to walk over his and Alex’s tent. Not to mention the possibility of an animal with sharp teeth and claws being close enough to do the same. He was a simple guy, in some respects. He saw a predator and thought, _nope._

The others seemed more enamoured by the prospect though, and he didn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade.

They set up their tents and refilled their water bottles (they had to pump the water up from a well, which was pretty cool), and drove up to West Thumb to check out the geysers there.

Michael didn’t know whether it was the sulphuric smell, or the unbelievable colours of the ground and the pools, or the way they could literally see the water bubbling that struck him so hard. Alex read off a sign as they made their way slowly along the boardwalk that half the entire planet’s geysers were located in Yellowstone, and Michael couldn’t even think of anything to say in response.

Liz turned out to be the one who articulated it: “It’s like something from another planet.”

“Yeah.” Michael swallowed, staring at the rust-red flow of water over the rocks below them. Red, orange, yellow, smoothed down into strange shapes by the water’s constant motion over it. The wind blew steam into their faces, and Michael noticed a shape at the edge of a smaller pool, just a hole in the rock. He didn’t point it out to the others, but he wondered how fast the mouse had died. It must have fallen in and boiled alive, a grisly reminder that even though many of the pools were invitingly beautiful, with crystal-clear depths and tropical blues and greens beckoning the eye in, they were hot enough to kill.

He generally tried not to think very much about what his own planet might be like. Similar to Earth, he’d always thought. For evolution to have taken a path that had led to his species resembling humans so closely, he assumed the path of life had taken a similar route. Apes to Neanderthals to humans. Which meant there had to be apes, or had been at some point, which meant a similar environment.

But really, he didn’t know anything. All the data he had was taken from his own lived experience, which was barely ten years of consciousness, what Max and Isobel had told him, and what information he’d scraped together about their crash. Was his own planet actually like Earth at all? Was it a monoculture? Humans could survive in almost any environment – could his own species? What was his own species even called? 

He stared into all-too-appropriately named Abyss Pool, which was so green at the edges it seemed to glow, and wondered whether there was anything like this back home – his real home. Maybe it was a planet of geysers and volcanic activity. Maybe there were even more incredible sights to be seen there, even more amazing wildlife, even more beautiful skies and lakes and beaches. 

Alex leaned on the wooden railing next to him, tanned arms braced on the top bar, eyes crinkled behind his sunglasses. The wind blew the t-shirt he was wearing tight against his body, and Michael realised with a start that it was one of his. Dark blue, so he’d mistaken it for one of Alex’s black band tees, but it was definitely one of his. The neckline had a tiny hole in it, and the stitching was coming undone on the hem of one sleeve. 

Michael grinned and shifted so the backs of their arms were touching. “Thief.”

“Uh huh. Whose underwear are you wearing right now?” Alex asked under his breath, and Michael laughed, melancholy mood drifting away like steam over a hot spring.

They got more food on the way back, and wood for a fire. Michael was resisting the urge to ask Liz if he could look through her notebook every time they bought anything, and he was sure she could tell. It wouldn’t do any good – he knew she was budgeting as cheaply as she could for all their sakes. It was just impossible to do something like visit Yellowstone National Park and not spend. They had to eat, after all. And he knew, he _knew_ that denying themselves extras like marshmallows and campfires would just be kind of sad, but he still felt that little swell of panic whenever they bought anything. Even if it was essential, he felt it.

It would be so much easier if he could just steal what they needed. But the only reason he'd gotten away with his shoplifting in Roswell for so long was because he knew the stores, and he knew where the security cameras were and how to turn them off or nudge them in a different direction. He knew the people, and he was careful. He bought things to cover up the things he was stealing, and he went to as many different shops as he could. 

It wouldn’t be possible to do things like that on the road. Plus, stealing for one was a lot easier than stealing for four. They all had pretty big appetites too.

So he tried not to look at the basket as Max loaded it up with fruit and bread and eggs, and tried not to listen as he and Alex debated over whether or not to buy bacon, and tried to focus only on packing the bags as Liz paid for everything and folded up the receipt to add to the back of her notebook, the number of them making it impossible to close now. He shook his head at Alex when he gave him a curious look and turned the topic immediately to bear protection as soon as they got back in the car.

And to be fair, it was really great to have marshmallows and toast and instant hot chocolate around a fire, and he knew it would be even better to have eggs and bacon for breakfast. Other people got to have those things without even thinking about them – why not Michael? 

Geysers were definitely the best things Michael had seen on the road trip so far, and he couldn’t imagine how anything would top it before they got back to Roswell. They’d seen Old Faithful earlier that morning, and now they were walking up the trail past all the other geysers and hot springs in the area, and Michael was appreciating, not for the first time, Liz’s brain.

It wasn’t Max or Isobel’s fault that neither of them cared about science beyond the grades they needed to get in class. But it had set Michael’s bar kind of low, and he was used to bouncing his ideas and thoughts off the inside of his own skull, or writing endless notes in books he’d stolen from school. It was totally different to actually talk out loud to another person about it. He kind of wished Max hadn’t completely monopolised Liz as his lab partner now, because it would have been nice to have someone else who understood more than the bare minimum to work with in school. Especially because Liz’s perspective on things was so different to his.

He hadn’t even realised before that the angle he always took was skewed in a certain direction until Liz was laughing at him for not considering the chemical makeup of the soil and rocks as a factor in the volcanic activity under the park. He’d only been thinking about the physical geography, only thinking about the earth in terms of how hard or soft it was and whether or not it would allow for the flow of magma and water.

“It’s not minerals anyway,” Liz said, pointing to the bright orange ridges around the pool they were looking at. Alex and Max had long since drawn ahead, uninterested. “It’s algae. There’s like, whole microclimates you can get around hot springs, it’s really cool.”

 _Liz_ was really cool, Michael wanted to say, and didn’t. It was strange, going through most of his life only really caring about Max and Isobel, and now suddenly caring so deeply about Alex, and more and more every day, Liz as well. It was kind of uncomfortable to realise that he was actually kind of a snob about being an alien. Even if it was only in his own head, not even shared with Max or Isobel as anything more serious than the occasional snide joke, he’d considered himself superior. 

Sure, he was kind of an asshole, and ignorable, and essentially unlovable in a lot of ways, but at least he was smart. He was smarter than every human he’d ever encountered in real life, and as smart as all the genius humans he’d read about. Things that most people struggled to understand just clicked for him, and it was both discomforting and exciting to realise that Liz was the same. She outstripped him in some areas, even. 

He’d gotten higher grades, he knew that, but she could connect ideas faster than he could in different ways than he did. She reached conclusions he wouldn’t have considered until his third or fourth approach of a subject, and it was cool. Weird, but cool.

It was the culmination of those realisations that made him take a deep breath and say, “I’ve got a question for you.”

“Shoot.”

“It’s got conditions.”

Liz gave him an intrigued look. “Like, limitations?”

“Not – no, it’s not a science question, it’s a personal question.”

“Oh!” Liz’s eyes widened, smile widening. “Definitely shoot! Oh – what’re the conditions?”

“You never breathe a single word of what I’m about to ask you to a single soul, especially Max. Especially Alex too,” he added after a second. “And like…it’s related to life experience, and I don’t wanna hear _anything_ about anything you might’ve experienced with my brother.”

Liz almost slowed to a stop, sucking in a dramatic breath and actually pressing a hand to her heart. “Michael. Is this a sex question?”

“Not if you make it weird, it’s not,” Michael said darkly, already kind of regretting bringing it up at all. “And just, be aware that if we had any sort of internet access on this trip, I would not be asking you.”

“Okay.” Liz nodded and started walking again, narrowing her eyes. “So for, let’s say, the next few minutes, we’re gonna pretend neither of us is in a relationship at all. We’re just two friends, swapping sex tips.”

“Most of my tips are not applicable to you, sorry. But, uh.” Michael could not look at her while he did this, it was impossible. “Okay. This is just a kind of generic call for tips, actually.”

Liz nodded. “About anything in particular?”

Fuck fuck fuck. If he hesitated, he’d die, so he just said it. Quietly, so no one nearby would overhear. “Blowjobs.”

When Liz didn’t react beyond another slow nod and a thoughtful pursing of lips, Michael could have kissed her. “Okay. Well, um. I don’t exactly consider myself an expert, I’m just gonna put that right out there.”

“Right, but I was thinking…I was gonna do some research a while back, but then we left in such a hurry, and the only times we’ve used computers we’ve all been together, and you’ve seen the state of my phone.” He cleared his throat. “So I figured, girls talk about this stuff. You’d probably have tips you could like. Pass on?”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Liz glanced surreptitiously behind them, probably checking for any kids who might accidentally end up traumatised. Luckily the boardwalk wasn’t too crowded. “Okay, so the obvious one is no teeth.”

Michael snorted. “As the proud owner of a dick, I can tell you that is an unnecessary tip.”

Liz suppressed a smile. “Shut up, I’m just gonna list them all. So – no teeth. Most guys like sloppy, apparently, so like, don’t be worried about drooling. Easier said than done, but whatever. Rosa, um. Rosa told me once that you shouldn’t forget about your hands? And they can give you a break when your jaw starts hurting.”

“I, uh. Don’t mind that so much,” Michael found himself confessing, and Liz grinned at him.

“Nice. Oh! If you squeeze your thumb in your fist like this.” She held her hand up to show him. “It can supress your gag reflex a bit? Doesn’t always work, but it does sometimes, so it’s worth trying. And you can practice supressing it further by brushing the back of your tongue when you brush your teeth. Take really deep breaths, through your nose if you can. Um…eye contact? What else…oh, I heard once some guys like it if you cool your mouth down or heat it up? Like with an ice cube or a hot drink or something.” She squinted and shook her head. “That’s everything I can think of. Um. Pineapple is supposed to make it taste better? If the guy eats it, I mean.”

Michael laughed, and she did too, giggling. “Okay, that really is everything I can think of.”

“Thanks.” Michael smiled at the ground, then looked at her. “This conversation never happened, okay?”

Liz mimed zipping her lips. “What conversation?”

“Exactly.”

Michael knew his goal of becoming a cocksucking virtuoso wasn’t going to be achieved overnight, but he was more than willing to practice and experiment. Particularly as blowjobs involved less clean-up than jerking each other off, and with their laundry being lumped in with Max and Liz’s, that was a definite point in its favour.

They caught up with Max and Alex right at the end of the boardwalk, waiting on a fallen tree. Max pointed to a sign as soon as they were close enough. “Mystic Falls, one mile,” he said, standing up. “What do you think?”

“Sounds good to me.” Liz smiled at Michael. “Wanna get mystical?”

“As long as there’s no falling involved,” he said dryly, and smiled at Alex as he stood up and came over as well.

“Please tell me you guys are scienced out.”

Liz gasped in mock hurt. “Alex! Do I ever ask you if you’re musiced out? Besides, this is an area of significant scientific interest!”

“So, no promises,” Michael grinned, wishing he could slide an arm around Alex’s waist. “You got any jerky left?”

“Yeah.” Alex swung his backpack off as they started to walk, and rummaged inside it to grab the bag. “Got it.”

“Thanks.” 

At some point, Michael decided as Alex swung his bag back over his shoulder with easy grace, he was going to put those tips to good use and blow his mind. Maybe starting tonight, if the trees covered their tent enough to give them more than just the illusion of privacy. And if not, there was always the next campground.

Something – someone – was shaking his shoulder, and Michael snapped awake all at once, reaching out in the dark. “Alex? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He sounded excited more than anything else, and Michael flopped back down with a huff. “Listen!”

“What?”

“Just listen!”

Michael kept his eyes open through sheer force of will and listened. And froze when an unmistakable howl shivered up through the night, somewhere in the far distance. “Oh my God. Is that –?”

“Wolves!” Alex sounded like all his birthdays had come at once. Another howl went up, and another, and Michael breathed out slowly. They’d moved to this campground early that morning – Slough Creek was in the northern part of the park, where most of the wildlife was. The camp guide or host or ranger or whatever he was called had told them that as well as bison, they shouldn’t be surprised to encounter foxes and bears, and wolves if they were very lucky. And Michael, strangely, did feel lucky to be hearing them.

“Wow.”

“Come outside with me?”

“Yeah, okay.”

They scrambled out of the sleeping bag and into hoodies and boots, climbing out carefully into a surprisingly well-lit night. “Wow,” Michael whispered, looking up. “It’s like home.” There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the stars were plentiful. He dropped his head and looked over at Alex, who was gazing up at the mostly-full moon with a small smile. With his hair mussed from sleep and his jacket hanging loose on his shoulders, he looked wild and beautiful.

No one else was awake. Michael stepped closer to stand right in front of Alex, who smiled a little wider but didn’t look down. Michael framed his face with his hands and pulled very gently, fingertips buried in Alex’s hair, thumbs along his jaw. Alex blinked and let Michael ease him into a long kiss, his own hands skating up Michael’s sides and back. 

The wolves didn’t sound the way Michael had sort of expected. He stood with his arms around Alex’s shoulders and listened with his eyes closed for a minute. He’d heard coyotes before, and that was similar, but coyote howls had a lot more yips and barks in them, and Michael had never heard as many of them together as this. The wolves howled for longer, like they were actually singing. Though their voices mingled with no harmony or common pattern or rhythm that Michael could pick out. 

“I thought they’d sound more like coyotes,” Alex whispered, and Michael tightened his grip on his shoulders, opening his eyes and grinning.

“Me too! They don't sound sad either.”

“Are they meant to?”

“I don’t know, I heard once that they sound sad.” Michael leaned his forehead against Alex’s and smiled. “Do you know any stars?”

“Only the North Star.”

“Where is it?”

Alex tipped his head up and looked, twisting away from Michael a little bit to turn and find it. “There,” he whispered finally, pointing up at the sky. “That big one there. Oh wait, I know Pisces too, hang on.” He spun around to look for that, and Michael grinned.

“You’re not a Pisces, are you?”

“No, but Rosa is. There.” He pointed. “No idea where Gemini is. What are you?”

“July second makes me a Cancer, my official birthday makes me an Aries, but I don’t know for real.” Not that he believed in horoscopes anyway, but Isobel had gotten a real kick out of it when he’d pointed out that their star signs might be from completely different constellations to the ones humans applied to themselves. “Gemini’s over there, by the way.” He took Alex’s shoulders gently and turned him to face the horizon. “It’s like a sort of box shape.”

“Where’s Cancer?”

“Close.” Michael squinted at the sky, fitting the stars he could see into the two maps he’d memorised, with all the constellations marked out and named. “There. It’s kind of like a stick man shape, but just the body and legs.”

“Where?” Alex smiled.

Michael reached round to take his hand, his heart doing something really stupid in his chest. He felt like they were the only people alive, the only people awake on the planet. Just them and the wolves and the stars as he lifted Alex’s hand to point up at the sky, tracing the shape of the constellation. “There. It’s five stars – three for the body, two for each foot.” He went up on tiptoe to lean around and kiss Alex’s jaw, just because he could, and saw Alex grin.

“Do they have names?”

“The stars?” Michael frowned, trying to remember. “The two middle ones definitely do. Something borealis and something australis. Asellus, I think. Asellus Borealis and Asellus Australis. Oh! The bottom right one is Altarf. It’s the brightest one, see?”

“Yeah,” Alex murmured.

“It’s pretty rare to be able to see it so clearly. It’s one of the dimmest constellations.”

“How d’you know all this?” Alex asked softly, leaning back into him.

There was no easy way to say he’d been fruitlessly trying to figure out which direction his spaceship might have come from since he’d come back to Roswell, so Michael shrugged. “I’m a huge nerd?”

“Duh.” Alex tugged Michael’s arms to wrap around his waist, holding them in place. “Do you wanna be an astronaut or something?”

Michael hesitated. “When I was a kid. Then…I thought about going into astronomy. Space is really cool. But I’m better at engineering.” Comparatively speaking. “I’ll be doing physics too though,” he found himself whispering. “So I can still take it in an astrophysics direction if I end up liking that better.”

“Wow. You’re a super-nerd.” Alex twisted to grin at him, laughing quietly when the wolves started in on a piercing chorus. “They agree.”

Michael snorted quietly and kissed his chin. “Think we should wake up Max and Liz?”

“Yeah. This is too cool to miss.”

Both were extremely on board when they realised what they were being woken up for, and they all sat outside until they were shivering, just listening to the wolves howling. Max told them in a whisper that wolves howled for lots of reasons, including just for fun or to establish their social bonds. Liz thought it was sweet, like they were all cheering each other on. 

Eventually, Liz yawned and started them all heading back for their tents. Michael wasn’t feeling too cold as he and Alex got back into their sleeping bag, but Alex’s teeth started to chatter after they lay down. “Roll over,” Michael murmured, wriggling close and wrapping himself around Alex as much as he could.

“Thanks.” Little shivers kept going through Alex’s body, and Michael fumbled to find his hands, checking they weren’t cold too. Alex caught his fingers and hummed, pulling them up to kiss them. “Love how warm you always are,” he mumbled. “S’one of my favourite things about you.”

Michael grinned. “One of?”

“Mmhm.”

“What else is there?”

Alex laughed quietly, kissing his knuckles. “Your hair. Your shoulders. Your eyes. Your mouth.”

“That’s usually people’s least-favourite part of me.”

“Their loss is my gain,” Alex said, so smug that Michael had to muffle his laugh in the back of his shoulder. “What about me?” he added, more hesitant.

“Hmmmm.” Michael rubbed his fingers between his own, smiling with his eyes closed. Somewhere out in the wilderness, the wolves were still howling. “Your voice.”

“My voice?”

“Yeah. I could listen to you sing all day. Speak too. And I’m not usually a big listener.” He squeezed Alex tight. “I swear I’m not copying you, but your hair too. Your laugh, and your smile.” He edged his hand up a little, tracing two fingertips along the line of Alex’s face from his lips to the corner of his eye. “Your eyes crinkle up right here. I love that.”

Alex snorted. “I’ll get wrinkles.”

“Laugh lines.” Michael swallowed. He wanted to see them develop. He wanted to make Alex laugh for the rest of their lives. “Worse wrinkles to have.”

“True.” Alex yawned again, and turned his head to kiss Michael’s palm. “I love you.”

Michael’s throat closed up. He squeezed Alex again, giving himself a second to recover and whisper, “I love you too.” 

Alex made the quietest happy sound possibly known to humankind, and Michael held onto him and listened to him fall asleep, the wolves still howling in the distance.

When Michael got up (late, thanks to their wolf listening session), there was a bison in the camp.

Not on the other side of the creek, not off in the distance – _in_ the camp. 

He stared out of the tent, the entrance only half unzipped, and blinked several times. The bison was over by someone’s truck, grazing. People were taking photos, keeping a respectful distance. Michael reached back without looking around and patted Alex’s leg. “Alex.”

“Nnnn.”

“Alex.”

Alex made an extremely disgruntled noise, not unlike a hiss. “What?”

“There’s a bison. It’s like, twenty feet in front of me right now.”

“Wha –?”

Michael heard Alex sit up, groaning a bit more, then go still. “Holy shit.”

“ _Yeah._ ”

“It’s _huge!_ ”

“I _know!_ ”

They took it relatively easy when they all got up, packing up lunch and plenty of water and following Liz, who wanted to see Mammoth Falls or something along those lines. Michael didn’t really listen to the breakfast planning sessions – he didn’t start waking up properly till they were moving and the coffee was taking effect.

They had to drive over to the place, and it was pretty crowded already since they’d gotten up so late. None of them had known that the visitor’s centre there was the headquarters of the whole park, and that Fort Yellowstone had been home to hundreds of soldiers at one point. There were even barracks. 

Michael watched Alex out of the corner of his eye, something anxious churning in his stomach. He obviously wasn’t subtle, because Alex swung close and bumped their shoulders together. “Why the long face?” He gave Michael a small, dangerous smile. “You think I’m having regrets?”

“No.” Michael frowned over at Max and Liz, who were both reading a signboard outside what he thought was a historic barracks building, or maybe stables. “I don’t know.”

Alex rolled his eyes and bumped him again. “This is Army anyway, not Air Force. Different branch.”

“Didn’t you say one of your brothers went into the Army?”

“Yeah, Flint.” A complicated sort of expression passed over Alex’s face. “Only one who did.”

“Well.” Michael swayed his upper body, knocking his shoulder gently into Alex’s. “Dodged that bullet, right?”

“Yeah.” Alex glanced up the path, then leaned into Michael a little, an intentional press of his body. “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Alex admitted quietly. “This is…I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair, settling at the back of his neck. It wasn’t long enough to tie back, but it was just a matter of time if he kept growing it. “I can’t…I don’t know.”

“No pressure,” Michael offered, not sure what to say. “Seriously.”

Alex frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you don’t have to explain it.” Michael shrugged the shoulder Alex wasn’t leaning into. “I’m not gonna, like, interrogate you over it or anything.”

Before Alex could say anything else, Liz and Max were turning back to them, and they were all moving on.

Mammoth Springs (not Falls, apparently) were literally right outside the little encampment of century-old buildings. The boardwalk led right off the road, and the gently sulphurous smell brushed them occasionally, carried by the breeze. There were several mule deer nearby, apparently unconcerned with the number of tourists taking photos and chattering noisily so close to them. It was kind of idyllic. 

The springs themselves were really cool too. “This is the kind of waterfall I can get behind,” Michael said, twisting his head to look around at the gentle flow of water over the rocks. They were like oddly-shaped steps, eroded shelves of some combination of minerals. Max would read all the little signs and tell him later, Michael had no doubt.

“You don’t like normal waterfalls?” Liz smiled.

“I don’t _not_ like them, but these are cooler.” Michael made up a reason on the spot. “You can see more. Like, you can get right up close and not get soaked, and they’re not so noisy. They’re cute! Like baby waterfalls.” The colours reminded him of the geysers too.

Liz laughed. “Like fairy waterfalls.”

“Well if you wanna make it sound _really_ cutesy, sure,” Michael grinned. “And they’re just as impressive, y’know?”

“I like the colours,” Max said, craning his neck to see over a group of other tourists. “All the oranges.”

In all the bustle, no one noticed when Alex bumped his forehead against the side of Michael’s head, and they grinned at each other. “I like boardwalks,” Alex confided, voice low. 

“Cause it feels like we’re floating?” 

“Not that.” Alex pursed his lips, looking at the water trickling and bubbling over the little shelves below the bit of boardwalk they were on. “It’s just a really cool way to get so close, without damaging anything. Like, you know a lot of the places we’ve walked, the trails look kinda ugly sometimes? Like, they’re not actually meant to be there. People aren’t meant to be walking in these places, not in these numbers. And this is like a compromise.”

“I thought humans were just naturally destructive?” Michael smiled. “A plague on the planet?”

“We are,” Alex shrugged. “But I guess it’s cool when people try not to be so terrible. And it’s not like I think people are individually terrible,” he added, rolling his eyes. “Just the species as a whole.”

“Oh, that’s okay then.” Michael grinned and brushed their arms together. “I was worried for a second there.”

“Sure you were.”

Max and Liz ended up talking to a couple with two kids, who recommended a walk that looped round from the visitor centre at the bottom of the springs, so they set out on that, since it didn’t sound long or too difficult.

“And if I see a beaver, I might die,” Liz said matter-of-factly as they set off. “It’s really unlikely, but there’s a dam at some ponds halfway round.”

“Are they your favourite animal or something?” Michael laughed.

“No, it’s kind of a joke between me and Rosa – when we were little, we both thought that beavers ate trees.”

“Wait, they do, don’t they?” Max frowned.

“Kinda – they eat the inside bits of some trees, but they don’t like, eat entire trees. It was really funny when I was seven, you kinda had to be there.” Liz paused on a little wooden bridge, looking down at the trickle of a creek below. “Point is, seeing a real beaver would be really cool.”

“I’d rather see a beaver than a bear,” Michael muttered to Alex, who snorted. They had a can of bear spray in Max’s bag, and so far hadn’t encountered anything to get scared about, but Michael still felt a tiny spike of all-too-human fear when he saw the signs warning of grizzlies in the area. His powers wouldn’t hold up for long under a grizzly attack, he was sure.

They didn’t see any bears, but they did see three gigantic deer Max reliably informed them were moose. They’d seen a lot of elk by this point, but moose were even larger. “This sounds really dumb,” Michael whispered as they stared at them, casually grazing in a clearing just off the path. “But everything is so much bigger in real life.”

“That bison this morning,” Alex agreed.

“And these guys!” Michael waved a hand at the moose, who were completely ignoring them. “Look at the size of them!”

“And just think,” Liz said cheerfully, “humans wiped out the _really_ big guys.”

“I don’t think we can take credit for wiping out the dinosaurs,” Alex said dryly.

Liz leaned over to shove him. “Not _them_. I mean megafauna. Like mammoths. Humans wiped out mammoths.”

“I thought the ice age wiped out the mammoths?”

“Nah,” Michael shook his head, trying to remember something he’d read. “Liz is right, there used to be really huge animals. Like, there was definitely a bird like the ostrich, except way, way bigger. I think it was in Australia.”

“All the weird animals are in Australia,” Max said sagely, and Michael nodded.

“You know the whole world used to be that weird though, right? Australia just split off a bit earlier from the megacontinent. And they had these huge birds, like…ten feet tall, maybe bigger. And they didn’t go extinct millions of years ago, they were like the dodo. Like, we wiped them out at some point in the last few hundred years or something.”

“Michael pretends he doesn’t know stuff,” Max grinned, and Michael groaned, turning away so he wouldn’t have to see his smug smile, like he’d caught Michael out at something. “But he remembers everything.”

“Like music.” Alex nudged him, and they started to walk again, leaving the moose behind. “You copy me and then you just remember it forever.”

“It’s just muscle memory,” Michael argued.

“Is that why you’re so good in class?” Liz asked, exaggerating a suspicious tone. “You’ve got a photographic memory, so you never need to study?”

“It’s not photographic.” Michael huffed. “I just remember stuff well, and I pick things up quickly, that’s all.” He shot an annoyed look at Max. “It’s nothing special.” Nothing extraordinary.

“Sure, I bet that’s why UNM gave you a full ride.” Max slung an arm around his shoulders, playing the part of proud big brother. “No big deal.”

Michael sighed and endured it, putting on a show of his own even though his stomach was churning. An odd, unpleasant mix of relief and irritation he couldn’t make any sense of, that didn’t ease up when Max let him go. Michael fell back alongside Alex, who just bumped his shoulder and walked next to him quietly.

“Hey,” he said, wanting to fill the silence. “What was that thing you were saying the other day about Star Trek?”

Alex gave him an amused look. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that.”

“Something about filler episodes? I just remembered, it made me think of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

Alex’s mouth twisted as he tried to hold back a grin. “You just wanna bait me into being a giant nerd in front of you?”

“Does it count as baiting if that’s your natural state?” Michael grinned, and ducked away with a laugh when Alex pretended to gasp in outrage and try to grab him.

He was an expert at distracting himself, and he could tell that Alex knew that was what he was doing. Instead of that being embarrassing though, it just made him feel better. Alex knew and didn’t care. Or, no – Alex knew and cared enough to just play along and give Michael what he was asking for. It made him wish fiercely that they were alone on the trail with no other tourists in sight so he could just wrap his arms around Alex and tuck his face against his neck and hold on tight for a minute.

But they weren’t, and the urge had to be ignored.

“Hey.”

Michael looked over at Alex. They were on their own for once – Yellowstone was so big that Liz and Max had decided on one trail that morning, and Michael and Alex on a different, less spectacular but quieter one. “Yeah?”

“You know the day before yesterday, when I didn’t know how to explain what was going on with me, at the fort?”

Michael nodded slowly. “The Army stuff, and your brothers?”

“And not dodging a bullet.” Alex drifted a little closer, one hand on the strap of his backpack, eyes down and hair falling in his face. “It feels like I haven’t dodged it. Like, I’m just putting off the inevitable.”

Michael swallowed. “What d’you mean?”

“All this feels temporary.” Alex gestured around them. “Like, the best vacation of my life before everything goes back to normal. Because we’ll get back to Roswell, and I guess…I’m just waiting for my dad to grab me, and then I’ll sign the enlistment papers, and that’ll be that. I’m just delaying it by running away like this.”

Michael checked behind them. The trail they were on was under tree cover right now, and the path was winding and empty enough that there was no one else who could see them, so he could grab Alex’s hand and squeeze it tightly. “I won’t let him get you, okay? We’ll figure it out. When we get back…all I need to do is get my truck and my stuff and then we can go. We can hide you at Liz’s, or – or we could drop you off somewhere outside town, like at a motel or something, and then I’ll grab my stuff and come get you, and we’ll go straight to Albuquerque from there.”

Sure, it would screw with his slightly desperate ideas to scrounge up some more money in the little gap between getting back and moving into his dorm room, and Isobel would kill him, but it would be fine.

“We won’t have any money,” Alex said quietly.

Michael had to let go of his hand, hating it. He knew there were people behind them on the trail, and he didn’t want to risk getting caught. “Isobel will lend me money,” he said, and he hated that too. But if he had to beg for money from his sister, so be it. It would be worth it to keep Alex safely out of his dad’s reach. “We’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“Your answer to everything.” Alex gave him a small, humourless smile, and Michael nodded.

“Yeah, it is. And when we get to Albuquerque you can file a restraining order against him or something. You never have to see him again.”

Alex swayed sideways, brushing their shoulders together. “I guess it’s just hard believing this will last, y’know? Not us,” he added hurriedly. “Just this. Being away from him, and Roswell, and not knowing…I don’t know. It’s like a vacation, like I said.” He sighed. “It made sense in my head.”

“No, I get it.” Michael licked his lips, thinking. “It’s like…nothing good lasts. There’s always part of me that’s waiting, all the time, for the other shoe to drop? Like any time something good happens, I know something else will happen to screw it up. And the waiting’s the worst bit, right? Just waiting and waiting and knowing this good thing isn’t gonna last but not knowing when it’s gonna end or what’s gonna be the thing that wrecks it.”

“Exactly.” Alex gave him a look that was so relieved Michael wanted to stop where they were and just hug him. “ _Exactly._ I used to…” He swallowed and looked forward again. “It’s one of the reasons I used to do all the stuff with my clothes, and my makeup. Like, I did it for myself too, but sometimes I just wanted to do _something_. Like, if he was going to be mad about something, I wanted to know what it was, and it was easier to provide the reason.”

Michael nodded. “Yeah. And you’re in control, kinda, even if it’s bad.”

“Right. But he…he knew, he’d.” Alex touched his nose. “Like, my septum ring, when I got it, I was sure he’d do something when I came home with it, but he didn’t say a word. He ignored it for a whole week, and then when he got mad about…God, I don’t even know, something else, and he had me pinned against the wall and he just did this.” Alex looked at Michael and held the ring gently between thumb and forefinger. “And he pulled, really carefully, and then he let go. And he never did it again, but every time he got mad after that, I was sure he’d just rip it right out of me. He said.” Alex looked down, shoving his hands in his pockets. “He said it made sense, since I apparently liked being led around like a dumb animal.” 

Michael could see some of Alex’s cheek through his hair, and saw how it was a little flushed. He scowled and touched Alex’s arm, getting him to stop so Michael could hug him. Fuck anyone who saw. Michael held onto him tightly and squeezed when Alex hugged him back. “Fuck him,” Michael muttered into his shoulder. “Seriously, _fuck_ him.”

Alex fisted his hands in the back of Michael’s t-shirt and breathed in deeply. “Yeah,” he said, muffled against Michael’s neck. “I know.” He straightened and stepped back, though he didn’t quite let go of Michael yet. “It’s like you said though, the waiting is worse than when it actually goes wrong. And stuff going wrong is normal, for me. Like, I don’t…I didn’t ever really think about having a life after high school. I mean, I thought about it, like, in a dumb way.” He rolled his eyes at himself. “Like, sure, it’d be nice to write music and stuff, but it’ll never actually happen. I didn’t think I’d ever actually get something good.”

Michael nodded. He could hear footsteps somewhere on the path behind them, and he leaned in quickly to kiss the corner of Alex’s mouth before he had to let go and start them walking again. “I know. I’m still waiting for something to go wrong with my scholarship. I wouldn’t be surprised to get there and find out they’d made a mistake.”

“What would you do if they had?”

Michael shrugged. “Before, I’d’ve gone back to Roswell, kept working. Figured something out later. Now? I can find work anywhere; I’ll go where you want.” He wasn’t sure how he would manage that, when really, he knew he would never be able to truly go far from Roswell. And even if Max and Isobel did move away one day, he would have to stay, just in case. He could explain that to Alex though, and it still felt like the truth to say he would follow Alex anywhere.

Alex was staring at him as though he’d said something insane, then looked forward again quickly, blinking. “Oh.”

Shit. “Only if you want,” Michael said quickly. “I don’t, I wouldn’t stalk you or anything.”

“I know.” Alex leaned close and bumped their shoulders together, so hard Michael nearly staggered. He relaxed though, relieved.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Alex echoed, and gave him a small smile. They walked in silence for a little bit, before Alex said, “It still feels like I’m running away.”

“Yeah, but why is that bad?” Michael asked, baffled. “If you’re in a shitty situation, it’s not a bad thing to get out of it.”

“I just feel like…I don’t know, like I’m never gonna be free of him.” Alex made a face. “I still feel like I need to be ready. I sound so freaking paranoid.”

“Well you know what they say – it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you,” Michael said dryly. “And since your dad crashed your birthday party and chased us out of Maria’s house, and he was gonna force you to sign the next three years of your life away to the Air Force, I’d say it’s not a total leap to say he’s out to get you.”

Alex smiled slightly. “Four. It’s four years.”

“That’s worse!”

“Yeah.” Alex smiled wider and turned to bump his forehead off Michael’s shoulder. “Hey.”

“What?”

“You’d really go anywhere with me?”

Michael softened. He couldn’t help it, not when Alex looked at him like that. Like he was something amazing. “Anywhere you want.”

Alex grinned. “I’ll hold you to it.”

“You’d better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael having the occasional existential breakdown about realising how much he subconsciously considers Roswell and New Mexico to be his home turned out to be my fucking jam. Who could've predicted that?
> 
> Shoutout to the Wayback Machine for allowing me to look at Yellowstone's website from 2008 because apparently it mattered _that much_ to me that I accurately price and correctly name the available campgrounds. Shoutout also to Google Maps. I don't even want to think about how many hours I've spent on Google Maps for this fic.


	4. West - South - East

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang heads across into Washington, all the way down the coast to California, and across to the Grand Canyon. So many sights to see! So many secrets to spill!

Michael was glad he wasn’t the only one reluctant to leave Yellowstone, though he hid it anyway just out of instinct. They’d sent a postcard to Isobel (all of them being paid for out of Max’s pocket now, which stung every time), all their stuff was packed up, and they left through the northeast station and took the Beartooth Highway up into Montana. Alex held his hand in the back of the car, fingers interlaced, and Michael rubbed his thumb absently over his skin.

It didn’t feel real. Alex was right, in that respect. Michael had always treated anything good as temporary, even Max and Isobel to a certain extent, but Alex was different. There was something about him that overrode Michael’s normal pessimism and made him think, _maybe._

Alex wasn’t bound to him by species or perceived relation or some shared secret. He was the only person in Michael’s whole life who had ever looked at him and chosen him for himself. The idea of being a selfish choice of Alex’s, a decision he’d taken against all logic and good sense, warmed Michael to the core.

It would make more sense for Michael to be wary, to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, like Alex had said. But he wasn’t. He was becoming oddly confident about Alex in the same way he was confident about his alien abilities, or his intellect. Against all logic and good sense, he trusted Alex; he was sure of his feelings. If Alex didn’t want him anymore, there was nothing to stop him leaving, nothing really tying them together. But he hadn’t left, and hadn’t given any indication that he would. He stayed, therefore he loved Michael the same way Michael loved him.

Still, the road trip had an air of unreality to it. Michael stared between the two front seats at the mountains framed between the tall trees either side of the road. Different again to the Appalachians and his own Sierra Blanca. 

Though of course they weren’t his own. Nothing on this planet was his; he had to remember that. 

He was beginning to resent how often he was having to remind himself of that.

The Rockies were unfeasibly large. Alex had told them that Sierra Blanca wasn’t part of the Rockies, and Michael trusted his memory, and was weirdly pleased that they were separate to this continent-spanning range. But fuck, they were big. And he’d known that; it wasn’t like a mountain could take a person by surprise or sneak up on them, but it was one thing seeing them from a distance and another to realise that he was up one. On one. A tiny, insignificant creature perched on the outer shell of what felt almost like a huge creature.

What were the biggest creatures on his home planet? Were there mountains there that would make the Rockies look insignificant, like foothills by comparison? 

They stopped at almost every viewpoint on the way to Red Lodge, where the highway ended, and kept driving on to Billings. From there, there were apparently plenty of scenic routes to choose from that would take them further west to Seattle, and then they were going to head down the coast all the way to California. From rain to sunshine.

“It’s weird,” Max said as they drove through Laurel on the way to a campground on the other side, between there and Billings. “All these buildings, after not seeing anything taller than two storeys for a week.”

“Humans,” Michael said, easing off the gas as they approached a stop sign. “Scourge of the planet.”

Liz snorted and flicked his shoulder. “Don’t be so depressing.”

“Sorry, it’s my nature.” Michael smiled at her in the rear-view mirror. “I’m a depressing guy.”

“Nah, you just need more caffeine.” Alex picked the water bottle up from between them and sipped from it. “Soon as we stop, we’ll make coffee.”

Once they were at the campground with their tents up, they went and showered two at a time. It was definitely the skeeviest campground they’d stayed at so far, despite having the most children of any they’d been to, and there was a group of men just across the dirt path from them with three tents between them who weren’t doing anything objectionable, exactly, but they were being loud and raucous in a way that put Michael on edge.

A few of them snickered at Alex as he walked past them on his way back from the shower block, and Michael watched carefully from outside their tent. He didn’t need to worry – Alex had years of experience of ignoring bullies. Still. The men were older than them, or looked it. Seven against four if it came to it, though they were drinking, which would slow them down and make them stupid. Also potentially more violent.

Michael had been in enough fights to have tried and tested tactics for them. It was the numbers advantage that had him worried, but the campground was crowded. If the men started anything, making a lot of noise would draw in the families who wouldn’t want their kids disturbed. Hopefully. Michael wasn’t afraid to fight dirty and scream and shout if he needed to. Most guys held back from going for each other’s balls for some reason, but as far as Michael could see, going for a person’s weakest spot was just common sense. Balls and eyes and making a lot of noise tended to end a fight pretty quick.

Liz was scowling heavily when she came back from the showers a few minutes later, and settled down with her back to the hooting men, her side pressed to Max’s. “If anyone asks, you’re all my boyfriends,” she muttered.

“And betray Maria?” Alex’s lips twitched. “The things you ask of me.”

“It’s for a good cause, trust me,” she huffed, tilting her head back to indicate the group of men. “I hope they quiet down.”

“If they don’t, one of the families with kids should tell them to shut up,” Michael said. “Hopefully, anyway.”

Liz’s pretend polyamory couldn’t help that they were in two different tents. If someone burst into their tent in the middle of the night and saw him and Alex in the same sleeping bag, that probably wouldn’t be good. Michael slept lightly and restlessly, but nothing happened. They got up early and headed out before the men who’d been drinking even stirred, and Michael wasn’t the only one who let out a sigh of relief once they were on the road.

“Kind of a miracle that’s the worst it’s been so far, right?” Max said from the passenger seat. “Considering we’ve been on the road almost seven weeks, that’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, I love not being gay-bashed,” Alex said sarcastically. “Big fan.”

“It’s new, having to think about it,” Michael said, wanting to direct Alex’s ire away from Max. “Like, I was thinking about if we’d been caught sharing a sleeping bag – it wouldn’t be a big deal if one of us was a girl.”

“It sucks,” Liz said heavily, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “I hate that you guys have to be so much more careful than us. It’s so unfair.”

“It’ll get better,” Max said, and Michael raised an eyebrow.

Alex got in there first. “What makes you so sure?”

“People keep pushing for progress. We might have a black president this year.” Max grinned at the road. “Think what a huge deal that is! A couple of decades ago – even one decade ago, that would’ve been totally unimaginable. The world’s getting better every year. Progress happens because people infect each other with tolerance and open-mindedness.”

“Infect each other?” Liz laughed. “I don’t know if that’s the best way to put it.”

“You get what I mean though, right?” Max glanced at her, and at Michael in the rear-view mirror. “Like, the more people who encounter different sorts of people, the better. They realise there’s nothing really different or scary about them at all, and they change their minds about stuff, and they talk about it to other people they know, and _they_ start changing their minds too. People pass that stuff along.”

“Like prejudice,” Alex said cuttingly. “People pass that on too.”

“Yeah, but the good stuff feeds into itself,” Max said. “Like, the more comfortable people are being different, the more people realise it’s okay and the less like assholes they behave, which means people feel safer about being different. It’s a cycle. A wheel. And sometimes it moves forwards and sometimes it moves back, but progress is never made by going backwards, and I think people are realising that more and more.”

Alex shook his head, but he was smiling slightly now. Earnest Max was difficult to resist, and Michael nudged Alex’s knee and grinned at him. “Max Evans for president, huh?”

“Oh my God, no.” Max shuddered, and the rest of them laughed. “No, can you imagine anything worse?”

“Uh, yeah?” Michael laughed. “Like, so many things, dude. Being a sewage worker, for starts.”

“I’d rather be a sewage worker than the president,” Max said, totally serious. “So much less pressure.”

“That’s true,” Liz agreed.

They took it easy getting to the coast. They could have made it in two days, easy, but they stretched it out to four so they could do some sightseeing along the way. Michael didn’t have to say how much nicer it was than the Midwest – everyone else was doing fine on that score. It was just nice to have stuff to look at out of the windows as they drove, as opposed to endless stretches of empty fields.

Michael’s favourite bit was just before they left Montana, less than an hour from the Washington border. The weather when they’d gotten up that morning had been drizzly, and when they hit the road and drove back onto the interstate, they were driving through clouds. The road cut through the mountains and hills like a smooth, winding grey river, and the fog hung low over the steep slopes either side. 

Liz said it made her feel kind of claustrophobic, but Michael didn’t understand how it could. To him, it just put in perspective how big everything was. Max thought it was cool too – apparently it made him think of the Misty Mountains. It didn’t put Michael in mind of anything in particular, which he thought was better. They were the only ones visible on the road, and Michael held Alex’s hand in the backseat and let vague thoughts drift through his head, like clouds through mountains. Running away, getting lost, retreating from the world, hiding, safety.

Leafy green wetness, dens in the hills, playing games, climbing trees. The beginning of _Tarzan._ That TV show Isobel had liked, _The Tribe._ Howling at the moon with no one around who would hear. Small, unintimidating waterfalls like the creeks and rivers they’d seen in the Appalachians. Alex, grinning at him with drops of water in his hair.

Stupid, childish thoughts, but they were just thoughts. More like dreams, really. Like a Neverland that had never existed and never could.

Alex squeezed his hand, like he knew, and Michael turned his head to smile at him, heart swelling when Alex smiled back. Treehouse daydreams were okay, but he had this for real. He was holding Alex’s hand in the back of the car, and they were safe and comfortable and happy.

It was a very good moment.

The closer to Seattle they got, the more Liz and Alex’s teasing became Twilight-focused. Apparently the town in _Twilight_ was a real place, and it was really close to the National Park they wanted to visit on the other side of Seattle. Neither Michael or Max had read the books, or had any desire to, but it was getting to the point that Michael almost wished he had just so he’d understand what the hell Alex and Liz were talking about.

They drove around the city itself, since there didn’t seem to be a direct route through without taking a ferry, which they couldn’t afford. Michael was getting better at not going down a mental rabbit-hole thinking about money. If he started, he turned his mind firmly in the direction of either starting a conversation up with the others that would distract him, or working mentally on his sixteenth ship design. It was harder without an exercise book to draw or write in, but that meant he had to think harder, and that worked out okay.

It wasn’t hugely surprising that it was colder their first night in Olympic National Park than any other so far, given that they were pretty close to the sea and it was the furthest north they’d been, but Michael was still very, very happy to be shamelessly used as Alex’s heater. He got into the sleeping bag first to warm it up, and pulled Alex’s pyjamas in there with him to warm them up a bit too. He showed Alex how to warm his feet up by crossing his legs and tucking them, one at a time, between the calf and thigh of the opposite leg. Alex was still shivering a little when he had to finally change, exposing as little bare skin as possible.

Michael didn’t think it was that cold, really, but he knew he ran hot, and he wasn’t about to tease Alex for something he couldn’t help and was clearly annoyed about. Alex got into the spot Michael had warmed, and Michael draped himself over him like a blanket and kissed him until he wasn’t shivering anymore, and all his goosebumps were good ones.

The morning dawned bright and sunny anyway, and they were all keen to explore the Enchanted Valley, already able to tell it would more than live up to its name. “It looks like something out of _Jurassic Park,_ ” Alex said after an hour or so, the three of them staring up at trees draped in some kind of moss. Liz was taking photos a little further up the trail.

“I think they look like the trees down south,” Max said thoughtfully. “That definitely isn’t Spanish moss though. And these trees are way bigger.”

“ _Guys!_ ” Liz called from around the bend, and they all hurried to catch up to her. Michael’s first panicked thought had been that she’d seen a bear, even though she hadn’t sounded scared, and what she’d really found was way cooler.

“Whoa.” Max’s jaw had literally dropped, and Michael had to make a serious effort not to gawp as well.

Some time ago – decades, by the look of it – a tree had been uprooted, and the base of the trunk was facing them, right next to the path. It had split in two as it slowly rotted down, parts of the wood crumbling away, but even then those two pieces were both nearly twenty feet tall. It looked like nothing Michael had ever seen before, like the wood had been folded in intentional curves and lines. Liz walked up and touched one of them, and the size of her compared to the trunk was incredible.

Max opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before croaking, “Liz.”

“Yeah?” She didn’t look around.

“Throw me the camera?”

“Oh, yeah!” She pulled the cord off her wrist and threw it gently to Max, who caught it and immediately gestured for her to turn around again. She grinned and did, examining the wood, and Max lifted the camera to line up the shot. Michael could see it on the screen, tiny, vibrant Liz in her jeans and red tank top, jacket tied around her waist, absolutely dwarfed by a tree that had to have lived for centuries to have grown so large. If it had been standing, all four of them with their hands outstretched couldn’t have circled it.

“Hey, Max,” Alex said, also staring at Liz. “How old did you say these trees could be?”

“Uh.” Max blinked, lowering the camera. “If it’s a Sitka spruce, around seven hundred. If it’s a western hemlock, over a thousand.”

“Wow.”

Liz turned around and smiled at them, and Max lifted the camera again like he physically couldn’t help it. Michael drifted closer to Alex, who glanced at him with a look he couldn’t quite read. Michael tilted his head, and Alex looked back at the tree trunk. “It’s just crazy, right? Thinking about something that was alive so long ago. I don’t even know…I guess humans were here, but I don’t know what tribe, or…the tribes that used to live here when this place was colonised probably aren’t even the same ones from a thousand years ago.”

“It’s humbling,” Liz said simply, walking back over to them. 

“They’re the cathedrals of the natural world,” Max said, apparently unable to look anywhere but Liz right now. “That’s why, or, it’s one of the reasons I wanna travel. Things like Notre Dame, and the Pyramids of Giza, things that were built so long ago we can barely imagine how it was done. And the people who started those things knew they wouldn’t be alive to see the end of it.”

“But this is different.” Alex looked back at the tree. “No one built this.”

“Evolution did,” Liz said, glancing at Michael for support. “Not consciously, obviously, but there was a process involved.”

“And it was way longer than a few hundred years,” Michael said quietly. Humbling was right. He felt so small, and so incredibly young. He didn’t know how old he was, technically speaking – he had theories about their pods and the possibility of stasis in space flight, but time spent in stasis wasn’t time spent aging, so it didn’t count anyway. Either way, he was nothing compared to something that could live for hundreds of years. He was a tiny blip. There and gone again.

His time was so limited, and so precious. He didn’t care about changing the world, or anything like that. He just wanted to know who he was.

Alex stepped closer, and then touched his hand. When Michael looked at him, Alex laced their fingers together and squeezed. “You okay?”

Michael nodded. He didn’t want to make a dumb joke about the tree intimidating him, or humans being able to do more with their average lifespans than anything a tree could do. He ducked his head to bump it against Alex’s shoulder instead, and squeezed Alex’s hand back before they started walking again.

They headed further into the park so they could do a mountain trail before going all the way to the coast, and Michael decided that even though the age of the area kept freaking him out when he thought about it, he liked how isolated it was. He and Alex could practically relax once they were out of the campground, because the trees were so thick and the trail so empty that they didn’t have to worry much about being seen doing anything that might indicate they were anything more than friends.

They found a waterfall that confirmed that Michael really did have an issue with giant waterfalls. He didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t like them at all. It was just so _big_. And loud too, and fast. And this one had a lot of rocks at the bottom of it that he imagined would snap the bones of any person unlucky enough to go over the edge, killing them instantly if not injuring them past any repair. He didn’t let on though – he fixed his eyes on other things or let his vision blur so he could pretend he was looking like the others, and didn’t make any effort to chivvy them along.

As the trail led them higher and higher, the view when the trail took them to the edges of bluffs or gaps in the trees became more and more impressive. They paused at one for a minute while Max hung back down the trail to piss, and Michael stared out at the tree-covered mountains, still capped with snow in August, the wind tugging at his hair and clothes.

Alex had the camera, but he was just looking too, a little smile on his face. Liz was edging closer to the lip of the bluff, and out of the corner of his eye, whipped a little by his hair in a strong blast of wind, Michael saw her fall.

Her scream was almost drowned out by his shout of, “LIZ!” He was on his knees at the edge of the bluff so suddenly, and his arms were outstretched, his powers arresting Liz’s fall. She screamed again, windmilling her arms and kicking her legs, and she was already so far away, the bluff was sharp and the trees below were miles away, she couldn’t fall, he couldn’t let her fall.

“Michael!” she screamed, and Michael gasped with the exertion, falling down onto one elbow and then his stomach, stretching out over the edge of the rock. He was out of practice, he was so out of practice, and she kept _moving._

“I’ve got you!” he shouted, chest heaving against the ground. “I’ve got you, Liz, stop moving, I’ve got you!”

She was metres away, so far he couldn’t see much of her expression clearly beyond her open mouth and wide eyes. Or maybe that was because his eyes were watering. She went still at any rate, and he swallowed and sucked down a huge gulp of air and pulled her up towards him. It shouldn’t have been so hard, but he hadn’t used his powers at all in weeks, and the heaviest thing he’d ever moved had been a car, and he’d only managed to shift it about a foot.

He couldn’t let Liz fall. He couldn’t. He _couldn’t._

He dragged her up, and his weren’t the only hands reaching out to her when she got close enough to see that she was weeping in terror. Alex grabbed her hands and Michael grabbed her elbow and her waist and shoved her the rest of the way before hanging his head over the edge of the bluff and vomiting everything he’d eaten that day into the void.

Fuck, he’d never felt like this before after using his powers. A bit queasy, maybe, but nothing like this. He was trembling, stomach heaving over and over until he was just choking up bile, tears and snot freezing cold on his face.

“What – Liz!”

Max was there. Desperate relief swept through him – Max would take care of it; Max took care of everything – but it was chased by a jolt of pure fear. Michael had used his powers. He’d used his powers in front of Liz and Alex – he’d used them _on_ Liz. 

“Liz – Michael!” Max sounded panicked, and a hand grabbed Michael’s ankle. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Michael pushed himself back from the edge with weak arms and twisted around to see that the others were all on the ground too. Alex was clutching Liz against his chest, and Liz was still crying. Awful, hitching little sobs that was making her mascara smear under her eyes. Max was kneeling between them, fear in his face.

“Liz fell off the edge,” Alex said. He sounded strangely blank, like he was trying to keep his voice down. 

“Oh my God, Liz…” Max leaned towards her, but didn’t let go of Michael’s ankle, and turned to look back at him a second later, obviously afraid he was hurt too. 

“Michael caught her.” Alex looked past Max, directly at Michael. “With…without his hands.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Shitshitshitshit _shit._

Michael struggled around to face them, dragging himself away from them and from the edge of the bluff. He had to swallow another awful heave from his treacherous stomach, and he was trembling like a fucking leaf. He was screwed, he’d messed up, he’d really landed them in it.

“What are you?” Liz asked, her voice shaking, and Michael suddenly understood Max’s absurd paranoia about people finding out and being afraid of them. He’d never seen that expression on Liz’s face, he’d never heard her sound like that. She’d never been afraid of him before, and now she was, and he didn’t know how she would react.

She was his friend. She was an unknown. Was she an enemy? 

“I.” He looked at Alex, who was just staring at him like he was a stranger. Something Michael didn’t recognise seared through his chest, some mix of fear and loss and dread and guilt. He’d ruined everything. He always ruined everything. “I.”

“Michael,” Max whispered, and Liz and Alex’s eyes snapped to him with a suddenness that sharpened all those swirling emotions into a solid mass of terror.

“Is it both of you?” Alex asked, and Michael shook his head so fast he couldn’t focus his eyes for a second afterwards.

“No,” he gasped, chest tight. “No, it’s just me.”

“ _Michael!_ ” Max said, but Michael shook his head again. He’d ruined everything for himself, maybe, but he could still keep Max out of it, Max shouldn’t be dragged down too because of Michael’s mistake.

“It’s just me,” he said again, wiping a hand quickly across his face as his vision blurred, eyes stinging. “It’s just me, it’s just me, I’m, I’m not…it was me, we’re not even really brothers, we’re not related for real –”

“Michael!”

“It’s just me!” Michael yelled over him. “I’m, I’m sorry, I – I’ll leave, I’m just, I’m a…I’m not normal, but it’s just me, Max is normal!”

“Michael!” Max’s hands were on his arms and Michael couldn’t, he couldn’t – he shoved Max away and tried to get up, but his legs were shaking too badly to even get his knees under him. 

“It’s my fault.” Michael took a deep breath and tried with telepathy he didn’t have to convey to Max the importance of letting Michael do this. They could pass off the two of them as not being related, but they couldn’t do that with Max and Isobel. They had to protect Isobel. “This has nothing to do with you.”

“No,” Max insisted, and Michael wrenched his body around so he could turn his face away from Liz and Alex for a second to mouth _Isobel_ at Max, who went very pale.

“It’s just me,” Michael said again, and this time, he managed to push himself unsteadily onto his knees. Even that was too much, it turned out, and he fell back on his ass when one of his thighs just gave out on him. He sucked in a shaky breath and looked at Alex and Liz, who seemed to have stopped crying.

“What are you?” she asked again, and she looked from him to Max. “Both of you.”

“I told you,” Michael started desperately, but she shook her head.

“It’s both of you. Don’t, don’t lie.” She took a deep breath and focused on Max. “Tell me the truth.”

“I…” Max looked at Michael, agonised. Michael widened his eyes just a fraction. In a choice between him and Isobel, surely there was no contest. “We’re just.” Max looked back at Liz. “We’re just two guys from Roswell. Michael’s not, we’re not –”

“But what _are_ you?” Liz demanded, pulling away from Alex, and Michael tried instinctively to pull himself further away. Liz stopped, and a second later, Alex got up and stepped past her, towards Michael. 

He’d ruined everything. Michael leaned backwards as Alex knelt down, and frowned. “Michael?”

Michael had to clench his jaw to stop his chin trembling. “It’s just me,” he whispered. “I swear, it’s just me.”

“But what’s _it?_ ” Liz asked, and Alex turned his head back towards her slightly.

“Liz, you’re scaring them!” He looked at Michael again, something Michael didn’t have the ability to read right now in his eyes. “You’re scaring them,” he said, slower. “Hey, Michael.” He shifted closer and touched Michael’s arm, and Michael tensed up. “We’re not scared of you,” Alex whispered. “We were just surprised, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.”

Michael shook his head, and an awful wet gasp found its way out of his mouth before he managed to bite down on his lip to keep it closed. 

“It’s okay.” Alex moved closer again, a knee between Michael’s legs, arms sliding around his shoulders, like – Michael only realised he was being hugged about a second into it happening, his face hidden in Alex’s shoulder, one of Alex’s hands cradling the back of his head. “It’s gonna be okay,” Alex said. “We’re not scared, we’re not mad, it’s okay.”

He smelled the same as he always did, and Michael didn’t believe him, but he started to cry anyway. Humiliating, terrified tears, and he knew Alex had to be lying, but he held onto him with weak hands anyway. He couldn’t think clearly, he didn’t know what to do without being able to ask Max, and Alex was holding onto him and murmuring, “It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” over and over again.

He didn’t cry for long, maybe a minute at most, and once he started trying to breathe normally again, Alex moved to sit next to him, arm tight around his shoulders. When Michael looked, he saw that Liz and Max were pressed close together too, which didn’t make sense.

“I’m sorry,” Liz said as soon as he looked at her, and he didn’t understand that either. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just – you know, I just fell off a cliff, I was scared. Michael.” She grabbed his hand and he blinked uncomprehendingly at her as she squeezed it in both of hers. “Michael, you saved my life. I don’t care how you did it. We’re not gonna tell anyone, I promise. Whatever’s going on, whatever you and Max are, it doesn’t matter. Friends don’t rat on each other.”

He felt like he was trying to think through treacle, like the times he’d had to go to class and work on barely any sleep. He didn’t understand. He looked at Max, who nodded and squeezed Liz’s shoulder.

“What happened?” he asked her. “Like, in detail.”

Liz moved so she was sitting a little apart from him, actually facing him as well as Michael and Alex. “I fell off the edge. There was this, this wind, and I lost my balance for just a split second, and I just fell.” Michael watched her like he was doing it through a telescope, like she was much further away than she was. Another species on a different planet, exhibiting behaviour he recognised but couldn’t quite connect to. Tears kept welling up in her eyes, and she kept wiping them away impatiently, smearing her eye makeup more and more each time. 

“And I screamed,” she went on, voice shaking just a tiny bit, “and then I just stopped, even though I wasn’t touching anything. And it didn’t feel like anything was holding me up, or…or like I was floating, or anything like that. I’ve never felt anything like that before. And Michael was lying over the edge with his arms out like he was holding onto me, even though there was nothing _there._ ”

“Go on,” Max murmured.

She took a deep breath and did. “He told me he had me, like, he said _I’ve got you,_ and then he pulled me up, I guess. I don’t even know how to describe it, it’s like I just moved, I couldn’t feel any pressure points or anything like that.” Another deep breath. “And as soon as I was close enough, he and Alex grabbed me and Alex pulled me back from the edge, and…and then you came back.”

“Michael threw up,” Alex said. His arm around Michael’s shoulders was the only thing keeping him together, it felt like. “Over the bluff. I heard him.”

Max pulled his backpack off immediately, frowning, and yanked the water bottle out of the side pocket. When he handed it over, Michael took it with shaky fingers, and put it between his legs as he tried to twist the cap off. Alex did it for him, and if Michael still had any blood in him his face would’ve burned at having to be helped like that. As it was, he could barely lift the bottle to his mouth. He wanted to spit the first mouthful out, but he couldn’t in front of everyone else, so he swallowed and tried not to retch it straight back up.

“What’s that?” Liz asked, and Michael looked up to see Max holding out a familiarly-shaped bottle. 

“Nail polish remover,” Max said, and Michael took it and managed to get the cap off himself this time, swallowing the first mouthful and feeling it go down like a miracle, settling his stomach almost immediately.

“God, it really is,” Alex muttered. “I can smell it. You can drink that?”

Michael took another gulp and let Max answer. “Yeah. It helps when we’re not feeling too good. Maybe have some more water too,” he told Michael. “And we’ve got some fruit in here, you should eat something.”

“’M not hungry,” Michael muttered, starting to sip at the bottle instead of gulping.

“In a bit then,” Max conceded. Too late, he realised that Max had said _we._ When _we_ aren’t feeling too good. He didn’t know what he could do to tell Max he’d slipped up that wouldn’t be immediately obvious to Alex and Liz though.

“So, don’t freak out again,” Liz said quietly. “But I do still wanna know what you guys are.”

Michael shook his head, looking at her in alarm. “It’s not Max, I told you. He knows, but it’s not him, it’s just me.”

“That’s not true though,” Liz said, unshakable. “I bet Max can drink that stuff too. And neither of you ever get sunburned, or bug bites. And the three of you came out of the desert at the same time, and don’t tell me that’s a coincidence.”

“It is,” Michael snapped. 

“It’s not,” Max said, giving Michael a sad look. “You’re right, it’s both of us. But it’s not just both of us, so we can’t…we need cell reception before we can tell you anything else. I’m sorry.”

“Cell reception?” Liz frowned.

“To call Isobel.” Alex reached out to steady Michael’s hand as his arm started to shake. “Right? It’s her too.”

“Yeah,” Max said, before Michael could try to figure out a way of saying no. “We’re all…the same. Look, could you, uh. Could you guys give us a minute?”

Liz frowned, but Alex said, “Sure. Come on,” he added dryly to Liz. “What’re they gonna do, fly off? They would’ve done that already if they could. And we trust you, so.” He squeezed Michael’s shoulders and knelt up, letting go slowly. Michael shivered as he went, keeping his head down as he and Liz went back into the trees, a little further down the trail. Keeping them in sight, but not close enough to overhear.

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered, when Max sat in front of him, legs crossed like he was a kid in preschool. “Max, you should’ve –”

“Don’t be sorry.” Max leaned forward and grabbed the water, taking the nail polish remover and swapping them out. “Drink, okay? Get some fluids back. You saved Liz’s life, Michael. You did the right thing.”

Michael shook his head, still shivering. “They know now.”

“Yeah.” Max looked older than Michael had ever seen him, almost ancient. “But that’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Michael wanted to start crying again, and swallowed the urge down. “They know, we can’t let anyone know! What’re we gonna do? What about Isobel? We can’t let them…we can’t –”

“Hey.” Max frowned and scooched closer, reaching out to grab Michael’s arms just above the elbow. Not too tight, just gripping him hard enough to feel his strength. “They’re not gonna tell anyone. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I shouldn’t’ve –”

“No!” Max squeezed his arms. “You _should’ve_. Michael, she would’ve died. You saved her. You did exactly the right thing, okay? We’re gonna go back down the trail, back to camp, and we’re gonna call Isobel, and everything’s gonna be alright, I promise.”

“I messed up,” Michael whispered, and Max shook his head.

“You didn’t. No secret is worth Liz’s life. They know, we’ll deal with that, but look…of all the people who could’ve found out, this is the best-case scenario.”

“You won’t even tell your own parents!”

“That’s different.” Max let go of one of Michael’s arms and took his wrist instead, lifting the hand holding the water bottle. “Drink, okay? Look, adults are the dangerous ones. Our parents had whole lives before us, we can’t predict how they’ll react. But we _know_ Liz and Alex. They’re good people. They’ll understand.”

Max was too naïve. But Michael drank the water, and more nail polish remover, until he was able to stand up without his knees wobbling. They went to join Liz and Alex, and sat down again on a tree stump because Max refused to go any further until Michael had eaten something.

“So, no big answers till we can call Isobel,” Alex said cautiously. “But can you tell us little things?”

“Like what?” Max said, equally wary.

“Like, do you have telekinesis too?”

Michael looked up in surprise, just at hearing Alex describe his powers that way. But Max was shaking his head. “No comment.”

Bizarrely, Alex’s lips twitched. “Okay.”

“I don’t know about you,” Liz said, rummaging through her own bag for more food options than the fruit Michael had rejected. “But I’m already trying not to go with vampires, given our current location.”

Alex outright laughed. “Shut _up,_ Liz, oh my God. Wait, you’re not though, are you?” he added, eyes wide.

Max looked like he was trying not to smile now too, which was just…Michael couldn’t even understand half of what was happening right now. His brain was still going way too slow. “We’re not vampires.”

“It’d make more sense for them to be aliens,” Liz shrugged, pulling out a cereal bar with a sound of triumph. “Like, considering where we live.”

“That’s even worse,” Alex declared, taking the bar and passing it to Michael, whose hands were shaking so much that he could barely hold onto it. “There’s no way. Is there?” He looked at Max and Michael, and his smile faded. “No way. _Is_ there? _Are_ you?”

“No comment,” Max said, basically confirming it, and Michael bent to put his head between his knees, squeezing his eyes shut. “Uh, maybe we should just leave this for later.”

“Yeah, okay.” 

Michael opened his eyes as familiar black jeans appeared in front of him, Alex kneeling to take the cereal bar from his limp hands and unwrap it. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m not, you didn’t,” Michael said automatically, and Alex very kindly didn’t call him on it. He helped Michael sit up again and passed him the cereal bar, and Michael felt like the different sections of his brain that had shut down were lighting up again as he ate.

It took them a long time to walk back down to the campsite, because even if Michael was feeling less like he was about to throw up, Max insisted on taking it slow just in case. Michael was more than happy to let him take charge – it was a relief, more than anything else. He couldn’t even imagine how badly he would’ve managed everything on his own. It was so much easier to have someone else taking care of things, especially when he was so tired. By the time they got back to their tents, it was still early, but Max directed him straight to his tent and told him to lie down.

“There’s no cell signal here anyway,” he said, perfectly reasonably. “We’re staying the night, so you might as well have a nap now.”

“Wake me up in an hour,” Michael said, “if I’m not up.”

“Alright, sure.” Max gave him a warm smile that was probably meant to be reassuring before he leaned out and zipped the tent up from the outside. It kind of had been reassuring. If Max was handling Liz and Alex, that meant there was no chance for Michael to put his foot in it and screw everything up even more.

And he really was exhausted. He didn’t even bother undressing beyond taking off his boots; he just crawled into the sleeping bag and fell straight to sleep.

Max didn’t wake him up, but Alex did. 

Michael blinked at him, his memories trickling back slowly, along with the growing feeling of emptiness in his stomach. He’d gotten used to not being hungry on this trip, so he was out of practice with the almost painful feeling of when hunger got this bad.

“Hey,” Alex said, lying down next to him on top of the sleeping bag. “Max said you wanted to be woken up. We’ve got burgers.”

“How?” Michael asked. That seemed more important than anything else, for a second.

Alex grinned. “That family next to us? Their icebox has a leak, so all their food is going to go off by tomorrow and they’re giving it all away. So we’ve got burgers. You want one?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t move though, and Alex blinked at him. 

“You okay?”

Michael had no idea what he could say. What was allowed, now Alex knew what they were, but didn’t know much more than that. “If you wanna not share anymore,” he ended up saying, “I don’t mind.”

Alex frowned. “Share what?”

“The tent.”

Alex’s face went very blank, very quickly. “Why wouldn’t I want to share the tent anymore?”

“Cause I’m not human?”

“Oh.” Alex breathed out, closing his eyes for a second. “Oh my God. No, I still wanna share the tent, Michael.” He hesitated, then leaned forward and kissed Michael’s forehead. His lips were warm and soft, and Michael closed his eyes and curled forwards a little, instinctively trying to get closer. “You’re still my boyfriend, even if you are an alien, or not human, or whatever. As long as you want to be.”

“I do,” Michael croaked, opening his eyes. Alex smiled at him, a miracle in human form.

“Good. You want a burger?”

“Yeah.”

“Gonna have to get up for that.”

Michael nodded and pushed himself unsteadily to a sitting position. Alex kept the sleeping bag from tangling around him as he got out of it, and they climbed out of the tent together.

“Burger?” Liz asked with almost normal brightness. “We’re almost out of cheese, but there’s plenty of mayo and chilli sauce.”

Michael nodded, going to sit next to Max. Alex settled on his other side, pressing their legs together even though they were in full view of anyone who looked over. But when Michael gave him an uncertain look, Alex just turned to bump his forehead against Michael’s shoulder. Liz loaded a burger up with all the toppings they had and passed it to Max, who passed it to Michael, and about halfway through it, Michael started feeling like maybe it would be okay.

Even when it got dark and they went into their tents, Alex didn’t act any differently. “Liz is going crazy wanting to know everything,” he said when Michael asked, very warily. “But she knows we’ll find out when you guys call Isobel. Or, y’know, I hope we will, because right now all I can think of are the X-Men and endless Twilight jokes.”

“You seriously don’t care?”

“I care,” Alex said, turning out the lantern and pulling the sleeping bag and blankets up over their heads. He wrapped his limbs around Michael as usual, as if there was nothing wrong. “And obviously I want answers. But whatever you guys are, you saved Liz’s life. Like, you clearly could’ve just let her die, and you didn’t. So even if I didn’t already know that you and Max are good people, that confirms it pretty firmly. And I know…” He hesitated. “This is probably a bad comparison, but. I know what it’s like to have a secret and be terrified of people finding out, even people you know and like.”

“Aren’t you mad I lied to you?” Michael whispered. He couldn’t see Alex in the dark, but he heard him sigh, and felt his hand as it stroked up and down Michael’s side. 

“No. I’d be mad if it was the kind of lying that involved cheating on me or something, but this is…you know, it’s not like it’s a betrayal or anything. I know you’re not confirming what you are yet, but whatever it is, I’m guessing you didn’t choose it, so unless going out with me has been a lie, then no, I’m not mad.”

“It’s not.” Michael twisted his hands in the front of Alex’s shirt and made himself release it. “It’s not a lie.”

Alex kissed him. Clumsy at first, then familiar and gentle. Michael could’ve cried, _again,_ like the baby he apparently was, but he managed to restrain himself to burying his face against Alex’s chest and hugging him tightly instead.

This felt more unreal than anything else ever had in his life. He’d always known that if anyone ever found out, their lives were over. But two people knew, and he wasn’t on the run yet. Alex still wanted to be with him. Liz hadn’t poisoned his food, and she hadn’t looked at him with that horrible fear in her face since that moment up on the mountain. Neither of them had called the cops. Max didn’t seem to be worried. And if Max wasn’t worried, Michael decided, he would trust there was no reason right now to be worried either.

Alex hitched a leg up over his hip and pressed his foot to the inside of Michael’s thigh, and laughed when Michael made an indignant squeak at how cold it was, even through Alex’s socks and Michael’s sweatpants. “Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “Not my fault you’re always warmer than me.”

Michael sighed and nudged Alex around until his feet were sandwiched between Michael’s legs, and once they were warm Alex spooned him. Michael fell asleep much faster than he thought he would, with Alex breathing warm and steady against the back of his neck, his fingers looped over the neck of Michael’s shirt so the heel of his hand rested right on his heart.

Their cell phones started getting signal again about an hour into their drive to the coast, but Max said they should head to the campground as normal and call once they were there. They didn’t want to lose the spot they’d booked, after all. So on they drove, Michael’s nerves barely soothed. He was riding shotgun, Alex in the driver’s seat, and his nerves got more and more stretched the closer to the coast they got.

The Pacific looked much, much colder and greyer than the Atlantic. Less inviting, and far wilder. There were signs up at the campground warning potential swimmers of riptides, and Liz muttered something about paddling being preferable when it was this windy anyway.

It had gotten cloudier as they’d driven, and they barely got their tents up in time for the rain to start, even though the air was still warm. It felt very fitting, and Michael couldn’t help wondering whether they should have bothered before telling Alex and Liz all the details. They might want to split up right then and there, and then what would they do?

He tried mentioning that quietly to Max, but Max reassured him with what Michael thought was unwarranted confidence that that wouldn’t happen.

They had been planning to sit on their little site’s picnic bench to call Isobel, but it was probably better to do it in the car anyway, in case anyone overheard them. He and Max sat in the back, Liz and Alex in the front, and Max gave Michael a smile before calling Isobel’s number. Apparently he’d texted her to make sure she’d be ready, so she picked up right away.

“My map is at the ready!” she sang. “Are you in vampireville yet?”

“Just down the coast,” Liz said before anyone else could do anything like skip ahead to the actually important issues. “If you follow the highway south where it follows the coastline, we’re pretty much dead middle between Oil City and Queets, a place called Kalaloch Beach Campground.”

“Yeah, my map doesn’t have campgrounds on it,” Isobel said dryly. “Do you mean follow the highway from Forks?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God, you’re so close! Please tell me you’re taking a day trip.”

“Maybe.” Max cleared his throat. “Isobel, uh. Something happened.”

“Is Michael okay?” she asked instantly, all humour gone without a trace.

Michael genuinely hadn’t expected that, but he guessed she hadn’t heard him speak yet. “I’m fine, Iz,” he said.

“Oh thank God. Jesus, Max, don’t scare me like that! Uh, is everyone else okay too?”

“We’re all fine, thanks,” Alex said dryly. “Nice of you to remember us.”

“Michael’s my brother, obviously I care more about him. No offence, obviously. So what happened?”

“Um.” Max hesitated, and in the gap, Liz jumped in. 

“I fell off a cliff and Michael saved me with his mind. Like, with telepathy.”

“Telekinesis,” Alex corrected.

There was a long silence. Then, “Okay,” Isobel said, sarcasm dripping from every drawn-out syllable. “Sure. Liz fell off a cliff, and Michael caught her with his superhero powers. Uh huh. Did anyone actually see this happen?”

God, Michael loved her so much. She was probably as scared as he had been yesterday, but she was keeping herself together. 

“They know, Iz,” Max said quietly, but Isobel wasn’t giving up.

“Okay, let’s say I believe you, and this isn’t the weirdest, dumbest joke you – oh my God. Is this a _Twilight_ joke? Are you saying Michael’s a vampire?”

“Alex saw him do it,” Max said. “Liz experienced it first-hand. They’ve seen Michael drink nail polish remover. They _know,_ Isobel.”

“Come home then.” Isobel sounded angry now. “Come home and let’s do this in person, if you’re so desperate to play tricks.”

“So you can scramble their brains?” Max snorted, and Michael looked at him in shock. “No way.”

“She wouldn’t,” Michael protested. “Iz, you wouldn’t –”

“Alex, Liz?” Isobel’s voice came sickly-sweet from the phone’s speaker. “Would you mind giving me some privacy with my brothers for a couple of minutes?”

Liz frowned, but Alex nodded. “Five minutes,” he said. “We’ll go sit in a tent.”

The moment the car doors slammed, Isobel asked, “Are they gone?”

“Yeah,” Max said heavily. “Look –”

“What the _fuck_ is going on?” Isobel hissed. “You promised, you _swore_ you wouldn’t tell Liz, I take my eyes off you for one second and look what happens!”

“Max wasn’t even there,” Michael said, but Isobel made a furious sound that shut him up.

“Bring them back,” Isobel said in a hard voice. “Bring them back to Roswell _right now,_ and I’ll wipe all this from their minds and everything can go back to normal.”

“We don’t even know if you could do that,” Max said.

“Maybe not, but I could scramble them so no one would ever believe a word they ever said again.”

A chill went down Michael’s spine, and he exchanged a worried look with Max. If Isobel decided to do that anyway, they wouldn’t be able to stop her. 

“They won’t tell,” Max tried. “Seriously, they found out yesterday, and they’ve been totally fine with it.”

“Why the hell did you wait to call me?”

“No cell signal,” Michael said, and Isobel growled.

“Fine. Sure, maybe they are fine with it now, but what about later? What about in ten years? What about in twenty, fifty? What if one of them decides they don’t like you anymore?”

“They wouldn’t do that,” Max said, absolutely confident, but Isobel scoffed.

“Bullshit. People do horrible things, and this would be so easy. One cup with your saliva on the straw, and that’s _it_.”

Max shook his head, even though Isobel couldn’t see. “They wouldn’t. You don’t know them, Isobel, not like we do.”

“Out of the three of us, who’s spent the most time in other people’s minds?” Isobel asked acidly. “You think you know people? You have no idea, Max. You haven’t got a clue. People are awful, and they’re cruel, and they’re cut-throat spiteful, especially when it comes to their love lives. You know Mrs Redship at school? She poisoned her dog so her husband wouldn’t get it in the divorce.”

Michael’s jaw dropped. Mrs Redship was a sweet, smiling teacher who’d always been nice to him. 

“Mom’s friend Trish Santara? She’s never had a single boyfriend who hasn’t beat the living daylights out of her. Mom doesn’t even know. You know Grandpa?”

“Stop,” Max whispered. 

“Grandpa and his friends beat a black boy to death for no good reason when he was younger, but he tells himself it’s because this guy winked at his girlfriend. And Gina Kalkan’s mom is cheating on her dad with two different men, and Lisa’s big sister hit some other girl so hard she got a concussion because she thought her boyfriend was cheating with her, and –”

“We get it!” Michael said. Max looked shaken, and Michael put a hand on his shoulder, pretty rattled himself, even though he would have been the first to say that most human beings weren’t worth the air they breathed. “Jesus, Isobel, do you look in everyone’s head?”

“You know stuff just jumps out at me sometimes,” Isobel said, an odd hitch in her voice. Michael hoped like hell she wasn’t crying. “I can’t help it! People are shitty, okay? People are terrible, and you can’t trust them!”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Michael shrugged apologetically when Max gave him a wounded look. “She’s right. Generally speaking, humans are the worst.”

“But not Alex,” Max said defensively, and Michael nodded.

“Yeah. Not Alex.”

“What the hell makes him so special?” Isobel demanded.

“He gives a shit.” Michael didn’t particularly want to go into details. He avoided Max’s eyes and looked at the phone instead. “He’s the only human who’s ever cared about me. He’s…he doesn’t have to, he didn’t have to be nice to me, but he was.”

“You’re sure you don’t have low standards for decent behaviour?” Isobel asked, and Michael huffed.

“Yeah, Iz. And I can vouch for Liz too; I know you don’t trust Max to be objective on her. But she’s actually…she’s really cool. I trust her.”

“And I trust Alex,” Max added, and Isobel snorted.

“Yeah, no offence, Max, but when it comes to trusting humans I’m gonna go with Michael’s view on it. You’ve always been too soft for your own good.” She paused. “I want you to bring them back anyway. If they really mean it, I’ll be able to see. I want to know for sure. And I want insurance in the meantime.”

Michael and Max gave each other twin looks of suspicion. Michael asked, “What kind of insurance?”

“Secrets. Something that would hurt them if it got out at least half as much as this getting out would hurt us.”

“I don’t know,” Max started, but Michael nudged him.

“No, that’s good. And if they volunteer them, that’s better. Like, we trust them, they trust us. We’re all holding bombs.”

Max scowled. “You know mutually assured destruction is a terrible system, right?”

“Well right now, they’re the only ones with nukes,” Isobel said darkly. “And I know you two are all goo-goo over the humans, but I’m not. We always said if anyone found out, we’d have to run for it, and you guys are _miles_ away. If something goes wrong, I won’t be able to help you!”

“You won’t need to.” Michael shook his head at Max as he opened his mouth. “Look, if they turn on us, who do you think is gonna come out better in a fight? Us or them? And if they try to tell people, who the hell is gonna believe them? Right now, all they know is that we’re not human and that I can drink nail polish remover and move things with my mind. That’s it. Max wants to tell them everything, you want to tell them nothing. Let’s run damage control now, before they come back in the car – what don’t you want them to know at all?”

“How using our powers makes us sick,” Isobel said at once. 

“Michael was really bad yesterday after saving Liz,” Max said.

“So we say he’s the weakest. Exaggerate my abilities, scare them a bit. There’s nothing that scary about Max’s electricity powers, so that’s good.”

“Anything else?” Max looked out of the window. “I think they’re about to come back.”

“Ahhh, I don’t know!” Isobel sounded stressed. “God, why couldn’t you have warned me?”

“They’re coming,” Michael said. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“If they hurt you, I’ll hunt them down and kill them,” Isobel said, barely before Liz opened the door and slid back in, Alex following suit in the passenger side a second later.

“You guys good?” Liz asked, giving them a hopeful smile.

“No,” Isobel said sharply. “I am not good. None of this is good.”

“But at least you’ve dropped the prank act, so that’s something.” Alex shrugged when Liz gave him a look. “What?”

“What _exactly_ do you know so far?” Isobel asked.

“Well.” Liz chewed the inside of her cheek for a second. “None of you are human. Alex and I are both currently guessing alien or mutant, or some sort of escaped science experiment, but neither of us are totally sure and Max and Michael haven’t confirmed anything.”

“Or denied it,” Alex pointed out.

Liz nodded. “Yeah. Um, Michael has telekinesis. You sound like you have mind powers?”

“Okay.” Isobel sighed, the sound crackly over the line. Rain drummed on the roof of the car, running in lines down the windows. “Do you actually want to know more? You can’t unknow stuff. This is a big deal.”

“We wanna know.” Alex glanced at Michael. “And if we need to prove you can trust us, we’ll do it.”

“Good. Then I want a secret of equal magnitude from both of you,” Isobel said. “Good luck with that.”

Alex frowned at the seat, but Liz bit her lip. “I kind of have one.”

“Shoot,” Isobel said.

“It’s a family secret, like yours, but if it gets out it wouldn’t be dangerous for _me,_ specifically, but it would be for my dad.”

Alex’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Liz.”

“No, it’s okay.” Liz gave him a small smile. “My dad’s undocumented,” she said, and Michael realised when he looked at Max that this wasn’t news to him. “He and my mom came to the states illegally.” She swallowed. “Is that a big enough secret?”

“If it’s true, yes. That’s sufficiently life-ruining.”

“It’s true,” Max said quietly. “I knew. And it looks like Alex did too.”

“Good, well, it’s his turn. Alex?”

Alex looked a little ill. “I don’t have anything like that. I don’t know. The only big secret I ever really had was Michael. I guess…I guess telling my dad how to find me would work.” 

“No,” Michael said, at the same time as Liz and Max. “No,” Michael said again, both surprised and relieved that he wasn’t the only one who had jumped to Alex’s defence. “Not that.”

“Hm. Well, can you think of anything else?” Isobel asked.

Alex shook his head, biting his lip. “I don’t have anything. I mean, apart from everyone in this car right now, and Maria and Rosa, I don’t even have any people I care about. I don’t have any big secrets. Just little ones.”

“Like what?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Like, dumb stuff, like underage drinking and smoking.”

“That’s really sad if those are your biggest secrets,” Isobel said, and Alex snorted.

“Sad, or lucky? And I told you, my biggest secret is where I am right now.”

Michael shook his head. “Alex –”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alex cut him off firmly. “The only reason she would have for using these secrets is if we betrayed you first, and since that isn’t gonna happen, we don’t have anything to worry about.”

“God, I’m so glad one of you has a brain,” Isobel said. “Fine. Secrets accepted. You definitely want to know everything?”

“Everything,” Liz said emphatically. 

Max sighed. “I guess we’d better start at the beginning.”

There wasn’t much to tell, in the end. Alex and Liz asked questions, but there weren’t many they could answer. It stung the way it always did to admit that they didn’t know where they came from, they didn’t know how they’d come to Earth, they didn’t know who or what they were, they didn’t know who had moved their pods and kept them hidden. They didn’t remember anything from before emerging from their pods. They didn’t know how different they were to humans. They didn’t know why they looked like humans. They didn’t know what they didn’t know. They didn’t know _anything._

Eventually, they were done, and Isobel left, and after Max and Alex checked they had all their dirty laundry loaded up, they headed to Forks. For a laundromat, Michael was assured. Not for vampire tourism.

Though since Alex and Liz immediately abandoned them to look around as soon as they arrived, that excuse didn’t hold up for long. Max and Michael sat next to each other in uncomfortable plastic bucket chairs and watched the wall of washing machines, mostly empty.

“You really think it’ll be okay?” Michael asked after several minutes. Max was already buried in his book. _The Grapes of Wrath,_ Michael thought, which he knew Max had read about a hundred times already.

Max looked up and nodded. “I think so. You trust Alex, right?”

“Literally with my life.”

“And I trust Liz.” Max shrugged. “It’s a risk, but life’s all about risk. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had screaming nightmares about the possibility of people finding out what we are and all of us getting split up and sent to Area 51 to be vivisected, but if that happens, I think Liz and Alex would be defending us, not helping anyone who wanted to hurt us.”

Michael stared at him. “You’ve had nightmares about being vivisected?”

“Sure.” Max gave him a funny look, as if to say, _haven’t you?_ “I saw _E.T._ at a very impressionable age.”

“Do they vivisect E.T.?”

“No, but they tape off the whole house and isolate him and there’s all these scientists and secret agents in white hazmat suits, and they kill him.” Max cleared his throat and looked down at his book again. “It’s scary.”

Jesus. For once, Michael was glad he’d experienced almost none of the pop culture staples everyone else his age had. “And you think Alex and Liz would like, be our Eliot?”

Max smiled at him. “Yeah. I think they’d storm a government facility to kidnap us.”

“Shame we’ve got no spaceship to come take us home.”

Max shrugged. “We don’t need one. Home’s where your heart is, right? I don’t know about yours, but mine’s right here on Earth.”

That night was really good, all things considered. The rain had cleared up by the time they got back, so they explored the beach and went for a bit of a paddle, even though the water was icy cold. They’d brought Liz’s stove down and they had a beach barbeque, grilling burgers and sausages and foil-wrapped bananas and chocolate.

There was a Sitka spruce apparently dubbed the Tree of Life on the beach too, or on the bank. Or sort of suspended over a gap that had been eroded in the bank. It was one of the weirdest things Michael had ever seen a tree do. The trunk was right above the gap, suspended above empty air with its outstretched roots the only thing holding it up, and it looked like it should have slipped down onto the beach right in front of their eyes, but it was somehow stable enough to have a full green top.

Liz asked another tourist to take a photo of them in the root cave, arms around each other’s waists and grinning like idiots in a line. Liz, Max, Michael, Alex.

“You ever noticed you’re the only one who doesn’t shorten your name?” Liz said as they went back to their spot and sat down again, looking out over the sea as the sun slid slowly down the sky, turning the long clouds pink and orange.

“Huh?” Michael looked up from where he was digging his feet underneath the sand. 

“Your name,” Liz repeated. “The rest of us have all shortened ours.”

Michael shrugged. “I like Michael. There was already a Mike at one of my first group homes, and my first foster parent was called Mike too. You ever noticed how you guys all have end-of-the-alphabet letters at the ends of your names? Two exes and a zee.” He shrugged again. “It’s not like it’s significant or anything.”

“My name’s not short for anything,” Max added, looking a little sheepish. “It’s not Maxwell or Maximilian or anything. I’m just Max.”

“Rosa and my dad are the only ones who ever call me Elizabeth.” Liz smiled, looking through the photos on the camera. “And my mom does sometimes, when she’s around. Oh, and a few of my other relatives, I guess. Not often though. Liz is so much less of a mouthful than Elizabeth.”

“No one calls me Alexander.” Alex tucked the edge of their trash bag under his foot to stop it blowing away. “It’d be really weird now if anyone did.” 

“What’s in a name anyway?” Max smiled. “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“Identity,” Michael said shortly. “We don’t know what our real names are. I wanna know.”

“Isn’t knowing who you are enough?” Max asked.

“But I don’t know who I am.” Michael didn’t want to argue about this with him. Not now. Not ever, really. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, with effort. “Liz, what’re we doing tomorrow?”

“There’s a really long walk along the coast starting at Oil City,” she said immediately, and that was that.

Except it wasn’t, of course, because once he and Alex were in their sleeping bag and Alex was done complaining about Michael getting sand in it (which he hadn’t known would be so reassuring to hear, just knowing that their normalcy hadn’t changed), Alex played with Michael’s hair and said, “Do you think of Michael as your real name?”

Michael let out a long breath. “I don’t know. It’s the only one I’ve got, and it’s not _bad,_ or anything. It’s just…not the one my parents gave me. If that’s even a thing my species does. Maybe we’re supposed to pick our own names. Or maybe it’s someone else who names you. I don’t know. That’s kind of the problem.”

“Yeah.” Alex sighed. “I can’t believe you’ve had to hide this for so long.”

“People hide things for longer.” Michael could hear the sea, the rhythmic _shhhh……shhhh_ of waves on the beach. “You’re sure you’re not mad?” he whispered, while he had the courage to ask it.

“If it was the other way around, and I was the alien, would you be mad at me for keeping it a secret?”

“I don’t know.” Michael swallowed. “I can’t imagine not being…not having the life I’ve had.”

Alex moved closer on the pillow and rubbed the tips of their noses together. “I’m not mad. You can ask me as many times as you want, the answer’s gonna be the same every time, okay? I’m not mad. I love you.”

It made Michael’s heart feel like it was being squeezed every time Alex said it, and he tipped his chin up to kiss him reflexively. Alex kissed him back and kept it slow, his fingers so gentle in Michael’s hair. “I love you,” he whispered again, against Michael’s lips. “You don’t have to be scared or worried about me, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

No one had ever offered to do that before. Michael hardly knew what to do with it, or with the desperate relief that seemed to flood his whole body, chased by familiar wariness, chased by even more familiar apathy.

Michael believed him. Instinct warned him against it, but he did. It was like a law of the universe now – Alex declared a truth, Michael agreed. Alex said he loved him; Michael believed it. Alex said he would take care of him; Michael believed it. Alex rolled on top of him and kissed Michael’s neck, his ear, his mouth over and over and over, and Michael believed. The evidence was in Alex’s body, in his words. In his very presence, right there in the sleeping bag with Michael, pressing his body down, moaning softly into his mouth when Michael dragged his hands down his back and arched up against him.

Afterwards, as he was falling asleep, Michael remembered in a distant way the conversation he’d had with Liz however long ago it had been. Something about belief and faith and religion and science. Believing in Alex was like believing in medicine. He’d never felt able to even convincingly pretend to believe in the supernatural, whatever flavour it came in, but believing in Alex came easily.

Michael breathed out and turned to press a kiss to the back of Alex’s head. Already asleep, Alex didn’t stir, and Michael dropped off soon after, a tiny smile on his lips.

Michael had thought the Sitka spruce and hemlock trees up north were big, but redwoods were gigantic. When they first went into the forest and encountered the really big trees, even bigger than the ones they’d seen on the drive in, it was almost like seeing huge waterfalls. Michael got a similar lurch in his stomach, a similar jolt of alarm. 

He didn’t imagine himself falling from the top of one of them though, which was a relief. And after a while they stopped being so unnerving and started seeming kind of cool. It helped that the others wouldn’t shut up about how amazed they were, and Michael stole Liz’s camera to get a couple of shots of Alex grinning unselfconsciously up at the trees around them, a single ray of sunlight illuminating him like a saint from another era.

“Wow,” Liz muttered, when he handed the camera back to her and she looked at what he’d taken. “You should be the official photographer of the gang, this is amazing.”

Michael shrugged. “All I had to do was point and click. He’s been looking like that all morning. Shut up,” he added grumpily when Liz smirked at him.

“You loooove him,” she sang under her breath. “You think he’s goooorgeous, you think he’s seeeexy –”

“Shut _up,_ ” Michael groaned, bumping into her.

“Am I hearing the _Miss Congeniality_ song?” Alex called over, grinning.

“The what?” 

“ _Miss Congeniality!_ ” Liz gasped. “Sandra Bullock! You’ve never seen it?”

“Michael hasn’t seen anything,” Max said, coming over and smiling. 

“I’ve seen some things. There’s plenty you’re missing too,” Michael huffed. “Side-effects of popping out of a pod at age seven.”

Max’s smile faltered, immediately looking around even though they knew there wasn’t anyone nearby. Remembering what he’d said about having nightmares about being caught and killed, Michael could have kicked himself.

“I wonder if that’s why your music taste is so broad,” Liz said thoughtfully, looking up at Max, who pulled his smile back on for her.

“Maybe.”

At least it had distracted her from teasing Michael about Alex. But Michael still muttered, “Sorry,” to Max as they started to walk again.

Max nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Just gotta be careful,” he said quietly.

“I know. No alien talk outside the car, how’s that?”

“Not at all would be better,” Max said, and Michael swallowed a flash of hurt.

“Right. Yeah.”

It was a rule Max had no chance of enforcing though, not now Liz and Alex knew what they were. Liz in particular was brimming with all sorts of questions, and as they started driving south the next day, Alex had to occasionally reign her in, far more attuned to Michael and Max’s hesitations or awkwardness than Liz seemed to be. She got caught up in the need for answers, and Michael more than understood that, but it still stung to be asked over and over for answers he just couldn’t provide.

That said, having another person – two, when Alex joined in as well – to speculate about things like the spaceship and their pods and their differing biology with was amazing. Painful too, but even hearing Liz and Alex acknowledge him and Max as different, as aliens, gave Michael such a rush. He didn’t really understand it, and he could tell Max wasn’t sharing it.

“I like it here,” he said stubbornly after Liz asked him whether he thought their home planet must be similar to Earth, to account for their physical similarities. “I don’t care what it’s like. This is my home. Earth is my home.”

“Home’s where the heart is,” Michael quoted sarcastically from the driver’s seat, and next to him Liz nodded. 

“I guess you’re both immigrants, really. Like my parents.”

“Except we didn’t choose it,” Michael pointed out, and she shrugged.

“That’s normal too. Plenty of people take their children with them to try and find better opportunities elsewhere. I guess…” She hesitated, then seemed to brace herself. “I guess if you weren’t white, things might’ve been different for you.”

“Who says race is even a thing for our species?” Michael said, baiting a little, but Alex cut in from behind him. 

“Whether it is or not doesn’t change that it’s a thing for us, and you pass for human, so you pass for white. And you benefit from that, whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah, I feel like I’ve really reaped those benefits,” Michael snorted, and Liz narrowed her eyes.

“You don’t think you would’ve caught an extra mountain of shit if you were Latino?”

“People do double-takes sometimes.”

“They do?” Max raised his eyebrows, and Michael laughed.

“Yeah. Not often, but. I’ve had a couple people assume I spoke Spanish, like, fluently. One of, uh, someone who found me sleeping in my truck called me a beaner while he was chasing me outta the parking lot.” Michael cleared his throat, getting uncomfortable now. “But yeah, it would’ve been different if they’d been looking to deport us when they found us. I’ve got the clippings from the papers at the time back in Roswell, and it sounded like they just didn’t know what to make of it. We got bumped off the front page after just a couple of days.”

“They must’ve looked for where you came from,” Alex said, and when he looked Michael saw him frowning in the rear-view mirror. “Right?”

“There was no copy of a police report in my file when I looked.” Michael focused on the road again, on the wheel under his hands, the pedal under his foot. “But there’s no way anyone suspected what we actually were, or we wouldn’t be walking around free right now.”

“Michael,” Max muttered, sounding a bit pained.

Impatience warred with sympathy, and sympathy won. “Sorry. But, yeah, I’ve done as much research as I can, and I think we just kinda slipped through the cracks. The system’s full of holes anyway. Max and Isobel were lucky to get picked up when they did. Past toddler age, you’re usually stuck there till you age out. But I’ve seen photos.” Michael grinned. “They were cute kids – that goes a long way.”

“We were really lucky,” Max said quietly. “I wish we’d stayed together though.”

“Better that you got out,” Michael argued. “I was fine.”

“You were not.”

“I was fine!” Michael said indignantly. “Hey, I’m always fine! But if all three of us had ended up stuck there, we wouldn’t have been moved around together, y’know. We all would’ve been split up, no guarantee of ever getting placed in Roswell either. And finding each other again would’ve been a nightmare – you know my file doesn’t give you two names? It said I was found with two other children, one male, one female, similar age, and that’s it.”

“How did you know who they were then?” Liz asked, and twisted to look back at Max. “Michael joined in sixth grade, right? How did you know he was your brother?”

“We just knew,” Max sounded surprised. “Especially Isobel. She was acting weird for days, she kept having weird dreams that she pulled me into. The way I remember it, she could definitely tell someone was coming, and we were both really keyed up about it. And then Michael showed up on Monday at school, and the second we saw him, it was like…like you know when you stand next to a big speaker, and you can feel the sound in your whole body? It was like that, that sort of feeling. Like a full-body shock, but not a bad one. We knew we had a brother; we just didn’t know where he’d gone. And then we found him.” 

Michael could hear Max’s smile in his voice, and he blinked rapidly, eyes fixed on the road, on the evergreen trees and shrubs either side of it, on the clouds scraped across the dome of the sky.

“What about you?” Liz asked him. “Did you recognise them the second you saw them too?”

Michael nodded, half in and half out of his body. “I don’t remember it much. But. I knew they were…I don’t know. I knew. I didn’t know what I was yet, so I didn’t know they were like me, exactly, but I knew we were the same, or something like that.”

“You didn’t know?” Liz reached for the bag of skittles in her cup holder and offered them to him first. Michael shook his head.

“Who would’ve told me? I knew I could do weird shit. I knew getting caught would be bad. Max was the one who told me we were from another planet.” And he’d always been – and still was – so grateful for that. A clear, immediate answer. Like the first time they’d found the pod cave, trying to retrace their steps through barely-coherent memories sharpened by Isobel’s abilities. Isobel linking all their minds to clear the path and help them narrow down the location of their pods.

“So how did you know?” Liz asked Max.

“The pods. Michael remembered them too, but one person’s memory is shaky; it’s too easy to pass off as a dream or your imagination. Isobel and I had each other to confirm our memories. And we live in Roswell. What else would we be?”

Liz frowned. “I just realised something.”

Michael cleared his throat. “Yeah?”

“If you guys are real, and the crash was real, so was the cover-up.”

There was a long silence. Michael flexed his hands on the wheel. “Yeah.”

“It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you,” Max muttered, and Michael heard Alex shift around on the backseat. 

“I, uh.” Alex cleared his throat. “I don’t suppose you know anything more about that?”

Michael turned his mind back to all the stuff he’d read about it, including all the shit in the UFO Emporium. He could recite the important dates and personnel involved from memory, and he did. “Nothing more than that,” he added. “And like, that’s just their line on it. I’ve always wondered if this had anything to do with the creation of the Air Force. It was just the Army Air Forces before that, but the Air Force became a separate thing later that same year.”

“My dad,” Alex started, and stopped. After a second, he went on. “My family, we’ve…my dad’s side of the family, I mean, they’re all career Air Force. My great-grandfather was the one who settled us in Roswell. It would’ve been about then.”

“Holy shit.” Michael wished he wasn’t driving so he could look at Alex properly. “You think your great-grandpa was involved in the cover-up?”

“Probably,” Alex said quietly. “I never knew him, but he was a Master Sergeant, so if there was something big going on, he would’ve known about it. And our family being located in one place for so long is definitely not normal, for a military family.”

Michael had never even considered asking Alex for his insight on the Roswell crash cover-up. To be fair, Alex had only known for a matter of days, but it should have occurred to Michael by now.

“Do you think your dad knows the truth?” Max asked, in such a serious tone that Michael raised his eyebrows. To his relief, Alex shook his head.

“No. Something like that…I mean, he’s.” Michael’s relief faltered at Alex’s hesitations. “He’s a Master Sergeant too, so. I.” Michael heard him swallow. “I don’t know. I don’t…I mean, before I found out about you guys, I would’ve just laughed, but the way we’ve been based in Roswell for so long is weird. But then on the other hand, projects don’t get inherited in the military, that’s just not how it works. But for security purposes, if you wanted to rely on people’s loyalty and secrecy…I don’t know. I don’t know enough about how it actually works, on the inside, and obviously I think my dad’s…he’s not a good person.”

Liz almost hissed something in Spanish and added, “You got that right.”

“Yeah.” Alex sounded miserable. “And I don’t remember my granddad much, but I know he was pretty similar. Stands to reason his dad would be the same. It makes sense, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Michael said firmly.

He saw Alex jerk his head up to stare at him in the mirror as Max said, “Michael…”

“No,” he said. “It doesn’t. Think about it. Even if the cover-up project hasn’t been shut down after fifty years and Alex’s dad does know aliens exist. So what? He doesn’t know we’re the aliens. None of us are gonna tell him.”

“But now you know there might be a connection,” Max said, sounding very unhappy. “You’re telling me you’ll be able to let that go? With all this research and stuff you’ve apparently been doing the whole time? You never even told us.”

“You never wanted to know,” Michael said, harsher than he’d meant. “Besides,” he added, trying to wind it back. “I’ve got other angles, better ones.”

“Like what?” Max demanded, and Michael scowled.

“All those times you’ve found me out at Foster’s, you think I’ve just been sitting on my ass and staring at the sky? I’ve been looking, and I found stuff. Bits of…pieces.”

“Pieces?” Max repeated, and Michael couldn’t interpret his tone or see his face, and he just had to swallow and answer.

“Of our ship. I think. Just a couple of pieces, real small, but I think there’s more.”

“You found stuff the Air Force missed?” Alex asked.

“Yeah.”

“What the hell, Michael?” Max didn’t sound mad, that was the worst thing. He sounded upset – that was the edge to his tone Michael hadn’t been able to parse. “When were you gonna tell us you were doing this?”

“I was gonna,” Michael said defensively. “Last year, for our birthday –”

“You found pieces of our ship _last year?_ ”

“Yeah, I did.” Michael glared at the road, eyes flicking to the speedometer. The mood he was in, he didn’t want to start speeding by accident. “End of June, just before our birthday. But then you and Isobel, all you were talking about that day was how shitty it was being aliens, how much you wished you could be _normal_.” He took a quick breath. “I didn’t wanna rain on your parade.” So he’d kept his beautiful fragment of hope hidden in his pocket, kept it safely protected from the potential storm of their fear and anger and disappointment. When he’d found another tiny piece five months later, he’d kept that to himself too. A rare good secret, something just for him.

“You should’ve told us.” Max didn’t sound accusing. Just sad, like he wished Michael had.

Michael shook his head. “You’d’ve told me to stop looking.”

“I just don’t want you getting hurt!”

“Life’s all about risk.” Michael took a deep breath. “I’m careful, okay?”

“But you won’t stop.”

“No. I can’t. I won’t.”

Silence descended on the car. Michael could see flashes of water through the trees on his left, and very suddenly they were past them, and they could see a huge stretch of water, with distant grey-smudged hills curving round from each side. It wasn’t a lake though – since Michael was driving this morning, he’d actually taken more than a glance at the map, and he knew it was a river, and the bridge they were coming up to in a bit was going to take them over it, into Oregon. It had looked so close to the sea on the map that he hoped they’d be able to see that endless horizon from the car as they crossed the river.

“There’s a town on the other side of the bridge,” Liz said quietly. “Let’s stop for a bit when we get there.”

They’d driven in silence before, but this was different. Awkward, at first, though Michael didn’t regret what he’d said or done. Then after a few minutes it sort of faded into what their normal driving quiet sounded like. Just four different people in the same metal box, thinking about different things, watching the scenery fly past while some local radio station crackled in the background, volume turned down low.

Michael kind of wished Liz’s iPod was hooked up instead, playing tunes he now thought of as familiar. He hadn’t known any of them before this trip. Now he knew all the words to _Hotel California_ and _Last Man on the Moon,_ and he knew how to play _Soul Meets Body_ and sing it with Alex, and he actually knew the names of the strings on the guitar. 

Thinking about that instead of how disappointed and upset Max obviously was helped keep the chaos in Michael’s mind from bubbling over, though his fingers twitched and he chewed his lip almost bloody. They soared across the bridge when it came, green-grey waves so close it looked like they could have risen over the barrier and washed them away.

It rose up high at the other end, pale green steel beams caging them in and guiding them over the lip of the shore before spitting them down into the town itself via a long curving road. Liz told him when to turn off, and they pulled up in an empty little parking lot outside a drive-through coffee shack. “I’m gonna see if that gas station has a bathroom,” Liz said, getting out right away. “Alex! Come be my boyfriend for two seconds.”

“Subtle,” Alex muttered, and met Michael’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. He raised his eyebrows, but Michael gave him a tiny nod, and Alex slipped out after Liz without argument. The silence in the car afterwards was much more oppressive than before, with the added pressure of the engine and speakers being off.

Max sighed. “I don’t know what they expect us to say.”

Michael twisted in his seat to look at him a bit, and Max slid across into Alex’s space to make it easier. “Me neither. But I guess they don’t know about the multiple other heart-to-hearts we’ve had this trip.”

Max raised his eyebrows. “We’ve had heart-to-hearts?”

“Sure!” Michael frowned at him. “When you were drunk in New Orleans, and when you asked me how to eat a girl out.”

Max’s eyes widened and he looked out of the window like he was expecting Liz or his mother or something to suddenly appear. “Jesus, Michael.”

“Well, you did.” Michael shrugged. “The heart-to-heart was after that, I’ll grant you, but it was there.”

“I wouldn’t really count either of those times as heart-to-hearts,” Max frowned. “You changed the subject both times as fast as you could, the way you always do when we try to talk to you about important stuff.”

“Sue me for not wanting to talk about the shitty parts of my life,” Michael huffed, making an effort to keep a lid on his irritation. “You think I can’t tell how you use it to beat yourself up? Poor Michael, he’s having such a hard time, I feel so guilty for doing nothing to help him. Except you do shit for me all the time, and you treat it like it’s nothing, so I don’t want more of that.”

“What stuff do I treat like nothing?”

“Buying extra fries at the Crashdown for me,” Michael said tightly. “Iz giving me her old mp3 player. The way she sneaks toothpaste and dry shampoo in my bag, like I don’t know who’s doing it. You, always telling me my test scores are gold.”

Max gaped at him. “That _is_ nothing!”

“No it’s not!”

“Okay fine, it’s not nothing, but it’s not something either!” Max waved his hands, grasping at the air. “When Isobel lets me have the last bowl of cereal because she knows I like it better, that’s just her being a nice sister! If one of us does something like that for you, you think _we_ can’t tell you’re adding it to some imaginary pile of debt in your head, like you’ll ever _owe_ us for just being your siblings?”

Michael could feel himself recoiling, heat crawling up the back of his neck. “It’s not like that. It’s not like…it’s the way you blame yourself for stuff. You do it way more than Iz does. Like it was your fault I didn’t get adopted? We were just kids, man, what do you think you should’ve done?”

“Held onto you,” Max said stubbornly. “Stayed with you.”

“It wouldn’t’ve worked.” Michael’s chest hurt. Holding Max’s gaze hurt, but he clenched his jaw and did it anyway. “We all would’ve ended up split up, and then what? It was better this way.”

“Not for you.”

“So what?”

Max fell back and covered his face with his hands. “ _God,_ Michael!”

Michael stared at him, taken aback. “What?”

“You are so annoying!”

True, but a little off-topic. “What the hell’s that got to do with anything?”

“You just…I don’t get how you don’t get it, that we’re not gonna suddenly dump you or leave you behind again or whatever.” Max dropped his hands and gave him a baleful look that Michael scowled at.

“I get it.”

“Obviously you don’t, because if you did you would just take it for granted when we do nice things for you.”

Michael looked away, jaw clenched. He couldn’t tell Max that it felt like they thought they owed Michael for leaving him behind in the group home when they were kids, and he hated it. It would just hurt Max’s feelings again. Like everything Michael seemed to do or say, apparently. “Look, I’m sorry,” he bit out. “Okay? I’ll try and be less weird about you being nice to me. I just need you to get it through your head that what happens to me doesn’t happen to you as well, okay? It’s not your fault when shit in my life goes wrong, and it’s not like, a mark against you and this planet that I want to find out where we came from.”

Max sat forward again, a miserable sort of look on his face. “I just wish you’d felt like you could tell us what you were doing,” he said quietly.

Michael sighed and matched his tone. “You wouldn’t’ve liked it.”

“Just cause I want you to be safe, Michael.”

“You’re not my keeper,” Michael said, as gently as he could manage. “You’re not responsible for everything I do. And I know you don’t get it, but I _have_ to do this.” If there was even the slimmest of chances that they weren’t alone on Earth, he had to pursue it. If there was even a tiny hope that he could find out what had happened with their crash, if he could communicate with their home planet, if he could find out about his family, if anyone had ever wanted him, he _had_ to know.

Max rubbed his hands over his face again, quiet for several long seconds. “Take me with you then,” he said finally. “Next time you go digging.”

Michael blinked. “What?”

“Next time you go looking for pieces of the ship, take me with you.” Max met his eyes, dead serious. 

“But.” Every time Michael thought he had Max figured out, he did something like this. “You don’t even care. You don’t want to go looking for this stuff.”

“No. But you do.” 

As if that made any sense. “What does…I don’t get it,” Michael said, confused. 

“And I don’t get why you want to look in the first place.” Max shrugged. “We’re both mysteries to each other, whatever. You don’t need to get it – just let me come along.”

“It’s boring,” Michael warned him. “I’ve been looking for almost three years and I’ve only found two pieces.”

Max shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“If you try and sabotage me –”

“I’m not gonna try and sabotage you,” Max huffed. “Jeez. I don’t like it, but I can’t stop you, so I wanna come along. I swear, you’re the smartest idiot I know.”

Michael didn’t even know what to say to that. He felt like the conversation had taken a sudden left turn he hadn’t been able to anticipate, and he didn’t know exactly where he and Max were now.

“Get out,” Max said, jerking his head at the door. “It’s my turn to drive.”

“What? I’ve only been driving like, three hours.”

“Michael,” Max said with an exaggerated air of patience. “Get out so I can hug you.”

Oh. “Do, uh. We have to?”

“Yes.”

Well it wasn’t like it was the worst reaction Michael had been expecting, and it actually did settle some of his bemusement when Max wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held on tight. Michael still didn’t really understand what he’d said, but he could understand this. 

“Brace yourself,” Max muttered. “Here comes Liz.”

“Group hug!” Michael heard her shout, and snorted as she collided with his back. Alex appeared a moment later, taking the opportunity to press his face into Michael’s neck.

“Did you find a bathroom?” Michael asked, for lack of anything else to say.

“Nah.” Liz gave him a final squeeze and stepped away, which was the cue for everyone else to do the same. “I want some coffee though. Emotional talk reward coffee.”

“Did you have an emotional talk just now?” Michael asked dryly. If they made jokes about it, hopefully it wouldn’t feel so awkward.

“I might’ve done,” she said airily. “Alex and I might’ve had a weepy conversation by the gas station, you don’t know.”

“We didn’t,” Alex said, amused. “But I’d like a coffee anyway. Something with milk.”

“Mmm, yeah, and sugar.” They’d run out of their camping milk the day before and hadn’t had the chance to restock yet. Michael had been drinking shit black coffee for years, but the other three weren’t so keen on it if there were other options available. “My treat,” Liz decided, leaning up to kiss Max’s cheek. “Let’s go, guys!”

The familiar, by now tiring stab of worry accompanied her words. Michael was so sick of worrying about money, and at this point it had almost faded into the background as something to freak out about after the road trip was over. He’d never been able to postpone anything like that before, but he was getting better at not thinking about it.

They only had three weeks left. If Michael thought about that, it would be unbearable, so he got into the back and leaned obnoxiously against Alex until Alex laughed and dug his fingers into Michael’s side to make him yelp. When they were back on the road though, Alex draped his arm along the backseat and played gently with Michael’s hair, so he knew Alex knew what he’d been asking for.

In Umpqua National Forest, they swam in fresh water for the first time. Technically they’d had chances before that, but this time they actually did it. Their campground was right next to a wide section of the South Umpqua River, so that first night, encouraged by the other campers doing the same, they went and cooled off in the water. It was getting hotter the further south they went, the weather making a turn to sweltering, and it was a relief to wade into cold water after spending the whole day in a car with broken air conditioning. 

Michael had promised to take a look at it in the morning, confident he could figure out what the problem was, if not fix it. If he’d had access to a junkyard and tools, maybe, but out in the middle of a forest? Even he wasn’t good enough to conjure miracles.

Though as Alex had said, the real miracle was that nothing had gone wrong with the car before, and even now losing the air conditioning was a pretty minor problem. 

Michael lay back in the water and closed his eyes, then grinned when a bare food nudged the back of his head. “What?”

“Nothing,” Liz said innocently. 

Water splashed over his face, and he sat up, laughing. “What was that for?”

“Nothing.” She grinned at him and splashed him again, and he splashed her right back. 

“Max!” Michael shouted, trying to shield himself and kick water at Liz at the same time. “Help!”

Max helped by coming up behind Liz and picking her up. Her shriek was lost amid all the other screams and shouts of the several children who were playing nearby, their parents either in there with them or relaxing somewhere on shore. Alex drifted up next to Michael and snorted. “She totally planned for that to happen.”

“For Max to ambush her?”

“Yeah.” Alex smiled at him. “You were just bait. A tool in her game.”

“Damn. Well now I feel so used.” Michael grinned back at him. “Weird how that doesn’t feel _bad._ ”

Alex raised his eyebrows, but didn’t comment. Michael laughed and slid closer to bump his forehead off Alex’s shoulder, and under the water Alex’s hand covered his, pressing it down onto the smooth, slightly slimy pebbles and rocks of the riverbed. 

That evening, curled together after yet another round of the who-can-be-quieter-while-being-sucked-off competition (they were both champions at this point), Alex squeezed Michael’s fingers and whispered, “If Max and Isobel don’t wanna talk about it, you can talk to me about being an alien.”

Michael wedged one foot under Alex’s calf. “You don’t mind?”

“Why would I?”

Michael hesitated. “It doesn’t freak you out that I’m not human?”

“No.” Alex leaned in and kissed him softly. “I don’t wanna say I don’t care,” he whispered, “cause I do. But I don’t care like it’s a bad thing. I just mean I don’t wanna ignore it, and it doesn’t sound like you do either.”

Michael had to kiss him back, just a gentle press of their lips together. “I don’t,” he agreed. 

“It’s what you are.”

“Exactly.” God, Michael loved him. “I don’t get why Max doesn’t understand.”

“It’s safer, maybe, doing things his way.” Alex sighed. “But I’m with you. Everyone deserves the chance to find out where they came from, or at least try.” Michael kissed him, and after a minute when Alex asked, “What do the pieces you found look like?” his heart leapt.

“Beautiful,” he answered, not even having to think. “They’re really small, only a couple inches long, but they’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

He’d never been able to describe them to anyone who actually wanted to hear about it before. And he’d never been able to tell anyone about the spaceships he’d designed, or how he’d examined their pods inch by inch to try and figure out what they were made of or how to open them up, or the way he’d tested his own abilities and the degree of control he had over them.

But Alex wanted to know. Alex asked him questions, and listened to the answers. Alex told him he wasn’t stupid for speculating over what his species might be like, and even speculated with him once he figured out Michael was eager to hear his ideas. 

“We should probably sleep,” Alex mumbled, after they’d both yawned in each other’s faces in quick succession. “We’ve been up for like, two hours.”

“Hour and a half, tops.”

“Mmm.” Alex kissed his chin, clumsy and tired. “Long enough. Sleep?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Roll over.” Alex pushed at his hip. “I’m spooning you.”

Michael huffed a laugh and obeyed, wriggling back into the pressure of Alex’s body with a pleased sigh. “Thanks for listening to me ramble for hours.”

“You can ramble more tomorrow.” Alex squeezed him. “Sleep.”

Michael wriggled out from under the dashboard and frowned, tapping the screwdriver Max had borrowed from some family in a tiny camper van against his leg. “Okay, try it now.”

Liz turned the engine over, put her hand across the vent, and yelped. “It’s working!”

Michael broke into a grin and relaxed. “Awesome.”

“You’re a genius,” Liz sighed, turning the engine off and getting out of the car. “And a lifesaver.”

“I have uses, occasionally.” He realised what Liz was about to do only a split second before she flung her arms around his shoulders and squeezed tight. He didn’t even have time to hug her back, too taken aback to move as she pulled away and beamed at him.

“You’re the best, Michael. Come on, let’s go swimming.”

Michael laughed and went to give the screwdriver back to Max.

They took their still-damp swimming stuff with them as they set off, Liz wearing hers under the only dress she’d brought and the rest of them only wearing their trunks and t-shirts. They just followed the river, occasionally following the creeks and streams that branched off it and finding more waterfalls, more pools.

Michael liked the warmth and openness of the ocean, but it was nice being able to swim without having to spit out salt every few minutes. And finally, Alex insisted on teaching him to swim too. “It could save your life,” he said, exasperated. “Don’t be such a baby. Don’t –” He spluttered and glared at Michael through dripping hair while Michael grinned and pretended he’d never splashed anyone in his life, that such accusations were scandalous at best and slander at worst. “You are such a – ack! Fine!”

Michael whooped with glee as Alex finally cracked and tore after him, grabbing him by the ankles and dragging him back when he tried to escape to the other side of the pool, where Liz was lying on a flat-ish rock, trying to sunbathe in the dappled light coming through the leaves above her. “Splash me and die!” she warned. Max, snoozing at her side, smiled with his eyes closed.

“Come and get us!” Michael called back. “You’ve got no chance, Ortecho!”

“Please, like I’d get my hands dirty?” Liz grinned and waved a regal hand. “I’d get Max to crush you for me.”

“So it’s like that, huh?” Michael grinned, Alex’s hands cool and firm on his shoulders, pushing him down a little. “You’ll just sic your guard dog on us?”

“Woof,” Max muttered, still smiling, and Liz laughed, sliding a hand into his hair.

“Quit trying to distract,” Alex said in his ear, making Michael shiver and grin, turning to face him again. 

“Who says I’m distracting?”

“I do.” Alex’s hair looked especially long when it was wet, slicked down against his neck and stuck to his chin in shiny black stripes. There was a strand flicking up at the side, and Michael wanted more than anything right then to tug on it. Alex let him, and smirked as he did. “Isn’t pulling pigtails a little third grade, Guerin?”

“Oh, but water fights aren’t?” Michael retorted, laughter bubbling out of him.

“I don’t know.” Alex pretended to consider it. “Would you call it a fight if the opponents aren’t evenly matched?”

“I’ll show you evenly matched.” Michael grabbed for him, but Alex slipped under the water and twisted away, sliding behind Michael and pinching his ass before kicking too far away for Michael to reach. “Asshole!” Michael laughed when he surfaced, splashing after him. “Come here!”

They were definitely not evenly matched. Alex was graceful in the water in a way Michael couldn’t come close to imitating, but Michael had sheer stubbornness on his side. Plus a possibly unfair advantage, depending on how you looked at it. The first time he pushed Alex away with his powers, Alex shouted in laughter and protest, eyes wide with delight. “That’s cheating!”

“It’s a natural ability!” Michael teased, and Alex’s next splash caught him right in the eyes. At one point another group of hikers came past and stifled laughter at the sight of Alex holding Michael in a headlock, while Max and Liz assured them that this was completely normal, happened all the time. Michael even waved, though he couldn’t see them clearly with his chin jammed into Alex’s hip. As soon as they were out of sight, he bit Alex, who yelped and shoved him away.

“Hey! Come on, biting isn’t allowed!”

“Says who?” Michael grinned. “Just because I’m willing to fight dirty doesn’t make my impending victory invalid.”

“Impending victory?” Alex laughed, eyes sparking. “We’ll see about that.”

“You are both way too stubborn,” Max told them a full ten minutes later, while they were still grappling with each other in the water, both absolutely exhausted. 

“Losing isn’t an option,” Alex said, then snorted and went limp. “Screw it. I quit; you win.”

“Yeah?” Michael grinned and pulled Alex close, holding him up at the small of his back so he floated, limbs outstretched. 

“Yeah.” Alex turned and smiled at him. “You win. But I’m still teaching you to swim later.”

“Why later?”

“Because if I don’t eat something in the next five minutes, I’m going to die,” Alex said frankly, righting himself and stretching. “I’m _starving._ ”

Now he mentioned it, Michael was pretty hungry too. Daring and still out of breath, he kissed Alex’s cheek, strands of hair under his lips, and caught the edge of Alex’s helpless smile as he waded past him towards the shore. “Definitely lunch time.”

Afterwards, he and Alex took their turn on the shore while Max and Liz swam and tried to reenact some scene from a movie Michael had never heard of. Alex leaned against him, camera at the ready as Max tried several times to lift her over her head while she kept her body completely straight.

“You and I could do that on the first try,” Michael muttered, and Alex snorted.

“Because you’d just use telekinesis to hold me up?”

“Duh.”

“Definitely cheating.”

“It’s only cheating if you get caught.”

Alex laughed and lowered the camera as Max and Liz fell into the water (again). He looked around quickly, then slid a hand round the back of Michael’s neck and kissed him. Deep and hard, with teeth on Michael’s lip as he pulled away and looked back at the pool as though nothing had happened, as though Michael wasn’t tingling all over.

“You’re so evil,” he whispered, trying to bite back his smile.

“There’s more where that came from,” Alex said out of the corner of his mouth, and Michael’s normally top-tier brain turned to pudding.

“Evil,” he managed to say again, and Alex smiled, still not looking at him. Michael grabbed the camera out of his hands and leaned back to take a photo. Alex’s smile just grew, his profile so perfect that Michael could have sighed. He maybe did, just a little, and when Alex looked at him he looked away again immediately, laughing.

“Stop that.”

“What?” Michael bumped his forehead off Alex’s shoulder, then leaned his chin on it, reaching round Alex’s back with his arm for balance. Sun-warmed skin against sun-warmed skin, Alex’s damp hair curling up at the tips, Max and Liz laughing and splashing through another fall below them. 

“Looking at me like that,” Alex said, smiling at the ground. Shy? Surely not. Alex was so confident it left Michael breathless sometimes. 

So – “Like what?” Michael kissed his shoulder, since it was right there. 

Alex turned to look at him, and Michael lifted his head so he could look back. Alex was still smiling, but smaller, something in his eyes Michael couldn’t read. “Like that,” he said softly.

Michael swallowed. “That’s just how I look at you.” Did Alex not like it? Michael didn’t even know what he was doing.

But Alex leaned in to kiss him again, sweet and sharp at the same time, tongue flicking at the seam of Michael’s lips and easing him open effortlessly. 

A splash of water had them jerking apart, but before Michael could shout at Max, the obvious culprit, Liz jerked her thumb pointedly behind her. And now he was listening, Michael could hear people approaching, and see flashes of bright clothing between the trees.

“Try again,” Alex called, facing forwards. “Eighteenth time’s a charm!”

Michael breathed out and kept his arm where it was, watching out of the corner of his eye as a family of five – mom, dad, three girls – emerged on the other side of the bank and paused to watch as Max once again lifted Liz into the air. This time, miraculously, he managed to hold her for a good four seconds, and Alex got two photos before they fell over. The family actually applauded, which made Michael feel a little more forgiving towards them.

Michael was keyed up the whole day after that, not helped by the way his whole body kept lighting up every time Alex so much as raised an eyebrow at him, or brushed their bare arms together. Michael was already picturing the campsite, thinking about the trees and shrubs that separated the individual tent plots, thinking about how the car was between their tent and Max and Liz’s, so they weren’t only a metre or two away the way they sometimes were.

They stayed up pretty late with Max and Liz anyway, playing cards by firelight and debating the merits of river swimming verses sea swimming. Max and Alex came down on the side of rivers, Liz preferred the sea, and Michael remained on the fence no matter how much they tried to persuade him one way or the other.

Michael was glad when they decided to go to bed though, reaching for Alex as soon as the zip was closed and their boots were off (something Alex was very firm about). Alex made a quiet sound of satisfaction as their mouths met and pulled Michael with him as he lay back on the sleeping bag, hooking a leg round the back of Michael’s knees to keep him there.

Michael was more than happy to be kept. More than happy to have his shirt dragged off as well, to feel Alex’s hands roaming across his sides and back, up into his hair, down to squeeze his ass. They twisted out of their clothes, their kisses getting fiercer. It was as good as music, for quieting his head. Michael didn’t know what it was about Alex that did this to him, focusing his attention so completely and intensely. 

Perhaps it was because Alex was the first person he’d been with who he’d liked this much. Perhaps because Alex liked him back. Perhaps because they just seemed to fit together so perfectly, seamlessly. 

Whatever it was, it meant he really had to concentrate to keep himself quiet. Alex pulled him between his legs and kissed him deeply, skimming his hand down Michael’s chest to tease at his dick, stroking slowly the way he knew Michael liked.

“Like this?” Michael breathed against Alex’s cheek, arching forward to press against him. They hadn’t done it this way for a couple of weeks now, since it was so messy. Michael kind of liked that, but had to admit that it would have been nice to be able to shower afterwards sometimes.

But Alex shook his head and leaned up to kiss him, slower now. “Get the lube?”

Michael looked around, then frowned and reached out with his powers. The bottle jumped into his hand, and he heard Alex’s pleased huff of laughter. “What d’you want?” Michael whispered.

He couldn’t see Alex clearly, but he could hear him swallow. When he whispered back though, he didn’t sound hesitant at all. “Your fingers.”

Heat flushed through Michael’s entire body, his cock twitching in Alex’s hand. He could just see the edge of Alex’s grin in response to that, and he had to kiss him. “Okay,” he breathed. “Alright. You sure?”

“Yeah.”

It was only fingering, and Michael was sure that if they hadn’t been spending their nights in tents with absolutely no soundproofing they would have worked their way to this point sooner, but it still felt pretty fucking momentous. Also, he’d never put his fingers in anyone else’s ass before, and he was a bit nervous. But he knew Alex would tell him what to do – that helped, that Alex had done it before, at least a little.

Michael dragged his towel over and slid it under Alex, who kept touching him in a very distracting way, like he physically needed to have his hands on Michael’s body. Michael dribbled lube on his fingers and reached down, and found the first difference pretty much immediately. Like this, with Alex lying on his back, his hole wasn’t exactly exposed. Michael had to push between his cheeks, smearing lube there, and Alex let out a shuddery little breath when he did.

Michael kissed him and pushed further, cock throbbing in Alex’s grip. He couldn’t kiss him for long, it turned out – Alex tipped his head back and breathed out as quietly as he could, his other hand on Michael’s hip gripping tight. Michael would have given anything to be able to see his face. He rubbed his fingers over Alex’s entrance and waited until Alex rolled his hips up before starting to press in. There was a little resistance, so he only used one finger, and he stilled when Alex made a choked sound. 

“Alex?”

Alex made another tiny sound and rolled his hips again. “Go,” he whispered, and Michael pushed in again. It was _nothing_ like a vagina, but similar in the heat and the clutch of it. And Alex was – Michael held back a gasp of his own when Alex let go of his side and covered his own mouth for a second, which did nothing to stifle the tiny moan that slipped out.

Good then. Michael slid his finger in and out slowly, rubbing at the skin on the outside with his other fingers, hardly able to compute the way Alex was thrusting up into it, giving up on covering his mouth in favour of reaching down to touch himself. His breathing was even in the tightly controlled way Michael was intimately familiar with now, after weeks of sex with Alex in this tent. Alex was trying desperately hard to stay quiet, and Michael only had one finger in him. 

When he squeezed more lube onto his fingers and pushed in experimentally with his middle finger as well, Alex grunted, trembling and arching up for it. So Michael pressed in, and in, up to his knuckles, and almost instinctively curled his fingers the way he would’ve done if Alex was a girl. 

Alex clenched down around him like a vice, a high sound that seemed perilously loud shivering out of him. “Fuck,” he whispered afterwards. “Fuck, fuck –” He let go of Michael’s cock and pressed it over his own mouth again. All it did was draw attention to how heavily he was breathing through his nose, and Michael, reckless and more turned on that he could have possibly believed, started to move his fingers again. Sliding out, back in, curling up.

Alex turned his entire upper body to bury his face in the pillow, which didn’t entirely muffle the noise he made. Michael fucked his fingers in again, and Alex choked, his hand flying out to grab Michael’s shoulder. “Stop,” he gasped, “stop.”

Michael froze instantly, suddenly unable to ignore the way he was so hard his cock was almost touching his own belly. He was clenching whenever Alex did, he realised distantly, some part of him already wanting to experience this for himself, wanting to feel whatever Alex was feeling.

“Stay there,” Alex breathed, “just…fuck…” 

Holding himself still while Alex frantically jerked himself off, coming only a second later, Michael felt like he was about to combust. He was burning up, he was so turned on, and feeling Alex tighten around his fingers while he couldn’t move was making it even better. Alex yanked him down into a biting kiss after a moment, wrapping one hand around Michael’s leaking cock and reaching back with his other to squeeze Michael’s thigh. 

Michael came almost instantly, pressing his forehead into Alex’s and holding his breath so he wouldn’t cry out. 

They stayed like that for several seconds afterwards, breathing as quietly as they could. “Holy fuck,” Alex whispered eventually, and Michael laughed. His fingers were still in Alex’s ass, and as he slid them out slowly Alex shuddered. “Hn _ngh,_ fuck, okay.”

“Okay?” Michael whispered.

“Can’t do that again,” Alex breathed. “I can’t…not make noise. Fuck. We need a motel room.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed fervently. “I wanna try.”

Alex laughed breathlessly.

They’d bought wet wipes on the sly a few weeks ago, and Michael used those and a bit of hand sanitizer to clean them up before following Alex into the sleeping bag. He’d pulled Michael’s sweatpants and sleep shirt in there with him to warm them up, which Michael didn’t need but loved that he did anyway.

“I wish I could see you,” Michael whispered once they were curled opposite each other like commas, feet and hands tangled between them. “And hear you.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t like that when I did it on my own.” Alex grinned and pressed his forehead to Michael’s. “I wanna do it to you.”

“Yeah.” Michael wondered if he’d be able to keep quiet, or if it was just Alex who found that difficult. “I want…you’re really tight.”

“Mmm. I guess we could work up to it though,” Alex murmured thoughtfully. “For you too.”

A shivery pulse of heat went through Michael’s stomach at the idea of trading places, of Alex being the one leaning over and pushing his fingers into Michael. “Yeah,” he whispered, mouth dry.

“I didn’t think it’d be like that,” Alex whispered. 

“Like what?”

“So…so good, I guess. Like, involuntary, but in a good way.” Alex kissed the corner of Michael’s mouth, smiling when Michael turned to fit their lips together and kiss him properly. “I wonder if it’s an alien thing,” Alex teased. “Making it all feel that good.”

Michael made a face, grinning. “Hope not. I don’t wanna think about anything happening in the other tent.”

Alex laughed and kissed him again, and they settled down to sleep.

San Francisco was one of the coolest cities Michael had ever seen. New Orleans was still his favourite, but San Francisco came damn close. They drove into it over Golden Gate Bridge, which was just like any of the other bridges they’d been over, really, but as Max said, it was still really cool driving over a landmark everyone had heard of.

It was wild, when Michael thought about it. Two months ago, if anyone asked him where he’d been in his life, he’d have had to admit he’d never even left the state. He’d lived his whole life on Earth inside a narrow circle, rooted to Roswell and the crash site. Now, he could tell anyone who asked – maybe at UNM – that he’d seen Niagara Falls. He’d driven over the Golden Gate Bridge, and been to Yellowstone, and next week they were going to the Grand Canyon.

Another really cool thing about San Francisco was how rainbow-friendly it was. Alex was the first one to spot a pair of women holding hands as they walked down the street in Chinatown. After they saw two men doing the same only five minutes later, Alex gave Michael a look, equal parts nervous and daring, and Michael nodded and took his hand.

It was ridiculous, on some level. Something so small shouldn’t have been so terrifying, but Michael was so aware of all the people around him, heart hammering at the prospect of someone saying something, shoving one of them, giving them looks. But nothing happened. No one said or did anything, or even seemed to notice. Alex laced his fingers through Michael’s and squeezed, and Michael could feel how sweaty both their palms were.

When Liz looked round a few seconds later to ask them something and saw, she grinned so wide that Alex stuck his tongue out at her. It was so childish that Michael laughed, and Alex swayed into him in admonishment. No one looked twice. No one cared.

It was even better when they got to what Max told them, reading from some pamphlet he’d picked up from somewhere, was the Castro District. There were rainbow flags on every streetlamp, and hanging from windows and doors. There were places with names like Hand Job Nails & Spa, and insurance firms with signs in the windows saying things like ‘serving our customers with PRIDE’. Michael had never seen anything like it. Hadn’t even imagined anything like it.

“Holy shit,” Alex said faintly, and when Michael looked he saw he was staring at the window of a shop called Rock Hard. Michael had to blink a couple of times before he realised he was looking at a display of dildos and vibrators and other toys he didn’t even know the names of.

“Roswell, New Mexico,” he said under his breath. “Of all the places on this whole planet, we crashed there? When places like this exist?”

Alex stifled a giggle and squeezed his hand. “Well, I’m glad you did.”

According to Max’s pamphlet, there was an LGBT history museum around somewhere, and when Alex gave him a look of badly-concealed hope, Michael nodded without even thinking about it. Museums weren’t usually his thing, but at least the subject of this one was relevant to his interests, in a manner of speaking.

They agreed to meet up in a few hours and get lunch separately. Liz withdrew some cash for them from what she was still calling the group fund, even though they all knew that Michael and Alex’s money had run out weeks ago. Michael prickled from the humiliation of it, but Alex took the money and grabbed his hand and pulled him away before he could let it sink in too much.

Without Liz and Max, Michael was self-conscious again about holding Alex’s hand in public, and it made him realise something – or think he realised something. “Hey.”

“Yeah?” Alex looked at him, so open that Michael smiled instinctively.

“Do Liz and Max only hold hands if we do?”

“Yeah. You didn’t notice?”

Michael shook his head, confused. “Why’re they doing that?”

“Solidarity, I think.” Alex smiled slightly. “Liz said something right back when we started, something about how it wasn’t fair that she and Max could make out in public if we couldn’t, and they didn’t wanna rub that in our faces. It sounded like it was Max’s idea.” He gave Michael an amused look. “Not that you noticed till now, apparently.”

“Huh.” Michael supposed it was because if there was a chance of touching Alex in front of other people, that was pretty much all he was thinking about. “Max isn’t bad sometimes.”

“Not bad?” Alex snorted and shook his head. “God. I’d give anything to have a brother like Max. I think it’s meant to be around this corner,” he added, leading Michael down the street to their left.

“Your brothers are total assholes though,” Michael pointed out. “Your bar is like, subterranean.”

“So true. But I’ve been reliably informed that siblings torturing each other doesn’t actually have to be the norm, so I try to hold people to the Liz and Rosa standard.”

Michael briefly considered asking him, in a queasy sort of way, what he meant by torture. But Alex, he’d learned, never wanted to talk about specifics or details of anything that had happened to him (been inflicted on him) back home. “What’s the Liz and Rosa standard then?”

“If they argue, they say sorry,” Alex said, sounding sort of like he was reciting something he’d memorised. “When they fight, they never hurt each other – not physically, anyway. They’re a team. If anyone threatens one of them, the other is ready to tear that person’s throat out with her bare hands. I literally lost count of the number of times Rosa threatened to hamstring Kyle,” he added fondly. “If he’d done anything Liz didn’t like, Rosa would’ve smashed his fingers in a car door. Something that could feasibly be an accident, y’know? Or she would’ve been ready to take it further if necessary. She would’ve gotten some of her friends to beat him up.”

Michael nodded, reluctantly approving. “Good standards.”

“Yeah. And you and Max and Isobel are on that level. I mean, I don’t know so much about Isobel, but Max would do anything for you. Including not holding hands with his girlfriend if you can’t do the same with me.” Alex smiled at him, then looked up as they approached the museum. “ _G_ LBT?”

“Huh.” Michael shrugged. “I guess the letters are the same, right?”

“Sounds weird out loud. I’ve never seen it in that order before.”

“Least it’ll be cooler inside,” Michael sighed, tugging at the front of his shirt as they went in. Some of the streets had trees along them to provide a little shade, but he was still sweating, and it was a relief to step under a blast of cold air. Alex didn’t let go of his hand till they had to pay, and he took it again straight after, probably just because he could. Michael knew the feeling.

The museum was bigger inside than it had looked from the front, and Michael let Alex take the lead for about two minutes before he got distracted by a video of some sort of crowd and stopped to watch it. It was the main street outside – Castro Street – in the eighties or nineties, judging by the hairstyles and video quality. It wasn’t a pride parade, Michael didn’t think – the people were far too sedate and casual for that. But as he watched, a man in jeans and a leather harness and nothing else walked across the screen, supremely unbothered by being out in public looking like he did.

There were headphones hanging on a hook next to the screen, and Michael picked them up and put them on. There was no commentary or anything, just the background noise of whatever this was. People talking, the distant rush of traffic, music playing somewhere nearby. There were stalls erected down the whole street, right down the middle of the road, and Michael watched in mute fascination as a woman with her hair buzzed short like a man’s walked along in front of an elderly couple who were laughing about something, obviously unbothered by the scenes around them.

So many of the men were wearing short shorts and fanny packs, and tank tops that Michael knew from the backs were women’s style, showing off their shoulder blades. They looked so obviously _gay_. Where did they even buy clothes like that? Though maybe it was easy in a place like this. As he watched, the camera focused on a couple walking slowly up the street, at the pace of the crowd. Two men, both in sunglasses and smiling at each other. The guy on the right put his hand on the back of his boyfriend’s neck, and they both grinned.

Objectively, it was boring. He was just watching crowds of scantily-clad people walk up and down a street. But then another same-sex couple would be caught in the shot, and it was a shock every time. Two women in denim shorts, one with hair so long it almost touched her butt, showed each other different glass statues from a stall. An older man with a straw hat and a colourful Hawaiian shirt laughed at something a black man with a tie-die rainbow tank top said to him. A woman pushed a stroller up the street, a little dog on a leash tied to the handlebar, a large woman next to her reaching out to adjust her sunhat. 

Boring. But he couldn’t look away.

He jumped out of his skin when Alex came up behind him and put his hands on his waist. “Jesus.” He pulled the headphones down around his neck and breathed out, exaggerating his shock. “Give a guy some warning.”

“Nah, the comedy value’s too good,” Alex grinned. “What’re you watching?”

“No idea,” Michael admitted. “Some sort of street market?” They both paused, watching the screen for a second as a woman – a man in drag, Michael mentally corrected himself after a second – waved at someone across the street. She – he? – was wearing a shiny pink dress with a tutu skirt and a big orange wig.

“That’s gotta be warm,” Alex muttered, and Michael nodded, and turned with a surprised smile when Alex kissed his cheek. “Wanna stay here? I’m just gonna work my way through everything.”

“I’ll catch up,” Michael nodded, and Alex smiled and slipped away.

The screen had a touch interface, Michael realised, and the video he’d been watching was of the Castro Street Fair in 1992. There were other videos too, of something called the Folsom Street Fair, and Leather and Feathers, and Michael clicked on one called Barbary Coasters, which was apparently the name of a gay motorcycle club in the sixties.

He skipped through the video this time, rather than getting sucked in, and wondered whether straight motorcycle clubs put on shows where the members dressed up in costumes and sang songs and gave each other awards. Somehow, he doubted it, but the men in the video looked like they were having a great time.

He couldn’t catch up to Alex before he went into the next gallery, but it was okay. Michael was weirdly into all this history stuff, and when Alex was done he came back and wrapped his arm around Michael’s waist as he finished up. They’d been in there for three hours, and Alex laughed when Michael’s stomach grumbled.

“Yeah, same. Let’s get some lunch.”

They paused in the gift shop for about a minute, just to confirm that they couldn’t afford so much as a pin button, but the lady at the desk waved as they left. “Have a nice day, hons.”

“You too,” Michael said after a second, kind of startled. He wanted to drop Alex’s hand as they stepped outside, instinct kicking in before he remembered he could hold on.

“You know what?” Alex said as they started to walk.

“What?”

“I could kiss you, right here, and no one would care.”

Michael grinned at him, and as they came to the corner of the street he tugged Alex into the shade of the awning above them and kissed him soundly on the mouth. “Like that?” he said smugly, and Alex laughed, cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, like that.”

“Whoa,” Michael said, looking over his shoulder, and Alex turned to look. 

“What?”

“That Walgreens. And the whole street, obviously. Y’know, I watched that whole thing with the street fair here, from the 90’s. Just really cool, knowing it’s still here.”

“Surviving and thriving,” Alex quipped, grinning at him. “Worth the admission fee?”

“Yeah.” Michael could see a sign for tortillas across the street, so he pulled on Alex’s hand to guide them across. “It was really cool. I didn’t know any of that stuff. I mean, not properly.”

“Yeah. All the AIDS stuff…”

Michael nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’d never really thought about how _many_ people died.” Alex frowned. “Like, how different would the world be now if that had never happened and they were all still around?”

Michael couldn’t even imagine it.

They got gyros instead from the place next to the tortillas, so they could sit down while they ate. Michael didn’t understand how he could now hike for a full day without any issues, but three hours in a museum made him want to never put any weight on his feet again.

“It’s kind of weird,” he admitted to Alex about halfway through his gyro (which was apparently pronounced yee-ro, not guy-ro). “I don’t know whether I count or not, or if this is a human only thing.”

“Don’t be stupid, of course you count.” Alex rolled his eyes. “That’s like saying…I don’t know, you don’t know whether you count as male because gender is a human concept.”

Michael raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t thought about it like that, and Alex gave him a satisfied look that didn’t have quite the effect he probably hoped it would. Michael snorted and grabbed a napkin. “You’ve got sauce on your chin, hang on.”

“Mm, dignity’s overrated anyway, I guess,” Alex huffed, letting Michael wipe it away. “Thanks. My point stands though, sauce or no sauce.”

“You’ve got plenty of sauce,” Michael grinned, and Alex laughed, shaking his head.

“That’s terrible, I’m gonna make you sleep outside the tent for that.”

“Nah, you like my sauce too much,” Michael teased, and Alex knocked their legs together under the counter. 

“Shut up, I’m still right about you counting.”

“I guess,” Michael agreed, kind of heartened by Alex’s rationale. “It’s cool. Being…I don’t know, knowing there’s a history and a specific kind of culture for this, even if I didn’t know it. There’s traditions and special words and all that.”

Alex nodded slowly. “I like not doubting it. I know I belong to this, y’know? And I don’t have to do anything special or pass a test or anything like that – I’m gay, and that’s literally the only qualification I need.”

Michael laughed. “And you are highly qualified.”

“Yeah, right?” Alex smirked at him. “Super qualified. I’m exclusively attracted to men – boom, done.” He looked out of the window as a couple walked past, two men walking close enough that Michael thought they were probably together. “It must be nice to live in a place like this,” Alex said quietly. “Where you don’t have to worry about people being violently homophobic at you all the time. I’d like to live somewhere like this.”

Michael lowered his gyro, hesitating. “I get that.”

Alex raised an eyebrow, looking at him. “You can’t seriously tell me you prefer Roswell to this.”

“No.” Michael sighed. “And I kinda wish sometimes we’d crashed somewhere else, but –”

“The crash,” Alex said, blinking. “Right.”

“Yeah.” Michael watched him warily, but Alex just nodded and took another bite of his gyro. 

“Wonder what Max and Liz have been doing,” Alex said after he’d swallowed. “While we’ve been immersing ourselves in the culture of our people.”

That made Michael grin. _Our people._ Alien he might be, but he kind of liked the way that sounded. “Probably another museum. Or just wandering around being cute, I don’t know.”

It turned out that whatever they’d been doing earlier, Max and Liz were now in a park nearby. Liz texted Alex directions and they walked over slowly, holding hands the whole way. Michael figured they needed to take all the chances they could get – he didn’t rate their odds of feeling comfortable doing it in Albuquerque. 

The park was pretty, and all they knew was that Liz and Max were under a tree. Fortunately, there weren’t actually many of those – there were lots of other people out on picnic blankets and towels, soaking up the sun and relaxing. Walking past a group of people Michael got a familiar whiff of sweet smoke, and Alex gave him a thoughtful look.

“Didn’t you say you’d never…?”

Michael nodded. “Never had the chance.” And hadn’t wanted to spend the money.

“I was just wondering if it’d have the same effect on you. I guess…what about drinking?” he asked curiously. “You and Max were actually drunk in New Orleans, right? You weren’t faking it?”

“Oh yeah, that affects us,” Michael grinned. “Same way and at the same rate as it does humans, as far as I can tell. Painkillers too, but acetone works way faster, and it’s the only thing that helps when we overuse our powers. Other than time, I guess.”

“Do you wanna try weed?” Alex asked, and Michael shrugged.

“Sure. I’ll try anything once.” He started to smile. “Did you mean now? Because I don’t know if Max’ll approve.”

“He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to,” Alex said, unconcerned. “Liz won’t, anyway. She won’t smoke anything. But I was thinking more of Albuquerque anyway.” He gave Michael a small smile, a little shy, a little sly, and Michael grinned and bumped their shoulders together. Then tugged him to a stop and kissed him properly, because they fucking _could._ Right there under the open sky with dozens of unconcerned people lazing about, like brilliant wild animals.

They found Max and Liz a minute later, lying down and talking quietly. Max had his head on Liz’s stomach, and Alex grinned and went to sit right next to Liz’s head. “Put your head on me. Michael, come on, we can make a full circle.”

“We did this with Rosa and Maria,” Liz smiled, eyes closed. “Everyone gets a pillow.”

It meant Michael ended up with his head on Max’s stomach, but he had Alex’s head on his, so it balanced out. And it was actually really nice, and more comfortable than he’d expected.

“So what did you guys do?” he asked, already getting sleepy.

“Explored the area,” Max said, and laughed self-consciously. “Found a couple of really cool bookshops.”

“God, you _nerd._ ”

“Shut up, he’s my nerd,” Liz grinned, and Michael felt it when Max laughed again, bouncing his head a little. “We climbed a hill, Kite Hill or something like that. It had really nice views, I took some photos if you wanna see.”

“Later.” Alex yawned. “The museum was really cool.”

“Did you only just leave?” Max asked, surprised.

“Pretty much. We had lunch before coming to find you.”

“We had bagels,” Liz said, reaching out to pat at and then squeeze Michael’s arm. “Guys. I have never had such a good bagel. It was the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“Whoa, Liz,” Alex grinned, and Michael traced the edge of his lips with his fingertip. “Don’t let your dad hear you say that.”

“The best thing after his cooking, obviously,” Liz conceded. “But oh my God, this bagel.”

“I’ve been totally usurped,” Max said conversationally. “True love is bagel-shaped, apparently.”

“Figures,” Michael snorted, and laughed in pure delight when Alex finally took the bait and bit his finger.

“Everyone’s got a food they’d marry,” he said, turning his face into Michael’s palm and kissing his thumb. “Mine’s DeLuca cupcakes.”

“Oooh, good choice,” Liz said approvingly. “Salted caramel?”

“Red velvet,” Alex sighed. “If you guys ever get the chance, you have to try them. They’re just…”

“Unreal,” Liz finished. “They’re so good. I once ate five in one sitting.”

Light, easy, meandering. They talked about cupcakes, cookies, sweet verses savoury, red or green or Christmas salsa, the best items at the Crashdown, Arturo’s home cooking, cooking in general (Michael freely admitted his experience was limited to microwave meals and canned soup), all sorts. One topic leading neatly into the next, all of them just talking, like they were in the car.

Except they were out in a park, their heads pillowed on each other’s stomachs, and Alex was holding Michael’s hand again. No one who passed them noticed or cared, and every now and then Alex would kiss Michael’s fingertips. At some point they got onto the subject of hair, and Max dug his fingers into Michael’s to pull a handful gently out to its full length to show Liz. And he just sort of left his hand there afterwards, half-buried in Michael’s curls, and it was nice. It was comfortable in a way that almost ached, especially when Liz grabbed his arm again to make some point or other and left her hand there, warm on Michael’s shoulder.

He didn’t think he’d ever been touched by so many people at once who weren’t trying to hurt him. 

He sort of expected to feel empty when they eventually got up, brushing grass and dirt off themselves and talking about going to buy cupcakes or some other sort of sweet snack that wasn’t marshmallows. But he felt just as comfortable as before, like something had fallen into place somewhere inside him. Or maybe been nudged into place by other people’s hands on his skin.

He brushed Alex’s back down and hugged him from behind, turning his face into his hair and laughing when Alex twisted his arms back to hold him there. “Come on,” he said, turning so the corner of his smile was just visible to Michael. “Let’s get food.” And when Michael let go of him, Alex took his hand like they’d been doing it forever.

The Pacific Coast Highway was like the Blue Ridge Parkway – something that Liz had built other parts of her road trip plans around, knowing she wanted to drive those particular stretches of road. And Michael could see why, especially driving south. The views of the sea right next to them were beautiful, and for the first time they had to play rock-paper-scissors to determine who got to sit on the right-hand side of the car, because they got the best vantage point.

Though really, after a while the curving coastline became more interesting than the endless sea – to Michael, anyway. Their first day out of Santa Cruz, the headland was draped in long wisps of cloud broken up by bright sunlight, and it made the whole road seem unreal somehow. Like they were fading in and out of the real world, or catching glimpses of parallel universes.

Michael was in the backseat with Alex, Max and Liz up front, and Alex was basically cuddled against his side. Ostensibly to look out of the window with him, but Michael suspected it was for the physical closeness too. He certainly wasn’t complaining – he was going to do exactly the same when they swapped places later.

They ate lunch on one of the many lookout points along the road, sat on the dusty bonnet and roof of the car and watching the sea, squinting against the brightness of the horizon. Later that afternoon the road swung inland for a moment and Alex and Max saw a beach down below, so they stopped and got out to paddle and swim. 

Alex had started teaching Michael to swim back in Umpqua, but he found that he preferred the sea for it, even if he did keep getting saltwater in his mouth. He liked the motion of the waves under him, especially when Alex held his head so he could close his eyes and just float. He closed his eyes and smiled, and smiled wider when the brightness beyond his eyelids darkened and salty lips brushed his.

“Are kisses part of the lessons?” Michael asked, opening one eye to see Alex grinning down at him, water beaded on his face.

“They are for your lessons. Come on, try some front crawl again.”

“All these things have really dumb names.”

“Yeah, so you’ve said about a million times,” Alex said, rolling his eyes fondly. “Just be grateful I’m not making you do butterfly.”

Michael laughed. “Now you’re just making things up.”

“I might be,” Alex smiled. “Come on, big arms, strong kicks. Go!”

The hardest bit was getting water in his eyes, and not really being able to see anything, but he was getting the hang of the limb movements at least. Until he touched seaweed by accident, which freaked him out every time.

They dried off on the beach, Alex and Liz complaining yet again that Michael and Max didn’t have to pretend to bother with sunblock anymore. At least they didn’t seem to still be mad that he and Max had never had so much as a pimple – Liz had said that if anything was going to kick off human-alien enmity, that was it. It was still too hot to stay out in the sun for too long, susceptibility to sunburn notwithstanding. Michael was in the driver’s seat after lunch, Alex up front with him, and they played one of the slower playlists on Liz’s iPod to match the mood of the lazily curving road and heavy sun.

They camped overnight in one of the campgrounds Liz had made a list off before they’d left San Francisco. She had a map and everything, since she said that all of them were really popular, and if one was full they’d just need to drive on to the next one and hope. But they were lucky on their second attempt, probably because it was a tents-only campground, no RVs or even pets allowed. Tents pitched under a tree, they headed down to the beach, climbing over a mound of slimy seaweed to get from the sand into the water.

“It’s so warm,” Max marvelled. 

“California,” Alex said, floating on his back, sunglasses on. “I always kinda imagined it like this. Sun, sea, and sky. I can’t wait to see LA.”

“Secret dreams of running away to become a rock star?” Michael grinned, sculling close so just Alex would hear him.

“Maybe a tiny bit.” Alex smiled at him, and Michael could see his eyes opening under his sunglasses, the skin crinkling at the corners. “Nothing serious. I wanna write music, but I don’t…y’know, I never thought it would actually happen.”

“You can do whatever you want now,” Michael said, and Alex hummed.

“In theory. I’ve still got no money. And I don’t think I’ll be getting any full rides,” he added, smirking up at Michael. “Not all of us are that good.”

“You’re good.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a prodigy.” Alex turned himself around with lazy movements of his arms and hooked his feet around Michael’s waist. “I don’t know what I’ll do, really. But I’m weirdly not stressed about it. I know I will be, but right now…”

“Hard to be stressed when you’re hanging out on the beach in the sunshine state?” Michael grinned, and Alex laughed.

“Yeah, exactly. All I need is an ice cream and it’s total paradise.”

“What flavour?”

“Mmmm…depends what’s on offer. Chocolate, toffee, whatever. I’m easy.”

“Oh yeah?”

Alex snorted and pulled himself in against Michael’s body. “I totally walked into that.”

“Swam into it.”

“Ha ha.” 

Michael guessed Alex was treating thinking about the future the way he was treating thinking about his lack of money: burying it deep until it was an issue that couldn’t be avoided any longer. He knew he had grants he would receive at UNM, and he had a dorm room and a meal plan waiting for him, which he reminded himself of every time he felt himself start to freak out. At this point, he was starting to worry more about Alex.

He’d said it so casually back when they’d first talked about it, but living out of a truck wasn’t fun or easy. Especially when it got cold. He just had to hope that whoever his roommate ended up being wasn’t an asshole who would make trouble if Michael sneaked Alex in. If it came to it, Michael had no compunctions about out-assholing someone. He wasn’t above making his roommate’s life hell if he needed to.

But that was still in the future. Right now, he was half-floating in the sea with his boyfriend under a slowly setting sun, and life was good.

They took their time going down the coast. Michael didn’t think any of them were in a hurry to return to Roswell, and besides, as Max told them (read out from a leaflet he’d procured from who knew where), this stretch of coastline was ‘a national treasure renowned for its natural beauty’. Taking it all in was practically a duty, as was swimming every opportunity they got.

They stopped at a campground with showers near Santa Maria, and since they’d bought a full bottle of shower gel a couple of days before and he knew none would be missed, Michael tried fingering himself, just so he wouldn’t make a complete idiot of himself in front of Alex if it turned out to be painful or something.

It wasn’t. It was weird, it was definitely weird, but it didn’t hurt. It didn’t feel much of anything other than surprisingly tight even around one finger, until Michael imagined Alex doing it to him. _That_ made a difference, and Michael had to stop pretty quick because the showers were all in a row and there were people showering either side of him who would have absolutely heard it if he’d started jerking off.

LA, when they finally got there, was hot and flat and absolutely huge. Incomprehensibly big. Michael was up front with Max, since he was the calmest driver and Max was the best navigator, but even then they kept getting surprised by the sheer size of the city and the insane traffic. They’d camped outside the city and had driven in early, but they’d already gotten caught in a crawling jam. Still, the others were happy they’d seen Sunset Boulevard, and Michael was comfortable in the driver’s seat, so he wasn’t complaining.

“Screw this,” Max muttered. “Michael, take the next left. When we get to it, in approximately five hundred years.”

Michael bit back a grin. He didn’t mind sitting in traffic – getting angry about it wasn’t going to get him anywhere after all – but if they had a place to go, Max found it absolutely insufferable. It took more like five minutes to get to the next turning, and Michael followed Max’s directions into a residential area, with gigantic houses and lush front lawns.

“Wow,” Liz muttered, staring out of her window. “Can you imagine living in a house that big?”

“Yeah.” Alex snorted. “All you’d end up doing is complaining about not having enough storage space. Jesus, what the hell is that? Michael, slow down, look at that house!”

Michael laughed when he turned and looked. “I guess someone really likes old-fashioned English buildings?”

“Tudor style, I think it’s called,” Max said, sounding puzzled. “It looks so out of place.”

Michael didn’t know anything about architecture, but most of the houses fell into what he mentally categorised as _rich,_ with a few standing out here and there. As well as the Tudor house, there was a huge blocky monster that looked like a museum, a few mini-mansions, and some that weren’t visible at all behind the enormous hedges their owners had planted all around them.

“Money can buy anything but taste,” Max said dryly, and they all snickered.

The Hollywood Walk of Fame was much grimier than Michael had expected, which he thought was pretty funny. He didn’t recognise most of the names, but that didn’t really matter, because there were a lot of names the others didn’t know either. He mainly watched the others and moved from one patch of shade to the next, and experienced a shining moment of glory when he said the best star he’d seen so far was the one for Bugs Bunny.

That led to a shockingly fierce argument between Alex and Liz over whether it was fair that Big Bird got a star for himself, but The Muppets were all lumped into one. Max tried to join at one point by pointing out that several Disney and Looney Tunes characters had their own stars, and retreated with his hands literally in the air when Alex and Liz both turned their derision on him in full force.

“Let the humans fight it out,” Michael advised him, highly amused. He’d gotten a fantastic photo of Liz and Alex basically yelling at each other, both of them flailing a little bit. “Childhood TV stuff is something we’re always gonna be behind on.”

“Doesn’t that make you kinda sad?” Max asked quietly.

“Nah.” If he started getting sad about all the stuff he’d missed out on, he’d never stop. Michael nodded at Alex and Liz instead. “Not interested in anything that makes you go that crazy over puppets. They’re best friends, and they’re about to start pushing each other into traffic over this.”

Max had to laugh at that.

So Michael didn’t really get the appeal of the stars on the sidewalk, and thought it was a waste of gas to drive around afterwards to see more sights and get a half-decent view of the Hollywood sign, but he kept his mouth shut about it. He could be tactful sometimes, if he wanted to be. And to be fair, the sunset as they drove back to their campsite that evening was pretty fucking spectacular, and driving down palm-lined streets as the light turned blazing orange, streaks of red and purple splashed across the sky, did make him feel like he was in a movie.

Spending the entire day at the beach the next day was far nicer, in his opinion. He borrowed one of Max’s books – _The Outsiders_ – and alternated swimming with reading and sleeping. He and Alex didn’t quite dare to be as open as they had been in San Francisco, but they’d both seen a few couples who looked maybe a little too affectionate to just be friends, and Alex took advantage of the slight shade Michael was happy to provide by lying skin-to-skin against him.

They stayed on the beach until the sun was gone, squinting at the beautiful sky and putting off going for a final shower before heading back, and that night Michael was so tired for no reason he could understand that he was the first to brush his teeth and crawl into his and Alex’s tent. He woke up when Alex came in and made quiet happy noises at how warm Michael was when he got into the sleeping bag with him.

Michael was going to miss this. He didn’t want to go back to sleeping alone, now he’d spent weeks being held tightly by Alex every night. It just went to show how far gone he was, that he’d rather sleep outside with Alex than inside without him. He was too sleepy to dwell on it for long, and he satisfied himself with pressing as much of his body to Alex’s as he physically could and falling back to sleep.

Heading east out of LA towards Las Vegas felt like the turning point that it was. Back east, away from the ocean, back into the desert. Michael recoiled from the realisation that he’d been craving the familiar red earth and open skies of the south west, the endless stretches of nothing somehow fundamentally different here to other places they’d driven through. Those places had felt strange and discomforting in a way he couldn’t pin down. The huge desert plains settled something in him he hadn’t realised was rattling loose, and that was wrong.

Liz and Max thrilled at the familiarity in an uncomplicated way. They’d exclaimed in excitement when the road had finally taken them past the hills east of LA and they’d seen a landscape they were well-acquainted with appear. Brown hills rather than green, clumps of sagebrush and shrubby trees a sparse covering on the slopes rather than completely blanketing the ground.

Alex though, Alex got it. Alex admitted an hour into the desert that he’d missed it too, but, “I kinda wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?” Liz was driving, but she tilted her head back in his direction a little. 

“It’d be easier if I could just hate it,” Alex sighed, looking out of the window. “Then I could leave and be happier.”

“Well I’m glad you missed it then,” Liz said, defiant. “I don’t want you running off and never coming home.”

Alex didn’t reply, and Michael felt himself start to speak before he’d thought of what to say. “I know what you mean. Like, I didn’t notice I even liked it till I left.”

Alex turned to look at him, surprise and an edge of relief in his expression. “Yeah, exactly. I always thought I’d be happier literally anywhere else, and I didn’t ever wanna live somewhere that reminded me of it.”

“It gets under your skin.” Michael looked forward, at the road stretching out ahead of them to the horizon, the flat, flat earth all around, hills piercing its surface in the distance either side. “I didn’t…I don’t…it’s not home, not really, but it is, at the same time.” He swallowed, wishing he could take it back. He felt like his throat should have been sore from admitting it, but Alex took his hand and squeezed, and Michael was only grateful, even as guilt bubbled under his skin at the same time.

Roswell couldn’t be home. New Mexico, America, _Earth,_ couldn’t be home. If they were home, what was he supposed to call the place his species had come from? What was he supposed to be working towards, if not _home?_

“There are worse places to call home,” Max said quietly. “I definitely didn’t realise how much I’d miss it till now. People say that’s one of the best things about going away – getting to come back. It makes you value what you’ve got, or what’s around you.”

Michael had to give him credit for the neat save at the end, if it had been intentional. He certainly didn’t have much – all he had in Roswell right now was Isobel, and his truck. But passively surrounding him? Well, there was plenty he was realising, for the first uncomfortable time, that he really did value. 

“Do I really like the desert though?” he asked. “Or is it just what I’m used to?”

“Stockholm Syndrome,” Alex said dryly. His thumb rubbed the back of Michael’s hand, a soft slide of skin on skin that soothed him to the bone. 

The campground they were staying at outside of Las Vegas was huge and flat and painfully hot. Michael vetoed putting the tents up in favour of tying the corners of them together. “Trust me,” he told the others. “Help me close the edges in the car doors.” It wasn’t perfect, but it wouldn’t be bad. Though of course right now it just looked like two empty tents hanging from the side of the car.

“You’re making a shelter?” Max guessed, and Michael nodded, emptying out the poles from the tent bags. “The poles aren’t gonna go in the ground.”

“They will if we make holes for them with the pegs before driving them in.” And if he drove them in a little further with his powers, no one would be able to tell. “Trust me, man, come on.”

Max shrugged. “Alright.”

It was a wobbly shelter, when they got it up, but it provided a decent amount of much-needed shade. “You’re a genius,” Liz sighed, leaning against the dusty car next to him. 

“That’s what I’m told,” Michael agreed, grinning when Alex snorted on his other side. 

They drove into the city that evening, just to look at it in the dark with all its lights on. Michael had to admit that it was flashy, but he was with Max on how tasteless parts of it were too. Everything was impressive at first glance, but then a second look showed it all to be plastic, so much tacky junk. But then they went to some place Liz had heard of, a big fountain feature with lights and music that they could watch for free, and that was good. Michael leaned into Alex’s side against the railing, their closeness easily excusable in the dark and the crowd.

But that just meant he felt Alex go tense and still all of a sudden. His attention left the light show immediately, eyes and ears pricked to find the source of Alex’s discomfort.

Nothing, unless he’d missed it. He glanced sideways and saw that Alex was staring down, hands wrapped tightly around each other. Keeping still. Michael ducked his head and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Alex breathed out and swallowed, but didn’t move. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Bullshit. But Michael didn’t know what to do. “Alex…”

“I’ll tell you later,” Alex whispered. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Michael felt like he’d been shoved away, hard and quick. He wanted to put a little distance between them, but then Alex pressed firmer against his side, pushing close. Completely at odds with his tone, but Michael wasn’t going to argue it. He pressed back and looked forward again, though he couldn’t concentrate on the fountain anymore.

While they walked back to the car, Alex hung back a little, and Michael fell into step beside him with an uncertain look in his direction. Alex nodded, judged the distance between them and Max and Liz, and muttered, “It’s dumb. I just thought I saw my dad for a second. There were a bunch of guys in fatigues, it just caught me off guard. It won’t happen again.”

That made sense. Michael nodded and bumped their shoulders together gently. “Doesn’t matter if it does. S’okay.”

Alex nodded, expression blank. He was quiet all the way back, and tense when he and Michael got into their tent. At least until the front was zipped and the lantern was out, and he reached for Michael in the dark and sighed quietly when Michael hugged him.

“I saw one of my old foster parents in the Walmart in Roswell once,” Michael whispered once they were in the sleeping bag, lying on their sides to face each other. “I ran outta there so fast I didn’t even buy anything.” Or steal anything, which had been his real intention at the time, he was pretty sure. “And I was working at Sanders’ one time when one of the ladies who runs the group home came in to get her car checked. I hid under a truck. I stayed under there a whole hour.”

Alex sighed and leaned forward to touch his forehead to Michael’s. “Yeah. I know he isn’t here though, that’s the stupid thing. It’d be a ten-hour drive from Roswell to here, at least.”

A chill went down Michael’s spine. He hadn’t realised how close they were. But Arizona was right next to New Mexico, and Las Vegas was right on the edge of Arizona, so obviously they were close. For a genius, he could be a real moron sometimes. “That’s doable, in a day.”

“Yeah, but I know he was in Roswell this afternoon, so there’s no way he could’ve made it from there to here in that time.”

Michael blinked. He couldn’t see Alex at all in the darkness, couldn’t gauge anything from his expression. And he’d sounded completely matter of fact. “How do you know that?”

“Because it’s a ten hour plus drive?”

“No, I mean, how d’you know he was in Roswell this afternoon? Are you keeping tabs on him?”

“Yeah, of course.” Alex sounded shocked, like Michael really was an idiot for not assuming he would. “Rosa and Maria have been keeping an eye on him this whole time. From a distance,” he added quickly. “Just checking his car is at the house, letting me know when they see him around, that sort of thing.”

Michael almost didn’t want to ask, but, “Why?” He could feel the weight of Alex’s incredulous stare, even if he couldn’t really see it.

“Because we’d need a warning if he decided to come after us?”

Jesus. “Why would he care?” Michael asked, taken aback. “You’re legally an adult, he can’t do anything.”

“He can always do something.” Alex sighed and bumped their foreheads together again. “Look, my dad…there’s nothing more important to my dad than his legacy. And a man’s children are his legacy. I’ve always been the most disappointing to him, for loads of reasons, but the gay thing is the one he really can’t let go of. He won’t let go. That’s what being a parent means.”

“Not something I’m familiar with,” Michael said numbly. “But I’ve heard parents are supposed to have that whole unconditional love thing going on.”

“We both know that’s bullshit,” Alex muttered. “As far as my dad’s concerned, he owns me. I’m his son, so that means I belong to him.”

“That’s so fucked up.”

“That doesn’t make it untrue. Parents own their children, that’s a fact. Legally, it’s a fact.” Alex swallowed. “It doesn’t matter how old I get. Even if I changed my name and never saw him again, even if he pretended I’d died, it wouldn’t matter, because _he’d_ know I was out there somewhere, polluting his legacy. I’m, I’m defective.” He took a quick breath and went on before Michael could protest. “That’s what he thinks. He…it’s his duty to fix me. He doesn’t…it’s complicated. If I could be normal, if I could be better, more like my brothers, he’d be different.”

“He’d still be a monster,” Michael said, trying not to hiss it. “He hurt you!”

“To fix me.”

“There’s nothing about you to fix!”

“I know.” Alex’s breathing shook a little on his next deep breath. “I know there isn’t. I’m just trying to explain how he thinks. He’s…I’m scared of him. I don’t wanna be, but I am.” Another shaky breath that had Michael pressing closer, wrapping his arm tighter around Alex’s side. “And I’m always going to be. I’m not brave, or anything like that. If it wasn’t for you guys, I would’ve enlisted. I’m not strong. I was just pretending to be.” His voice broke, and so did Michael, pushing into his space to hold him as tightly as he could, relieved that Alex was gripping onto him right back.

“You are strong,” he whispered fiercely. “Jesus, Alex. You stuck it out with him for eighteen years! That’s more than most people serve in prison!”

Alex snorted weakly into his neck. “I just feel so stupid sometimes,” he breathed. “I’m always too slow.”

Michael let him pull back and wipe his face, propping himself up on one elbow and frowning. “What d’you mean?”

“At the fountain, when I thought I saw him – it was for a fraction of a second, I could tell it wasn’t him straight away, but just for that tiny bit of time I thought it was him I completely froze up. I’m _useless_ when it comes to him. All I could manage was this tactical retreat, because I know I can’t face him or outsmart him. All I can do is run and hide, and I hate that.”

“That doesn’t make it a bad option,” Michael said carefully. 

“It’s a limited option.” Alex’s hand skidded up Michael’s shoulder to wrap around the side of his neck. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Don’t go back into Roswell to get your truck. Get Max to drive it out to you, ask Isobel to come and see you in Albuquerque. Don’t go into Roswell. Please?”

Michael swallowed his instinctive denial. “You think he’ll get me if I do?”

“Yes.” Alex’s hand flexed against his skin. “I don’t know if it’s paranoia or not. I know it sounds completely over the top. But he’s…I don’t know what he’d do to you, if he got you. I know what he’d do to me, I can handle that, but I can’t – he can’t get you.”

Michael lay down again, slowly. “You know I have to go back, right?” His heart was thumping wildly in his chest, awful tendrils of fear snaking through him like poison. “I can’t stay away from Roswell forever. The crash site…”

“I know.” Alex inched closer. “I’m not asking you to never go back, I’m not. Just for now. When…when we’re in Albuquerque, when I have somewhere to live? I’m gonna get a restraining order against him. If I can.”

Michael’s heart jumped. “You are?”

“Yeah.” Alex took a deep breath. “I wanna be with you, and I know you need to be in Roswell. And if I have a restraining order against him, it’s something. And if you’re with me, he can’t get either of us. It’s…it’s not ironclad, but I can’t think of anything better right now. And right now, you’re not…you don’t have a permanent residence, you’re not even enrolled at UNM yet. It’d be so easy for him to…to do something. And I can’t stop thinking about the crash, and how long my family’s been in Roswell, and how we’re all Air Force.” He swallowed. “I know it’s stupid, but please don’t go back to Roswell yet.”

He sounded exactly the way he had in the ditch out the back of Maria’s house, Michael realised. Tense and scared and desperate. _Please,_ he remembered Alex whispering. _Please, please, please run. If you love me, please run._

He took a deep breath and put his hand over Alex’s on his neck. “I always knew college would mean going away for a long time,” he whispered, and Alex gave a sort of gasp of relief, nails digging into the back of Michael’s neck for a second.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, choked. “It’s stupid –”

“It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.” Michael pressed Alex’s hand, and draped his other arm over Alex’s waist. “I trust you, okay? If you think it’s a bad idea, I believe you. You’ve got way more experience with him than I do.” 

Alex rolled half on top of him to hug him, and even as tightly as he held on Michael could feel him shaking. He’d been scared of plenty of adults in his life, but never like this. He’d always known it wouldn’t last, he supposed. His time with the people who hurt him had always been temporary, and no one had ever cared about him enough to hound him once he’d escaped. But if Alex was right – and Michael believed that he was – and his dad really did think he owned Alex like an extension of himself, it made sense to be that scared. 

Albuquerque wasn’t far from Roswell at all. Only four hours or so by car, easily done, and Maria and Rosa couldn’t watch Alex’s dad constantly. They wouldn’t have an early warning system, and Michael didn’t know enough about restraining orders to know whether the consequences of breaking one would be enough to keep Alex’s dad at bay.

They could check though. Michael could be careful too, when he wanted to be. His truck was too easily identifiable. Michael’s chest gave a pang at the thought, but he could live without it. In a choice between Alex’s peace of mind and his truck, there was no contest. They could ask Liz and Max to drop them in Albuquerque instead of Roswell. Spend a day there, borrow yet more money to buy a new truck, or a new vehicle of some kind. He could go to UNM and ask if he could move in early, give them a sob story of some kind, see if they’d break. If not, fine, they had the tent. 

They could stay under the radar till he could enrol. They could get jobs. Alex could use a fake name to make it harder for his dad to find him, if he did come looking. Michael would use his to-be-received scholarship money to help find Alex somewhere to live. Alex would get a restraining order against his dad. They would be able to breathe a little easier. 

When he whispered all of that to Alex, Alex kissed him, and then grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Didn’t think you were much for plans,” he whispered, laughing a little, still shaky.

“I can make plans if I need to.” He could adapt.

“And I can roll with the punches, if I need to.” Alex squeezed his hand again. “We’ll…I guess we’ll figure it out.”

Michael’s heart ballooned in his chest, and he nudged their noses together and found Alex’s mouth to kiss him. “We will,” he promised, breathing it against Alex’s lips. “And you can find all the holes in my plans and help patch ‘em over.”

Alex snorted, cupping Michael’s face and kissing him again. “I’ll pay you back,” he whispered. “If you have to use your scholarship money to help me.”

Michael nodded. “It can wait till after we’ve paid back Liz and Max.”

“And who said romance is dead?” Alex teased, sounding so much more like himself that Michael kissed him out of pure relief.

“We make a good team,” he whispered after a moment, and Alex hummed in agreement.

“Yeah. I don’t know what it is…we just…I think we fit.”

Michael smiled. “Like puzzle pieces.”

“Yeah.” Alex kissed him softly. 

It was a good metaphor, Michael decided, kissing back. He certainly felt like Alex filled his empty spaces, the gaps inside him. And if he could do the same for Alex, and Alex was happy to let him, he never wanted to stop.

Michael didn’t know why he was surprised that they were allowed to go in the Grand Canyon. Maybe because he’d only ever seen photos from up on the edges, and some part of him had obviously assumed that the inside was a protected area. Which wasn’t incorrect, but it was a protected area with plenty of paths for people to walk. 

Liz, somewhat unsurprisingly, couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere near any edges with sharp drops beyond them. Even smaller ones made her go a bit wobbly, and she and Max broke their no PDA rule on those occasions so Max could wrap his arm around her shoulders to make her feel more secure. Michael didn’t protest. He didn’t bring it up, but he’d had the uncomfortable thought that if there were any more potentially fatal falls, he wouldn’t be able to step in and save anyone in front of any strangers. The danger to Max and Isobel if he was exposed was far too great. 

They’d arrived yesterday morning, and spent the day in Canyon Village and drifting between the various viewpoints over the canyon itself. The first time Michael had gotten a good look at it, he’d been almost shocked by the size of it, even though he’d seen photos and known in the abstract what it would be like. He couldn’t help wondering about his home planet again, and whether there were geological features like this there. Maybe they were common. Maybe they didn’t exist at all.

They’d gotten up before dawn this morning to make sure they wouldn’t be hiking once the heat was really up, and followed a small group of tourists down into the canyon on what was apparently one of the easier trails, though a sign in the village had declared that there were no easy hikes in and out of the canyon. Michael was glad they’d gone east out of New Mexico, instead of coming here straight away. He wasn’t sure whether his ratty sneakers would have been able to hold up on the rocky trail.

Inside the canyon, away from any particularly frightening drops, Liz was completely fine. Michael could tell he wasn’t the only one keeping an eye on her though. Obviously Max was hovering a little bit, but Alex was watching her carefully as well, though he did the best job of pretending he wasn’t.

“It’s like an inverted mountain,” Michael said, once they’d climbed back out of the canyon and could look down at it from the top.

Max gave him a surprised smile. “It is. I like that.”

“You can credit me when you use it in your book,” Michael grinned, and Max shoved his shoulder gently.

“Ha ha.”

“Fine, I guess you can have it for free,” Michael sighed. “But don’t go taking it for granted. Nuggets of wisdom like that don’t come around every day.”

“I love how humble he is,” Liz stage-whispered to Alex. “It’s one of my favourite things about him.”

Alex grinned. “Nah, his brain doesn’t interest me. I’m only with him for his looks.”

Michael laughed, wishing there weren’t other people nearby so he could do something really obnoxious, like dip Alex for an overdramatic kiss. “Can’t tell whether that was a compliment or an insult,” he grinned, swaggering just a little.

“Yeah, you look real insulted,” Alex laughed. “Preening like a peacock. Come on, I’m starving.”

Clouds rolled in as they headed back to the campground, and broke in a huge thunderstorm just as they got back, barely giving them time to dive into the car for shelter. Max leaned forward to squint through the pouring rain hammering down on the windshield, and Michael looked up as well, not sure what he was looking at. Behind them, Alex and Liz sorted out the sandwich stuff.

There was a flash of lightning, and Max’s face split in a grin. “Cool.”

“Yeah, we’re sitting in a metal box in a lightning storm,” Michael said dryly. “Super cool.”

Max snorted and shook his head. “You know if any lightning hits it’ll be the trees first, not us.”

“Let’s not get into lightning statistics,” Liz said delicately. “Who wants a cheese ketchup chilli sauce sandwich?”

Michael held his hand out before he really registered what he was agreeing to. “Are we totally out of fillings? We’re down to condiments only?”

“Pretty much,” Alex said. “We can go shopping later. When it maybe eases up.” He looked up at the roof, and the drumming of the rain coming down on it. “Max, you said these storms pass quickly, right?”

“Yeah, they roll through the canyon pretty often this time of year. According to that stuff I was reading yesterday, anyway.”

And as usual, he was right. By the time they’d all finished eating, the rain had passed, though the lightning and thunder was still going on, if distantly.

That evening, they went to one of the quieter lookouts they’d seen yesterday to watch the sun set over the canyon. Another storm was coming in, heavy clouds turning the light deep red and gold, and Max was entranced. When the lightning began to flash in the distance, Liz decided she’d had enough and headed back with Alex to get a fire going. Michael stayed with Max, leaning their arms on the railing as they watched the sky.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Max said quietly. The bank of storm clouds to the east were so dark they looked almost black, a huge towering mass of them that brought the horizon closer than it really was. They rolled silent and slow against the orange-streaked sky, darkening to deep red where the sun was just sliding below the horizon. 

“Definitely dramatic,” Michael agreed. They weren’t the only ones speaking in low voices. Talking normally would have seemed wrong, somehow, like talking loudly in a library.

“Stuff like this is one of my favourite things about living in New Mexico,” Max whispered. “These huge clouds and storms. The greatest show on Earth, and it’s completely free.”

Michael smiled, eyes on the flashes of light drawing silently closer. “If you’ve got eyes anyway.”

“Joykill,” Max snorted, nudging him. “Good thing we’ve got eyes then, isn’t it?”

“It’s got its advantages, I guess.” Michael gazed out over the steep cliff-edge drops of the canyon. He could see now where the cloud was smudged down with rain, could see where those blurred edges would drift into the canyon itself. “This is pretty cool.”

“You’ve got such a gift for understatement,” Max muttered, amused, then grabbed Michael’s arm. “Thunder coming.”

“Huh?”

There were several more flashes of lightning, then nothing, then a rumble of thunder that rolled right out towards them. Invisible and bone-deep in a way that sort of took Michael’s breath away, the way thunder always did. “Whoa.”

“Yeah.” Max had always loved thunderstorms. Not the rain so much, but the heavy, boiling clouds and the rolls of thunder and especially the silent, deadly flashes of lightning. He was like a little kid right now, bouncing on the balls of his feet, gripping the metal railing. 

Michael looked at the railing, and around at the much-emptier-than-before viewing spot. “Hey, should we take cover?”

“Not yet. We’ve got a few minutes before it reaches us.”

“Okay.” Michael relaxed. Max always knew what he was talking about – he’d probably read a dozen books on the science of thunderstorms, or watched a bunch of documentaries about it or something. They watched in near silence as the storm crept closer. The thunder was sparse compared to the lightning, just a couple more long rumbles to match the white flickers that lit up the black clouds, but people gasped after each roll, amazed at how loud it was. 

The smudged raincloud was trailing into the canyon now, appearing to be so close Michael felt like he could have blown a hole in it. The wind was getting up too, snapping their shirts tight against their bodies, pulling at the hems, making Michael’s hair dance. Max grabbed his arm very suddenly and dragged him back from the edge, so hard Michael almost fell on his ass.

“What – _shit!_ ”

Lightning wasn’t silent close up, it turned out. It had a quiet sizzle to it, high-pitched like it was squeaking its way through the gaps in the air particles. The bolt appeared out of nowhere, hitting the rock just beyond the metal barrier, right in front of where he and Max had been standing. Michael grabbed onto Max’s arm in return as everyone around them shouted and started to run, spooked by the close encounter.

“Holy shit,” Michael gasped. “Max?”

“I’m okay.” Max was grinning wildly. “Wow!”

“Wow,” Michael agreed. He could smell electricity, or ozone or something. Thunder cracked overhead so loudly that he flinched, and that made Max look at him properly. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Michael swallowed and let go of him. “That was really close, that’s all. Did you – how did you know it was gonna hit right there?” Because he had to have known. He’d pulled Michael out of the way a good two to three seconds before the bolt hit, which in terms of a lightning strike was practically a lifetime.

“I don’t know.” Max shrugged, still smiling a little. “I just knew. Electricity, I guess.”

That made a sort of sense. Michael shivered and moved further back from the edge. “Come on, let’s go back.”

“Alright.” Max gave the storm clouds one last pleased look, then turned and followed Michael back down the path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, shoutout to Google Maps, making descriptions easier than ever. Special shoutout to the GLBT Historical Society in San Francisco and their super cool online archives which you can find [here](https://www.glbthistory.org/) at their website. This is the only major anachronism in the fic as far as I know - the actual museum has only been open since 2011, but I couldn't resist the idea of Alex and Michael going to that museum, so let's just all pretend it opened in 2008 instead!


	5. Albuquerque

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex finally get that motel room, the road trip ends, and the future beckons.

They spent their last official road trip night around their little campfire, stuffed on a weird mix of junk food and vegetables they’d all ended up craving, even Michael, and reminiscing about the weeks they’d spent driving all around the country. Liz’s favourite bit, she decided, was the first beach they’d gone to just out of New Orleans, when Alex had taught her to swim.

Max was currently still thrilled about almost being struck by lightning, but said his ultimate favourite bit had been getting to the Appalachians and seeing all the green for the first time, and camping in the forest and seeing deer right by their tents.

Alex said San Francisco without even having to think, his knee pressed against Michael’s. Casual enough not to draw commentary if observed, but enough to feel good.

Michael decided on the heat springs and geysers. “Those colours,” he shrugged. “They’re really cool.”

“All of it’s been amazing,” Liz sighed, stretching her bare feet out towards the fire. “I’m really glad you guys all came. I would’ve been lonely on my own, I think.”

“You’re the one who did us the favour,” Alex said, smiling ruefully. “Especially me.”

“A favour where everyone wins,” Liz smiled, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “I got the company of one of my best friends, made a _new_ friend in Mikey over there, and you both acted as two extra protectors of my virtue!”

“ _Mikey,_ ” Michael repeated under his breath, pretending to be disgruntled. Liz grinned, not fooled at all.

“I don’t know how much protecting you think we’ve done, letting you sleep in sin with Max every night,” Alex snorted.

Liz rolled her eyes. “It’s the principle of the thing. Hey, someone get the guitar.”

One of the other groups had a guitar, and another further away had a stereo, so Michael didn’t think they were going to ruin anybody’s night by playing some music. He got the guitar out of the trunk and held it out. Liz took it, crossing her legs to fit it neatly between them. “Alex, how did that song go again? The pretty one.”

“Alright, hang on…” Alex got up to go sit directly opposite her so he could see the strings better.

Michael grabbed another marshmallow from the bag even though his stomach was groaning, and roasted it slowly, cooking the outside to a thin crisp and eating it skin by skin as Alex reminded Liz how to play the song.

It sucked, packing the tents up the next morning. Michael was looking forward to the promised motel in Albuquerque he and Alex would be staying in tonight, but it was going to be strange, being away from Max and Liz after ten weeks spent in such close quarters. He and Alex drove them to Albuquerque, the mood in the car more than a little bleak. They got there mid-afternoon and found a cheap motel.

Liz paid for two nights, up front, for one double room. She and Max helped move what little Michael and Alex had into their room – their tent, their bags, some food. Michael saw her pass Alex some money, and his grateful nod in return. Michael didn’t have time to let the embarrassment settle. Max was hugging him, and Michael was hugging him back, face buried in Max’s shoulder, both of them holding on for far longer than they ever had before.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promised. “With Isobel, and your truck.”

Michael nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak. If anything, it was even worse when Max let go and Liz jumped in to hug him too. A real, long hug, not a poor excuse for an embrace. “Take care of yourself, okay?” she mumbled into his shoulder. “I wanna hear about your classes, when you start them.”

“You too,” Michael said, with effort, and he squeezed her back and lowered his voice to say, “Thank you. Seriously, for everything.”

“That’s what friends are for.” She reached up to ruffle his hair as she let go of him, and gave a watery laugh when he tried to twist out of her reach. She hugged Alex next, and Max and Michael pretended not to watch or listen as they whispered to each other and separated with wet eyes.

When they were gone, the room was very quiet for a few second before Alex sighed and went to sit on the edge of the bed. “That sucked.”

“Yeah.” Michael sucked his lower lip between his teeth and looked at Alex. On a double bed. In a room with a door they could lock. The speed with which his body reacted to that was frankly embarrassing, but it wasn’t like he could help it. “There’s perks to being alone though,” he said after a moment, and grinned when Alex’s gaze flicked to his, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“True.” He leaned down and started unlacing his boots. “Two nights of being alone, too.”

“Don’t forget the days,” Michael said, bending down to unlace his as well. “You can get a lot done in a day.”

Alex snorted. “Yeah, but we need to go and see…I don’t know, student support or student services or whatever it’s called tomorrow. And Max and Isobel will be here.”

“Still plenty of time in the day that won’t be taken up by that,” Michael said, kicking his boots off just after Alex did. Alex stretched, and then flopped back on the bed with a huge, smiling sigh. “That a hint to get started?” Michael grinned, coming over to stand between Alex’s knees, looking down at him.

“Mmmm.” Alex looked up at him with a syrup-slow smile, hands lifting to brush Michael’s hips. Fingers ran along his jeans, trailing to his belt buckle, and Michael swallowed, arching forward just a little. Alex grinned at him and held his gaze as he undid his belt and unbuttoned his fly, pulling the zipper down so slowly Michael’s breath hitched.

How long had it been since they’d been able to really see each other while doing this? Long enough that it felt brand new, Michael’s skin tingling all over just from Alex’s eyes on him. He couldn’t look away, Alex’s gaze rooting him in place, even when he rubbed the front of Michael’s boxers and made him gasp.

He couldn’t speak either. He couldn’t do anything but breathe as Alex pulled the waistband of his boxers down and eased his half-hard cock out, stroking it slowly. Michael couldn’t look down, but he could feel how fast he hardened in Alex’s hand. He swallowed, and breathed as steadily as he was able while Alex watched him, eyes flicking up and down Michael’s body like he wanted to take in everything at once.

Alex stroked him softly until he was leaking, and when Alex rubbed the tip of one finger very gently over Michael’s slit, he gave a helpless sort of moan and arched forward again. Alex’s eyes jumped up to his again, dark and pleased and maybe a little bit amazed. “You like me teasing you,” he said, like he was testing the words out.

Michael nodded. “You couldn’t tell before?” he managed to say. 

“I…suspected, I guess.” Alex grinned, and rubbed the pad of his thumb over Michael’s slit again, spreading precum over the head of his cock. Michael swayed in place, palms tingling, goosebumps spreading over his skin. “But we were always going so quick in the tent, and concentrating on staying quiet.”

“Mmmm.” It came out a little strangled. Alex smirked at him and just kept going, slow and gentle, like he wanted to see how far Michael would let him go. Did he want Michael to beg? The thought occurred to him for a second, but he put it out of his mind with a flash of embarrassment. He concentrated on Alex instead, on the very clear line of his dick under his jeans, on his dark eyes.

“What d’you wanna do?” Alex asked in a low voice. “Like…” Was he blushing? Michael smiled, hoping he was. “Do you wanna try, um…right away, or shower first, or…?”

“Now,” Michael said without thinking, and grinned when Alex laughed. “If you do, obviously.”

Alex nodded. “You wanna go first, or me?”

“I don’t know.” Michael licked his lips and leaned down. Alex let go of him (a tragic loss) but it meant Michael could kiss him, and bear him back down onto the bed. Alex looped an arm over his shoulders and reached down to curl his hand back around his dick, and when he hitched a leg right up over the small of Michael’s back, Michael moaned. “The fuck,” he gasped, “are you so flexible?”

Alex laughed. “I don’t know. I’m not double-jointed or anything.”

Michael dropped down onto one elbow to kiss him again, and again, both of them losing themselves in it for a minute, in the now-familiar rise of heat and urgency. And this time, they didn’t have to worry about being quiet.

Alex was the one to push him back and mutter against his mouth, “Clothes. And door – is it locked?”

“I’ll check.” Michael hid a wince as he straightened, because walking around with a boner was never comfortable, but a quick check did confirm the door’s locked status, which was more important. “Blinds too?” he asked, looking over his shoulder. The little window next to the door had a thin curtain over it already, but he didn’t know how good it was at actually hiding anything.

Alex pulled his shirt off and nodded. “Yeah.”

Michael yanked the blind down and pulled off his own shirt as he went back over. Alex stood to push his jeans off, and Michael stopped to watch, kind of mesmerised. Before they’d left Roswell, when they’d been jerking each other off in the tiny UFO Emporium bathroom, he’d never seen more than the bare minimum of Alex’s body.

He could see more than that now. 

It was amazing, seeing skin he’d learned only by touch over the last ten weeks. The curve of Alex’s stomach, the hair between his legs, the lines of his thighs. And it was stupid, he knew, feeling like this when he’d seen pretty much everything anyway whenever they’d gone swimming, but this was different. Alex whole, complete. Nothing hidden or concealed.

“What?” Alex smiled at him, head on one side. “Michael?”

“Sorry.” Michael shook his head and laughed, ducking his head to push his own jeans off. “I’ve never seen all of you at once, it’s a lot to take in.”

“A lot, huh?” Alex teased, and Michael almost got his legs tangled, hopping in place a couple of times as he laughed.

“Shit, don’t…” He got himself stable and stood up, kicking his jeans and underwear away. “Don’t make me laugh when I’m on one leg!”

Alex stepped closer, eyes flicking everywhere. Michael’s smile hushed under his searching gaze, breathing going shallow as Alex got close enough to touch. Michael watched his own hands slide up Alex’s chest, watched goosebumps ripple silently down Alex’s arms in response. Alex’s fingertips brushed Michael’s hips before his hands settled there, large and warm, and he pulled Michael a little closer as Michael held his face and brought him in for a long kiss.

It was kind of incredible, not having anything in the way of each other. Alex’s hands slid round to the small of Michael’s back, and then one went lower, pulling him closer again with a press against his ass until their bodies were flush, both of them making quiet noises at the sensation. Michael reached down at once to pull their cocks up against each other, fitting them between their bellies the way they did when they were doing this lying down. 

Now though, they could look. Alex clearly had the same thought at the same time, because they almost bumped their heads against each other trying to do it, and Michael laughed helplessly at Alex’s amused eyeroll. “We’re so dumb,” he muttered, and Michael kissed the corner of his eye, over his hair.

“At least we’re dumb together.”

Alex laughed and looked down again, and Michael followed suit. He couldn’t stop getting distracted by Alex’s hips, the paler skin of his upper thighs – all the skin that would have usually been covered. He watched Alex reach down and wrap his hand around them too, always gentler than Michael, who eased his grip in imitation. 

“I want,” Alex started, and Michael pressed the sides of their heads together, wrapping his free arm over Alex’s shoulders. “We’ve got time,” he said in a quiet rush. “So we can try everything, but I want to try fingering you.”

Michael’s stomach flipped over in a decidedly pleasant way. “Okay,” he breathed. “Yeah, you wanna – we should lie down? How should we do it?”

“You think I’m an expert?” Alex laughed, nudging Michael’s head up with his own to kiss him.

“You were thinking about it longer than I was,” Michael pointed out, smiling. “I was slow on the uptake on guys being hot.”

Alex snorted. “It’s fair enough, in our town.”

“Hey, you’re in our town,” Michael said reprovingly.

“Still.” Alex pressed close, wrapping his arm around Michael’s back and pulling him in. “I’m definitely not an expert.”

“You, uh.” Michael blinked and nearly stumbled as Alex started walking backwards, bringing Michael with him. “You never researched it or anything?”

“Where?” Alex huffed. “At school? A public library? It couldn’t’ve been at home – we had one computer. Like hell was I gonna look for any porn on that.”

Michael nodded. “That’s fair. So we’re both kinda flying blind here?”

“A little.” Alex let go of him and pushed him towards the bed before ducking to rifle through his bag for – Michael assumed – the lube. “It’s worked okay for us so far, right?”

“More than okay,” Michael agreed. “Hey, should I get a towel?”

“Yeah, good idea.”

Michael ducked into the bathroom quickly and yanked one of the thin white towels off the rail. Alex watched him with a considering sort of look as he spread it on the bed before climbing on. “You wanna do it how we did before?” Alex asked. “Or something different?”

“I don’t know.” Michael hesitated. “Maybe like…like before, but I stay on top?”

“Sure.” Alex smiled and lay down in the middle of the bed, reaching back to rearrange the pillows. “C’mere.”

The only reason Michael didn’t flop right on top of him was for fear someone’s balls might get accidentally crushed, which would really kill the mood. He did lie down on top of Alex though, sighing a little at how good it felt. Familiar and comfortable, with the added thrill of being able to clearly see Alex’s expression when he smiled.

Alex kissed him, slow and deep, tongue sliding against Michael’s and teeth teasing at his lower lip while his hands roamed freely over Michael’s body. This was, Michael knew, why he liked being on top. While he was limited in what he could do with his hands, Alex wasn’t at all. He could do whatever he liked, and what he liked now was apparently playing with Michael’s hair (always guaranteed to turn him to jelly) and teasing at the crack of his ass with his fingertips. Drawing a line just down the crease, too lightly to part his cheeks at all. 

Michael pulled one of his legs up, exposing himself, and they had to part for a second when Alex laughed into his mouth. He didn’t touch Michael there yet though. He squeezed his ass instead, kneading and pulling Michael down against him, setting a rhythm for the two of them humping against each other. Which was good, of course, it was great, but Michael made a sound that was barely short of a whine and arched to push his ass back into Alex’s hand, trying to urge him on.

Alex grinned against his lips and murmured, “Okay,” as his hands disappeared. “Okay,” he said in a normal tone, “if I drip lube on your back, it’s not my fault, I can’t really see what I’m doing.”

“That’s pretty normal for us now, right?” Michael smiled, and Alex kissed him again.

“Don’t take away my excuses,” he muttered, and nipped gently at Michael’s lip.

He didn’t spill any lube on Michael, of course, and Michael was ready for the cold when Alex touched his entrance with slick fingertips. He wasn’t ready for how intimate it felt. Alex wasn’t the only person to have jerked him off, but he was the only person to do this. Michael didn’t want to hold himself up, so he lay himself down so all his weight was on Alex, his face tucked against the side of Alex’s head on the pillow. His hair smelled like the cheap shampoo they’d all been sharing, an artificial scent that was supposed to be something oceanic, according to the label.

Michael couldn’t think of anything but Alex whenever he smelled it.

He couldn’t think of anything but Alex now – Alex’s free hand smoothing down his back as his other hand rubbed gently at Michael’s entrance in a way that was starting to feel good. “I tried it in the shower,” Michael mumbled suddenly. “Like you did.”

“Yeah?” Alex was smiling, Michael could hear it, and he shifted under Michael a bit so he was out from under him a little, just enough that he could turn his head on the pillow and look Michael in the eye. “When?”

“A while ago.” Michael was struggling to keep his eyes open, to focus on anything but Alex’s wet fingertips, his thumb stroking down right to the back of his balls. “Mmmmm…can’t remember where…”

“Did you like it?”

“It was weird.” Michael grinned and cracked an eye open to see Alex grinning too. “But not bad.”

“Hot.” Alex kissed the tip of his nose and pushed at the rim of muscle. “Relax a little.”

“Kay.” He could do anything Alex wanted. Michael took a breath and relaxed on the exhale, and when he inhaled again, Alex pushed a finger into him. “Hey,” he said slowly, smiling. “There you are. Took you long enough.”

“Wow.” Alex laughed, and pushed another finger in, and that was better and stranger and less comfortable all at the same time. “Impatient much? We have all night, Guerin, don’t run before you can walk.”

“Don’t wanna be limping on the way to college tomorrow,” Michael agreed, and they both snickered, Alex starting to pump his fingers in and out, thrusting up against him to the same rhythm. Michael responded instinctively, arching down, and the realisation that he was _being fucked_ hit him like a bolt of lightning. Heat spread through the pit of his stomach, he felt his cock twitch, and he tightened around Alex’s fingers.

“Whoa,” Alex breathed. “Wow, you’re tight.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Alex pulled his fingers out, and snorted at Michael’s betrayed look. “More lube, relax, I’m not stopping.”

“Good.” Michael clenched a couple more times, sort of enjoying the lack of stretch. When Alex pushed two fingers back in, Michael breathed out and tried to relax. Strange, but nice. Weird, but good. It didn’t hurt exactly, but Michael didn’t understand what about this had had Alex so overcome when they’d tried it in the tent before.

“Okay?” Alex checked, and Michael opened his eyes to look at him as he nodded.

“Yeah.”

“You’re, uh.” Alex hesitated and shifted up against him, and Michael felt a little flush of embarrassment. He had gone a little soft; he hadn’t noticed till just now.

“I think I’m concentrating too much,” he said, smiling to show Alex it wasn’t bad or anything.

It worked, making Alex smile. “Nerd. Just feel it, don’t think about it.”

“Kay.” Michael tipped his chin to kiss him, figuring nothing would help better than that.

Alex seemed to have the same idea, his clean hand dragging smooth and firm up Michael’s back to slide into his hair while he thrust his fingers in and out of Michael’s ass, never withdrawing completely. It was better after a few seconds, as Michael’s body seemed to figure out what was happening, and he pushed himself up a little to try and get Alex’s fingers deeper, to see what that felt like.

Alex twisted his fingers, on purpose or by accident, and Michael gasped. “Good,” he reassured Alex quickly before he could freak out. “It’s good.”

“Okay.” Alex did it again, slowly, and Michael felt himself start to get harder again. “Yeah?”

“Mmmmm.” Michael kissed him again, needing something else to split his focus, and Alex responded eagerly, slowing down so he wasn’t so much thrusting his fingers in and out as pressing them further in when they were already fully seated. It definitely felt better, and Michael rolled his hips into it, knees on the bed giving him some leverage to move.

“I’m gonna swap hands, okay?” Alex murmured. 

“Getting tired?” Michael grinned, and Alex bumped their faces together gently, smiling.

“It’s harder than it looks. Stay where you are a second, I’m just gonna…” He stroked his clean hand down Michael’s back and under his hitched-up leg. “Yeah,” he decided, and withdrew his other hand, did something with the lube (a warm drip was slowly making its way down Michael’s balls), and pushed two fingers back in.

“Better?” Michael asked, clenching around him. He wasn’t sure he could feel a difference, if there was any, but it felt nice, Alex’s fingers smooth and slick against the sensitive skin of his entrance.

“Yeah. I think my right wrist is weaker.” Alex wiped his hand on the towel and lifted it to brush along Michael’s shoulders, then worked it between them to curl gently around Michael’s cock.

Michael swallowed, eyelids fluttering closed as Alex sped up. “Mmm, yeah?”

“Mmhm. I broke it when I was a kid, s’probably why.” He kissed Michael lightly, too lightly – Michael leaned forward for more and Alex kept it light, the pressure of his mouth barely there while his fingers pressed relentlessly into Michael. Again, again, again, a steady rhythm that pulled a moan out of him after another teasing brush of lips against his, Alex’s other hand loose around his dick.

“Alex!”

“Yeah.” Alex kissed the corner of his mouth, and Michael gasped as he pressed at a different angle. Three more thrusts there and the pleasure was building, building, and Michael was practically squirming against Alex’s body.

“Ungh, uhh, hhah, Al – _ahhh,_ ” 

“Don’t have to be quiet,” Alex reminded him in a whisper. “You can be louder.” He sounded tense himself, little stuttery sounds pushed out of him with every hard thrust of Michael’s cock into his fist.

If Alex wanted to hear him, Michael would give it to him. It was harder than expected, pushing against the instinct to stay quiet, stay hidden, safe. But Alex was gasping and urging him on, his fingers grinding into Michael and his hand shifting, the heel of his palm pressing up briefly against Michael’s taint and making him gasp, giving himself over to nothing but chasing his own pleasure. It was so good, so fucking good, and he was doing what Alex wanted, that was for sure, he was moaning and crying out like he’d never done before in his entire life.

He managed to unglue his eyelids for about a second and saw Alex gazing at him with rapt hunger, lips parted and wet, breathing heavy, and Michael pressed his forehead against Alex’s and made a high, desperate sound as he started to come, hips jerking forward in frantic, hard movements that made Alex groan and buck up against him, thrusting into the wet heat Michael spilled between them.

Alex let go of Michael’s dick and started jerking himself off with hard, slow strokes until he came too. The fingers of his other hand were still in Michael, and he didn’t want Alex to pull them out. Strange, that it had felt uncomfortable at first, and now they felt like they fit perfectly. Strange, but nice.

Alex brushed a kiss against his lips, and when Michael moaned and tilted his chin for more, Alex gave it to him. A long, deep kiss, exactly what Michael wanted, exactly what he needed. He worked one arm up under Alex’s shoulder and brushed his fingertips against the ends of Alex’s hair, wanting to push closer. He wished suddenly that they’d done it the other way around and he was the one inside Alex, held closer than close.

Later though. They could do that later. Hopefully even move up from fingers. He’d been a little worried it would take a while to work up to it, given the size disparity between fingers and a dick, but he reckoned they could manage it. He knew it could feel good now – that was the only hurdle he’d had.

“Should probably shower now,” Alex mumbled, and Michael hummed an agreement without making any move to get off him, and Alex didn’t let go of him or slide his fingers out either. After a second, they both grinned, heads so close Michael could barely focus on Alex’s eyes. He had to pull back a couple of inches to manage it, and he kept smiling when he did. Alex’s face was definitely flushed, his pupils huge, and he laughed again at whatever Michael’s expression was. “It was good?”

“Really good.” Michael leaned in to kiss him again, gentler. “Really good,” he repeated, against Alex’s lips. “Really,” another kiss, “really good.”

Alex laughed again, a soft huff of air, and gently slid his fingers out of Michael’s ass. Michael shivered, eyes falling closed again at the sensation, and he clenched automatically on nothing. “I think I’m gonna like bottoming,” he muttered without thinking, and Alex kissed him again, humming low and pleased into his mouth.

“We can do it again later,” he breathed, pulling back a fraction, and Michael nodded.

“You too. If you want, I mean.”

“I definitely want,” Alex assured him, and they giggled. 

It took entirely too much effort for Michael to push himself up, and Alex gave a huge stretch before he rocked himself onto his feet to join him. Michael was struck, as they climbed into the tub and Alex fiddled with the showerhead to get it working, by the sight of his soft penis. They’d only ever seen or felt each other when they were already hard, he realised, and as they huddled at one end of the tub to give the water time to heat up, he hugged Alex from behind and tucked his face against his neck, smiling helplessly.

Alex rested his arms over Michael’s and leaned back into him a little. Michael imagined what it would be like to fuck like this, to hold Alex against his body in this position, against a wall or on a bed or something. A dizzy spiral of arousal went through him, but even the soft pressure of Alex’s ass against his cock couldn’t make his refractory period any shorter. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t be long though.

He let Alex have the water first, admiring the view as he tipped his head back to get his hair wet. Against the white tile of the bathroom, his skin looked even browner, his hair even longer. He liked the luxury of having time and privacy to look his fill for once, eyes roaming over Alex’s whole body with nothing in the way.

Alex looked at him from under his eyelids and broke into a slow smile. “Wanna get in?”

Michael nodded and stepped closer, hands fitting to Alex’s waist as Alex slicked his hair back and met him halfway for a kiss. His skin was warm and wet, and Michael fit himself closer and tilted his head to deepen the kiss, sliding his hands around Alex’s back to hold him.

Alex leaned his arms over Michael’s shoulders at first, then dropped one hand to squeeze Michael’s ass, making him go up on tiptoes and sway forward into him with a quiet moan. He wanted to do this every day, he decided wildly. He wanted to have sex with Alex and shower with him afterwards. He wondered if Alex would let him wash his hair, before remembering the shampoo was in his bag in the bedroom. 

“Next time we do this,” he muttered, before he could persuade himself not to, “can I wash your hair?”

“Only if I can wash yours,” Alex said without missing a beat, and Michael grinned.

“Like I’d ever turn that down.”

“Mmm.” Alex slid a hand into his hair, right at the base of his skull, and tugged a gentle fistful, pulling Michael’s head back so he could kiss his throat. “I like your hair.”

Michael made a sort of, “Unngh,” sound, which was all he could manage with his head pulled back so far. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Alex, happy to be held and moved. Even if Alex’s wet hand pulled a little bit at his dry hair, it still felt nice. Alex never hurt him

Alex pulled his head forward again to kiss him, a long slow slide of wet lips against his before he turned them slowly so the water began to hit Michael. Across his shoulders and down his back, and when Alex let go of him, down his chest as well. Michael opened his eyes and smiled lazily before tipping his head back and turning his face into the spray.

Alex came forward and touched his stomach, where the mess they’d made was turning sticky under the water. “Gross.”

“Should’ve used the wipes first,” Michael agreed. “Is there soap?”

“Yeah.” Alex reached out to grab the bar from the sink and passed it to Michael. “Hey, for later…I was thinking.”

Michael raised his eyebrows, rubbing the soap between his hands to work up some lather. “Uh huh?”

“You’ve been with other people,” Alex said delicately, and Michael nodded. “Did you, uh, use condoms with them?”

“Yeah, of course.” Michael gave him a crooked sort of smile. “Always figured I’d have to be kinda careful with that stuff. It’s not like I can get myself tested if I do catch something. I’ve never been sick before, so I don’t know if I can even catch an STD, but better safe than sorry, right?”

“Right.” Whatever Alex had been worried about, Michael’s answer relaxed him. “I never thought about it like that. I guess a blood test or…I don’t know, a cheek swab, would be…?”

“Yeah, definitely not.” Michael soaped away the semen on his belly, careful not to get any in his pubes. “I looked at a drop of my blood under a microscope once – it looks the same to the naked eye, but when you look at it close-up like that, it’s really obvious that there’s a huge difference between us and humans on the cellular level.”

He’d covered DNA and cellular makeup earlier than Max and Isobel in high school. He’d been the one to warn them not to do the cheek swab tests.

“So in theory,” Alex said, and Michael realised he’d been watching him carefully. “You’re clean?”

“In theory.” Michael blinked at him. “You wanna…”

“I mean, you’re not gonna catch anything off me,” Alex said dryly, shrugging one shoulder. “So, we could. If you want. And I mean, I’ve already blown you multiple times, so if your jizz has any alien properties, I’ve yet to experience them.”

Michael laughed, kind of amazed. “Man, can you imagine if I could transfer alien powers via semen?”

“You could give me telekinesis for a few hours,” Alex grinned. “It’d be so cool.”

He wondered if he would ever stop being relieved by how relaxed Alex was about the whole alien thing. It seemed to fall into his general attitude where Alex was concerned: it was too good to be true, but he didn’t want to ruin things by poking at it. It could all blow up tomorrow, but right now he was here, and Alex was here, and they were showering together. Everything was pretty much perfect at that exact minute, and he couldn’t ask for more than that.

Washing lube out of his ass was kind of weird, though not in a bad way. He leaned against the cold tile and watched again as Alex soaped himself down and then gave Michael a thoughtful look.

“What?”

“Just thinking.”

“You’re always thinking,” Michael grinned, and Alex shrugged unrepentantly. 

“Gives me something to do.”

“I’ll give you something to do.” Michael smirked at him, cocking his hip – he was on his way to half-hard again, the low thrum of arousal that was apparently a given with Alex naked in front of him a constant background noise in his brain.

Alex snorted and reached out to pull Michael closer, so he could skim his hands down Michael’s sides. “We don’t have to try it now – or, like, at all, if you don’t want.”

“I’ll try anything once,” Michael told him, curious now.

Alex nodded slowly, smoothing one hand across Michael’s chest. “I was just thinking about rimming. Like, um. In the shower would probably be the –”

“Yeah,” Michael said, already trying to imagine it, thinking of the logistics. Alex suggesting it meant his own hesitations were basically erased. If Alex was okay with it, so was Michael. “Yes,” he said again, quickly, and laughed when Alex did, both of them curling forwards into each other, Michael reaching up to curl a hand around the back of Alex’s neck

“You already thought about it?” Alex guessed, grinning.

“Maybe a bit.”

“It doesn’t gross you out?”

Michael shrugged. “It kinda did when I first thought about it, but not for long. Like you said, it’ll never be cleaner than this, right? And people definitely do it, so it must feel good. And if fingers in my ass felt like _that_ , a tongue must be pretty great too.”

Alex seemed to brighten with every word he said, and Michael barely finished before he was being pulled in for a long kiss. “Really thought I’d never like surprises,” Alex mumbled, smiling too much to kiss him deeply. 

Michael kissed a line down his neck, mouth against clean, wet skin, and heard Alex inhale, almost a moan. Michael kissed lower, lower, going slowly to his knees and only looking up once he was level with Alex’s cock. He remembered the night at Maria’s party, when Alex’s dad had almost caught them. Alex gazed down at him with parted lips and heavy eyes, and he moaned when Michael ducked down to slide his mouth around his almost-full cock. 

“Fuck,” he gasped. “Michael.”

“Mmmmmm.” It was so much easier like this than lying down. Michael could take Alex deeper with more ease, and he moved his head up and down until Alex was shaking, holding himself up with one hand on the shower and a fist pressed against the wall.

Bathrooms really did have the best acoustics. Every stuttered gasp and moan Alex made seemed to sink under Michael’s skin and wipe his mind blissfully clear of everything but this. He pulled off Alex with a slurp that made Alex laugh breathlessly and gripped Alex’s hips to turn him around. 

“Holy shit,” Alex said, bracing himself against the tiles. “Oh God, you’re really just…oh…”

Michael spread his cheeks, a rivulet of water running down Alex’s back directly into the crease, and leaned in to press the flat of his tongue to Alex’s entrance before he could second-guess it. It didn’t taste of anything, he didn’t think. Just water, and heat. Puckered, tight skin that shifted under his tongue when he licked experimentally.

“Holy fucking shit,” Alex gasped, and Michael leaned back a little, shifting Alex so the rivulet of water wasn’t in the way anymore.

“Is it okay?”

“Yeah.” Alex laughed. “Really…not _weird_ weird but way different to a finger. Your tongue is really warm.”

“You’re welcome,” Michael said generously, and Alex’s laugh turned into a shaky groan when he leaned in and ran the tip of his tongue over him, gentler than before. Tiny, pointed licks that made him clench and unclench, the muscles of his ass surprisingly strong under Michael’s hands. He looked, when he could. The darker brown skin of Alex’s hole, and the paler skin around it where no sun had ever touched. The way it relaxed and tightened, the way Michael could feel it under his tongue, and his lips when he pressed in closer.

Alex spread his legs as far as the bathtub allowed and leaned forward, breathing heavily and making the occasional sound of surprise. When Michael managed to push his tongue actually into him, just a little, he made an incredible, choked sound that went straight to Michael’s dick.

“Weird?” Michael asked as he pulled back, a little hoarse.

“Yeah, but hot.” Alex blew out a great puff of air. “Really hot. God. I don’t know if I could come from it though, y’know?”

“You wanna?” Michael let go of one cheek and reached forward to wrap his hand around Alex’s dick.

“Fu-uck.” A tremor went through Alex’s legs. “Can you…?” Michael leaned in and licked Alex again, again, stroking him slow and firm. “Oh fuck,” Alex panted. “Fuck, _fuck_.”

Michael moaned in response, pressing in further and flicking his tongue over Alex’s entrance faster, trying to match the rhythm of his hand. His whole body felt like it was throbbing, hot and urgent, like he was somehow in synch with Alex’s desire. Alex was trembling, voice rising in increments until he was crying out and spilling over Michael’s hand. He slowed down his stroking but kept working his tongue, licking and licking until Alex reached back and tangled a clumsy hand in his hair.

Michael pressed his forehead to the dimples just above the swell of Alex’s ass and fought the urge to whine. If Alex had done that earlier, holding him in place with a tight hand in his hair, he would’ve died. He was already hard as fucking iron, about two seconds away from trying to grind fruitlessly against the floor of the tub. And doing that actually sounded kind of appealing, which was how he knew he was really sex-stupid right now.

“Michael,” Alex rasped, tugging his hair, and Michael didn’t whine, but he did let out a pretty embarrassing sound that wasn’t far off. “Your turn,” Alex insisted. “Come on, I wanna try.”

Michael groaned and anchored his hands on the edges of the tub before pushing himself very laboriously to his feet. His knees ached a little – the hard plastic he’d been sitting on was not forgiving. Alex let go of his hair (a tragedy) and turned to face him as he finally swayed up onto his feet.

“I’m not gonna kiss you,” Alex said in a low voice. “Not till you’ve…brushed your teeth, I guess, but…” But he wanted to, Michael could tell, and it made him want to whine again.

“Your turn?” he managed to croak, and Alex nodded and turned them around so Michael was standing where he’d been, and Alex was the one kneeling behind him. And holy shit, Alex spreading his cheeks and nudging his legs apart while the hot water fell in a burning streak across Michael’s left shoulder and down his front was really something.

Alex framing his hole with his thumbs and watching Michael twitch for a few long seconds was really something too, the scrutiny reminding Michael very suddenly that his ass was hairier than Alex’s, that he’d never even looked at his own asshole (why would he?), so didn’t know if he should be freaking out right now or not.

But then Alex leaned in and licked, unbelievably soft and wet, and Michael braced his feet against the edges of the tub and gasped. Alex did it again, slower, and shit, it was weird, Alex was right, it was weird, but it was also unbelievably hot that Alex was even doing this at all.

“I am not gonna last even half as long as you did,” Michael groaned, feeling obliged to warn him. He _felt_ Alex’s laughter as warm air against his spit-wet entrance, and groaned again.

“High compliment or are you just really turned on?” Alex said, sounding far too cheerful, and he dipped in to rub his tongue over Michael again, then flicking almost delicately, then giving broad swipes that made Michael’s breathing shake. If the skin there had felt sensitive before when Alex was using his fingers, it felt electric now, every tiny shift of Alex’s skin against his sparking through him and pooling in his groin. 

“Please,” he gasped, instinctive. “Alex, please –”

And Alex reached around and started jerking him off hard and fast, the angle a little off but Michael didn’t care, he was dying, he was about to explode. Every exhale was a moan, his body winding up tighter and tighter until Alex eased him over the edge, working him until one of Michael’s knees buckled and he had to slide unsteadily to the floor.

“Oh fuck,” he said weakly. Alex draped himself over his back, wrapping his arms around him tight like he was proud of him, which sent a last shiver through Michael’s body. Alex was rubbing his face into Michael’s neck like a cat, and Michael couldn’t see him but he knew he was grinning, he could just tell. 

“We both need to brush our teeth,” Alex said, barely audible over the sound of the shower, which was beginning to cool. “And then I need to kiss the hell out of you.”

Well, with an incentive like that, Michael could hardly fail to be motivated. He made an affirmative sort of sound and a grateful sound when Alex helped him up onto his feet again. “You okay?” he asked softly, and Michael nodded.

“Fucked out,” he said, giving Alex a slow smile. “Can’t wait for the third act.”

“Slow down, dude,” Alex said, raising an amused eyebrow. “Let’s clean up the second act first.”

“Mmmmm.”

Michael really was fucked out, he realised when he almost fell over climbing out of the bathtub. He was lethargic and hungry and cuddlier than he had ever been before. Luckily, Alex was either in the same state or something similar, because he wasn’t letting Michael out of touching distance either, and as soon as they were in bed, under the covers, he plastered himself to Michael’s back, squeezing him tightly and sticking one slightly damp leg between Michael’s. Twined as close as physically possible, holding onto Michael like he was afraid he might disappear if he didn’t.

Michael took the hand Alex had pressed over his bare chest and lifted it to kiss his knuckles, eyes closed. “I love you,” he said. They didn’t say it enough, in his opinion, but he didn’t ever want to press the issue or make Alex uncomfortable. But right now, it was all he could think, and he needed Alex to hear it.

And Alex squeezed his hand and pressed himself impossibly closer, kissing the back of Michael’s neck. And whispered, “I love you too,” into Michael’s hair like it was a secret, or a gift, something precious for only Michael to have.

The silence between them was so comfortable that Michael was almost asleep when Alex’s stomach grumbled loudly behind him, and they both snorted with laughter. “You want pizza?” Alex asked.

“Oh my God, yes.”

Alex sighed. “I don’t wanna move though.” 

“Alex.” Michael closed his eyes for a second, pure delight settling in his chest. “I have a solution.”

“Can you reach my phone from there?” Alex sounded surprised, and Michael laughed, concentrating on Alex’s jeans, just visible on the floor.

“I can reach everything from here, man.”

“Oh my God.” Alex lifted his head to look and flopped down again with a laugh. “I can’t believe I forgot you have superpowers.”

“Hell yeah.” Michael narrowed his eyes and pulled Alex’s phone from the pocket of his jeans, floated the phone onto the pillow and dropped the jeans, and reached out with his eyes for the flyer for the pizza place he’d seen on the little table by the door. It drifted over quickly and Michael closed his eyes as he dropped that onto the pillow too, radiating smugness.

“So cool,” Alex muttered, kissing the back of his shoulder before pulling his hand out of Michael’s to reach for the flyer. “What d’you want?”

“Anything, you pick.”

They didn’t end up trying actual anal that night, mainly because Alex said he wanted to try just fingers again first, and they both ate too much pizza and fell into a food coma in front of the TV. Michael had never watched much TV, it being considered a luxury in most of the houses he’d been in, and Alex’s access had been strictly regulated by his dad. So it was kind of nice, lying in bed with his head in Alex’s lap, the two of them flicking between whatever channel caught their attention.

It was even nicer that Alex played absently with his hair the whole time. That he’d smiled when Michael had slid down to put his head in his lap in the first place, like there was nothing weird about it at all. Michael had no idea what was going on in the show they were watching – there were doctors, that was about as much as he knew – and his blinks got longer and longer until he realised his eyes were closed and he was drifting off to sleep. Alex’s fingers were still gentle against his scalp, just sifting through his hair and not pulling on any tangles. 

Michael wanted to fall asleep every night like this. He was so comfortable it was getting close to the point where that would circle right back round into discomfort at _being_ so comfortable. Though actually, Alex’s presence was pretty good at neutralising that. He was just special like that.

“Hey,” Alex whispered. “You still awake?”

“Mmhm.” Michael didn’t open his eyes, but smiled a little.

“You wanna sleep?”

“Nearly sleepin’ now,” Michael mumbled, barely opening his mouth, and he felt Alex’s stomach shift as he bent down and kissed the side of Michael’s head.

“Come on. Let’s sleep in a real bed.”

“Mmmmm.”

Alex turned off the TV and pushed and pulled Michael under the sheets before getting up to go and brush his teeth. Michael knew he thought it was gross to go to bed without doing that, but he was so pleasantly sleepy that he didn’t want to ruin it by standing up, even to please Alex. He fell asleep listening to the sounds of Alex in the bathroom, comfortable darkness pulling him down into dreamlessness.

Michael wasn’t sure for a second where he was when he woke up, slow and confused. He wasn’t in the tent – they were in a bed, in a motel. And Alex was crying.

Michael snapped into full awareness, twisting to check. The bedroom wasn’t as dark as the tent had been – dim light filtered through the window blinds, turning the room black-blue, Alex lay on his back next to him, and Michael could see tear tracks on the side of Alex’s face closest to him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was shaking, and Michael was so scared for a second that he couldn’t move.

“Alex?” he whispered. No reaction. Alex’s crying was almost silent, but for his juddering breaths. “Alex?” Michael said again, louder. “Alex – Alex!”

Alex’s eyes fluttered open, his hands rising to his face. He sobbed once before he covered his mouth with one hand and his eyes with the other, another horrible little broken sound escaping a second later.

“Alex…” Michael reached out to hug him and recoiled when Alex gasped and flinched away.

“Don’t, no don’t, _don’t_ –”

“Okay,” Michael said helplessly. “Okay, I’m not, it’s okay, I’m sorry.”

Alex sobbed again, wiping at his face with the heels of his hands before pressing one over his mouth again. It didn’t hide the way his upper body heaved, pushing another hiccupping cry into his own palm. Michael clenched his fists, aching to reach out again but not wanting to provoke another reaction from Alex like the first.

“Sorry,” Alex gasped, uncovering his mouth to wipe his face again and turning it away from Michael. He pressed a hand flat over his own chest, which jumped like a car that wouldn’t start when he tried to take a big breath in. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Michael said, not knowing what else to say. “It’s okay, Alex…what, what happened?”

“Bad dream,” Alex croaked, and covered his face with his other hand again as another sob welled up and spilled over. “Fuck, so stupid, s’just stupid.”

“It’s not,” Michael protested, not even knowing what he was protesting. “You’re not, it’s okay.” He watched Alex’s hand flex on his chest as he took another deep breath and choked back another cry on the exhale. “Alex, it’s okay. Can I…” He touched Alex’s shoulder with the fingertips of one hand, very hesitantly, and the part of Alex’s face he could see crumpled again. Michael snatched his hand back. “Okay, sorry, I –”

“No, don’t…” Alex rolled over, towards him to push Michael onto his back. He wrapped his arm over Michael’s chest and buried his face in the sheet covering his shoulder, another shuddering inhale muffled into it. “I’m sorry,” he said, quiet and shaky. “I’m sorry.”

Michael turned his face into Alex’s hair and lifted his free arm to very carefully touch Alex’s shoulder again. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It was just a nightmare, it’s okay. Everyone gets nightmares, it’s fine.”

Alex’s hand on his upper arm flexed, holding on tighter. “Wasn’t even a nightmare,” he mumbled, turning his head a little so he could speak. “Just a stupid…not even scary. I have nightmares all the time, this is…it’s not…I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he finished miserably, and Michael closed his eyes, his chest aching.

“I don’t mind.” If Alex had nightmares all the time, had he had them while they’d been camping? How had Michael never noticed? “I swear, okay? I don’t mind, it’s not a big deal.”

Alex nodded, sniffing. “Still stupid,” he muttered. “S’only happened twice before, had to happen in front of you.”

“What did?” Michael asked uncertainly.

“Waking up crying.” Alex let go of Michael’s arm to swipe roughly at his eyes again. “Like a baby.”

“I don’t mind,” Michael said again, and frowned. Saying that wasn’t enough. “Seriously,” he added in a low voice. “Look, I wanna help, if you ever…if there’s ever anything I can do, even if it’s just hugging you or distracting you or something. Anything, okay? It doesn’t matter if it’s stupid. Nothing about you is stupid to me.” That was better. Not perfect, but at least he’d tried to convey to Alex how much he cared.

Alex’s breath hitched again, and he pressed himself harder against Michael. “It’s so dumb though,” he whispered, still sounding a little damp. 

“What happened? In the dream?”

Alex sniffed and gave a humourless laugh. “You hugged me too hard, and I couldn’t breathe. That’s literally it. How stupid is that?” His voice broke though, and Michael squeezed his eyes shut, a lump rising in his own throat.

“S’not stupid,” he muttered. It certainly explained why Alex hadn’t wanted him grabbing him right after he woke up. “Hey, you wanna hear something really stupid?”

Alex turned his head a fraction towards him. “Like what?”

“I discovered a whole new irrational fear this summer. Like, not a legit fear or anything, something really dumb that isn’t connected to anything I’ve actually experienced in real life.”

Alex sniffed again, but when he spoke he sounded like he was maybe smiling a bit. “Okay?”

“I’m scared of waterfalls.”

There was a moment of silence, and then a muffled burst of amused surprise from Alex. “What?”

Michael started to smile. “I’m scared of waterfalls.”

“Guerin…you’ve…how? We’ve gone swimming in waterfall pools!” He laughed, still sounding baffled, and it was such a relief to hear that instead of self-recrimination and embarrassment that Michael realised he would gladly tell Alex all of his embarrassing secrets if it helped in moments like this.

“I don’t mind the smaller ones,” he said, smiling at the ceiling. “It’s the big ones that freak me out.”

“We went to Niagara Falls!”

“Yeah, that’s kinda where I realised it.”

“But you…you didn’t come on the Maid of the Mist with us,” Alex realised, amazed. “Was that because you were scared of the waterfall?”

“Uh huh.” Daring, Michael squeezed Alex’s shoulder. “I wasn’t gonna get any closer than I had to.”

“What is it about them that scares you?” Alex sounded intensely curious, and Michael tugged a strand of his hair gently.

“I don’t know. It’s like – you know how when you stand on a high thing and you get the urge to jump? That’s really normal,” he added quickly. “Like, loads of people get that.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Thank fuck. “Right. It’s kinda like that. I just can’t help imagining it, y’know? Being stuck in the water, and it’s going too fast for you to get outta the current and it’s too deep for you to touch the bottom, and you know the drop’s coming and there’s nothing you can do and then you go over – I’m freaking out just thinking about it now,” he admitted, a little embarrassed. “It’s totally dumb. I’ve never had a traumatic waterfall experience or anything, it’s just out of nowhere.”

“It’s not irrational though,” Alex said softly, tilting his head so he was looking at Michael properly. “It makes sense to be afraid of something that could hurt you.”

No shit. Michael wanted to roll his eyes and mention a couple of things – Alex’s dad for one, maybe his compulsion to plan for the worst for another – but he restrained himself to saying, “I guess, yeah. Still feels kinda stupid.”

Alex rubbed his face against Michael’s shoulder. “It did help though.”

Michael smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Distracting, like you said.” Alex stretched up to kiss Michael’s jaw. “Thank you.”

“Any time. Seriously, it probably won’t always be that easy, but I can talk about random shit all night long if I need to.”

Alex snorted. “Motormouth. Shit like what?”

“Okay, like – bear with me here – I was talking to Max the other day about the scientific method, y’know, broken down to its bare essentials. Hypothesis, experiment, result. And he told me that the idea of actually _testing_ shit wasn’t a thing till…I don’t know, some point in Ancient Greek history. The hell is that about? Were people before that just telling each other stories and blindly accepting it as fact?”

Alex laughed quietly. “Everyone knows the seasons exist because a goddess has marital obligations for half the year, Guerin, keep up.”

Michael paused. “Marital obligations?”

“Yeah. Hades and Persephone, you know.”

“I…don’t know?”

“Oh!” Alex didn’t sound perplexed, just excited. “Okay, so –”

It was maybe half an hour before they fell back to sleep, Alex’s arm still draped over Michael’s chest, his face pressed into his shoulder. Neither of them had set an alarm, and Michael woke up in daylight with Alex’s hand on his dick, stroking him lazily.

“Mmmfffuck,” Michael said, very intelligently. “Ah – Alex?”

“Mmhm.” Alex didn’t slow down, and when Michael turned his head to look at him properly, blinking away sleep, Alex looked very smug. “Morning.” Michael made a helpless noise in response, arching up into Alex’s hand, and Alex’s smile widened. “I wanted to do this every morning we were camping.”

Michael groaned, reaching out to grab at Alex’s shoulder, anything to hold onto. He wanted to say something, but all his brains were currently between his legs. And then Alex leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth and started shifting down the bed, and Michael knew what he was going to do, he spread his legs to make room for him without even thinking, and Alex rubbed his free hand across Michael’s chest and down to his stomach, holding him down as he closed his eyes and slid his mouth down over Michael’s cock.

Michael had never seen him do it. He’d felt it, plenty of times over the last few weeks, but he’d never _seen_ it, and it was so hot it made him dizzy. Alex’s mouth was hot and wet, his tongue – fuck, Michael gasped as Alex did that thing he did to the head of Michael’s dick whenever he did this. “Ahhh _hhhh,_ oh my God, Alex –”

Alex pulled off and smirked up at him. “Don’t need to worry about being quiet,” he reminded Michael, using his hand to spread saliva down his shaft. 

“No worries there,” Michael croaked. “Fair warning, I’m like…super close already, man.”

“Cool.” Alex smiled and sucked him down again with absolutely no warning, and Michael’s inhibitions were always lowest when he was near sleep, so he maybe shouted a little bit at how good it felt. And maybe he pushed up into Alex’s mouth just to make Alex grip his hips and shove him back down into the bed. And maybe he pinched his own nipple on his way down to touch Alex’s hair, stroking it weakly out of the way so he could see more. 

Maybe Alex saw him. Either way, he slid one hand up Michael’s body to brush over his other nipple once, again, again, the lightest touches that made Michael cry out and pant in a way he’d always held back before, when they’d had to be quiet. He wanted to beg again, even though Alex was already giving him everything. He wanted to cry and say, _please, please, please,_ so badly the words pushed at his tongue.

Alex groaned around him as he drew his head up, and Michael shuddered, his whole body alight. Hyper-sensitive where Alex’s finger kept brushing his nipple, electric shocks sparking down to his dick in Alex’s tight, wet mouth, the clutch of his throat around him, his other hand dragging nails down Michael’s thigh in four hot lines that made him shout again, twisting against Alex’s weight on his legs. Alex was just as strong as him, Alex held him down easily and sucked him so good that Michael couldn’t even breathe as he came, the sudden rush of it taking him by surprise. 

Not Alex though. Alex swallowed everything and licked Michael clean until he was gasping from the oversensitivity. Alex lay his head on Michael’s thigh and grinned up at him, one hand laid flat over Michael’s chest, the other tracing light lines on his other thigh. “Good wake up?”

Michael could only whine, boneless and drained, and Alex laughed. Morning wood and his mouth was a truly lethal combination. At some point, Michael was going to have to try and wake up first to try that on him. “I think you killed me,” he breathed eventually.

“I hope not.” Alex kissed the soft crease of Michael’s thigh, rubbing the tip of his nose against Michael’s pubic hair. “I have an ulterior motive.”

“Yeah?”

“It involves your fingers.”

Michael’s body tried to wake up and get back on board. “Fuck yeah.”

“You have to brush your teeth first though.”

“Deal.” Michael paused. “As soon as I think I can stand up without falling over.”

Recovery didn’t take too long, with such excellent motivation, and Michael reflected kind of hysterically while he was in the bathroom on how they really were going to try and have as much sex as physically possible while they had the privacy for it, and how insanely lucky he was. 

They used the same towel they’d used yesterday, and got distracted for a couple of minutes just making out before Alex rolled onto his side and passed Michael the lube. Being able to see Alex’s face this time when he pushed one finger into him was even better than Michael had imagined, and he’d imagined it a lot. Alex had one leg crooked up to give Michael access, one arm wrapped around Michael’s back, and he moaned long and low when Michael’s finger slid into him.

Michael was transfixed. The way Alex gulped and swallowed air like he kept forgetting how to breathe, the way his eyelids fluttered, his eyes rolling back in his head, the way he flexed his hips into it, and the _noises_ he made. Michael was getting hard again just listening to him, onto two fingers now, thrusting them smoothly in and out. And Alex moaned and gasped, helpless noises seemingly dragged out of him without his being fully aware of it.

“Shit,” he breathed, his hand digging into Michael’s back. “Shit, wait, wait –” And he moaned again when Michael froze immediately, fingers still in him. “Oh God.”

“Okay?” Michael checked, and Alex opened his eyes and nodded, clenching around him slowly. 

“So okay. It…was it like this for you?”

“Not so fast,” Michael said, tipping his head forward to touch Alex’s. “Like, you get into it way faster than I did.” He really hoped his awed tone properly conveyed how insanely hot that was, and added, “It’s awesome,” just to make sure Alex knew.

Alex laughed breathlessly, closing his eyes again. “Give me another finger.”

Michael kissed him and did. It was harder, and he found himself matching Alex’s slow exhale as he pushed three fingers in. “Okay?” he checked.

“Yeah.” Alex clenched around him lighter than before. “Hurts a little bit, but not – like, it’s just a stretch.”

“More lube?”

“Yeah.”

Michael used his powers to lift the bottle and drizzle more lube onto his fingers, rubbing some around the outside of Alex’s entrance first. It made Alex groan and push his forehead into Michael’s, nails digging into Michael’s back. “Come on.”

“Just being careful,” Michael grinned, and pushed in slowly, starting to thrust again. He imagined what it looked like and kissed Alex again, drinking up his shivery, helpless sounds greedily. He reached down and twisted his wrist to wrap his hand awkwardly around Alex’s cock. It made Alex’s whole body roll into it, an almost pained sound creaking out of his throat.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Wait, stay…yeah, still.” He took three deep breaths before opening his eyes, so close Michael could barely focus on him. “Hands and knees is supposed to be easiest, I think.”

Michael’s heart didn’t skip a beat – it seemed to suddenly double its rate instead, making him breathless. “You want me to –?”

“Yes.” Alex shivered, clenching around Michael’s fingers again. “If that’s –?”

“Yeah,” Michael said fervently, pressing their lips together and savouring Alex’s quiet sound of pleasure. “Good thing you blew me already,” he muttered, drawing his fingers slowly out and shuffling away to let Alex roll over. “I’d probably last about three seconds. Wait.” His eyes widened as Alex shot him a smirk as he got up onto his hands and knees. “Holy shit, did you plan this?”

“I plan everything.”

Michael laughed, leaning down to bump his forehead against Alex’s shoulder blade before settling on his knees half behind him, half to the side. He could see him, like this. His entrance, slick with lube, tensing and untensing until Michael touched his fingertips to it, and it relaxed for a second. “You definitely don’t care about condoms?” he checked, dazed.

“I swallowed your come less than half an hour ago,” Alex reminded him. “I don’t care if you don’t.”

Michael was surprised into another bark of laughter, and he spread his hands over Alex’s hips, thumbs stretched over his ass. “God.”

“Just me.” Alex looked back at him, maybe a little nervous. “You okay?”

“Can’t a guy admire the view?” Michael grinned at him and leaned forward on one hand to kiss him. “You’re really beautiful,” he said, low like it was a secret. He definitely wasn’t imagining the colour that rose in Alex’s cheeks.

“You’re calling my ass beautiful?” he said, a little half-laugh breathed against Michael’s lips.

“Definitely.” Michael kissed him again, then drew back and slid two fingers into Alex slowly. Seeing them disappear into him, hearing Alex’s gasp turn into a thin moan, it was incredible. Michael looked down at his dick and took a deep breath. He wasn’t a giant or anything – Alex was bigger, he knew that – but there was a pretty significant size difference between his fingers, even three of them, and his dick. “I’m gonna go really slow,” he decided out loud. “Um, if that’s okay?”

“No, that’s good.” Alex sounded tense, but in the breathy way that just meant he was really turned on. And for confirmation, Michael could lean back a little and see his dick, hard and heavy between his legs.

“Okay,” Michael whispered, mainly to himself, and grabbed the bottle of lube. He slicked himself up possibly more than necessary and withdrew his fingers. Alex’s arms were trembling a little, and when he felt Michael’s cock touch him, he pushed himself backwards immediately, taking Michael by surprise. He sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed Alex’s hip, not to stop him; just for balance. “Oh fuck,” he gasped, holding still as Alex pushed back slowly. He was so tight, much tighter than Michael had expected, and it felt amazing.

Alex breathed out, relaxing around him, and drew forward before pushing back again with a punched-out sound. Only an inch and a half, but still – “You feel huge,” he gasped, and Michael’s answering laugh was more of a moan.

“I swear I’m no bigger than normal.”

“Yeah, but you _feel…_ ” He rocked back another inch and groaned like he was being killed. “Michael…”

Agonisingly slow, they moved together until Michael’s hips were almost pressed against Alex’s ass, his body curved over Alex’s back with one shaky hand planted on the bed to hold himself up. His brain wasn’t working at all – he could only register sensations, like the heat and tightness of Alex around him, the stickiness of the lube, Alex’s cracked exhalations, his own frantic heartbeat.

Even slower, following Alex’s breathless instructions, he pulled back and pushed in again. He didn’t think he’d ever gone so slowly before, and it was kind of amazing, if simultaneously torturous. The way he had to push in bit by bit, drawing every sensation out, made him extra-aware of every second. He shuffled closer so his legs were touching Alex’s as much as possible, stroked his hands over Alex’s back and around to his chest and stomach.

“Not so deep,” Alex gasped, and Michael adjusted accordingly. “Ahh…pull out?”

“Are you okay?” Michael asked, pushing himself up and sliding out carefully.

“Yeah, just – fuck, don’t, like, take this the wrong way, but dicks are way bigger than they look.” He laughed though, and looked over his shoulder with bright eyes. “I think I just need more lube.”

“I can do that,” Michael nodded, bottle zipping into his hand. He spread more over himself and eased a little more into Alex with his fingers too. They were making a lot of mess, but he didn’t care, and neither did Alex by the sound of it.

“Okay,” Alex breathed, arms trembling a little. “Try again, really slowly.”

“You sure you don’t just want fingers?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“It doesn’t hurt?”

Alex twisted to look at him again, smiling, and Michael’s hand on his lower back flexed. “It’s like a muscle stretching,” he said. “It’s like, it hurts, but it’s not painful.”

Michael laughed and stroked the fingers of his other hand over Alex’s entrance. “That makes no sense.”

“Trust me.” Alex reached back with one hand to brush against Michael’s thigh, like he was soothing him. “I want to.”

“Okay.” Michael took a breath and shifted forwards, sliding the head of his dick back into Alex’s hole. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Alex’s head dropped, but he kept it turned to the side so Michael could still see some of his face, his fluttering eyelids and open mouth. “Fuck…keep going, come on.”

Michael was trembling, but he pushed forward a little at a time till Alex gasped for him to stop again, and urged him to start moving properly. “Okay,” Michael breathed, starting to thrust carefully, one hand on Alex’s hip, the other smoothing down his back, trying to distract himself a little from how insanely good the hot, tight slide of Alex’s body around his dick was.

Alex groaned and lowered his head. “Oh fuck that’s…fuck, Guerin, Michael, Michael –”

Michael leaned down on one arm again and flattened his chest against Alex’s back, both of them moaning at how good it felt. “Alex,” Michael breathed, face pressed against Alex’s shoulder.

Alex flexed his hips, pushing back faster, and Michael took the hint. He was _in_ Alex, he’d never been so close to him; he wanted to stay here forever, to make it last till they were both too wrecked to go on. He wrapped the arm he wasn’t holding himself up with around Alex’s waist, hugging him tight for a second before adjusting his body so he could wrap his hand around Alex’s dick.

Alex cried out, clenching so hard around Michael it almost hurt. “Yeah?” Michael checked breathlessly, ready to let go if that was what Alex wanted, but Alex nodded urgently.

“ _Yes,_ fuck, I’m – _Michael_ –”

 _Yes._ Michael squeezed his eyes shut and jerked Alex off, trying to match his own rhythm as best he could. Faster, not too deep, careful, careful. He’d never concentrated so hard during sex, almost trying to ignore the way it felt so good he could have cried. Alex was all sound and skin, high, desperate sounds punched out of him on every breath, and Michael kept his eyes closed and let them sink into him, letting them guide his body. Everything felt so good, the strain in his muscles heightening the pleasure, and he turned his face against Alex’s skin and sank his teeth helplessly into his shoulder as everything started to peak.

Alex gasped and shifted under him, adjusting his weight so he was supporting himself on one arm, his other reaching back to grab a handful of Michael’s hair and fuck, that was _it,_ and Michael was coming so hard he shook from the effort of not driving harder into Alex than he was meant to. Alex’s hand in his hair was brutally tight, bright sparks of pain making Michael’s hips twitch, his blood fizz. It grounded him, kept him focused enough that he could keep stroking Alex until he was stuttering out a hoarse cry and coming as well.

His elbow gave out a few seconds later, and he dragged Michael down with him when he half-collapsed onto the bed. “ _Ah,_ fuck…” He unclenched his hand from Michael’s hair, but Michael kept his face tucked against the back of his shoulder blade, breathing hard. “Michael?”

“Ggnh.” Michael shuddered as Alex’s ass squeezed his softening cock out. “ _Uhhhh._ ”

Alex rolled slowly onto his side, and Michael had to let go of him to let him shift onto his back. As soon as he had, Michael lay on top of him, head on Alex’s heaving chest. Alex petted his hair, clumsily gentle, and Michael fumbled for his other hand to bring it to his lips for a kiss. He could hear – or feel, maybe – Alex’s heart thumping rapidly.

“Sorry if I pulled too hard,” Alex whispered, fingertips stroking through Michael’s hair. 

“Loved it,” Michael managed to get out, and kissed his fingers again. “Love you.”

Alex hugged him, hitching a leg over both of Michael’s as well and pulling him up a little so he could kiss the crown of his head. A buzzy trilling sound suddenly cut through the quiet, and both of them jumped before Alex groaned and relaxed again. “It’s my phone.”

Michael lifted his head and glared at the bedside table. Alex’s phone unplugged itself from its charged and flew towards them. “Shit, it’s Max.”

Alex grabbed the phone and answered the call. “Max?”

“Hey!” Michael could hear him too, this close to the speaker. “Just wanted to give you a heads up that we’re like, ten minutes out. Have you guys had breakfast yet?”

“Nope.” Alex rubbed little circles into the back of Michael’s neck, and he closed his eyes and let it soothe him into stillness. “We just woke up.” 

“Cool, we can pick you up and get breakfast somewhere. Sound good?”

“Sounds great. See you in ten.” He hung up and sighed. “We need to shower.”

“Moving,” Michael said, with all the disdain he could muster, and Alex snorted.

“Tell me about it. But seriously, there is something oozing out of my ass right now, and I need to deal with that before your family gets here.”

Michael laughed, and summoned the last reserves of his energy to push himself off Alex. “Shower together?”

“Yeah.” Alex smiled up at him, hair a dark halo around his head. “Time is of the essence, right?”

“Yeah.” Michael had never wanted to see Max and Isobel less. The urge to barricade the door and curl up against Alex again was so strong he had to close his eyes to make himself get up. It didn’t help that his legs wobbled a little. “Oh wow.”

“Imagine how I feel,” Alex said, and lifted his arms limply. “Help.”

Michael hauled him to his feet, and they stumbled to the bathroom together, Michael sliding his arm around Alex’s waist. “Shampoo,” Alex cursed just as he climbed into the tub, and Michael leaned back around the door, holding his hand out. His bag unzipped, and the shampoo bottle flew across the room and into his hand.

“Got it.”

“Actual superhero, Michael Guerin.” Alex grinned lazily at him as he turned the water on and immediately put his back to it. Michael climbed in after him, watching Alex close his eyes and frown, biting his lip as he presumably washed himself out.

“Does it hurt?” Michael asked, worried.

“Not really.” Alex leaned his head against the tiles and opened his eyes, dark and sweet. “It’s a little sore. I bet it’d hurt if we did it for a long time. But maybe you get used to it?”

“You must do. I mean, people wouldn’t do it if it hurt.”

“They might.” Alex brought his hands back in front of him and rinsed them under the water. “You liked me pulling your hair, right?”

Michael couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah,” he admitted. “That’s just me though. Unless you’d like that too?”

Alex shook his head. “Doubt it.” He tipped his head back to get his hair wet. “I liked you fucking me though,” he said, quieter. “I wanna…I want to get used to it, so you can do it harder.”

Michael breathed out slowly, heat unfurling in the pit of his stomach. “Yeah,” he said, and when Alex slicked his hair back and stepped forward to turn them around so he could take the shampoo while Michael got under the water, Michael pressed him against the tiles and kissed him, cradling his face and licking slowly into his mouth. Alex sighed through his nose and dropped the shampoo to the floor, lifting his hands to Michael’s face too. He ran his thumb along Michael’s cheekbone and walked him a step backwards until he was under the spray, hot water flooding down his back, into his hair, then down their faces, making him gasp. 

Alex tilted his head and kissed him again, tasting of water, his mouth cooler than the shower. One of his hands pushed into Michael’s hair, fingernails dragging against his scalp, and Michael sucked on his lower lip. They should be showering properly, he knew, but he couldn’t stop. It was like a fever under his skin, the need to be touching Alex, kissing him, loving him. Alex dragged his mouth away with a quiet sound and Michael stretched forward, kissing the rough line of his jaw, licking the water flowing down his skin.

Alex shivered and tilted his head back, pulling Michael closer. Michael wrapped his arms around Alex’s back and pressed his whole face into his throat before nudging his jaw and turning his head to suck Alex’s earlobe between his lips. Alex’s chest hitched on a shockingly needy sound, and Michael’s whole body seemed to throb in answer. He wasn’t hard – even he couldn’t get it up again so soon after coming twice already that morning – but he was still turned on, still desperate to take Alex apart again, to let Alex spread him out and do whatever he wanted in return. He wanted Alex to fuck him next, to feel Alex moving inside him, to belong to him in every way it possible to belong.

He trailed biting kisses down Alex’s neck, half holding him up, and Alex had to pull him away with his hands either side of Michael’s face, bringing him up to kiss him properly again. And fuck, what a kiss, Alex turning them to pin Michael against the wall and hold him there, claiming him. Michael was weak-kneed under him, flushed and bright and willing.

But Alex pressed their foreheads together and sighed. “We really have to shower,” he whispered, at least sounding appropriately upset about it.

Michael groaned, and Alex gave him one last shallow kiss before letting go of him and stepping out of reach. Michael opened his eyes in time to get a great view of Alex stooping to pick up the shampoo bottle, and sighed when Alex gave him a pointed look. “I know.”

“Later,” Alex promised, squeezing a little dollop of shampoo into his hand and passing the bottle to Michael before starting to work it through his hair. “Max and Isobel will go home and we can just cuddle and have sex all night.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Michael warned, and Alex smirked. Even with his hair foamed up in wet spikes, he was unfairly hot.

“Please do. Hold me to all manner of things.”

Michael laughed and started shampooing his own hair. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Alex’s eyes widened, and in the same second Michael realised he’d never used any pet names for Alex before, he realised that Alex looked happy, not displeased at all. Surprised, but happy. Michael had to close his eyes and tip his head back to rinse his hair out, grinning like a total idiot and not bothering to hide it.

They were only half-dressed when there was a knock at the door. “Michael,” a familiar voice sang out. “Hurry up, I wanna see you!”

Michael yanked his shirt on, checked that Alex was sufficiently covered and received a nod to okay it, and unlocked the door. He’d barely stepped back to let it swing open when he suddenly had his arms full of Isobel. He’d forgotten what she smelled like, he realised, and he buried his face in the shoulder of her jacket and held on tight.

“Hey, Alex,” Max said from somewhere behind Isobel.

“Hi. Sorry, we just need to get our shoes, then we’re ready.”

Michael ignored them both. Isobel’s hands were clenched in his shirt, her arms like iron around his body. He’d missed her much more than he’d let himself think about, he realised, swallowing down a lump in his throat. Speaking on the phone with her every couple of days was okay, but it was no substitute for Isobel in the flesh.

“Next time, I pick the holiday,” she huffed. “And it won’t involve _camping._ ”

“Hey.” Michael sniffed and pulled back, giving her a watery grin. “Some of the campgrounds were pretty decent.”

“Yeah, some of them even had shower blocks,” Max put in, laughing when Isobel gave him a disgusted look.

“You’re all insane. There is nothing fun about sleeping on the ground. Come on, I need bagels.” She touched Michael’s still wet hair, like she couldn’t help herself. “You have _not_ been taking care of this.”

“We’ve been sharing the same shampoo,” Michael shrugged, and she shook her head, watching him as he went to get his socks and shoes on. Alex passed him a mismatched pair without a word, and Michael smiled gratefully. 

“That’s no excuse,” Isobel said. “Liz came back looking fantastic. I can only assume she was using her own stash of conditioner on the side or something. You’re going to be a frizzball when that dries, I can tell.”

Michael laughed. He’d missed her needling, her sharp tongue and sarcasm. She was the salt to Max’s sugar, balancing out his earnestness. She’d been the one to drive his truck up, it turned out, and she crossed her arms and pretended exasperation while Michael inspected it. For sitting idle in a junkyard for ten weeks, it wasn’t looking or sounding too bad. The tyres could use a little more air, he decided, and he wanted to take a longer look at the engine, but other than that, not bad at all.

Max had the Jeep, and Isobel somehow arranged to sit in the backseat with him while Max drove with Alex up front, and Michael literally couldn’t stop smiling as she updated him on events he’d missed over the last few days since her last phone call, her eyerolls and smirks filling some part of him he hadn’t realised was hungry. 

They got to a diner and Michael paused while Max and Alex got out, and then leaned forward to hug Isobel again, taking advantage of the brief seconds of relative privacy. “I really missed you, Iz.”

Isobel squeezed him back and made a muffled sound that somehow managed to convey sadness and satisfaction at the same time. “Of course you did,” she said, only letting go when he did. She blinked quickly and tipped her chin up, the way she always did when she was putting on a snooty tone. “I’m your favourite sister.”

Michael grinned. “Damn straight.” He’d never asked her who her favourite brother was. Why ask for confirmation of a fact he already knew? It was enough for him that Isobel called him her brother at all.

Breakfast was Isobel’s treat – she insisted, since she’d missed their birthday. She and Max sat opposite Michael and Alex in a booth, and Michael took the opportunity to press his leg to Alex’s under the table, sealing them from hip to ankle. It meant he could feel how tense Alex was, even if his expression betrayed nothing out of the ordinary.

It didn’t take a genius to know why, even if Isobel hadn’t been giving Alex narrow-eyed looks every two seconds. She at least waited until they were halfway through their food before broaching the topic, clearing her throat in a lull in the conversation and saying, “So. Liz’s intentions were pure, it turns out, which was a relief. Gotta say it’s set the bar for you pretty high, Alex.”

“That’s Liz,” Alex said, lifting his shoulder a fraction. “She’s pretty great.”

“Not here,” Max said, tone light but eyes wary. Isobel didn’t argue, just shrugged and lifted her knife and fork again.

“Fine. You wanna do it before or after we go to UNM?”

“You guys don’t have to come with me,” Michael said automatically, and got a triple whammy of eyerolls for his efforts. “Or all come with me, fine.”

“Which would you prefer?” Alex asked Isobel calmly, presumably in answer to her question.

“Before.” She at least didn’t bother with a fake smile. “I can do it in the car.”

“Fine.” Alex sounded completely unconcerned, which was more than enough for Michael to be worried.

His composure didn’t crack until they were in the car, this time Isobel going to sit up front with Max and twisting around to face him and Alex in the back with a bland smile on her face. Alex braced himself like he was expecting a physical attack and gave her a hard look. “Wait.”

“What?” She tilted her head. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem. Liz told me she didn’t even feel it.” If Alex saw Michael’s surprised look, he didn’t show it. She had to have texted him last night, he guessed, but he’d never even seen Alex look at his phone. “She didn’t even consciously know it was happening.”

Isobel frowned. “Yeah? So?”

“And she said you told her she wouldn’t be able to lie in her own head.” Alex held himself very still. “Is that true?”

“Isobel won’t go prying,” Max assured him, turning in his seat to look at them as well. “And it’s only a couple of questions.”

“But I wouldn’t know even if it wasn’t,” Alex said. 

Isobel glared at him. “I wouldn’t even be doing this if I didn’t have to. I need to be _sure_ you won’t turn on us, you get that, right? This isn’t a game, it’s our lives. You have the power to get us all detained and locked away for the rest of our lives. You think it’s unreasonable that I wanna check your good intentions are real?”

“No.” Michael had never seen anyone so still. The only parts of Alex that were moving at all were his mouth when he spoke and his eyelids when he blinked. “But I don’t think it’s unreasonable that I don’t like the idea of anyone in my head but me.”

“You realise how suspicious you sound right now, don’t you?” Isobel said nastily, and Max scowled and held his hands up.

“Guys, come on. Iz, could one of us come in there with you? Would that make it better?” He looked at Alex, whose gaze flicked to him. “If me or Michael was there too?”

Alex breathed out through his nose, and after a long second, nodded. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” Isobel’s frown smoothed out. “Pick an alien buddy and let’s go for a ride.”

Alex looked at Michael, who tried to look encouraging. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Alex didn’t reply. He moved his hand though, taking Michael’s and threading their fingers together. Their linked hands fit neatly in the gap between them on the backseat, and Michael looked at Isobel and nodded, and she tilted her head again and looked at Alex.

The world distorted, the light coming from the car windows brightening and distorting like it was being split through crystals. Max vanished. The sound of the nearby road vanished. Alex’s hand in Michael’s stopped squeezing, going slack, and Michael was suddenly hit by the conviction that someone was about to hit him. He flinched, almost lifting his free hand to defend himself.

“Ah, what the hell?”

The feeling of wariness shifted and settled into a background buzz of angry panic, and obviously Isobel was feeling it too because she rubbed her forehead and wrinkled her nose. “Ow. Some people are so defensive.”

Michael looked at Alex, but he was just sitting there, staring at Isobel with a blank sort of look in his eyes. “Alex?”

He didn’t react. “I’m running the show here,” Isobel reminded him, and she dropped her hand and focused on Alex. “Alex.”

Alex blinked, and his eyes narrowed a fraction. “Yes.”

“Good.” Isobel took a deep breath. “Do you have any intention of telling _anyone_ the truth about aliens?”

“No.”

Michael grinned, and Isobel rolled her eyes at him before looking at Alex again. “Is there anything that would change that?”

“Yes.”

A cold bolt went through Michael’s chest. He looked at Isobel, both of them wide-eyed. When Alex didn’t elaborate, Isobel glared at him.

“What would change that?”

Alex look a deep breath, lips parting for a second before he spoke, slowly. “If you hurt people, with your powers. If you killed people. If you manipulated people. If you hurt my friends.”

Michael waited for him to add himself to the list, and the cold in his chest splintered when he realised Alex wasn’t going to do that.

Isobel, to his relief, looked thoughtful. “Okay,” she said. “Do you trust us not to do any of those things?”

Alex blinked, slow again. “I trust Michael.” A pause. “I trust Max.”

Isobel frowned. “You don’t trust me?”

“Iz,” Michael interjected, not sure if this fell in the wheelhouse of what Alex would be okay with her asking.

“I don’t know you,” Alex said flatly.

“Iz,” Michael said again, firmly. She looked at him, and he shook his head. “That’s enough. You got your answers.”

“Yeah.” Isobel frowned at Alex, but the real world faded back in, the painfully bright lights dimming to normal levels, Max reappearing in the driver’s seat.

Alex jerked his head to look at Michael, then back at Isobel, his hand suddenly squeezing Michael’s tight again. “Was that it? Did you do it?”

“Yeah.” Michael squeezed him back. “It’s over. Told you it’d be fine. No big deal, right?”

Alex swallowed and nodded, glancing at Isobel and Max and shifting uncomfortably in his seat, not meeting their eyes. “What did I say?”

“I liked your answer better than Liz’s, actually,” Isobel said, sounding less confrontational than before, though she still wasn’t smiling. “When I asked Liz if she would ever change her mind about telling people, she said no,” she told Michael. “Like, total confidence.” She looked at Alex. “You had conditions.”

Alex looked sort of sick. “I did?”

“Yeah. You’d reconsider if we hurt people, or your friends.” Isobel cocked her head and gave him a thoughtful sort of look. “You can ask me some questions,” she told him. “If you want.”

Alex’s hand flexed in Michael’s, his eyes flicking from Isobel to the side to Michael and back again for a long moment before he took a breath and asked, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done with your powers?”

Isobel blinked, leaning back a little. Alex held her gaze, and she swallowed. “Well, I guess that depends on your definition of worst,” she said lightly, pulling on a thin smile. “By some definitions, using it at all is the worst thing I could do.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah. What’s the worst thing _you_ think you’ve ever done then?”

Isobel pursed her lips and looked away, then at Max. Michael wondered sometimes whether they spoke to each other in their heads when they did that. They always seemed to be able to communicate by looks alone, but their expressions never showed anything.

Isobel cleared her throat and looked back at Alex. “I’ve…messed with our parents’ memories.”

Michael’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Not much.” Isobel didn’t meet his eyes. “Just…sometimes.” She took a deep breath, looking up at the roof of the Jeep. “I had to check.”

“How?” Alex asked quietly.

“When I’m in someone’s head, I can ask them to show me memories.” Isobel didn’t meet his eyes either. “I asked our mom – and our dad, but he didn’t have as many – if she had any memories of us where she thought we were anything but normal. And she did.” She tipped her head in Max’s direction, but didn’t look at him. “Not of me, really, but Max, when he gets too emotional, sometimes the lights flicker, or they’ll completely blow. She had memories of that. We were just kids; it was before we learned how to hide better.” 

Alex’s hand was tight as a vice in Michael’s. “How?” he asked again. “How did you mess with those memories?”

Isobel sighed. “When I’m in a memory with someone, it’s like I’m literally standing there with them. When I was with Mom in those memories, I’d just…point out other things. Like, sure, the kids are screaming and the lights are going nuts, but…look at this other thing over here.” She swallowed. “Or, y’know, think about this other thing, think about Janey next door and her dog crapping in the yard, think about what you’re gonna do for dinner. Stuff like that. Just so she stopped noticing. And then, I check.” She shrugged, like it wasn’t the most horrifying thing Michael had ever heard her say. “I go back and check every now and then. I ask her if she has any memories of us being abnormal, and she says no, because those aren’t the things she remembers now.”

“You never told me any of that,” Michael said, staring at her. “When did you start doing that?”

“After we found you, after you came back to Roswell.” Isobel looked at Max. “Keeping what we are a secret is the number one priority. And yeah, I don’t know if…if this means our parents will get dementia or, or brain cancer later.” Her eyes were too bright when they met his. “Maybe I’ve damaged them permanently. I don’t know. But keeping the secret keeps us safe.”

“Why not ask them what they’d do?” Alex asked. “Like you did to me and Liz?”

“Yeah.” Isobel nodded, expression pinched. “I could do that. But what if they say they’d turn us in? What if they said they’d try to kill us themselves?”

“They wouldn’t,” Michael protested, stunned. “Come on, they wouldn’t do that.”

“We can’t know for sure,” Max said quietly, glancing sideways at Isobel, but Michael shook his head.

“No, they _picked_ you.” His heart was beating too fast, and he could feel himself squeezing Alex’s hand too hard. “They love you; they wouldn’t hurt you.”

“All the same.” Isobel turned to face forward again. “I’d rather not know for sure, in this case. Come on, we going to your college or what? I wanna look around, and I wanna see where you’re going to live, even if we can’t get in yet.”

Max shrugged at him sort of sadly and turned around too, starting the car. “If I give you guys the map, can you navigate?”

“No, we forgot how in the single day it’s been since you and Liz left,” Alex said sarcastically, and Max snorted.

“Alright, I got it. Iz, can you –”

“Yeah.” Isobel passed the roadmap back to them, and Alex took it with his free hand, making no move to let go of Michael. “Go crazy. We know where we’re going, right?”

“Yeah.” Michael swallowed down trepidation. “I’m like a week early for my actual orientation but I figured someone at the Welcome Centre could tell me what to do, or where to go.”

Max had apparently checked out the parking situation the night before in preparation, and he mostly directed himself to the lot outside the Welcome Centre, even with the map spread across Alex and Michael’s laps. Michael didn’t even rib him about it – he’d never really let himself think about arriving on campus. Now it was happening, it was a relief to be doing it with Max, Isobel, and Alex. Even if he couldn’t hold Alex’s hand after they got out of the car like he secretly wanted to.

The parking lot was across the street from a big green field bordered by sand-coloured buildings with dark windows. Michael hadn’t really noticed till now that there were mountains to the west, and he wondered what they were called. It reminded him of Roswell, having them there in the distance, a comforting shape against the flatness and wide blue sky.

“Welcome Centre’s this way,” Max said, jerking his thumb to the left, and Michael fell in step next to Isobel, who slid her arm through his and squeezed tight. 

“We’re getting a map, right?” she said, eager. “I wanna look around this whole place.”

“Welcome Centre, map, lunch at some point,” Max agreed, grinning over his shoulder at them. “Michael, Isobel’s more excited than you are. You nervous?”

“Me?” Michael snorted and tipped his chin up. “Of what? A map?”

Alex gave him an amused look but thankfully didn’t comment, and Max was distracted by a sign for the campus bookshop a second later. 

There was a brunette with bright red lipstick behind the front desk when they walked in, and she smiled at them. “Hi there, can I help you?”

“Um.” Michael let go of Isobel and stepped forward. He’d dealt with this sort of shit before. Just because the stakes were higher this time didn’t mean he needed to lose his nerve. “Hi.” He pasted on a smile. “My name’s Michael Guerin, I’m meant to be starting as a Freshman here next week –”

“Oh, welcome!” Her smile widened further, and he nodded. “Orientation Registration is in the Carlisle Gymnasium. Please grab a map, it’s just along this road here and up a right under the wooden trellises, you can’t miss them.”

“Uh.” Michael swallowed. “Actually, I’m early. My orientation isn’t till the fourteenth.” A day shy of a whole week away. “I was, uh, wondering if there was anyone I could speak to about maybe getting into my room early. I know I’m not supposed to be here yet, but, uh…”

“Sure, hon.” The woman gave him a smile he was at least thirty percent sure wasn’t fake and gestured for him to come closer to the desk. “Let’s look you up. Are you guys here early too?” she asked, looking at Isobel, who shook her head and backed up a step to be closer to Max and Alex.

“We’re family, we’re just here for the ride.”

“You guys can go explore or something,” Michael said, looking over his shoulder at them. “You don’t have to hang around for me.”

“Nope,” Isobel smiled and went over to one of the uncomfortable-looking chairs next to the door. “I haven’t seen you for ten weeks, I’m not letting you out of my sight till I leave town.” 

Max gave him a helpless sort of shrug and went to sit next to Isobel, but Alex hesitated. “Do you mind us staying?” he asked, and Michael shook his head, smile softening.

“Nah, it’s okay.”

“Okay.” Alex went to sit in the only seat left, on Isobel’s other side.

Michael turned back to the receptionist with an apologetic smile that she brushed off. “I know family,” she reassured him. “So, back to you, do you know your student ID number?”

“Oh, yeah.” Michael squinted, hoping he’d remembered it right. “101243376.”

“Wow, you memorised that?” the woman raised her eyebrows. 

“I knew I’d just lose it if I wrote it down.” He smiled at her, trying to be charming like Isobel had said. “What was your name, by the way?”

“Rena.” Her smile returned in full force, and she glanced at her computer screen. “Sorry, hon, I’m gonna need you to repeat that number again, slower.”

“Sure thing. Ten, twelve, forty-three, thirty-seven, six.” 

“Alright…gotcha, Michael Guerin, there you are.” She gave him another sunny smile. “Now then, why the early arrival? Should I call someone from Admissions as well as Housing?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” He paused for a second, but Isobel and Alex were talking about something Buffy-related, and hopefully Max was listening to them. It was ridiculous to be so hesitant when they all knew what the situation was, but it was still difficult to say it out loud. “I’m, um. I don’t know if it maybe says on my file or whatever, but I’m here – I’m gonna be here, I mean, on scholarship, and a couple other things, and my living situation just sorta fell through. Yesterday. So.”

Rena sobered. “I see, okay. You don’t have anywhere to stay at all?”

Michael shook his head slightly, heat rising in his face. He saw Rena glance behind him at the others, a concerned frown on her face, and hurried to add, “They’re not – they got adopted, they’re fine.” Jesus, this was humiliating.

The little wrinkle between Rena’s eyebrows deepened and she sat back to look at her screen again. “You’re a care leaver, then?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded slowly, manicured finger clicking the mouse. No smile – he was probably fucked. At least he had his truck again, and they had the tent. They couldn’t afford another campground, though they might get lucky and find a free one somewhere. Fuck knew how he was going to pay for gas, though maybe Max and Isobel had filled his truck’s tank right up, in which case he could probably last the week on that. He and Alex could sleep in the truck bed if they needed to; the cold wouldn’t be too bad with the tarp out.

“Ah, I see it now,” Rena said, interrupting his thoughts. “Alright. So ideally you’d want to be able to get into your room today, and…” She gave him another little frown. “I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about the official Financial Aid, but I know some of them are internal, so we might be able to advance them? I’ll call…Admissions first, let them know you’re here early, we’ll see what they say. I’ll drop a line to the Scholarships Office, see what we can do about your funding, and then I’ll call Housing. I don’t think there’s anything we can do about the meal plan, because the food halls aren’t due to reopen until next week,” she added, like she was genuinely sorry about it. “But we can at least get started on these other things. That all sound okay, hon?”

Michael swallowed. “Yeah,” he managed, totally incapable of pulling on even a hint of a fake smile. “Yeah, that’s…thank you.”

“No problem.” Her smile reappeared, warm and friendly. “You wanna take a seat while I call around? It might take a minute or two.”

He nodded, still kind of overcome. “Thank you.” 

The others budged up along the seats as he approached, so he could perch on the end next to Alex. “Okay?” Alex checked in a low voice.

“Yeah.” Michael looked back over at Rena, who had the phone held to her ear, murmuring into it. “Yeah, she’s, uh. She’s calling a bunch of different places. Like, different departments, I think.”

“That’s great,” Max said, enthusiastic. “See? Now you’re a student here, they’ll wanna help.”

Michael wasn’t convinced – he’d been a ward of the state too, and the state sure as hell hadn’t helped – but he nodded and took advantage of the four of them being squashed onto three chairs to press his shoulder into Alex’s. “I guess we’ll see.”

Rena was on the phone for a while, maybe twenty minutes, but then she called Michael over and told him where the Student Residence Centre was, and told him which office to look for to find the person or the team who could help him. Area Coordinators or Residence Life Officers or something similar. 

“They should be able to sort you out from there,” she said reassuringly. “All the Student Services are based there, so they should be able to help you with the financial things as well. You got all that, hon?”

“Yeah.” Michael nodded, taking the note paper she’d written everything down on. “Yeah, thank you.”

“So much,” Max added helpfully.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled at them. “Good luck!”

Michael nodded, bowled over yet again by how much she’d done – there was a whole list of names and departments and office numbers written down on the paper she’d given him. Isobel grabbed his arm again and basically marched him out of the building, handing the note to Max so he and Alex could figure out where they were going next.

“She was nice,” she observed.

“Yeah.” Michael didn’t really understand why, but figured it might be part of her job description. If you worked at a place like this, maybe you had to be nice to students? But then, in theory the same should have been true of schools, and he knew from personal experience that that wasn’t the case.

He let Isobel hold onto his arm and hand the map off to Alex to lead them in the right direction. Away from the main road, into the campus proper, a little world of wide-open flagged paths and pretty green trees shading their edges, more huge sand-coloured buildings lining them.

Michael wondered in a vaguely panicked way whether he would have classes in any of them, then saw the sign on the hall they were walking next to – Centre for the Arts. So probably not in there.

“It’s so _cute!_ ” Isobel said, squeezing his arm. “I kinda thought it’d be like an ugly city, but you know what it looks like? It kinda looks like the campus of Sunnydale College.”

Alex whipped around, a smile starting on his face. “It does!”

Isobel beamed and looked at Michael. “Obviously you’re forbidden from getting chased by any werewolves or getting bitten by vampires while you’re a student here.”

“Don’t worry, I know what genre I’m in,” Michael said dryly, though his palms were sweating a little. Everything was so clean and pretty, the trees on their raised green patches of lawn, obviously well-watered. They passed a large pinkish-orange building with a sign on it declaring it the Student Union, and Michael tried to compute that come next week, he would be a student. That union would be for him. He was going to be _living_ here, he would have classes here, eat here. Pretty soon he’d know this place as well as he knew Roswell. 

They walked past a square with lines of large trees in raised beds, benches set into the stone walls of them for easy places to sit in the shade, and Michael stared and stared at them, wondering which one he’d end up sitting at first when the time came for him to do that. They came to a wide flight of with a little fountain on one side, leading down into another little plaza, with more trees above well-watered rectangles of grass, and raised beds with flowers blooming in them.

Fluffy white clouds drifted overhead, and Michael walked slowly down the steps, arm in arm with Isobel, and stared at the signpost at the bottom as they got close enough to read it.

“Student Housing,” Alex said, looking over his shoulder at Michael and giving him a small smile. 

Michael nodded, hoping he looked completely normal. No outward signs of how much he was freaking out. The campus seemed like it was growing around them as they walked through it, more curved adobe buildings and tree-studded squares. It was like the day had been arranged to make everything look as beautiful as it possibly could, as inviting as a postcard. Michael was glad Isobel kept her arm through his so he had someone to hold onto, proof that all of this was real.

He wanted this, he realised with a sick sort of swoop in his stomach. He wanted it so badly it hurt. He’d never let himself _really_ imagine it before now, always waiting for something to snatch the chance away from him, but now he was really here. If something went wrong now, if they told him there had been a mistake and he hadn’t qualified at all and he wasn’t allowed to come, he didn’t know what he’d do.

“You okay?” Isobel whispered as they walked on, passing under a trellis raised on spotted stone pillars, so thick with greenery that Michael could barely see the wood supporting the branches. Of course she’d noticed how tense Michael was, and he nodded.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna go to school here,” he whispered back, and she grinned at him, leaning down to bop her forehead against his.

“Obviously I’m still furious that you’re abandoning me and Max in Roswell,” she said flippantly, “but it would be a crime to squander your brains. You’re going to be the best, nerdiest student ever. And you won’t have to be so boring,” she added, shaking his arm gently. “You can be a bit extraordinary! Be the top of all your classes and brag about it for once.”

“I don’t think I’ll make any friends doing that,” Michael said, starting to smile, and for some reason that just made Isobel laugh.

“You can have _friends!_ Like, outside of me and Max. And Alex and Liz now, I guess. I always knew you could be nice when you wanted to be.”

“I’m always nice to you!”

“Yeah, but you’re an asshole to other people, and you know it. You can actually make some real friends here. And Alex is staying with you, right?”

“Yeah.” Michael looked ahead at where Alex and Max were holding the map between them, pointing out different things – libraries by the sound of it, of course. “Kinda. He doesn’t have anywhere to stay or anything, not yet. And we’re both completely out of money, till my bursary and scholarship stuff comes through.”

“Good reason to make friends fast.” Isobel said, calculating. “Charm people, help them with their homework and stuff, be generous. Then if you need to ask if they can let your friend crash on their couch for a night or two, they’ll be less likely to turn you down. Are you going to ask student services or whatever about Alex?”

Michael shook his head. “He’s not a student. They’ve got no responsibility for him.”

“Mmm. I bet Albuquerque has youth hostels.”

“Which you need to pay for,” Michael reminded her. “We both need to get jobs. He needs a new bank account.”

“He can use your address for it, at least.”

“Yeah. But even if we get jobs literally today, unless one of us gets something like what I had at Sanders’, where he paid me for the jobs I did under the table in cash, it’ll be at least a week till there’s money in the bank.”

“True. Well, maybe they can advance one of your grant payments or something? You’re going to ask about that, right?”

“Yeah, and if I can get into the accommodation a week early too.”

“Let’s just wait and see what they say then, I guess.”

“Yeah.” His whole heart hurt with love for her, gut-deep tear-jerking relief that she hadn’t offered to pay for anything or loan him any money. He squeezed her arm again and briefly leaned his head on her shoulder for a couple of steps as they walked, following Max and Alex onto a path between two huge evergreen trees. “I really missed you.”

Isobel sighed. “I missed you too. I’m visiting you like, every month, I hope you realise this.”

Michael perked up. “Iz, if my roommate’s a shithead, would it be bad if I asked you to convince him to not be a shithead?”

“Bad like, morally wrong?” Isobel shrugged. “Probably, but I don’t care. The only person who’s allowed to be mean to you is me, so if your roommate turns out to be a dick, I’ll give him a hard nudge in a better direction.”

“Favourite sister,” Michael said fervently, and Isobel laughed. He’d only ask her to do it if it turned out to be necessary, but it was nice to have it as a backup option. It took him a few seconds before he remembered Alex’s reaction to experiencing Isobel’s powers, and considered that Alex might not be okay with Isobel’s influence as a solution to a potential problem. 

They could cross that bridge if they came to it, he decided, and put it from his mind, smiling as he overheard Alex and Max disagree and then agree over the direction to take, leading them down a shadowed path that zig-zagged between several identical cream-coloured buildings with blocky fire escape staircases down their sides.

“Your hall is really close,” Max said as they approached the Student Residence Centre. “Like, right across there.”

“Yeah.” Michael didn’t look. He had to force himself to loosen his grip on Isobel, kind of shitting himself now he’d realised how much he wanted this to work out. Wanting things was dangerous, he’d always known that. Hope was dangerous. It only ended in disappointment.

Alex drew alongside him just before they went inside and ducked his forehead to bump it against Michael’s shoulder, and Michael gave him a weak, grateful smile. Behind him, Max said, “It’ll be fine,” with comforting certainty, and they all walked in together.

The woman behind the desk inside was on the phone, but she smiled at them and gestured them over to a little couch and a couple of seats in the corner of the foyer. She had shiny brown hair and a Native or maybe Latina look to her, and Michael took a deep breath and hoped she was as nice as Rena had been.

He’d barely sat down, tense as a strung wire, when she put the phone down and smiled at them again. He stood up and went over, the others hanging back. “Hi – how’re you doing?” he thought to add, and relaxed a little when her smile widened.

“Just fine, thank you so much. And yourself?”

“Yeah, pretty good.” He tried to match her easy smile with one of his own. “I just got sent over here from the Welcome Centre, my name’s Michael Guerin? I’m supposed to see one of the housing officers.”

“Uh huh, which one?”

“Um.” Michael blinked, remembering the names Rena had written down. “Teresa Ortiz, or Garrett Lee?”

“Teresa’s in, let me just give her a quick call.” The woman picked her phone up again, punching in a short number. “Teresa? Hi, there’s a student – yep, Michael Guerin, that’s him. I’ll send him in? Sure thing. Thanks.” She hung up and smiled at Michael again. “She’s right through the door over there, second on the right.”

“Thank you.”

“Are we coming?” Max asked, and Michael turned around and shook his head. 

“I’ll be okay. I meant it before, when I said you could go explore.”

“Nope,” Isobel said brightly, then glanced at Max and Alex. “Well, you can if you want. I’m sticking around.”

Michael nodded and glanced over at the receptionist before heading awkwardly for the door she’d pointed out. He’d done the last bit with the others – he could do this bit alone. And really, he wasn’t properly alone. Not when they were all hanging out in the foyer waiting for him, even though it was a beautiful day out and they could’ve been sitting on one of the benches outside, or lounging on a patch of lawn.

They were waiting for him instead. Michael swallowed and squared his shoulders, figuring he’d better make it fast.

Teresa Ortiz was a short, middle-aged woman with black hair in a high ponytail. She waved Michael in and told him to grab the empty swivel chair from the desk opposite hers. “Garrett’s off today, so you’re in luck. Let’s see what we can do about you, shall we?”

She was brisk and firm and didn’t smile very much, and she told him he’d have to check at the Scholarships Office to talk about his scholarships and grants with them, since that wasn’t her area. “That’s fine,” Michael said, kind of stunned. “I’m gonna see them next.”

“Sounds good. They’ll be the ones who can help you arrange your payments and grants to cover this extra week of housing too.”

“I don’t wanna be any trouble.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She raised an eyebrow. “Mr Guerin, it is literally my job to assist students with their housing here. It’s not causing me any trouble to ask me to do my job. Okay?”

Michael managed a tiny nod. “Thank you, ma’am.”

She softened a little bit, the corner of her lips twitching up. “You’re very welcome. Since they’re over in Mesa Vista, and Alvarado’s right across the road, let’s go there first. You go wait out in the foyer, I’ll grab your keys, and we’ll head on over.”

Michael swallowed. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She got up and Michael hurried to follow suit, pushing the chair he’d been sitting on back over to the empty desk. She went further into the building when they left her office, and Michael obediently went back to the foyer, feeling kind of like he’d been hit around the head with a large, blunt weapon.

Max, Alex, and Isobel looked up the second he came back through the door, expectant looks on their faces. “Well?” Isobel demanded.

“She’s gone to get my key,” Michael said, not quite believing what he was saying, and he laughed when Isobel squeaked and jumped up to hug him. 

“Told you it’d be fine,” Max called, grinning, and Michael laughed again, looking at Alex, who smiled back at him.

Teresa came back with a white envelope a couple of minutes later. “Oh my,” she said when she saw them all. “A group outing?”

“Something like that.” Michael waited for her to tell them that they weren’t allowed to come, but she just shrugged and beckoned for them to follow her out. 

Alvarado Hall was about a minute’s walk away. Another sandy rectangular building with dark windows, three stories, surrounded by well-watered lawn. There were no signs on it telling people to keep off the grass either, Michael noted, wondering whether that meant people were allowed to do what they wanted.

“The hall is co-ed,” Teresa told him as they walked. “Male and female students on different floors. Students are allowed to be in each other’s kitchen and common areas, but not each other’s bedrooms. You’ll hear all this again when you go through orientation. You’re on the ground floor. I had a look and your RA is Mike Avira. He’ll arrive next week, same as everyone else. Opposite-sex visitors aren’t allowed, same-sex visitors are, but they have to be signed in and they can’t stay longer than a weekend. We generally recommend hotels if you have people coming to see you.”

Michael nodded, looking around as Teresa took the keys out of the envelope and held them up. “This one’s for the main door.” They were both on a keyring, and she took the bigger, squarer one and used it to unlock and open the door. “And this one.” She held up the smaller key. “Is for your room.” She handed it to him, and he took it carefully.

“Thank you.”

“It’s kind of irregular, letting you in early,” she said, gesturing for him and the others to follow her in. “So obviously we expect you to follow the rules from this point. Kitchen and common areas are through there.” She pointed down a hallway. “Communal bathroom’s here.” A closed door with a shower symbol on it. “Each floor has two toilets. And your room’s right here.”

Number six. Michael realised after a second that she was waiting for him to open it, and hurried to fit the key into the lock. He couldn’t process that he had a lock for a bedroom that was half his yet. He pushed the door open into a small open space in the centre of what seemed like a lot of furniture. Two beds, side by side. Two desks, one under the window, one tucked against the adjacent wall. Two closets. Two shelving units, with drawers in them.

“Wow,” he managed.

“It’s only boys on this whole floor?” he heard Isobel ask Teresa. “Yikes. This place must be disgusting by the end of the year.”

“Cleaners come in once a week,” Teresa said dryly. “All communal areas have to be kept clean and tidy so they can do their jobs. Non-compliance means a fine.”

“Does that work?”

“Usually.” Teresa stepped up next to Michael. “The key’s yours now, make sure you don’t lose it. You can move your things in today, whenever suits you. Since the building is essentially empty, please don’t invite anyone to stay over until you have an RA on site. Okay?”

“Yeah.” He looked at her. “Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

“That’s alright.” That twitch at the corner of her mouth again. “The Student Residence Desk above LaPo – La Posada – is open twenty-four-seven from next week, and all the behind-the-scenes staff are here in work hours, of course. If you need anything out of work hours, or you lose your key, or something like that, the site has twenty-four-seven security year-round, so there’s always someone you can call.”

“Alright.” Michael glanced around the room again, at the _beds,_ and managed a smile. “This is really amazing, ma’am, thank you so much.”

“Well, like I said, it’s my job.” Her smile grew a fraction in response though, and she nodded. “You were headed to the Scholarships Office next, right? I’ll point you in the right direction.”

She didn’t want to leave him in here with three non-students, he figured, and they all trailed out after her obediently. “Simplest way to get there from here is to walk down this road,” Teresa said, pointing it out to them. “Along Johnson Field and past the tennis courts, and then it’s the building right in front of you. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you so much for your help,” Max said sincerely. 

“That’s quite alright. Have a nice day.” She lifted a hand and turned to walk back in the direction they’d come from, and in the quiet, Max sighed in relief and slung an arm around Michael’s shoulders.

“Told you it’d be okay!”

“You did,” Michael agreed, swaying into him for a second. “I didn’t actually think it would be though.” No visitors. He met Alex’s eyes, wondering if he was thinking about that too, but Alex just smiled at him.

“Gonna be pretty cosy in there with a roommate,” he said. “Let me know if you need tips on sharing a room with someone.”

“Who did you share with?” Isobel asked as they started to walk. 

“My brother, Flint. Before he left for basic.”

Sensibly, she let the subject drop.

The Scholarship Office was more what Michael had expected. Pete Hallett, a handsome, bespectacled man in a blue shirt and tie, made a lot of apologetic faces as he checked the scholarships and grants Michael was due to receive (there were a lot of them), and made a lot of noise about how he’d have to check with his manager. 

But then, “Can I take your number, and I’ll call you once I’ve spoken to her? You said you’re in your housing now, so you’ll be on campus today, right?”

“Yeah.” Michael blinked, taken aback. “Yeah, I’ll be around.”

“Great. She’s in this meeting for another forty minutes, and I wouldn’t want to make you just wait here when you could be outside.”

“Thanks.” Michael hesitated. “Um. I know this probably isn’t your area or anything, but, uh…I have a friend, with me today, and he’s not a student here, or starting next week like I am, but. Do you…he’s kind of in the same situation as me, nowhere to live and no money. I just wondered if you knew if there was anything I could do to help him? Or anything…I don’t know, in Albuquerque that could help him?”

“Is he over eighteen?”

Michael’s heart sank. “Yeah.”

Pete shook his head, another apologetic grimace on his face. “I’m real sorry, but if he isn’t a student, there’s really nothing we can do for him.”

“I figured. Just thought I’d ask, y’know.”

“Never hurts to check,” Pete agreed. “I’ll give you a call later, okay?”

“Thank you.”

It was odd, not tacking a _sir_ onto the end of it, but Michael had the vague impression that he didn’t need to do that anymore. Now he was at college.

Even thinking it felt wrong. Sort of like tempting fate, but also just plain incorrect. He was going through these motions mostly because the others were following him around and expecting him to, but he hadn’t expected any of it to actually pay off. A college education was for someone like Max, who would fit right in on this sunny, spread-out campus with its shaded benches and multiple libraries. Not someone like Michael, who was already dreading taking his one bag of possessions to his new bedroom and unpacking it. 

“His manager’s in a meeting,” he told the others when he got back outside to where they’d been waiting on a picnic bench. “He took my number though, he’s gonna call me when he has answers. Didn’t sound good,” he added truthfully. 

“They’re the college’s grants, aren’t they?” Isobel frowned, standing up. “You’re already living here now, you’re on their system – can’t they just give you some money a tiny bit early?”

Michael shrugged. “It’s an automated system, sounds like. I don’t know.”

“You told him you don’t have anything to live on, right?”

“Yeah, Iz.” Michael scowled. “Obviously.” Not that he hadn’t tried to figure out a way of talking around it. But he’d had to admit that he had nothing. Less than nothing, if he factored in his significant debts to Max and Liz. He wasn’t a big blusher, usually, but he knew his face had been hot with shame in there, made even worse by Pete’s awkward non-apologies.

“We’ll figure it out,” Alex said quietly, looking at him. “Okay?”

Michael nodded, calming a little. “Yeah.”

“It might all be fine,” Max pointed out. “He might get back to you and say they can help you after all. No point worrying till then. You wanna go look at the buildings you’ll have classes in?”

“I’m hungry,” Isobel said. “Let’s get lunch first.”

“Is anywhere on campus open?”

“Who said we need to stay on campus?” She rolled her eyes. “We passed a Dunkin’ Donuts, a McDonald’s, a Starbucks, and like three diners in the five seconds before we parked. We’re not exactly starved for options here.”

“You’re paying then?” Max grinned, and unholy glee suddenly lit up his face. “Oh my God, Michael. I totally forgot to tell you.”

Isobel scowled and actually hit him in the arm. “You’re _such_ a dick.”

“What?” Michael looked between them, alarmed. 

“Isobel can afford to treat us,” Max said smugly. “Because she’s got a _job._ ”

Alex started to smile, and Michael gave him a suspicious look. “You knew about this?”

“Rosa told me,” Alex grinned. “I wasn’t gonna bring it up if you weren’t though,” he added to Isobel, who huffed.

“At least _someone_ has manners.”

“Jeez, Izzy, what’re you doing?” Michael asked. “Running a sexline?”

“Ew!” She smacked his arm and he ducked away, laughing. “Gross! No.” She crossed her arms and sighed. “I’m working at the Crashdown.”

Michael immediately understood Max’s glee. Isobel had always, always said how hideous the uniforms were and how tacky the diner was in general, even if she admitted that the food was great.

“Why?” Michael laughed. 

“She has to wear the uniform,” Max informed him, grinning. “And she has to deal with rude customers all the time. Karmic payback, right there.”

“I needed a job, and nowhere else was hiring,” Isobel scowled. “I only got it because Rosa knew I’d helped Alex get out of town.”

“She was in charge of the hiring process,” Alex said. “She’s head waitress, so what she says, goes.”

“Floor manager,” Isobel sneered, then subsided a little. “She’s okay, actually.”

“She’s awesome.” Michael didn’t think he’d seen Alex look so proud before. “Maria too.”

“Yeah, she’s okay.” Isobel rolled her eyes, and Michael gaped at Max behind her back.

“Hold up,” he spluttered. “Did I hear that? Did you just say that you think _Maria DeLuca,_ hippy queen, is _okay?_ ”

“What, I’m not allowed to change an opinion?” Isobel snapped. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you, you know.”

“No, I think it’s great,” Max said seriously. “Maria’s much nicer than Becky and Lisa. And back to the main point – that means you can treat us, right?”

“Fine,” Isobel grumbled. “But if you try to make fun of me, I’ll start charging for every bite.”

“You got it.”

Isobel vetoed the closest options – Starbucks and McDonalds – and they wound up in a diner a little way down the road. She was much nicer to the waitress than she’d ever been to Liz or Rosa in the Crashdown, Michael noticed, and guessed it was a result of having to play the opposite role. If it had been shit serving people burritos during the one trial shift he’d worked back in Roswell, he imagined being wait staff and having to essentially beg for tips was worse.

They ate (he tried and failed not to look at the receipt when it came, and decided then and there to buy Isobel lunch or something similar the next time she visited), and went to explore the rest of the campus. Michael’s phone rang about an hour later, and they all traipsed back to the Scholarship Office so he could get the verdict.

Pete’s manager was a soft-spoken woman with a prominent white streak in her hair called Emily Torrez, and she shook Michael’s hand when she invited him into her office to ‘discuss the options’.

“The quick version is that I have good news,” she said, and Michael blinked, feeling oddly like his strings had been cut.

“You do?”

She smiled, apparently amused by his shock. “I do. We can’t advance any of your grants, because they’re due to go into your account next week – it’s all a lot of behind the scenes stuff, not very interesting. But what I’m going to do is reduce your UNM Grant by $100 and use our emergency fund to give you that now. It sort of circumvents the system, if you see what I mean. If I do it as a bank transfer, it could take up to three working days, so if it’s alright with you, we can give it to you in cash. I understand from Pete that since you’re already living on campus as of today, this would just be to cover food until you can start using your meal plan.”

Michael stared at her, and when he realised she was waiting for a response, managed to clear his throat. “I wouldn’t have to pay it back?”

“No. As I said, the amount would be deducted from your UNM Grant total.” She frowned. “Is that alright with you?”

Michael nodded jerkily. “That’s amazing. Thank you, seriously, I didn’t think…thank you.”

“Alright then.” Her expression cleared and she smiled. “I got the amount out from the Cashier’s Office, so here we go.” She took an envelope from her desk and handed it over. Michael wondered hysterically whether he was going to start developing a Pavlovian response to white envelopes. It wasn’t sealed, and it contained $100 in $20 notes.

Michael looked at her again, mouth dry. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“No trouble at all. Are you looking forward to your orientation, and your classes starting?”

“Oh, yeah.” Michael nodded, brain mostly offline. “Yeah, especially the classes.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. You should receive the rest of your grants to your actual bank account the Wednesday before classes start, and now you know where we are if you experience any difficulties with that.” She smiled, and Michael nodded, standing up. 

“I do. Thank you, I…” He was repeating himself, he sounded like a complete idiot, but he couldn’t help it. “Thanks for everything.”

“Have a nice day.”

“You too.” 

He didn’t go straight outside. He paused for a second in the stairwell, leaning against the wall and opening the envelope again to look at the money.

It was real. 

He seriously hadn’t expected to get anything, especially not _cash,_ especially not after being allowed into his room early. He suddenly remembered the note in one of his scholarship application packs that had informed all applicants that sending a thank-you note to the source of any received funds was a smart thing to do. He’d done that, figuring anything that might improve his chances wasn’t a complete waste of time. 

Rena in the Welcome Centre. Teresa in Housing. Pete and Emily in the Scholarship Office. 

Three notes. He’d do that tomorrow. Or maybe when he received the rest of his grant money. Before classes started, at any rate.

His smile told the others the news before he said anything, and he got buried in a group hug that gave him a great excuse to tuck his face briefly into Alex’s neck and breathe in. “Thank God for that,” Isobel said loudly, and though she was being dramatically exasperated, her expression was relieved. “Now we can actually relax for the rest of the day. Oh! We can decorate your room.”

“This is a hundred dollars for food,” Michael snorted. “I’m not spending it on posters. And we’ve got another night booked at the motel; I’m not checking out early.”

“You’ve got an address now,” Alex said, and Michael looked at him and nodded. An address for him was an address for Alex too.

“We can look for jobs.”

“You are so boring,” Isobel sighed. “Come on, I want to do something fun.”

“There’s a great science museum,” Max said slyly, and ducked away, laughing, when Isobel pretended to hit him.

In the end, they just walked around some more and talked. Isobel monopolised it, and occasionally hung back to talk to Michael alone, something she claimed to have missed while he’d been gone. She also insisted on them going to buy Michael real bedding and some decent shampoo and conditioner, because she said that she could tell he’d been using cheap products and it was wrecking his natural curls. “It’s my moving-in gift,” she said sternly when Michael blanched at the price. “Shut up, I’ve got a job now, I can afford it.” 

The bedding was her birthday present apparently, and when Michael started refusing on the basis of the price, she whipped out some sort of loyalty card with the smuggest grin she’d given him all day. “Do you know how many points there are on this thing?” she asked silkily. “Mom redid the guest room this summer, so I have discounts to burn. Don’t worry, I’ll come under your dumb spend limit.”

So Michael received a double duvet, two pillows, sheets to cover them, and a single fitted sheet that Isobel judged would fit his new bed. She ordered him away from the till when it came time to pay, so he knew she’d definitely gone over the limit, but Max reassured him afterwards it hadn’t been by very much. It made Michael resolve to buy her some sort of treat in return, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it right then.

Max and Isobel had to leave before evening, their parents not wanting them out too late. They took Michael and Alex back to the motel, and Michael hugged them both for a long time, feeling childishly close to tears. They’d visit, they promised, and they’d email and call. They were only a four-hour drive away.

Alex hugged Michael too as soon as they were inside, Max and Isobel heading back to Roswell without him. “You’re really getting the whole college experience,” he murmured into Michael’s hair as Michael pressed his face into Alex’s shoulder and pretended he didn’t want to cry a little bit.

“I am?” he croaked.

“Yeah. I mean, real close anyway. Most people’s parents drop them off at college – your brother and sister doing it isn’t so far off. Especially if they’re older.”

“Big if.”

Alex huffed a little laugh. “Max was born to be a big brother. Hatched to be a big brother?”

That made Michael crack a smile, and he squeezed Alex a little tighter. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

Alex’s hand slid into his hair, starting a soft press at the base of his neck that made Michael’s whole body slump a little bit. “Me too. You wanna lie down for a bit?”

“Mmm. Yeah.” Michael lifted his head and kissed him. A soft one at first, and then longer, sighing gently when Alex tilted his head and deepened it a little, confirming that Michael was welcome. 

“C’mon,” Alex murmured, rubbing their noses against each other. The metal of his septum ring was warm and hard, and he hooked his fingers in Michael’s belt loops and stepped backwards, tugging Michael with him. “Come on.”

“Wherever you want me,” Michael said, and smiled when Alex grinned.

“Well, I want you in bed.”

“Music to my ears.”

For all his flirting though, once they were in bed in just their t-shirts and underwear, Michael lay with his head on Alex’s chest, one leg hitched over Alex’s knees, hugging Alex as best he could while lying down. With his eyes closed, all his senses did was sing _Alex_ to him. Alex’s warm body under his, the smell of him, the weight of his arm around Michael’s waist, the gentle brush of his fingers in Michael’s hair. Alex, Alex, Alex. 

If Michael had been on his own, he would have been so lonely.

“I can sneak you into my room till my roommate gets here,” he whispered. “But after that…”

“You can teach me how to sleep in your truck,” Alex said easily, like it was simple. “You know the tricks, right? And we can drive around a bit before I have to start doing it, we can figure out the best places for me to park at night.”

“I don’t know Albuquerque like I did Roswell,” Michael said quietly. “It’s a big city, I don’t know where to look.”

“It’ll be okay.” Alex took a deep breath; Michael’s head rose and sank with it. “We’ll figure it out. We can look at room listings too, see how much rent costs here so I’ll know how much to save up for.”

Michael wormed one of his hands under Alex’s shoulder, holding on tighter. “I’m gonna help you.”

“And I’ll pay you back,” Alex said firmly. “Like we’re gonna pay back Max and Liz. Even if it’s only a dollar at a time.”

Max nodded, Alex’s shirt soft against his cheek. “Yeah.” It was completely ridiculous that he wanted to say something like, _what’s mine is yours._ He wanted his and Alex’s lives to be completely intertwined, inseparable. Ten weeks on the road, living in each other’s pockets and barely apart for more than the length of time it took one of them to take a shower wasn’t enough. He wasn’t ready to go back to being alone. He never wanted to be alone again.

“Are you gonna tell people you’ve got a boyfriend?” Alex asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Michael went still. “Do you not…I don’t have to, if you don’t want.”

“No, I want you to,” Alex said quickly, and Michael closed his eyes in relief, shifting his hand to slide it up Alex’s sleeve. Palm curled around the ball of Alex’s shoulder, skin to skin.

“Okay. Cool. I didn’t know if you wanted to…I don’t know.”

“I want to be who I am.” Alex’s arm around his waist tightened, and he pulled one of his legs free from under Michael to loop it over the back of Michael’s legs, holding him down. “We’re not in Roswell anymore. We don’t have to hide.”

Michael smiled. “Right. I’m your boyfriend, and you’re mine.”

Alex huffed a quiet laugh. “What’ll you do if someone asks you out?”

“Tell ‘em I’m taken.” Michael stretched, just for the pleasure of feeling all the places his body was touching Alex’s. “Very happily taken.”

“I bet you’ll get invited to all sorts of cool parties.”

Michael snorted. “Not interested.” He reconsidered. “Maybe to make friends. Isobel was giving me a bunch of advice today on that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. That’s actually what I thought she was gonna tell you about when you asked her what the worst thing she’s done with her powers is.”

“What do you mean?” Alex sounded alarmed.

“She checks her friends’ heads to find out what they think about her. Like, constantly. And if they don’t like her, she finds out why, and figures out how to fix it. She says the most important thing is to be liked, because when people like you, they’ll help you. She says the easiest way to get someone to do something she wants isn’t to influence them with her powers – it’s to figure out what would make them like her, and then just ask for a favour. Says it works every time.”

“That’s…kind of creepy.”

Michael shrugged a shoulder. “I never cared about people liking me before. I had her and Max, y’know? Especially Max.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m really gonna miss them,” he admitted, very quietly, and Alex squeezed him tightly.

“I know.” He sighed. “I’ve really been missing Maria and Rosa. And I’m gonna miss Liz and Max too now. And Isobel’s actually pretty cool – you and Max never said she was into Buffy. But we’re not alone, right? We’ve got each other. And you can make new friends at UNM. And I’ll…I guess maybe whatever job I end up doing will have okay people.”

“Maybe other students’ll be okay too.” If they weren’t all snobs. If they weren’t all assholes. 

Other students. He realised he’d counted himself as a student a full second after speaking and didn’t know how to feel about it.

“We’ll have each other,” he said. “Like you said.”

“You could still go to parties though,” Alex said gently. “To make friends.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” He didn’t even know if he was a party person. “Maybe if you’re there too. You wanna come to college parties with me?”

Alex squeezed him, and Michael could hear him smiling when he spoke. “Yeah, if you’re inviting me.”

“Consider this your standing invitation.” And it was college, right? It was 2008. Maybe they wouldn’t be the only gay couple there. Michael frowned suddenly. “Are we a gay couple? Like, would you call us that?”

“Uh. Is this a trick question?”

“No, I mean – cause I’m bisexual. So we’re not a gay couple, exactly. But I don’t know what else we’d call us.”

“Oh.” Alex relaxed. “Huh. I guess…a queer couple, maybe? An LGBT couple sounds kinda dumb.”

“Yeah, like we’re only two of those letters.”

Alex snorted. “A GB couple?”

“Sounds even worse,” Michael laughed, and rubbed his thumb against the smooth, warm skin of Alex’s shoulder. “I’ll just call you my boyfriend. That’s clear enough.”

“Works for me.” Alex’s fingertips scritched gently along Michael’s scalp, drawing a deep hum of contentment out of him. His head rose on another of Alex’s deep breaths. “You won’t forget about me, right?”

Michael laughed. “You’re kidding, right?” He lifted his head, chin resting on Alex’s sternum. “I’m not gonna forget about you. You’re the first human on this whole planet I ever cared about.” He hesitated. “And you’re the first one who ever cared about me.”

Alex carded his hand gently through his hair, a solemn look on his face. “I care about you a lot,” he said, quiet.

Michael leaned forward and their lips met softly. “I’m hoping it’s you who won’t get sick of me,” he murmured, and felt Alex’s lips curve into a smile.

“If I didn’t get sick of you after ten weeks on the road, I think it’s safe to say this is a long-term thing, Guerin.”

“Good.” Michael kissed the corner of his mouth, his heart aching pleasantly. “I’m yours, as long as you want me.”

“Might be a really long time,” Alex warned, smiling, and Michael kissed him again, barely opening his mouth. The touch of Alex’s tongue against his lip had him exhaling slowly, pressing closer until he was lying over Alex properly, Alex’s arms tight around his back to hold him there.

 _Keep me,_ Michael wanted to say, dropping kisses in a gentle line down Alex’s neck, feeling Alex’s pulse under his lips, the prickle of stubble against his cheek. “Sounds good to me,” he said instead, voice low, and then lifted his head to press his forehead against Alex’s, words pushing at his throat, his tongue. “We’ll take care of each other, right? Like a team.”

“Like puzzle pieces.” Alex smoothed Michael’s hair back and cupped his cheek. “Yeah. We’re in this together.”

Michael smiled, slowly, in time with the way the ache in his heart swelled, and closed his eyes to just soak it in for a moment. Alex kept smoothing his hair back, fingertips gentle on Michael’s face, like he was tracing it for memorisation, and Michael smiled as Alex stroked a feather-light line across his closed eyelid, then down the side of his nose to draw across his lower lip.

“Mine, huh?” Alex murmured, and Michael hummed a quiet affirmation. “You know, you saved my life this summer. The others helped, but I never would’ve been able to do it without you.”

Michael opened his eyes. Alex was looking back at him, calm and serious, and Michael wished there was some way he could pour his heart into Alex’s mind. All he could say was, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Alex slid both his hands round to cradle Michael’s face, long fingers buried in his hair, and kissed him so sweetly Michael swore something cracked open inside him. He melted into it and let Alex kiss him until they parted on a quiet sigh.

He shifted down to lay his head on Alex’s chest again and closed his eyes, one of Alex’s hands still in his hair, the other around his shoulders. If home was where the heart was, he decided, his was right here. His whole life on Earth, he’d never felt truly at home the way he did with Alex, but that made sense if his heart had never belonged anywhere on Earth. But with Alex, his heart belonged. Here, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major shoutout to the Wayback Machine for allowing me to look at the UNM website from August 2008, and reiterating the thanks to [MayGlenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayGlenn/pseuds/MayGlenn) for answering my UNM-related questions!
> 
> This whole fic was pure wish fulfilment for me, giving everyone but especially Michael and Alex a gentler ride so they don't actually have a lost decade, giving them the chance to get to know each other and fall in love without quite so much pain. They deserve it! Thank you to everyone who's been commenting, I love you!


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